Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
"Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible."
Lisa Kleypas, Sugar Daddy
"What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else." Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty: A Memoir
He watches his kids playing together for the first time.
Its surreal, it is magical, it is a dream, and it is everything he wanted and hoped. It is beautiful.
Adi tried to play truant initially with Ruhi, sure he offered her some chips from his packet, allowed her a sip of his cold drink when she coughed but he noticed his son was cold towards his sister. The same sister he claimed to have missed.
But nothing disheartened his daughter - oh she is his daughter all right, his and Ishita' - she has his stubbornness and Ishita' charm. She managed to thaw her brother and now they are in the pool where Adi is trying to teach Ruhi how to do a dog pedal. Adi is enjoying showing off his talents to his younger sister who is an eager, excited student and it is everything he had dreamed and hoped for all those years ago when he learned he would be a father again.
That with the arrival of their new child the growing differences between them would subside, they would be an ideal happy family. Even before she was born he wished for a daughter the moment he learned he is to be a father again.
He always believed daughters were magical and now he sees it for the truth it is.
His son is laughing, really laughing with all his heart and his daughter is the reason for that. His daughter is pure magic, a miracle in the purest form - she managed to do what he failed at, she brought out the innocence of her brother' childhood which he had seen perishing bit by bit ever since Shagun started manipulating him and took him away.
She achieved where he failed and for the first time in his life; even though he has lost he feels a winner. He feels proud having lost to his daughter and the thought brings a smile to his face.
He feels this is the sweetest defeat he has had in his life, one he will not mind facing even repeatedly if this is the result of it. He is ready to gladly loose to his daughter for the rest of his life if it means he can see his children smiling together.
Only if this defeat had not come at the cost that it did; only if he were not alone in this. For even though this defeat feels like a victory to him - it is incomplete, hollow and empty still.
They are sitting near the pool shaded by a patio umbrella, his ex and him and he has noticed she has been trying to play sugary sweet with him. There are those fake smiles that he now sees for what they are the playing with her hair, the way she looks at him. She even tried ordering his favorite food but he declined her offer, told her he is cutting down on his non-veg intake, and instead ordered a simple grilled sandwich and a juice for himself.
This is everything he once wanted and nothing that he now wishes was happening.
Watching the dream he once had materialized should make any man happy but it now occurs to him it is not important that whether or not your dreams are fulfilled but when they are and when they are not.
Since today even with his dream being fulfilled, the deepest wish of his heart granted he finds himself cold and lonely, he finds himself unhappy still.
His heart longs for more when once it would have been content with this; it aches now with a pain that overwhelms him though he should find himself happier than he has been in ages.
Unwittingly her words echo in his mind, the ones she cheerfully started with at the mere mention of the word picnic. A picture appearing in his mind' eye at the thought, a picture she painted.
He imagines his mother and mother-in-law bickering over petty things, his father and father-in-law wisely avoiding their better halves and taking a walk together. Romi fooling around with Ruhi and Shravan while Mihir Mihika being busy trying to sneak away for a private moment or two. Simi feeding her baby somewhere while Bala and Vandita chatting and being their sweet selves.
He imagines her being the one sitting across him fussing over him. He wishes for that so very much. He can see it happening all inside his head somehow - the figment of his imagination almost a tangible thing.
Clear as a day he sees himself taunting her over mundane things, which she would either tackle with a sweet smile or make a retort with that wit of hers, he has so begun enjoying.
Shagun is saying something about how lovely it is to watch the kids play and all but for the life of him; he cannot bring himself to concentrate on any of her talks.
Once he longed to talk to her for hours on end, stayed up nights but she would not have any of it, not after the initial romance faded from their marriage and now that she is doing what he once wished for, he finds it useless and irritating.
Instead, he longs for her.
He got himself accustomed to silence once his marriage fell apart; he left Delhi and stayed back in Mumbai for the years that he did because his family annoyed him; especially his mother with her complaints regarding his ex and the tears she would unfailingly shed for him. he knew she felt for him, loved him but nonetheless he couldn't stand the wailing and the constant reminders of his broken marriage and so chose to flee.
He had assumed that it would be the norm of his life. Only he had not met her then.
