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Sidharth Rajput wanted to retract, transpire, to blaze to a darkness, a kind of infinite blackout precisely as he couldn't cohere with the damsel steeled opposite him. His contrite gaze drifted places yet eventually boomeranged to her tear soused lashes. It was only the other day he won her over. Then broke her. Not that he loved her less, but that he cared enough for his brother. He knew love wouldn't happen anew. Not now, not ever, not with any other girl. She was the one and he flung her to a straight out distance. Only if there was another way.
He zoomed in the hopeless glisten in her eyes. He'd wanted to whisk off the tears plunging down her face, he'd even drew his right hand to do so, but then decided against it and cloaked it safely in his pockets. He couldn't afford any sort of physical intimacy even if it was the slightest kind. He needn't take a risk. He knew he had to pull back and walk out through the door just like he did the other day, but somehow he couldn't. He was sunken.
She was static. It stung him more.But he had to say something...He wanted to apologize. But just couldn't find the words. That was his excuse and a plain old one. So he kept still. He wished her silence would abrupt to curses, to verbalization of her hatred for him. But she stood there consummated in the chaos of emotions in his eyes. Her eyes spoke calm not vengeance. It worried him so bad? Could it be? His mind wavered the highly probable persuasion. She knew.
"You did it for Utkarsh, didn't you?" she tried to desolate any trace of heartbreak from her tone, but failed tragically.
He felt a sudden coldness racking his core.So he was right. For all he knew her the most. She knows. She knows why he veiled himself behind a domino of a sham. She knows he has a brother. She was aware of everything, he wasn't. He wasn't mindful of how to react. She discovering what lay behind his indefensible actions was never a part of his well proposed plan. But she did know now. They don't call her brilliant for nothing.
"How do you..."he trailed off nervously fidgeting his fingers.
"Your eyes don't lie Sidharth. They never do." She tried to fake a smile. She hoped it would lighten the dubious ambiance, it didn't, rather it shot through his heart, blooding his insides.
"Siyali I'm so so sorry. I didn't, I couldn't hurt you but then I had to. I had to choose." He was right, he had to choose. He chose his brother and covered up for his mothers delusive judgments. Like always. But in the due process he offended the girl he'd die for. He betrayed himself.
"M'okay. You chose your family. Family always comes first. Too bad I don't have one." She'd want to make it easier for him. It might seem surreal but the she was able to comprehend the trauma Sidharth was putting himself through. Even she faced a similar, less intense one when she gave away her dream scholarship for Utkarsh. So yes, she understood.
"Utkarsh has nobody Siyali!" he plead, his eyes slammed tight. He had to say something.
She wanted to be strong, for her, for him, yet the midst of her heart couldn't endure him going away. She nearly believed that they'd be forever. The kind of forever that never ends. Even though she'd dissent, a part of her wanted him to stay. To choose her. She gave in.
"Utkarsh has his mother Sidharth. I have nobody." her usually composed voice cracked halfway and ruptured to sobs. Her eyes felt cold and the paleness winnowed over her face as she witnessed his eyes widen with shock.
"I'm so sorry." she muttered tearfully and ran. Faster than her legs could abide. He was still stunned by the realization. Utkarsh had his mother. Siyali had nobody. He was being a damn fathead. Never did once he thought about her, she needed him, to protect her. She was alone in this freaking world with nobody. And a girl like her deserved the very best. Then and there Sidharth Rajput vowed to himself that he'd stand up for her, in every single way possible, even if it meant standing against the whole world, which included his mother too.
So he ran. After her. Hell fast.
She had ran a few blocks through the corridor before he caught up with her and pulled her towards him. Hard. Her heart was beating frantically, matching his. They stood there, panting, attending each others eyes, too engrossed to speak.
"I Love You Siyali." Sidharth affirmed pressing his forehead against hers.
"Don't give me false hopes, I'm scared." She whispered burying herself in the moment. "I'm scared to loose myself in you again. Please don't make this any harder for me."
"I.Cant.Loose.You." he squealed. His mind dashed around her words to make her stay. Nothing mattered more than her. He needed to prove it to her.
"But you'll chose your family over me." she sparred.
"Not again. I promise. I was a dumb head Siyali. And I'm so so sorry. I don't even know what I was thinking, It wasn't easy for me. I was worrying too much about my mother, but she should learn to clean up her own mess. You are my life. I.Cant.Let.You.Go"
"I don't know Sidharth. I just am not sure anymore" she blurted out. She wasn't planning n hurting him but wanted some kinda assurance.
"We deserve another chance Siyali. Don't let us break because of my idiocy."
"Sidharth, if we'd ever be together again, it'll be For Ever. Are you ready for that?" she stared deep into his chocolate brown orbs hunting for a resolve.
"Exactly my plan." his lips curved as he pulled her, closer. But his face fell as the uncertainty in her eyes hit him. He knew it'd take him quite sometime to erase the distrust. But he was willing to do anything. Anything to win her over. Again.
"I'm offering you the chance to remind me how stupid I was for the rest of our lives." he added gracing his nose with hers.
"Like I'd ever let that go by Sidharth Rajput." Her lips arched and she laced her arms around his neck.
"So forever?" she questioned.
"Naah, beyond that." he riposted.
"I like that." she mumbled before his lips crashed down on her, sealing their promise.
A promise neither of then would ever dare let go. Until the End.
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