You stand in front of me, exactly where I had imagined all of this would happen. Your cheeks are flushed and eyes glisten with tears. Your hair flies, messily around your face and you repeatedly push it away. Your hands are folded, and you are practically begging me to forgive you. I am convinced you are in love with me, why else would you be doing this?
You voice trembles as you ask me to forgive you one last time. You are unable to meet my eyes. You lift your hand and messily wipe your cheek. Before your legs stumble, I grab your wrist. In an iron clad grip, to remind you I would never let you go. Not now not ever.
You walk backwards, and I place my palms over your upper arms. You don't look at me.
I begin explaining to you just the way I had prepared to last night, I reiterate that nothing can come between us. You smile and wipe your eyes and hug me. You fit perfectly into my arms, almost as if you were made to exist in them. I can feel your heart beating against mine. God I love you.
I would die for you. I tell you but what I really mean is I would kill for you. You don't believe me. How silly.
"I love you Once I say it out loud to you, there is no stopping me it tumbles out of my mouth again and again. I just cannot help myself. I love you, you tremble in my arms. Are you scared? I bet you did not expect me to tell you this quickly. I don't want to waste my time, the longer I wait the more problems your family attracts. And all I want is to marry you and take you far away from all of this.
You pull away and your lips tremble, your face is wet with fresh warm tears. Tears you shed happy that I had forgiven you seconds ago. I mean the world to you. You take a step away from me, but I keep hold of your fragile wrist.
I get down on my knees, It is practically a scene from a movie. I have tears in my eyes. When I am done with my confession, but you remain frozen. You pull your hand away and run away. It would take me less then a minute to drag you back here. But I let you go because I am a perfect gentleman right. I need to make this your choice of being with me. I wish courtships did not have all these rules and damn ethics.
When I get back to the hotel, I pack quickly, shoving the stolen apology letter you wrote to me under my clothing. When I am done Gayu informs me everyone is waiting for me. You avoid my gaze, and your cheeks remain flushed the entire time. You don't talk to anyone really, Gayu's nonstop chatter doesn't damper my mood. I even talk back to her. Only mentally rolling my eyes at the crap that comes out of her mouth. Your mother and father don't notice your behaviour at all. They are far to interested in sneaking little kisses when no one is looking. They are disgustingly happy, and oblivious. You need me, I would look after you like that but even better than that. I wouldn't let anyone who harboured a bad thought towards you get near you.
I pay the person sitting next to you on the plane to swap seats with me. He agrees, I sit down next to you. You don't look at me. Your entire body is turned away.
If you could you seem like you would sit outside the plane. I inch closer to you to test the theory and you bold upright and say you are going to the toilet. I trip you and you fall into my lap just where you belong. The princess has found her throne. I make a joke about how I would follow you to the ends of the earth. You wiggle, and scramble of my lap, as if your reddened cheeks couldn't get any redder, did you not expect to feel how I feel about you in my lap? I look at your parents who are busy in their own worlds, and Gayu who looked like she was talking to herself again. I really did wonder about her sometimes there was something wrong up there. I follow you, closing the cabin curtain behind me. Your back faces me. I reach out and grab your wrist. Your pulse quickens I can feel it and you look at my shoulder awkwardly and tell me to let you go. Anyone could come here, no I wouldn't risk my perfect image in front of your family. I am not stupid. I know nobody will come here it's just me and you.
"I want my answer I say, the closer I get to you the more difficulty you have breathing. Your feelings for me render you into a shy blithering mess. You close your eyes, hence giving me permission to do whatever I want to you. You know that, I know that...
You are mine.
I can hear the trolley of an air hostess approaching, I take a step back and you run away embarrassed beyond measure. I have other problems to deal with in the bathroom, this power over you is intoxicating and intensely satisfying.
When I finally go back to my seat, I see that you have swopped places with Gayu. I force a smile on my face, but I am pretty sure my eyes are unable to hide my disappointment.
I suffer 8 hours of Gayu's lovely company. Half of it I feign sleep for.
I wonder what would have happened if you were still here. What else would you have let me do to you?
When we land, I can see you have had no sleep. And you are avoiding me even more so then before. I watch you the entire way to your grandparent's house. Continuously reminding you that I, the love of your life is near you.
