CONFESSION
"In the presence of all the witnesses Fatmagul ketenci do you accept Kerim Ilgaz as your husband?"
"Fatmagul do you accept this alliance?"
"I do"
She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.
The wedding was nothing less of a nightmare. She was forced to marry one of the rapists.
It had been 3 months of their wedding. They were to part ways the day when her brother would arrive to take her. But Muqaddas turned the tables and she found herself with Kerim once again. That day it was the hotel room. Today it was their apartment.
"Did I do anything with you that day?"
"Shut up"
"I want to know. I don't remember anything. Please tell me fatmagul"
"Don't even utter my name"
She furiously did the dishes as she remembered the night at the hotel. She was unhappy. He seemed unhappy too. But who cared? He was one of the culprits after all.
"What happened?", she heard his voice.
A 6 feet man stood at the door of the kitchen. He was amused at the sight.
"Nothing"
"You seem to be upset"
"Why do you bother?"
"Shouldn't I?"
"No"
"You are my wife."
"That was a business not marriage"
"You are with me here"
"I am compelled to. Its not my choice"
"I get it. Don't you feel anything for me?"
"No"
"Are you sure?", she felt him standing besides her.
" Yes. I don't have anything for you in my heart, except hatred"
Kerim turned and walked away quietly.
"He didn't argue", she thought.
She heard the clicking sound of the door latch.
She rushed in the hall, but he was nowhere. She drew the curtains aside to see him walking down the stairs.
" He's going out. But he always informs me", she thought.
"Why the hell should I care. Let him go. He'll come back on his own.", she muttered dusting the sofa.
But her heart knew something was amiss. She wasn't convinced of his departure. She was disturbed coz of his silence.
Kerim unknowingly had become the centre of her world. Her day began with him and ended with him. Never did they talk straight but she was used to his voice. They argued daily but that fight was the only music to her ears.
The clock ticked 9'o clock. It was night. She had waited for him at dinner but he didn't turned up.
She picked up the phone to call him.
" Why should I? I don't care", she kept it down.
"Shouldn't he inform of his whereabouts?"
Fatmagl was restless with every single thought of kerim. She paced the room fidgeting with her hands.
The doorbell rang. She rushed to open it.
He stood before her.
"Where the hell were you? Have you seen the time? Its 10", she was furious.
Kerim didn't utter a single word.
"Why don't you answer me?", she roared at him as he hung the coat on the hanger.
" Why should I?"
"Because I asked"
"And why did you ask?"
"Coz I was worried"
"Why were you worried?"
"Coz I care"
"And why do you care for me?"
"Why shouldn't I?"
"Because you hate me"
Fatmagul's anger subdued as she understood what was happening. He was tricking her to confess.
"You did this on purpose. Didn't you?", she launched on him, pushing him with all her might.
" You think I love you. Why should I love you? You raped me. You made me a lifeless soul. I hate you. Remember that. I will hate you till I die"
"You very well can.", Kerim shoved an envelope in her hand.
" What's this?", she stared at it.
"Tickets to Ankara"
"Are we going to Ankara?"
"Not we. Only you", he replied.
" By whose permission have you done this?", she fumed.
"You don't like me. You don't love me. Why not part ways?"
"And why are you being so generous?", she raised her eyebrows.
" You hate me but I love you.", he grabbed her by her shoulders.
"I can take your hate very well but I can't see you suffer this way. I know you are haunted, haunted by the memories of that night, the wedding and Mustafa. But I can't lessen that pain. I failed to bring you out of the trauma. I failed to give a new life to you. If you are better off without me,then why not?", he let her loose and walked away.
" You said you loved me. Now you are leaving me?", she screamed.
"Yes, I love you.", he marched towards her pinning her to the wall.
" I love you but I don't want to conquer you. I want to win but I don't want you to lose. I want to smile but I don't want you to cry. I want to forget that night but I don't want you to recall it looking at me. I want to drown in the sea of your eyes but I don't want you to see the guilt in my eyes. I want erase all the scars but I don't want you to be defeated by them. I want to make new memories but I want you to forget the old ones as a nightmare. I want to embrace your soul but I don't want you to see that as my sympathy. I want to hold you as a part of mine but not own you. Am no Mustafa my darling. I am Kerim, I'll hold you if want me to, I'll let you go if you want me to."
She was stunned with his long confession.
Kerim left her behind as she crumpled down and sat in her own embrace.
Edited by daydreamers - 9 years ago
Indian Idol 15
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