Silence had become his life until she came into it. Now his days start with her. She chats and lectures him, annoys and teases him. He grumbles and mocks her for all of that and more but he has not been this at peace in years in truth. He complains always she speaks too much but now in the white noise he finds himself in he longs to talk to her.
He remembers complaining just a few days back to her that her voice is irritating him while he carried her in his arms.
Now he wishes to hear that voice.
He wishes he could see her here now smiling and laughing with everyone else. Smell her mild perfume instead of the strong scent that his ex has applied which is honestly giving him a headache. Hear the tinkling of her bangles jangling even amidst the commotion his family created instead of drowning out the nonsense his ex seems incapable of shutting off.
He wishes he could run off from here with his daughter here and now when he is brought back to reality by his ex tapping his arm.
"Raman I asked you something, pay attention?"
"What?" he asks annoyed.
Shagun looks at him tilting her head as she puts on that smile of hers once again that used to make him go weak in the knees once as she tucks in a lock of hair behind her ear.
"I was saying the weather is so good why don't we join the kids in the pool huh? I will go change in my costume why do not you do too. Adi and Ruhi would love that so much wouldn't they?"
He looks at her for a moment and remembers all the times this trick had worked on him and a smile appears on his face, as he is amused at himself and the woman before him.
She thinks he will fall prey to these old tricks again.
God he had been the dumbest man to walk this earth a few years back and she is clearly silly if she thinks he cannot see through her now to resort to these. His ex who cheerfully replies mistakes his smile for his consent,
"Cool you are game; I will be back in twenty."
"Take your time Shagun; I am not going anywhere... not even in the pool."
"But you just smiled." She says confused, her brows furrowed.
"I was smiling at myself, for the fool I once was. Time really is the best teacher."
"Huh? I am sorry what?"
"Nothing" he says the word with a shake of his head, he remembers Ishita' request to be polite with Shagun just as a sharp retort is at the tip of his tongue as he continues with the sweet ones instead,
"Nothing you would understand anyways Shagun."
"Oh come on Raman don't be such a spoilsport, just a couple of minutes."
"No... I have a call to make anyways, it is urgent ... regarding the case. So do not disturb me for a while. You can go swim all you want."
"Let it be I changed my mind."
Saying so he walks off from the table towards a corner from where he can keep an eye on things and yet, yet ensure that the noise of his kids playing won't be overheard on the call.
He had added the part about discussing the case at the last moment since it struck him that is the only way he could have a few moments of respite from the tedious task of giving his ex some company.
He knows with the word case spoken, she would quietly do as bided.
Finally, at peace he rubs his temple, takes his phone out of his pocket, and dials the number last on his call log. He has done it three times now precisely, called this number once every hour.
It is nearly one in the noon now. These days Ishita has taken to doing her job in the morning shift. She breaks the rule, if at all-only in case of emergencies when children or actors are involved. He thinks of the word actors with a mix of amusement, fondness and a little bit of irrational jealousy. Yeah he cannot help but remember the night he thought his wife was almost abducted at the hands of a notorious, dangerous serial killer loose on the block only for it to turn out she was treating Siddharth Malhotra.
It had felt damn good to meet the man but he could not help but feel jealous then - his wife alone with a good-looking hunk at night, she had not even bothered to inform him of it. He understands it is a part of her work ethics, doctor-patient protocol and stuff but how could he have been rational then?
The guy is a looker totally his wife' type with a chiseled body and tall. Taller than him at least, he thinks with annoyance. What is it with women and tall men he thinks absent-mindedly?
Why couldn't his father' genes have worked on him too when it came to height he wonders they did on Romi and Simi after all.
Though now that he thinks of it he recalls Sid calling him Raavan Kumar too, his wife mentioned him, even his nickname; the one only she addresses him by to Sid. She was thinking of him, talking about him even with Sid, something about the fact makes his heart soar. He is in her thoughts even when she is in the company of other attractive men.
Amidst his musing, the phone is finally answered,
"Hello." Her melodious voice replies from the other end.
He takes a sharp breath and closes his eyes at hearing her voice again.
He might have called her up every hour since ten in the morning to hear her voice but not once has he spoken to her. Purposely to keep it concealed he is calling; he has been only dialing the landline number of her clinic. He knows it has no caller identification.
