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Nynaeve

@Nynaeve

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#391

Dear Harsha,

I did not know and could not even guess the depth of your pain, though it is not something one would think of, under any circumstances.

A loss of a parent is heart wrenching and gut wrenching, and believe me, I do not want to scare you, the loss does not reduce over time. It is just that we get better dealing with it, much like an oyster who makes a pearl out of a grain of sand, you would weave a tight cyst around that vacuum, a hole in the heart that never goes away. What hurts the most, is the permanence of it, they never come back and the memories never die. As you said, the mind starts glazing over and you pretend you are fine, though your heart is bleeding inside and suddenly, it is a small thing, and you realise you are where you are because that person is no longer in this world. It is like someone has just sucker punched you, as all the air is sucked out of your lungs. You want scream and you cannot, that pain is suffocating and you have to smile through it. It is rare to find a friend who allows you to cry, most are too bewildered to be able to help you out and try to sit by in helpless silence or offer empty condolences. They mean well, most do, it is just few are equipped to deal with grief.

Cry and grieve, your mother deserves that. It is said that grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we love. Where there is deep grief there was great love. It is a loss that will take time and courage to get over, give yourself that time. It is a pain that you will get used to, give yourself space.

But you will be able to laugh, in spite of the tears; be happy despite knowing that you can never see them, never see the pride in their eyes at your achievements and success. You will forever remember them, though with passing time you can no longer recall their face without seeing their photograph. And you would be able to say, albeit wistfully, "Mom would have said" or "Mom, would have done this" without your voice or heart breaking. It will happen and Remember:

lots of love,

Nyna

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IAdoreYou

@IAdoreYou

Stunner

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#392

Originally posted by: Nynaeve
Dear Harsha,

I did not know and could not even guess the depth of your pain, though it is not something one would think of, under any circumstances.

How would you know if I did not tell you ever?

A loss of a parent is heart wrenching and gut wrenching, and believe me, I do not want to scare you, the loss does not reduce over time. It is just that we get better dealing with it, much like an oyster who makes a pearl out of a grain of sand, you would weave a tight cyst around that vacuum, a hole in the heart that never goes away. What hurts the most, is the permanence of it, they never come back and the memories never die. As you said, the mind starts glazing over and you pretend you are fine, though your heart is bleeding inside and suddenly, it is a small thing, and you realise you are where you are because that person is no longer in this world. It is like someone has just sucker punched you, as all the air is sucked out of your lungs. You want scream and you cannot, that pain is suffocating and you have to smile through it. It is rare to find a friend who allows you to cry, most are too bewildered to be able to help you out and try to sit by in helpless silence or offer empty condolences. They mean well, most do, it is just few are equipped to deal with grief.

I don't even want to get on what it is to lose someone you have loved more than yourself. Ah over this one year of time, I myself know I won't ever get over this. My friends say - its been more than an year now, move on and forget. Why should I ? She was someone beyond myself. How should I and why should I forget her? Though remembering only hurts because there are absolute painful last memories which still haunt me in nightmares. I still cannot sleep. Everyday I woke up through nightmares which are scarier than I can describe. I don't know why but your words makes me think you have experienced what you are saying though I sincerely hope that I am over analyzing
.

Cry and grieve, your mother deserves that. It is said that grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we love. Where there is deep grief there was great love. It is a loss that will take time and courage to get over, give yourself that time. It is a pain that you will get used to, give yourself space.

But you will be able to laugh, in spite of the tears; be happy despite knowing that you can never see them, never see the pride in their eyes at your achievements and success. You will forever remember them, though with passing time you can no longer recall their face without seeing their photograph. And you would be able to say, albeit wistfully, "Mom would have said" or "Mom, would have done this" without your voice or heart breaking. It will happen and Remember:

You are actually first one to say that. It again connects me with you greatly. She does deserve to know how much I miss her and about grieving, I will always grieve because my life is nothing without her. She always used to say - Don't cry and remember much after I am gone and that everytime, I used to be like please🤢

lots of love,
Nyna

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Nynaeve

@Nynaeve

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#393

Originally posted by: LoveToWrite
[

How would you know if I did not tell you ever?

I don't even want to get on what it is to lose someone you have loved more than yourself. Ah over this one year of time, I myself know I won't ever get over this. My friends say - its been more than an year now, move on and forget. Why should I ? She was someone beyond myself. How should I and why should I forget her? Though remembering only hurts because there are absolute painful last memories which still haunt me in nightmares. I still cannot sleep. Everyday I woke up through nightmares which are scarier than I can describe. I don't know why but your words makes me think you have experienced what you are saying though I sincerely hope that I am over analyzing
.

You are actually first one to say that. It again connects me with you greatly. She does deserve to know how much I miss her and about grieving, I will always grieve because my life is nothing without her. She always used to say - Don't cry and remember much after I am gone and that everytime, I used to be like please🤢

Dear Harshu,

Grief takes time, and loss of a loved one causes maximum grief. Take your time, grieve and cry. I know most people will give advice such as "be strong", "your mother would not like it" etc. but then even if they mean well, you should grieve. And yes you will miss her, for the rest of your life. But as I said, with time, you will learn to live, laugh and love again.