I give you a few days just like all the websites I searched suggested. Girls take longer with these things and processing their thoughts right. A perfect gentleman waits...
But how can I wait you drive me nuts, you ignore Phungi's messages, you avoid everyone. If I did not know from physically watching you from outside your house, with your family that you were not harmed in any way.
I try to distract myself by taking your grandparents to their doctor appointments and helping your dad at work. But all I can think about is going to your house and shaking you until you answer me. Why won't you damn well answer me?
I get some bad news from the nurse who looks after the dragon, she has woken up but the good news is she is a vegetable. I need to do something about her. Her tenacity to survive reminds me of my step mother, I tired everything with her from cyanide to plain strangling she was immune to it all. But this is a different game one little slip and I could lose you.
I won't let anything come between us we are meant to me. We have come so far together you and I. I have been the perfect prince charming to your family so that they will hand you to me without a second thought. You are mine.
I go to visit guru ma.
But not dressed like myself, no I read a lot after her attack on committing the perfect murder. I pick up little details of the overall room. And I know she is allergic to peanuts, so as I leave, I break into the kitchen and sprinkle some nut powder over lunch tray. An allergy could send her back into a coma perfect. I wait for the results of my attack all afternoon at work but I get no results.
Your father dotes on me often asking me for advice on things, at work.
"Where did you go to college again? He asked me, I prattled off the information and he smiled.
"You remind me of myself when I was young...
Your father lacks the IQ to be me. Something I don't tell him, something I keep to myself.
It is way after five when I get news of Guru ma's condition worsening.
You leave your windows wide open curtains left undrawn just for me to watch from across the road. You are tying the back of your blouse but struggling to reach the ties. I would help you if you asked.
Your phone is not broken, I know I checked when I broke into your room earlier. You just have kept it off for days avoiding me.
Today will be the day you tell me. I have had enough of being the gentlemen.
Why on earth are you taking so long? If I leave things up to you, we may never get married at this rate.
Edited by AnyaRSingh - 2018-11-06T15:39:15Z
Continue soon pls
Damn it, this is so intriguing
I never was one to go out to a dandiya night. But I find myself at so many of these things, just so I can see you.
I hate the fact that you have attached yourself either to someone else or your parents in order to avoid me asking for an answer. Once the dancing begins, I will ensure your parents remain distracted. I don't want my mother or father in law walking in on a premature love confession and screwing it up. Quiet frankly, you parents are easy targets to distract as well.
I hand the director some cash and she smile's at me. Humans are driven by two things money, and power. But not you, you are different you are driven by love. Love for your family...Soon it will be mine. Your love for me will put me first before you family I know and feel it. I will be number one to you.
"Go tell him, his wife is pretty but only when they are apart He said, he has heard stories from Gayu about how possessive, your mother was over your father. Gayu on the other hand just one anonymous text about her designs and being self-absorbed as she was about her career she left. I cringe at the thought of her getting married one day. She would annoy her husband to death. Thank god you are nothing like that. No, you never went to college, have no interest in being a business woman. You like dancing, but I assume once we have kids, you will slowly stop and just give your 100% attention on them. Because you like me can do anything for the people you love.
I watch you dancing, you avoid me. Which contradicts how you have dressed to the nines just for me. You always are an unpredictable sort. I love you for it. You keep shifting around the room trying to keep away from me. You want me to chase you. I would chase you to the ends of the earth. But the dandiya stick in my hand cracks as I notice the guy dancing with you talking to you. He is no threat to the symbol of perfection I am to you; no other man has ever gotten this close to you in your life and that too being none related. You are mine. Just not officially, so his presence irks me. I push him aside and smile at you. The harmless innocent smile, I gave everyone in your family constantly. As if I were some great protector, you don't look me in the eye and quickly move away before you can fully move away. I drop the damn dandiya sticks and grab you by your wrist. Not before ensuring nobody would see me do this. This is it. The moment everything changes. When you become mine.
I am tired of this. It angers me and you won't like me angry. Because when I am pissed off I get pretty nasty. And its nothing like the pocket full of sun shines trailer I have been showing you all these months.
I demand an answer from you.
