Roohaniyat... An Alternate SuKor Universe.

Fan-frigging-tastic! He; Suraj Rajvanshi; can take over entire world with his right hand tied behind his back. But handle a drunk Chakor? He would rather face a pride of hungry lions. They will be easy to tame.

To think of it.. a sober Chakor is no easy task to handle either.

He smacked his forehead in exasperation. First the girl drank off his bhaang laced drink; the same one he was so enthusiastic, happy and excited about savouring; then she whipped Shikhu with a broom (though that scenario was hilarious he had to stop her lest she causes serious damage to the other guy. That guy is his prey. Suraj will deal with that traitorous rat later in a befitting way) and then she galloped all over the barn and Suraj had to chase her to calm her down (a toddler on energy drink would have been lot easier to calm down than Chakor though).

And now here they are.

She is still high. And he is still clueless as to how he is going to deal with his girl. Where are the prides of those hungry lions when you need one?

"Chakor!" He spoke in a soothing voice.

"Hmmm!" She threw her arms around him, effectively pinning him on the pole and smiled an innocent smile at him. Still drunk, still high. And still adorable.

He took a deep breath. This is gonna be tough.

Only this girl can manage to look adorable and heartbreakingly beautiful even in a drunk and messed up state.

Don't get him started on how she looks when she is all sober and in her element.

And yes! Right now she has also got him pinned on a pole like some hindi serial heroine (only difference being they get pinned on walls) and is happily hugging him in her vulnerable state.

Any other time he would have hugged back but touching her when she is so vulnerable feels just so wrong.

And then there was a time he used to be an A-grade pervert around her. How the mighty has fallen.

'Alright heroine!' He mentally chided himself. "Stop acting like your izzat is about to be robbed by this girl and try and get the girl to calm down and rest. Don't be so scared of her. She is just drunk."

And deadly. In more ways than one.

"Suraj!" She suddenly spoke in the husky inebriated tone of hers.

'Uhu!' Let me guess. She is going to say: Ek baat bole! And then go..Kuch nahi! And he will be left wondering like an idiot as to what that ek baat' was. A very very curious idiot at that! This girl never completes that ek baat'. Hrrpphhh! Has to mess with his head even when her own head is in high clouds. She just won't let him catch a break. Will she?

And to his utter shock this time she did finish her ek baat!'

"You know! I really like you!" She gave him the most beautiful smile he has ever seen and gently placed her head over his heart and snuggled closer to him.

"Huu!" Suraj looked as if he had been socked in guts.

What did she just say? Were his ears ringing or she did say she likes him. Like really like him?

Chakor really likes Suraj? This feels... crazy. And bloody good.

He face broke in a wide happy grin. And then he sobered up catching up with reality.

There are two types of drunken people. One who spills all their secrets and speak truth. And others who think they are unicorns.

Which category Chakor falls into?

He would love to say category one. He has seen than once. So does that mean she meant what she said? That she really likes him.

The vulnerable, insecure, little boy part of his heart is voting for category two.

Sigh! And he never knew he had such emotional fragment in his heart.

Thanks to this girl he is discovering new secrets about himself. All the unknown shades and facets of his own self.

Why would Chakor like him? If he has to be brutally honest he would say he never gave her any reason to do so.

On the contrary he gave her a hundred and one and more reasons to hate him.

And God! He could hate himself for those reasons.

Chakor suddenly jerked and stepped back from him breaking his reverie. She nearly lost her balance at her sudden movement.

"Chakor!" He tried to grab her to hold her steady and she pulled him down with her in her unsteady state making him lose his balance too.

And they fell on the floor collapsing like nine pins.

Owww! She protested at the impact of crashing on the floor and held him tightly and spoke in a small child's voice. "I fell down!"

"No shit Sherlock!" He grumbled. "We fell down. Thanks to you." He gently checked her limbs for any hurt. "You alright?"

"I fell down!" She bobbed her head like a spring doll speaking in the same voice.

"Trust me Chakor. I noticed." He gave her an amused smile. "Don't worry. You are fine." He assured her.

"But I am falling down and down and down!" She made swishing up-down motion with her palm.

He definitely needs a dummy guide for drunks' book. Or such dictionary to understand the lingo and emotions Chakor speaks when she gets drunk. That would make his life so easy. And she cribs and complains and lectures that he can't handle his drink. Has she seen her own strength of handling a drink? She is a walking talking disaster.

"No Chakor!" He spoke soothingly. "You are not falling down."

"But I am!" She pursed her lips in a childlike pout. "See I was always up there!" She placed her palm above her eye-level. "Top of the game. And now look me... Down and down and down! Falling and falling. Failing and failing. Losing against that Kamal narayan and co. Hrrphmph!"