I am also writing to let you know, the hormonal changes and that PCO condition is also linked to the grief. When there is so much pain and sorrow inside us, it skews the hormonal balance, that would cause irregular periods, which lead to weight gain, which result in further imbalance which again means delayed periods - that is a vicious cycle, more like a downward spiral. And hormonal imbalances also effect our moods, leaves you physically tired and mentally drained. The toughest thing is that physical exercises and mental conditioning is needed to battle the physical tiredness and mental fatigue. As I said a spiral.

I cannot suggest what you would have to do to tide over such circumstances, however, I can and I will pray and wish for you. And yes, anytime you want to talk, I am just a line away. I will pm my email id, in case you wish to communicate by mail.

Take care and loads of love (convey to Muktai too)

Nyna

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Nynaeve

@Nynaeve

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#394

I AM CHANGING

Days slip into weeks, weeks turn into months and months transform into years. Calendars are changing and so am I.

Yes, I am changing. In certain things age has mellowed me down, in others I have become more aggressive. Sometimes I find myself acting very wise and sometimes I just go crazy. Certain issues will have me speaking vociferously whereas at others I just shrug and remain silent.

Yes, I am changing. After loving my parents, my siblings, my love, my friends, now I have started loving myself.

Yes, I am changing. I just realized that I am not " Atlas and the world does not rest on my shoulders.

Yes, I am changing. I now stopped bargaining with poor vegetables and fruits vendors. After all, a few rupees more is not going to burn a hole in my pocket but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter's school fees.

Yes, I am changing. I pay the auto waala / cab waala and walk away without waiting for the change. The extra money might bring a smile on his face. After all he is toiling much harder for a living than me.

Yes, I am changing. I stopped telling the elderly that they have already narrated that story many times. After all, the story makes them walk down the memory lane and relive the past.

Yes, I am changing. I have learnt not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. After all ,the onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection.

Yes, I am changing. I give compliments freely and generously. After all its a mood enhancer not only for the recipient but also for me.

Yes, I am changing. I have learnt not to bother about my creased shirt or mismatched pent. After all, personality speaks louder than appearances.

Yes, I am changing. Nowadays I don't bother if fine lines are showing on my forehead. After all beauty of my soul outshines the beauty of my face.

Yes, I am changing. I am learning not to let others make me feel incompetent. After all I am not only what they see in me. I might not be good at certain things but I am excellent at others.

Yes, I am changing. I walk away from people who don't value me. After all, they might not know my worth, but I do.

Yes, I am changing. I remain cool when someone plays dirty politics to outrun me in the rat race. After all I am not a rat and neither am I in any race.

Yes, I am changing. I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. After all it's my emotions that make me human.

Yes, I am changing. I now tell people if I like them. After all, there is nothing wrong in liking someone.

Yes, I am changing. I have learnt that its better to drop the ego than to break a relationship. After all, my ego will keep me aloof whereas with relationships I will never be alone.

Yes, I am changing. I demand for whatever is due to me. After all, accepting injustice is almost as bad as doing injustice.

Yes, I am changing. I have learnt to live each day as if it were the last. After all, it might be the last.

Yes, I am changing. I am doing what makes me happy. After all, I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to me.

And I am loving the new me!

~FROM a blog by Jaydeep Shah (speakingtree.in)

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Nynaeve

@Nynaeve

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#395

Edited by Nynaeve - 8 years ago

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Nynaeve

@Nynaeve

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#396

September 5, 2017

ETA - September 6,2017: Note to myself

I had reserved this space to write out my usual "blog", but then I had a few ideas and nothing concrete, though I was sure that I would be able to whip something into place. Unfortunately a migraine ensured that I would not be able to do so.

I could have written something and posted it as thought it was for yesterday, nobody would know for none read this thread but me and I would know, so I decided not to fool myself.

I have learnt my lesson though, the post for Tuesday must not be prepared and completed by Tuesday, it should be done by Monday.😊

Edited by Nynaeve - 8 years ago

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Nynaeve

@Nynaeve

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#397

And my weekly colour board - Blue for this week😊

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IAdoreYou

@IAdoreYou

Stunner

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#398

Just so you know, I still roam around ❤️

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Nynaeve

@Nynaeve

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#399

Originally posted by: LoveToWrite
Just so you know, I still roam around ❤️

Sweetheart, that "none" in the above post does not include you, you are too much a part of my life to count you as apart😳

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IAdoreYou

@IAdoreYou

Stunner

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#400

Originally posted by: Nynaeve

Sweetheart, that "none" in the above post does not include you, you are too much a part of my life to count you as apart😳

Now this is what, I call as a soul connection❤️ No, don't laugh. Really🤗

@Bold above - you picked my exact reason of dropping by😳

@Blue above - You realize, that is the sweetest thing one could ever come up with?🤗