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Nynaeve thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago

August 29, 2017

From the Aunts, to their siblings



Atta that is my new favourite word, the most melodious sound I have heard and one that is the most beautiful music I will ever hear. When my nephew calls me that, I fell a warm tingling all over, it is the sound of love flowing in my veins. Who thought that such a small sound could echo so deeply and profoundly in my soul?




It is fun being an aunt, all the love and happiness of holding a child without the accountability; it is like being able to gorge on chocolate cake without gaining a pound. You can be indulgent without fear of spoiling the child, buy all the toys you always wanted with a reason what would the kids play with when they come over? You spend all the time you want with the kids and once done, you hand them over to the parents, see all the fun, no responsibility. And the best, you get a tag of being the coolest adult by the kid. Further, the parents are eternally grateful that you are there for babysitting duties, who can be more dependable than a sister to look after their precious bundles?


But then, life is not always perfect, and chocolate cake is always fattening, at least a little. Into this tiny paradise come the pitter patter of practical concerns, those that threaten to blow into a storm. On one hand is the slight guilt that the parent carry that they are dumping their children on their sisters and on the other hand it could be a grudge that the aunt is being taken for granted. A parent could feel that hired help is better because there is not much of an emotional attachment involved and it is easier to instruct the help, they take your orders and follow instructions, siblings might decide to use their minds. Further, there is a fear that the children grow spoilt, as this says:

But there is a reason for this, if I, as an aunt admonish the child, for how long would a parent tolerate it, even if it was needed and is actually much milder than what you would have done to your child in the same case? Where do you draw the line? How do you achieve a balance between your guilt and gratitude?

Here is what I say, let us be.

You have known us all our lives and if you trust your life with us, you can trust your child with us. And because we love you, we will love your child silly, we will buy unnecessary stuff, tell stories all day long and the night, if possible, play with them, forgetting that we are even older than you. And when they are upset with you for being strict, we will hug them and comfort them, gently reminding them that it was their actions that made you angry not themselves. We will always be around for them but will never take your place.

Do not feel guilty, in fact we are grateful, that you share your joys with us. You allow us to be a part of your life and that of your child, and we get a chance to be a mother or relive being one. Holding a baby in one's arms is a beautiful feeling and you magnanimously and generously share that with us. Being called an aunt, Atta, Maasi, Khalla, which ever language, it is a precious label and an honour to be one.


Edited by Nynaeve - 8 years ago


DO NOT COPY THIS POST AS THIS IS EXCLUSIVE TO INDIA FORUMS


lucky.m thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
Need a spot on 50th Pg ..😳.Congo ...Nynu..👏So much to catch up with 😛.This thread is gold .
Nynaeve thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
Lucky, 🤗 indeed it is fifty pages, at this rate, I think I might finish 150 on this thread before FM crosses 100🤣.

But I like this place and this thread, it is a scrap book for me, a place where I file away all random stuff that slowly bloom into fragrant memories.
Nynaeve thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
And my colour / mood board for this week: Monochrome with a pop of colour.

A little like life, Supposedly black and white but the colour makes it pop. And also for a twist of humour, the top most left image. Black and white are technically not colours, but without them, what would be colour too?


Nynaeve thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago

Harshu, lots of 🤗 and ❤️. How are things going on?
Nynaeve thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
And how could I resist this, calligraphy and beautiful quotes- collated by me😳


IAdoreYou thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: Nynaeve



<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" size="2">Harshu, lots of🤗and❤️. How are things going on?</font>



Things are not too good healthwise and being on my days makes it worse. Did I tell you I have been diagnosis with PCOS?

Uh rest is fine. WBU?
Nynaeve thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: LoveToWrite



Things are not too good healthwise and being on my days makes it worse. Did I tell you I have been diagnosis with PCOS?

Uh rest is fine. WBU?


PCOS - that is bad - quite a few of my friends have it - not much of cure in allopathy and I am not sure about how your views towards alternate medicine, but homeopathy has a cure, long drawn but effective. But that again depends on the doctor you end up with

I am fine, I seem to have put my whole battle with Asthma on the post (page 49 - first post😳) and now am actually better. I am slowly reducing the inhaler dosage and will soon start up an exercise regime to strengthen my lungs.

