More proof Anuj needs a parenting class - Page 3

Originally posted by: Dee-Dee

I would really like to know what you guys think,

If Anupama and Anuj had their own child instead of an adopted one, what do you all think, she would have done the same things she did, would have treated the biological child same way she did to CA and at last would’ve abandoned them and left like this?

If the answer is No, we all know why she differentiated between CA and rest of her kids or between CA Anuj and rest of the Shah family.

I feel she wouldn’t have abandoned the child so easily had it been borne of her, but the treatment meted out would have been no different. 

 would have been no different.

The child would have taken its cue about what to expect of the mother from the father and from other family members - An acceptance of the fact that the mother’s first prioritiy is the Shah household. The child would have known no better at that age. 


CA had accepted as a given that she came way down in her mother’s priority list. It was only when It was actively pointed out to her by MD that she began questioning it and subsequently resenting it. Clearly, MD was manipulating the child for her own selfish reasons, but the fact that she could do so under the parents’ nose speaks volumes about the lack of attention on their part. 

Originally posted by: Dee-Dee

I would really like to know what you guys think,

If Anupama and Anuj had their own child instead of an adopted one, what do you all think, she would have done the same things she did, would have treated the biological child same way she did to CA and at last would’ve abandoned them and left like this?

If the answer is No, we all know why she differentiated between CA and rest of her kids or between CA Anuj and rest of the Shah family.

I feel that both of them Anuj & Anupama are unfit to be parents to a child (adopted or not). Both of them have an unhealthy obsession that prevents them prioritizing their lives. Any child would terribly suffer in their hands.

Originally posted by: nivi26

This has nothing to do with adoptive children per se. Aisa kahna ki CA ke saath jo hua hai wo adoptive parents ke karan hua hai. Adoptive children ke sath issues ek alag broad area hai, jis par alag se depth me baat honi chahiye.

Is show me jaisa dikhaya gya hai, aisa sab kuch sage bachho ke saath khoob hota hai.

Pakhi ka character kahi ka eent aur kahi ka roda types hai.

Generally jin gharo me Anupamaa jaisi doormat aurate aur Vanraj jaise controlling aur abusive mard hote hain, us gharo ki betiyaan Dolly aur Pakhi jaisi nahi hoti. Wo to jabardasti Anupamaa ko ultimate victim aur Vanraj ko achha pita/Bhai dikhane ke liye create kiye gaye characters hain.

Yaha forums par kai women aise faltu claim karke chali jati hain ki sari takleef wives ko kyon sahni padti hai? Jabki reality to ye hai ki wives ke sath ensaan ho ya na ho (jo ek alag mudda hai, kyonki yaha justice to hardly kisi ko milta hai) lekin uske saath abuse ka social recognition hai. In-laws aur husband ke against baat kahi ja sakti hai aur log is par yakeen bhi karte hain. Chahe wo kitna bhi mild form of abuse kyo na ho (ye mai defence ke liye nahi kah rhi)

Lekin jab fathers/brothers ghar ki bacchiyo ko abuse karte hain to use unka pyar mana jata hai, us par baat nahi ki ja sakti. I mean kisi se bhi nahi. Honor/prestige ki to baat hoti hi hai. Saath hi therapists/so called broadminded log bhi unke sath ho rahe abuse ko justify karte hain kyonki wo apni soch ka projection karke reality ko deny karne ki puri koshish karte hain.

Isliye... Anupamaa ne jo CA ke sath kiya.. waisa to generation by generation kai women apni betiyo (sabhi betiyo ke saath nahi) ke saath karti aai hain.

Ghar ke kisi ek bachhe ko (usually girl child) scapegoat bana diya jata hai, jahan us bachhe par Maa ki unavailability aur Baap/Bhai ki violent tendencies ke saath adjust krne aur unke emotions ke hisab se khud ko regulate karne ka bahut high pressure hota hai.

I am one such woman. I have lived this reality throughout my life.

Mothers neglect one of her girl child who is sensitive, accomodating and who feels the pain of her mother. What starts as empathizing with mother's loss of autonomy, her story of abuse/injustices, soon it gets transformed into a never ending cycle of neglect and abuse by her own mother.

These mothers would gladly give their times to neighbours/distant relatives/TV serials but they would hardly find even one minute to look at her daughter's face.

My mother used to care for my elder sister, my two brothers and for other family members. But she used to forget even buying essential clothing items for me (ex: underwears, warm clothes, shoes). She would encourage me to endure everything and would shut me up instantly whenever I tried to talk about her negligence.

She made me so shy and reserved that I couldn't ask her for to buy sanitary pads for me. Women were not allowed to buy things for themselves, their movements were stricted except my elder sister. Even with the regressive norms, she had permission to ride bikes and was pampered with everything. Elder sister never shared her things with me and my mother taught me to obey her unconditionally.

My cousins too were neglected by their mothers. Now, I am a psychologist with social work background I worked with women coming from different backgrounds having similar stories of neglect and abuse by their parents, especially mothers. 

People who are lucky enough to recieved mother's care throughout their lives won't be able to understand the trauma of such children.

More often than not these mothers experienced the same with their own mothers. But they don't repeat the cycle of abuse with everyone. 

Even in this show, CA was very accomodating, kind and sensitive beyond her age. 

Nivedita, your post resonates with me so much. I too have grown up with the void of parental care in my formative years. Fast forward to today, my parents have now moved in with me for their sunset years, because they have nowhere to go. Irony of life!  Each day is struggle for me to get by, because sad memories from my youngers days wash over me. The sad part is that parents themselves never realize the injustice that was done. 

