4
All, of the plans I seem to make fail, and I don't see you
running into my arms any time soon. With your mind still on your issues with
your mother. It has been two months and I have been a perfect angel to your family,
but you are still barely polite with me. I need to end your beef with your
mother for you to even acknowledge my existence properly and value my presence
in your life. Your dance exam is soon, and you have been practising so much
that you have become extremely careless. You leave your bedroom windows wide open
for the world to see. I stand across the street from your house. Dressed in
your favourite colour, since Naksh mention you love white I have bought over a
dozen shirts in white. But wearing white is a bit attention grabbing so I tone
it down with a black hoodie over it. We match each other, you are wearing white
as well, you usually wear white to dance. My phone rings again its Dadi, I reject
the call and watch you as you dance. Dadi phones again and I accept the call.
"Kittu where are you, no messages, nothing how can you just disappear
like that? She cries out. Dadi was always protective of me growing up.
"Manish has said you stopped using your cards even! She continued,
"What has happened are you ok?
"I am fine I reply, you pick up your white rabbit and hug
it to your chest. You love that rabbit every night you keep it close to your
chest and sleep night after night. It is past twelve at night and you should be
resting your legs. Not over working like this, you are stubborn when you put
your mind to something, you must have it. But I am more stubborn when I decide I
want something, I ensure I get it.
"Where are you?
"Dadi I am busy, I have to go I say hoping that by hearing
my voice this would stop her calls for a few weeks.
"Kittu please come home She begged, in whimpering voice. Dadi
doesn't understand our relationship. She has no idea how much you need me, she chose
her son, she should stick to her choice. You are my choice and I will stick
with you. I hang up and put my phone away. You kiss your rabbit as you put him
down and pull your hair tie loose. You unzip the back of your salwar kameez. Any
one could see you like this! You stop midway leaving the zip opened at the back
and a slit of your pale skin is visible. Whatever it is distracts you and you
prance around your room, looking for something. You rub your neck and look out
the window. You cannot see me. I know that, but you look straight at me. And my
heart thunders in my chest. Your waist length black hair is all pushed onto one
side of your shoulder, the silky curtain caressed your pale cheek. You shake
your head and close the windows. Drawing the curtains.
My phone buzzes.
You texted Phungi.
Phungi I feel like someone is watching me-N
Phungi bless her soul replies to you a minute later.
You are probably just tired from dancing, and are imagining
things- P
You are right, my legs are cramping. I would love a massage right
about now -N
I would love to massage you, push that little slit you had wider
and kneed your bare shoulders, and hear you sigh in happiness...
The road is not the best place to bask in x rated dreams of
you. I need some sleep. My mind needs rest, but I cannot sleep. Without seeing
you before I sleep.
{}{}{}
I don't want her to come to my dance show- N
She is your mother, Naira don't speak like that -P
Look I don't need her to win, I worked hard enough for all
of this on my own. I will pass on my own-N
Goodluck Naira-P
Phungi never told you the things you needed to hear. She
coddled you. Gayu was sending me texts about how nervous she was for her show.
I left them unread on my phone. How I wished there was some way in real life t
just ignore people so blatantly and get away with it.
The day goes on uneventful. I keep wondering at several points
what will make you patch up with your mother? A near death experience? Possibly
I guess I will try one of those in the future.
I allow Gayu to bore me to death until your mother arrives,
and I am allowed to leave. I am impatient to see you.
Today is your big day. I ask around and they tell me you are
taking photos for a photoshoot. You are nervous. You don't like the attention
of it all, when the flash light goes off, you flinch startled. Your nervousness
is confusing I have never seen you nervous.
I watch you, do the various poses, there is a long list of
girls behind you and you outshine all of them. Red looks lovely on you, and I dream
of being with you.
It is only when you are directly in front of me I blink and talk
to you.
You try to chase me.
"How much longer will you try and avoid me for, you have to got
to realize that I am not going anywhere, and you can't stop me from being here
or entering anyone's life The words are out of my mouth before I can control
them. You blink completely confused and ask me what I am talking about and then
answer your own question. You threaten to kill me again, and I laugh. How much
more do you want to kill me? I die everyday thousands of deaths holding a smile
onto my face at your family just to impress you. My cheeks hurt. Naksh is a
regular old cock blocker. He shows up and pulls me away from you. I am sweet and
polite to him. I promised your mother I would hold off your performance until she
got here. She gave me orders not to do anything illegal. I guess black mailing
the dragon after what she did to you Naira as being fair. Justice is being handed
out.