Take care
IAdoreYou thumbnail
9th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 8
Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: Nynaeve


PCOS - that is bad - quite a few of my friends have it - not much of cure in allopathy and I am not sure about how your views towards alternate medicine, but homeopathy has a cure, long drawn but effective. But that again depends on the doctor you end up with

I am fine, I seem to have put my whole battle with Asthma on the post (page 49 - first post😳) and now am actually better. I am slowly reducing the inhaler dosage and will soon start up an exercise regime to strengthen my lungs.

Take care



PCOS is bad indeed and the fact, that I have it since four years but I did not know about it makes me Definitely. I have been taking Birth control pills, what is most prescribed in such cases over four years now and the sideeffects are terrible but then, I don't really have an option because my condition gets so bad, so damn bad that I get helpless🤢
Homeopathy - I have been thinking about it but there you are, I am not getting any good doctor.

I just read it Nyna and I love you more now.🤗 I did not know, you have Asthma. That sounds bad😭 You are better right?

Exercise - I have read, proper diet and exercise can cure PCOS. Since my HB is just 6.9 now [it will decrease more soon] I have been thinking of continuing medicines for 3 months more. In between I'll look after increasing HB and exercise at the same time.


IAdoreYou thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: Nynaeve



And it is very pertinent to my present situation and the final decision I took. I am asthmatic and also a firm believer of "fighting it out", which means that despite the attacks I have had over two decades, of various intensities, I have never used any allopathic medicines, not even an inhaler. Harmful, contain steroids, addictive, lose effectiveness over the years, they only relive the pain do not cure, various reasons. It is not as though I did not take any medicines, they were all in what is popularly known as alternative medicines. They have worked well, too over the years, though one year, I spent almost six months with regular attacks - worst year of my life, in more ways than one.

But with a chance conversation change both my outlook and my definitions of what both the phrases in the title state.

More of it tomorrow - I am still recovering from the latest bout but did not want to break my commitment of posting every Tuesday

Updated on Monday - August 28, 2017 almost a week later.

Continuing on the above:

I have always been a firm believer that pain must be endured, even if it is gut wrenching and you literally are in tears. Painkillers and steroids are harmful, they ruin your body, destroy you immunity, cause unexpected side effects - those were the logical reasons I gave myself. I also felt that giving in to pain was a sign of weakness, you fight pain not surrender!

A very good approach, both reasonable and logical, but the question I started asking myself is, up to what point? At what Threshold of pain do you break your limit of tolerance?

Let us now go over for some scientific jargon:

The threshold of pain or pain threshold is the point along a curve of increasing perception of a stimulus at which pain begins to be felt. It is an entirely subjective phenomenon. A distinction must be maintained between the stimulus (an external thing that can be directly measured, such as with a thermometer) and the person's or animal's resulting pain perception (an internal, subjective thing that can sometimes be measured indirectly, such as with a visual analog scale). Although an IASP document defines "pain threshold" as "the minimum intensity of a stimulus that is perceived as painful",[1] it then goes on to say (contradictorily in letter although not in spirit) that:[1]

Traditionally the threshold has often been defined, as we defined it formerly, as the least stimulus intensity at which a subject perceives pain. Properly defined, the threshold is really the experience of the patient, whereas the intensity measured is an external event. It has been common usage for most pain research workers to define the threshold in terms of the stimulus, and that should be avoided ... The stimulus is not pain (q.v.) and cannot be a measure of pain.

Although the phrasing may not convey it perfectly, the distinction clearly meant is the aforementioned one between the stimulus and the perception of it. The intensity at which a stimulus (e.g., heat, pressure) begins to evoke pain is thus called by a separate term, threshold intensity. So, if a hotplate on a person's skin begins to hurt at 42C (107F), that is the pain threshold temperature for that bit of skin at that time. It is not the pain threshold (which is internal /subjective) but the temperature at which the pain threshold was crossed (which is external/objective).

The intensity at which a stimulus begins to evoke pain varies from individual to individual and for a given individual over time.