"I don't love you You say, whatever happens afterwards I don't really know because all I hear is, I don't love you. And it destroys me. Mentally physically it felt as though someone had ran into me and slammed a knife straight through my heart. And it replays in my head. Until I realize you are still talking, and I walk away. This makes no sense. I know you. This cannot be a miscalculation on my part. I know everything about you. You are mine, I can see it in your eyes. You belong to me.
You are attracted to me. You touch me constantly and find excuses to involve me in everything you do. You trust me. You look for me when I am not there. And you spent your entire trip abroad apologizing to me. You don't know you are in love with me. I guess I will have to be creative upon how I get the words out of your mouth. I begin planning near death experiences, leaving, breaking all ties with you will bind you to me. So be it. I am no longer devastated or confused, I am determined. To prove to you that you belong to me.
It is a little past midnight. I am sitting under a tree. Near Maheshwari house. I have not entered yet, because I am waiting to see if you pass a test. I am 300 percent sure that all the doctor appointments I took your Nani and Nana too are about to pay off. The beggar who usually sat here looked at the bag I handed him with a weird expression.
"You want me to wear this?
"Yes He shook his head and took the money I gave him and laid on the road just as I had asked. He was wearing an outfit exactly like mine. Luckily the mall had been open. I watched you drive just as I expected, alone out at night. When you become mine, I will never let you out alone at night ever. Your parents are careless. But you are terrified seeing the beggar lying in my clothing there on the road your eyes glisten. And I fester up a lost look and walk towards you several minutes later.
You look at me and begin talking to me. About how worried others are about me.
I berate you for coming out so late. I take you home separately and your parents berate you. And you never once mention what you really were doing.
Once I stand outside your house, I watch you standing across the road. You are not holding your rabbit. You are sitting on your bed and crying.
You did not expect to be cold to you. You are used to me, being sweet and kind to you. I guess that is why I have slotted myself into the friend zone. How boring. I don't want to be your goddamn friend. You feel safe and comfortable around me, you never saw me that way right. I think that was what you had said when I zoned you out. I watched enough romance movies to know that if I cut of my communication with you. You will come running to me.
And you do at first, you show up at the office. Then at your Nani's house. Concern dripping from your eyes. All of which I ignore. You barely sleep these few days. Neither do I. As I crawl my way out of the friendzone.
The more I push you away the more you make excuses to keep me around. The final straw will be me leaving. I know.
I adjust the box of stuff I have of you, above my cupboard. The ring I had ordered for you just arrived, it's a crown.
I get a text from Mishti, she says you are coming over. She loves me more than you. It's funny honestly. Good deeds really go a long way. I begin writing a letter of resignation, when you walk into my bedroom. You begin to talk about the academy. And I stand up, dramatic as hell and go to my cupboard, my box of things I gathered of you falls down.
You bend down realizing it's your stuff.
I bend down and shove the fallen items back inside. And hand them over to you. And feed you some soppy line about how I don't have any right over you. The day I have no right over you will be the day I die. I am just letting you take this stuff, because I really have no excuse to have that many of your things. I am a love-sick fool in your eyes.
You really are so nave. You don't even question, how I obtained that many photos of you. And you even start wearing the ring. But on your index finger.
I tell your aunt I want to leave soon. And I am sure the news will reach you quickly enough.
Something else I become uncomfortably aware of is Gayu is in love with me. How I wish I could go back in time and cleanse my soul of ever having interacted with her to illicit such a response. It all occurs late one evening when I am watching you mope over the loss of me in your life. I see a similar scene in the room next to yours. Rather than drawing ugly necklaces Gayu is holding a picture of me. And I barf a little in my mouth.
She really is delusional isn't she.
I should be laughing at my fate, but I see a familiar car outside the Singhania house. Dadi?
What is she doing here?
"Your father showed me a clip of you sneaking into your boss's daughter's bedroom She said, I forgot about how my father watched my every move like seagull or some other useless animal that was of no benefit to the world.
"She is my girlfriend, there is nothing at all weird about it I lie, dadi's eyes widened.
"You cannot ruin our family name like this, what will people say? Dadi began prattling of about moral and social science. I dozed of mentally and nodded when needed to. I want to see you. I want to hold you in my arms. I give dadi the same show I have been giving your family for months and she leaves happily all excited at the thought of our wedding.
I have to do something about demented Gayu or there will be no wedding. And I am only giving you a month to figure out you belong with me.
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