I see the old dragon and excuse myself. She is standing near
the music station where all the CD's are.
"Hello I greet her, she looks at me. And then looks away
disinterested.
"You again, now what else do you want?
"I want you to push Naira's performance, her mother is late...
The dragon looks at me bored.
"What number is she? She asks, I relay the number.
She picks one of the cds and uses her claw like nails and
scratches it.
"This will give you enough time I trust She says to me in business
like tone.
"Kartik Goenka She says, I still at the name, how does she
know who I am?
"Does your father know, that you are working under contract
at the Singhania's company?
"Why you want his number to tell him? I ask her, she smiles
at me.
"There is a lot I dug up about you, I wonder how Naira will
feel knowing you watch her every day from outside her window, when she cannot even
stand being in your company. Or how the press would have a field day knowing
the heir to the Goenka billions spends his days stalking a girl... Unease flows
into my veins. But then it quickly vanishes.
I dressed down always when I went to see you. I know that
nobody has photos of me because, I ensure my posture is always inconspicuous. I
never do anything half way.
I straighten my shoulders.
"Touche, I know you are sleeping with one of students and
you know my secret now what? I say, she smiles.
"One slip up and she fails, I tolerate many things but
someone telling me how I should judge my students in their favour. I will not
tolerate it. Naira will be competing fairly, and if her CD doesn't play then I guess
that means she is disqualified She says to me and walks out. I rub my chin and
stare at the CD. My fists clench at my sides, and I walk outside, and they are
about to start I trip on an extension cord and the lights go off.
The announcer declares that all dances will begin later than
expected, I am relieved that gives me enough time to get another CD, but Naksh
runs straight into me and tells me something that scares the living daylights
out of me.
"Naira is missing He says panicked together we begin
looking, and I use my phone to covertly track yours and lead Naksh in that
direction. We find you and you are with Chandu. I thought I after I sent him to
jail he would never show up again. He hugs you and cries against you pitifully.
Naksh is on the opposite end of the corridor and I phone the
police. I tell them where Chandu is and hang up. I watch as he begs you to hide
him. And you allow him to cry all over you.
It is not long before the cops take him away. You let him
go. He blames you, and I want to really kick the shit out of him but I hold
back. Your CD dear god what am I going to do, they call you inside. And Naksh
forces me with him to watch from the stage. It is too late. I can't do anything.
For you. I couldn't reunite you with your mother, nor could I hold off your performance
before your mother came, and I screwed up your chances of passing.
You don't dance, as the music goes on. No, you cry. Tears
pour down your cheeks, and I hate seeing you like this. There is nothing more I
want to do than strangle the shit out of dragon.
Your mother walks in late, and the technician says there is
a problem with the CD, your mother asks, dragon if she can sing. And she begins
to sing. Your dance is beautiful, it is soulful, it is everything I expected it
to be and more.
When you do the final move, you crumple onto the floor and
begin to cry. I don't understand what on earth is happening. Even the dragon
stands up with everyone else and begins to clap. They love it. Your mother is
crying, and she goes to you. You apologize to her and you cry, mumbling
something about understanding her now. And I watch in confusion as the Dragon
herself declares you the first.
Everyone leaves happy. Again, you have done everything you
wanted without my help. Everything could have been ruined and there is only one
person to blame for this.
I wait until the dragon is alone.
"I don't understand... I start off.
"I take my profession seriously more so than everything else,
Naira danced well I stare at her and she stares at me dead panned back.
"I wonder how long before the press finds out, and your Naira
has a restraining order on you? Will daddy cover up that just like he covered
up your past? I walk closer to her hiding what is in my hand behind me.
"What are you going to do? She asked me, turning around and
zipping her bag. I made a mistake with her. I hit her over the head with an old
microphone as hard as possible. Her blood slowly trickles over the carpet. She
knows too much. Nobody can know too much. If they do, then they could take you
away from me. Before we even became a we.
And I will not allow that.
comment:
p_commentcount