Pain tolerance is the maximum level of pain that a person is able to tolerate. Pain tolerance is distinct from pain threshold (the point at which pain begins to be felt). factors that affect pain tolerance are association and disassociation. These two cognitive strategies have been found to increase pain tolerance. It is widely believed that regular exposure to painful stimuli will increase pain tolerance: increases the ability of the individual to handle pain by becoming more conditioned to it. However, in some cases, there is evidence to support the theory that greater exposure to pain will result in more painful future exposures. Repeated exposure bombards pain synapses with repetitive input, increasing their responsiveness to later stimuli, through a process similar to learning. Therefore, although the individual may learn cognitive methods of coping with pain, such methods may not be sufficient to cope with the boosted response to future painful stimuli. "An intense barrage of painful stimuli potentiates the cells responsive to pain so that they respond more vigorously to minor stimulation in the future."

Thus, trauma victims (or patients in pain) are given painkillers (such as morphine) as soon as possible to prevent pain sensitization.

~Source: Wikipedia~

So from the above it can be deduced that Threshold of pain is that point where you start to feel the pain and the Tolerance limit is when you admit you feel the pain and submit to it.

Most of us, at least me, during my Asthma attacks would try to keep as much as a distance between the pain threshold and pain tolerance, for reasons, well, given above?

So why the change in my stance?

For that you, my reader would have to understand what happens to my body once the pain threshold is breached till the time I give in.

During an asthma attack, the muscles that surround the bronchial tubes constrict, narrowing the air passages and making it extremely difficult to breathe. Worsening airway inflammation causes the muscles wrapped around airways (bronchiolar muscles) to spasm, constrict, and squeeze airways. The combination of bronchospasm and mucus hyper secretion creates airway obstructions, or narrowed airways. Obstructed airways act as a barrier that resists, or acts to prevent, the flow of air out of the airways (meaning, during exhalation). This increased resistance thereby slows the movement of air during exhalation. This makes it so that you can take in air, although your exhalation is prolonged. Your next breath may come before exhalation is complete. When the next breath comes before the current breath is complete, this causes air to become trapped inside your chest. When you inhale, it may feel like you can't take in a complete breath.

When you cannot exhale completely, air can become trapped inside your chest to the point it is fully expanded, thereby giving the appearance of a barrel. This occurs when your lungs or over-inflated with air, making your chest appear to be larger than normal (over expanded). You have to sit with hunched shoulders, elbows locked for your shoulders will be elevated as high as you can get them, in an effort to create more room to suck in air. And you also use your accessory muscles (chest / shoulders, diaphragm), These are muscles that are not normally used for breathing, and most are used to assist with inhalation. When your intercostal muscles and diaphragm need assistance getting air through obstructed and narrowed airways due to increased resistance, these muscles are used. They are used in an effort to suck more air into your chest.

To make it simpler for you to understand, just imagine running five flights of stairs, upstairs, walk two more (no breaks) and then continue on the eight flight up. That should give you an idea of the breathlessness that an asthma patient has, continuous, even when sitting. And sleeping, even leaning back is impossible. You cannot breathe. Period. Nothing matters! What can one do when one cannot breathe?

I have fought these attacks (almost one each year, lasts for a week to ten days the breathlessness goes away in a few days, but being able to walk at least half a kilometre without gasping takes at least three weeks, provided I do not have a relapse. The lesser the time gap between attacks, the harder the recovery).

Finally, I had an epiphany, each time I forced my body to fight without assistance (painkillers, steroids or antihistamines) I was actually torturing my muscles, pushing them to beyond endurance levels. And I was in risk of causing airway fibrous, which is an irreversible condition, a permanent damage to the airways. The alternate is to take a continuous medication, which is primarily steroids (oral or inhalers), which when steroid tablets are taken for many months or years, harmful side effects are likely and almost inevitable. The list of possible effects is long; it includes mood changes, forgetfulness, hair loss, easy bruising, a tendency toward high blood pressure and diabetes, thinning of the bones (osteoporosis), suppression of the adrenal glands, muscle weakness, weight gain, cataracts, and glaucoma. After being swallowed, these tablets are absorbed from the stomach into the bloodstream and taken not only to the bronchial tubes (to treat asthma) but also to every other part of the body. Their effects are widespread.