"Oh!" Finally he could understand what she is going on about. She hates losing. He knows that right from when they were merely kids. Well he hates losing too. So he can identify with her. So half his life he has spent in making her lose so that he could win.

But now situation has changed. And intriguingly at that.

He still hates losing. But what he hates more now is seeing her losing. He wants her to win. Always.

How life changes!

"Chakor!" He gently cupped her face. "You are a winner always. I am losing; you are not...".

She cut in.

"But we are a team now. You lose! I lose. And I hate to see you lose."Suddenly she was on verge of crying. "It hurts."

He was touched.

If one thing he hated more than seeing her losing; that is seeing her hurt.

"Hey!" He gently wiped the precious tears slowly gathering around her eyes.

"It's ok Chakor. We will start winning again. I promise."

And that is one promise he is intending to keep. He is simply done being on the losing side. Now he is going to bloody win and keep winning.

Not for his sake but hers. Chakor is not meant to fail. And Suraj is a born winner.

Time to reclaim the glory. Time to bring back guts, grit and gumption. Time to get back to the game.

And time to redefine the rules.

Enough of playing by their nemesis rules.

Time to make own rules. And rule again.

Watch out world. Your time is up. It's my time now!

And my girl's!

"You know Suraj!" She suddenly spoke up breaking his deep reverie. "I lost in life in an absolute trounce down way only once."

She pointed her index finger at him nearing poking him in the eye.

He broke off his sombre mood and smiled at her cute antics.

"Once?"

"Actually twice!" She made a v-mark with her fingers and waved it under his nose.

He grinned.

"Twice. That sounds horrible."

"That was horrible." She bobbed her head. "Once when you changed the whole bride swap game and brought my world down. And second time when Vivaan dumped me for my sister."

That statement of hers effectively wiped out his grin and then crashed his world.

Vivaan ofcourse!

She loved Vivaan. She wanted to marry that younger brother of his. She was so happy envisaging a new world with Vivaan. And then Suraj Rajvanshi played God.

Suraj felt a severe jolt of utter self loathing course through his being. He; Suraj Rajvanshi; is responsible for Chakor losing out on her love. Her Vivaan.

He always wanted to apologize for this brutal game that he played with her. That of changing her entire fate. That of her broken love. But he couldn't make himself say the words. Not because he was finding it difficult to say sorry but because that means he would have to say Vivaan and Chakor in one sentence.

To think of it .. it is actually strange. But he always hated the concept of Chakor and Vivaan being together. Even when he hated the girl. He hated the fact that she is in love with his brother..more.

Now the situation has changed. He knows Chakor and Vivaan are nothing more than friends. In fact he shares more sordid history with Imli than what Chakor ever shared with Vivaan. And if Suraj and Imli can be friends; Chakor and Vivaan too can share a friendly bond. He doesn't mind that bond. What he minds is the past. That Chakor loved Vivaan. And he still hates that truth.

But time to stop being a chicken and own up to his shiz.

He took a deep breath.

"I am sorry Chakor. I know you loved Vivaan..."

Chakor gave him a wide-eyed surprised look.

"I loved that Vivaan? That Gadha? I must be drunk then."

Suraj looked confounded.

She is drunk now. And what exactly is she saying by the way?

Chakor went on enlightenment spree.

"Vivaan is a gadha. I can't believe I thought I loved him. Heard that love is blind. Mine must be deaf and dumb too. Had I married him I would have been a gadhi. What a pair! Gadha and gadhi. Yuck! Infact I should thank you for not letting me be that gadhi."

Okay! He drawled mentally. This doesn't make sense. But damn it is sounding good.'

"But!" He had to ask. "You just said that you lost big only twice. Losing Vivaan and all that."

"Pfft!" Chakor made dismissing noise. "I hated losing to you. Not losing that Vivaan. I know that now. And being dumped even by a dumb ass is not a pleasant feeling. So there!"

He found his grin (and breath back).

This still doesn't make sense but boy! It sounds and feels bloody good.

He still is terribly sorry for the stunt he pulled on her with his bride swap and leave Vivaan for Imli' brutal attitude... but for some odd reason he is now thankful too.

Not proud. Just happy.

"But I am sorry for you."Chakor gently cupped his face. "You lost Imli too. And you loved her so much. Poor you!"

He loved imli? Did he? Feels like brief period of insanity there. Yes he cares for Imli. The girl has been his childhood mate, a loyal friend and his pet. But love?

Is that what he felt for her?

What exactly is love?