Happy to read you are healing others through your work. May your tribe grow!

Got nothing to say except the fact that Anuj so easily says that Uski koi majboori rahi hogi when Anupamaa abandoned CA but didn't want to accept MD as a mother when the same reason was given.

Delulu is the only Solulu for him.

Originally posted by: nivi26

 

This has nothing to do with adoptive children per se. Aisa kahna ki CA ke saath jo hua hai wo adoptive parents ke karan hua hai. Adoptive children ke sath issues ek alag broad area hai, jis par alag se depth me baat honi chahiye.

Isliye... Anupamaa ne jo CA ke sath kiya.. waisa to generation by generation kai women apni betiyo (sabhi betiyo ke saath nahi) ke saath karti aai hain.

Ghar ke kisi ek bachhe ko (usually girl child) scapegoat bana diya jata hai, jahan us bachhe par Maa ki unavailability aur Baap/Bhai ki violent tendencies ke saath adjust krne aur unke emotions ke hisab se khud ko regulate karne ka bahut high pressure hota hai.

I am one such woman. I have lived this reality throughout my life.

Mothers neglect one of her girl child who is sensitive, accomodating and who feels the pain of her mother. What starts as empathizing with mother's loss of autonomy, her story of abuse/injustices, soon it gets transformed into a never ending cycle of neglect and abuse by her own mother.

My cousins too were neglected by their mothers. Now, I am a psychologist with social work background I worked with women coming from different backgrounds having similar stories of neglect and abuse by their parents, especially mothers. 

People who are lucky enough to recieved mother's care throughout their lives won't be able to understand the trauma of such children.

More often than not these mothers experienced the same with their own mothers. But they don't repeat the cycle of abuse with everyone. 

Even in this show, CA was very accomodating, kind and sensitive beyond her age. 

Hey Nivedita, you have done great for yourself and you must be proud of what you are doing today, more power to you :)

You have touched a completely different and a sensitive issue, and am glad someone spoke about this, though I myself have never been thru something like this, but I know there are parents who differentiate between their own kids and it kinda reeks a lifelong insecurity in that child’s mind and heart. Have seen such families around me, in close relatives infact, who would especially differentiate between girl child and boy child, or between daughter in laws and own daughters.

But I can totally understand how it feels to not have the parent around, the pain is indescribable and that void is something no one can fill, especially when you are a girl who misses her mother at every point and every new start of her life.

But you know, in this case of this show, it is definitely about adopted v/s biological somewhere because Anupama’s treatment of her biological children and CA has always been different. But there’s one more point, that’s Anupamaa’s need for validation, that’s why she never took a stand for Samar while kept roaming around Toshu and Pakhi all her life to please them which she never succeeded in.

I am not an adopted child so I cannot understand the pain exactly what it feels  but I am living thru it with someone very close who is an adopted child and has been thru similar treatment like CA. I have seen how the family you have lived with all your life suddenly expects you to be grateful to them because they adopted you, do as they say, live the way they want you to, because they paid for your education and gave you a good upbringing, but not acknowledging the fact that they came infact they begged to adopt you from your biological parents because they wanted a son.

Its not even my story but seeing this everyday around me is no less than any trauma, I can’t even imagine the pain the person who actually goes thru it.

@red : very well said, the only way I feel to come out of that trauma and pain is give so much love and affection, undivided attention and care to our own children that we feel free of whatever we have gone thru. 

Originally posted by: SmithaRam

I feel that both of them Anuj & Anupama are unfit to be parents to a child (adopted or not). Both of them have an unhealthy obsession that prevents them prioritizing their lives. Any child would terribly suffer in their hands.

Can’t agree more. Aadhya deserves better. She was a happy child full of life when she met them first, and now we all can see what they have done to this child, she is only filled with pain, anger and hatred.

I always feel, one should have a child (own/adopted) only when they are mentally, emotionally and financially stable else that burden willingly or unwillingly becomes a part of the child’s life too.

And Anuj Anupamaa are the most neglectful parents, they both are so consumed into their own pain and suffering that they never realised when their daughter also became a part of it and is living their pain, no child deserves this honestly.

I have seen an Aadya-like case almost 20 years back. My schoolmate, who was also an adopted daughter, was a 16-year old girl then. Her parents were in the age-group of 48 - 55 at that time. The mother was a member of my mom's kitty party group but suddenly left the group.

A few months later we came to know she filed for a divorce. And my schoolmate had literally shown a knife to her mom and warned her not to return in her and her dad's life again. Probably the mom only had initiated the divorce though I am not going to blame her for the crumpled marriage, as I have no idea about their personal life.

2 years later something more tragic happened. Her father passed away. She lived alone for many years though now she is married and has a kid too. But no clue if she ever reconciled with her adoptive mom!? But this Aadya track did remind me of her after 2 decades! 

More power to you, girl! You are an example of " when the going gets tough, the tough get going!"

Originally posted by: Dee-Dee

@red : very well said, the only way I feel to come out of that trauma and pain is give so much love and affection, undivided attention and care to our own children that we feel free of whatever we have gone thru. 

Originally posted by: Dee-Dee

Can’t agree more. Aadhya deserves better. She was a happy child full of life when she met them first, and now we all can see what they have done to this child, she is only filled with pain, anger and hatred.

I always feel, one should have a child (own/adopted) only when they are mentally, emotionally and financially stable else that burden willingly or unwillingly becomes a part of the child’s life too.

And Anuj Anupamaa are the most neglectful parents, they both are so consumed into their own pain and suffering that they never realised when their daughter also became a part of it and is living their pain, no child deserves this honestly.