Somewhere he is ashamed to talk to her whenever Ruhi uses his mobile to call up her Ishimaa; which is once in every hour too.
By calling her landline, he achieves the dual goal of avoiding any talks with her even as he hears her voice.
"Hello." She says again, this time a little impatiently.
He is waiting for her to do it again, slam the phone down as she has done on the previous occasions that he has done this, he does not have the heart to cancel the call first.
He misses her way too much for that, her voice is the only thing he can have of her right now besides this immense longing he feels for her and he cannot do away with that try as he might.
Only this time something happens which he did not count on, instead of cancelling his call as he hoped and expected of her to do, she speaks up
"Raman are you gonna keep doing this the whole day?"
He can hear the slight amusement in her voice; can catch it in the lilt of her words.
"You know it's me on the other end?"
He speaks up before he can process his actions and immediately snaps his eyes shut as he takes his phone of his ear and mutters a curse aimed at himself.
He keeps the phone back on to hear her laughter first.
"Of course I knew it's you, I suspected from the second call, got confident with the third and finally in this one - the fourth had to confront things."
"How, you heard Ruhi' voice or have you installed a caller id on the landline to your desk' number?" He asks perplexed.
He had been so careful during all the calls, how did she do it then, catch him so accurately.
"No... I have only heard Ruhi' voice whenever she has called me up and not on one of these calls of yours and there is no caller id on the phone yet."
He hears her say, and does not fail to catch the emphasis she had on the word these in the sentence.
"Then how did you know it was me?" he asks her breathless for some reason.
"I just did." She says quietly, her voice velvety and soft, almost shy in its connotations to his ears.
And with three words he feels his world shift once again, she is away from him; miles and miles between them and still it feels his heart might just burst out of his chest at any moment with the way its thundering and when it leaps, it seems there she would be to catch it, hold it tenderly. The conviction strong, so strong he feels a shiver pass through him.
When he does not speak up, she initiates the conversation,
"Hello, you still there?"
"Yeah, Yeah I am."
"So what is going on? Are you and Ruhi enjoying there?"
"Ruhi is, she is playing with Adi right now. What about you, what's going on over there?"
"Not much, same old, boring routine."
"Hmm, so most people have a lucky day today?"
"Excuse me?"
"Ishita... no poor soul had to come to you to get his or her tooth extracted, get wrongfully treated like I was, so of course it's a lucky day."
He can't help but tease her, he has missed it in these few days in person. On the phone however now, he cannot stop himself
"Kuch bhi." She replies in her usual annoyed tone, the two words that are music to his ears now. Oh how he missed hearing her say them.
"What I am saying the truth here now, my tooth still aches sometimes."
"Raavan Kumar why don't you visit my clinic then, I would just extract that tooth, better yet all your teeth and get you some dentures - the perfect, permanent solution for your dental problems."
He laughs at that and so does she, she called him Raavan Kumar again, god he had no idea how much he loved it until this moment, this stupid, silly nickname.
"So low on business are you that you are resorting to this huh? I told you already give up your fake practice and join politics with the help of that boring dialogue writer of yours."
"My practice is doing very well thank you and as for politics, I might just take it up one day to pass a law against husbands like you."
"Oh yeah and what might that law be may I know?"
"Domestic violence against husbands by wives be not punishable under any law if the husband is anything like you."
"Dream on, lots of men in the parliament, I am sure your bill won't even be looked at forget being accepted. By the way, I'll be back by seven with Ruhi."
"We'll see about that law and I know you will be back by seven, you had said so to me last night, even twice this morning."
"Was just reminding you that is all."
"I hadn't forgotten."
"I know you wouldn't just... "
"Six hours to go."
"Wrong."
"Huh?"
"Not six hours Ishita, five hours and forty minutes."
They get quiet for a while after that when he finally speaks,
"I wish..."
"What Raman?"
"I wish... everyone was here, all of us together."
"We will be next time."
"Bye."
"Bye."
They hang up the call with smiles on their faces. She resumes her work while he walks up to his kids for lunch waiting ceaselessly, turning his attention to the watch on his hand willing time to hurry with each passing moment just so that this day could be over.
So he could be back at home, back to her.
Edited by EkPaheli - 11 years ago
Vanshaj
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
9