He doesn't know how to define that emotion anymore. But one thing he knows with absolute blinding certainty.

That whatever he felt for Imli won't come closer to the vicinity of an iota of what he feels for this girl in front of him.

For Chakor.

Is this love? He is too terrified to name it. One thing: He doesn't want to jinx the moments. Life is being perfect for him despite all the tortures piled on him by his enemies.

Chakor is with him. All the way. He truly is in happy space. And he doesn't want to ask or wish for more.

But! Cold reality slowly crept in his happy bubble. for how long? How long she will be with him? Just because she thinks Vivaan is a gadha doesn't mean she will root for Suraj now. Why should she? He barely gave her any reason to do so. And gave so many (reasons) to loathe him.

He felt his old insecurities and now new vulnerabilities gnawing at him again.

"Chakor!" He cleared his throat. His throat started hurting. Maybe due to the unspoken words that he was about to speak out aloud now. Words that haunt and hurt him.

"What will you do once this is all over? Once Kamal Narayan and his empire is served its deserving justice. What next?"

Will she still would want to stay with him? Or will she soar away like she is always meant to be. She belongs to skies. To stars. To moons.

Not to the Sun. That is .. him.

Chakor went silent for a long moment and the now his entire being was feeling the hurt.

And then she spoke.

"I am going to fly. High and high!"

And he felt something dying inside him.

She continued in her blissfully happy state.

"I will aim for stars. Olympics. Weee!" She made aeroplane motions with her palm.

Olympics ofcourse! He took a ragged breath in. Ofcourse. As a national level marathon runner she was way out of his league. Always. And with Olympics he won't be anywhere in the vicinity of her world.

But... he will NOT be a barrier in the flight of hers. She is meant to soar and that she shall. So what if he is left behind in the ground. She belongs to the skies. And he; Suraj; won't bind this free bird in any form of shackles.

Then why does it hurts? So damn much?

"And you are coming with me." Chakor held his palm in hers.

"I am what?" He had trouble believing what he just heard.

"Hey you are still my manager right?" She gave him a goofy grin.

Oh her manager! He mentally smacked himself. Another of his kaands. More guilt. More self disgust.

But why is she smiling?

Chakor smiled brightly.

"You were a manager from hell. But hey then you turned out to be the best guardian Angel I could ask for. You are my one man army. The strongest wind beneath my wings. You will come with me? Won't you?"

Suddenly her voice dropped to a terribly melancholic whisper.

"But why would you? You always hated me. Now you don't. But you did before. So why would you make such a huge commitment? When my own childhood friend, my fianc, the man who claimed to love me walked out on me for my sister.. that too without so much as a backward glance.. why would anyone want to stay with me? Who am I? Just Chakor. The girl everybody remembers when they need something. But nobody asks if I need someone. Someone to talk to me, someone who listens, someone who cares, someone who loves. But hey nobody really cares. Maybe something is wrong with me. That's why nobody really SEES me. So I guess girls like me are meant to soar alone."

And that broke his heart.

Her come with me. You are my one-man army' declaration was the purest burst of sunshine in his heart..

But her melancholy, disenchantment, her broken spirit.. simply broke his heart.

World surely did a number on this girl. And the most disturbing part is.. he played a major part in breaking the spirit and self worth of this precious girl.

How could he?

And how is he supposed to undo the terrible damage? Where does he start from?

But he will. He will.

He will make sure that someday this girl will start believing again. In life. In love. In herself.

That she is not meant to soar alone.

That she deserves to be cared for. To be loved. To be worshiped.

He will bloody make it happen. Even if it takes a lifetime.

But why does she matter to him SO much? Why her emotions, her feelings, her entire being... does affect him?

Her smiles, her tears, her laughter, her pain.. Just her.

Why and how did she become such an integral all-consuming part of his own self?

She was right when she stated that he hated her. That he did. Right from his childhood.

And then she came back in his life again. The first time he has set his eyes upon this Chakor he felt a new unknown emotion. That of red hot burning dark fantasy. His hatred for her had changed to ... desire.

She was like that warrior princess in an ivory tower. Way out of his league.

And he desired to seek, possess and destroy her.

Because he knows he can't have her. And so he shall destroy her.

And then she became his want.

Slowly he doesn't know from when.. but she became his need.

And now..

She is his life.

Simple and profound truth.

When did this switch happen?

The moment she saved him from Kamal narayan during that diwali party and came back to haveli just for him holding onto his hand.

The moment she put back sindhoor and mangalsutra of his name .. again. To protect him.

To be his guardian Angel.

NO!

That was when he saw that his warrior princess owns a pair of wings too. And a halo.