So here is your choice destroy your lungs by not taking an medication, because you have over worked those muscles or ruin your body with steroids? Not a pleasant choice. But then is there no middle way, an optimisation?

Turns out there is and how to go about it is your choice.

I choose to go in for an intensive treatment at the time I had my attack, the doctor took a look at me and suggested that I should be admitted to the ER, immediately. He did not force me, because I almost burst into tears and looked murderous (I scared him good). So he took a PEAK test, the standard is 350, I gave an abysmal result of 90 after three attempts. (The peak expiratory flow (PEF), also called peak expiratory flow rate (PEFR) is a person's maximum speed of expiration, as measured with a peak flow meter, a small, hand-held device used to monitor a person's ability to breathe out air. It measures the airflow through the bronchi and thus the degree of obstruction in the airways.)

Then he packed me off to the ER, suggested four continuous sessions of nebulisation, with 10ml of Duolin, prescribed a week course on inhaler, a two week course of muscle relaxant. The first session of nebulisation, had me eating my brother's ear off, who was so happy that I could breathe to talk, heard me with a goofy grin throughout. Second round, I slept, leaning back (on my second day of attack). Third round, I was hungry and listing the items I was planning to eat over the next few hours and the fourth time, I actually thought of running home. It was a miracle; I never thought I could recover from an attack so quickly.

Today, a week later, I am back at work. During last week, I managed to complete my update of my on going update, post a new story, make two new threads and also did a few PS, the old me fighting it with medication, would still be wheezing (did I tell you that you cannot eat properly, because a full stomach would mean restricted diaphragm movement and hence you are unable to breathe?)

So now, once this course is over, I will discontinue those medications, but I have learnt from this experience. I am going to invest in a PEF meter, learn specific lung strengthening exercises and measure the airflow and keep the inhaler as an emergency standby with the nebuliser at easy reach. I can prevent the attack from being full blown with one session of nebulisation; maybe use half the dosage, thus doing away with the need to use of antihistamines.

I think I truly rambled here, but what I wanted to say was, make an informed choice, and learn all the pros and cons before rejecting anything. Tolerating pain far and beyond the threshold of pain could be far more dangerous over a prolonged course of time than treating pain with steroids could be. A balanced approach is always possible.

Note - this is only from my personal experience, is not and cannot be a substitute for medical advice.



I love you, you know🤗🤗❤️ I never knew about your struggles. I did not even imagine either that you have been through so much. So far, I was thinking its only me who is gifted with pain but now I see, there are many others.

I can't even imagine you tolerating attacks without any medication That must have been so, so, so painful, no? If it was a few years ago - I would be exactly same you. NO to painkillers and any tablets. Even now, I have been suffering with severe headache but I did not take painkillers despite of knowing this could be migraine. But I have been already taking hormonal medicines and I do not want my body to get all damaged with all these.

I again, cannot imagine you in ER I am not sure if you would believe but I am in tears now. Brought back memories... painful memories when I was sitting outside the ICU and my Mom was inside. I haven't said this anywhere but now let me. I had joined IF for a distraction. I lost my Mom in Jan and I joined in March. That period was so tough for me. I simply did not know what to do. Everything seemed meaningless. Not that it is very meaningful now, but somehow things are going. I almost lost myself that day - 8th January. Losing someone who was your life - makes you lose every single part within you. Even now, I am not much out of it. Yet I go to college, because like they say, life goes on. But sometimes, things just get recalled by some reason and then its bad, especially if I am in college because then it gets tough to pretend.

Today, a week later?

You were admitted last week? Are you fine now? Do take care, please. Do take inhalers if needed. Go to Doctor if you get uneasy [ though I don't trust any doctors (more because of my personal reasons) but still ]

Sending much love, many hugs and a tremendous prayers for you...
You write despite of all these, makes me admire and appreciate you to no extent❤️
And the research, not to miss - You are a wonderful soul and brave as well🤗
Do give me an alternate mail ID of yours, so if I ever get disappeared from here - I would have something to stay in touch.



Edited by LoveToWrite - 8 years ago

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