And he couldn't believe after all that he did to her she could still be so selfless. So forgiving. So giving.

Is he her pet project? New mission of Jagatmaata?

He couldn't guess her. And he found it difficult to believe anyone could be this ... selfless.

This forgiving.

This... Unique.

And then she saved him again that day from Kamal narayan, Ragini and jailor Yadav's web.

It is not her saviour act that touched him.

It is her CARE for him.

The way she ran towards him, the way she hugged him, the way her eyes sparkled with unshed tears for him...

She cared. For him.

His existence in this world; the fact that he should live and not die; matters to her. Not because he is her pet project. Not because she is resident Jagatmata but because she cares.

After all that he did to her; did with her... That unconditional, selfless, pure emotions.

If she could do so much for the one she hates... how far will she go for the man she will love?

And he wants to be THAT man! A voice inside him whispered.

He ruthlessly crushed that voice that day. Because: 1. She is way out of his league.

2. After all that he did to her the fact that she is still standing by his side like his personal beautiful Angel is a miracle in itself. He really shouldn't ask for more.

But that voice won't go away. It was persisting and persisting. And now it is a din in his head.

He wants to be THAT man.

He told her to leave him and go away for her own safety and happiness. Repeatedly. But deep down inside he was terrified. She has refused to do what he ordered and requested her to do. Steadfastly. But what if one day she simply says Alright!' and then walk away from him. Turn her back to him and just.. walk out of his life.

Then what?

Life without Chakor!

Let alone living such life he can't even imagine it. It simply terrifies the life out of him.

Life without Chakor.

NOWAYS. NOHOWS.

And now she says... he is her one-man army. The strongest wind beneath her wings. Her own personal guardian Angel. And she wants him in her life.

So what is he going to do?

He is going to be in her life. Forever.

What if one day she wants him to get out of her life? Then what?

"Well!" Suraj took a deep breath and smiled a grim determined smile.

Tough luck! He ain't going any damn where! He wants her in his life. And he wants to be in hers. And that's how it is going to be.

If she is out of his league... then he will get in her league.

If she finds a hundred reasons to leave him; he will give her a million to stay.

If she thinks she is meant to soar alone... he is going to knock it in her pretty and pretty thick head that she is damn wrong.

She deserves to be cared for, loved and revered.

And he will show her how.

And no he won't give a name to what he feels for the girl. The sheer intensity of those feelings overwhelm and confuse him. Someday he will be strong enough to stare those emotions straight in the eyes and make sense out of this chaos. Someday.

So who is she to him?

To keep it simple... She is his life. And death. And everything in between.

It really is that simple.

"Suraj!" Chakor spoke in a sleepy voice.

"Yes!" He tore himself off his intense thoughts and looked at the girl.

"I am tired. I want to sleep."

"Come here!" He gently gathered her close to him. She snuggled on him and adjusting her face on his nape and holding him tightly with childlike innocence and faith... finally she calmed down. And slept.

He stared at the sleeping girl for a long long moment.

What was that she said to him a lifetime back?

If you love someone let them go.

He did exactly that. On her bidding. With zilch regrets.

But now.. Letting this girl go if ever such god-forbidden time comes?

He shook his head with savage vehemence.

No.Frigging.Ways.In.Blue.Blazing.Hell.

He would rather burn the world down.

And with a ferociously fierce emotion utterly antithesis to the infinite gentleness he was cradling her close to him.. he made a pact.

He doesn't know what he feels for Chakor. And he is not sure if she feels the same for him. But one thing he is as sure as he has never been in his life... that she belongs to him.

And he will never ever let her go.

Chakor and Suraj are meant to be.

And he will make it happen.

How?

Well! He ain't Suraj Rajvanshi for nothing!

He hates losing. And this war is too mammoth, too personal and too critical for him to win.

Winning this girl from her own self.

And he doesn't intend to lose her. Not in this lifetime. Or next. Or later.

He won't survive losing her.

He gently brushed his lips over of sleeping girl's hair. And cradled her closer.

She smiled a beautiful smile in her sleep and snuggled onto him.

He smiled a gentle tender smile. Only this girl could make him feel.. fierce, ferocious, protective, possessive, bratty, happy, exasperated, insane, gentle, caring... all the myriad a thousand and one emotions in the world.

How could just one girl evoke so much and so many feelings in him?

And with such intensity?

Well! He has a lifetime to find answers to his questions. Because he intend to stay in her life.. forever.

Suraj gave one last lingering look to Chakor peacefully sleeping in the circle of his arms.

World, mortals, immortals, divine and darkness can't deny this girl to him.

He won't let them.

And THAT is a promise.