Within half an hour of hitting the bed, her phone rang, indicating the caller to be from the New York Times office. Having resigned from her job, she didn't believe there was anything that needed her immediate attention, save the last assignment of the documentary on the Syrian situation. Price, her long time mentor and editor, had called in a favor that she support the transition, once they identified a junior correspondent to take on the piece and complete it. However, it was unlikely that they would have found a replacement in the short span of a week, since their last meeting, which only made her curious.
"Hold on, Kat," she said, answering the call, as she noticed Arnav reading in the far corner of the room.
"Someone better be dying, because its midnight here, Kat." She added, as she walked to the desk in the other corner and switched on her laptop.
"Price wants to talk to you," she heard Kat say uneasily. "It's something of an emergency."
"Ok, put him on." She answered and waited for Price to come on the line.
"Hey Abhi, I hope you have settled back home?" Price greeted her and Kushi noted that his voice was unusually shaky for the man who had single-handedly co-ordinated minute-to-minute updates of many national crises.
"It's a process chief," she said, smiling, as she remembered old jibes about her being born with wheels on her heels.
"Listen, Abhi," he gently called on her . "I have some news from Istanbul and I want you to prepare yourself before I break it you."
The nervousness of the caller caught up with her and she sat erect in the chair. "Go on chief."
"I'm not sure you remember the days following the rescue attempts by the Turkish military," Price began with the details. "We got a call from the Turkish base near Aleppo and believed that's where all of the crew was being handled. You understand?" He prompted and she got the hint that he was being delicate about his reference to Dave.
"Yes chief, it's what I have been told. I was flown into the US after four days, once I was stabilized." She nodded and turned around to catch Arnav approaching her, who she believed had to be included in the call now that she'd caught his attention.
"Abhi," Price hesitated, as she switched to the speaker option. "We are being told that some of the severely injured, were air-lifted from the Turkish base, to be treated in Istanbul and that one of our crew members was possibly mixed up with the other civilians in the area. We think Dave was taken to Istanbul and treated there."
Her eyes closed, as she attempted to absorb the information Price had given her. Visibly she looked stable and yet, her breathing shortened to short gasps soon, awaiting the onslaught of emotion. "Who's your source on this, chief?" She asked, latching onto logic. "Dave's sister identified the body, so I'm not sure who has it mixed up."
"Dave called an hour ago." Price paused giving her a moment to take in the reality of the day. "He was in a coma until yesterday. We are sending in the correspondent stationed in Istanbul to get him. He asked for you and we only told him that you are alive and well. But I wanted to call it in, before he arrived here."
She lost sense of Arnav's standing next to her and kept starting at no particular spot, oddly attempting to recollect the details of Dave's face. "Thank you, chief." She mustered a response after a few moments passed.
"Are you coming in?" Kat hurriedly cried into the call, letting out a sob. "You only have to say the word, Abhi. We'll get..." Kat was cut off mid-sentence and Price took over again. "Do what you feel is best, Abhi. Let me know if there is something I can do."
"Yes chief," she answered, trying to hold onto the last measure of equanimity inside her. "I'll call in, if anything." She cut the call before any acknowledgment came through and sat there, lost and removed from the world.
"Kushi," Arnav touched her shoulder, making his presence known, when a stream of tears trickled down her face.
"Please! leave me alone, Abhi," she said raising her hand, knowing well that he wouldn't cross such well-drawn boundaries.
However, in a world where nothing could be predicted, even he wouldn't oblige her. "Kushi, I would give everything to honor your freedom, but now, is not the time to go it alone."
She didn't protest further, but closed her mouth and appeared shocked, unable to follow any thought, as she tried to push away the feeling of emptiness in her. Though there was a part of her that was happy to hear that Dave was alive, she couldn't process anything more.
Eyeing her cold form, Arnav pulled a chair and sat next to her. He was silent for a while, unable to decide if he should take on the role of a husband or a friend before he offered a word of advice. When neither gave him a stronghold with her, he didn't care to resolve it any further and decided to speak out of goodwill alone, as he would have done with any close acquaintance.
"Getting married to me cannot be the reason that keeps you from going to New York, Kushi." He remained unaffected to begin with. "Strangely, I cannot help but imagine myself in Dave's position," he said and got up from the chair to avoid meeting her gaze. "I ask myself if I would want you to be there. After having battled death and come out on the other side, I think I would want to see you in the flesh and ascertain you are well."
His line of thought appeared to be snagging on an emotion, she couldn't place. "If the man had indeed been in a coma for a year, I wonder what torment he must have experienced not knowing if you had survived at all."
Despite the fact that Arnav's reasoning should make it easier for her to leave, she felt more annoyed. "For all the times you have practiced letting go, maybe you should try holding on at least sometimes," she spat out with an anger that felt misplaced at best.
"You speak like you are not part of the equation, at all, Abhi, she urged him to consider," wiping her tears.
"Am I really Kushi?" He quickly retorted. "Imagine you had known if Dave was alive, would we have married? Our relationship is an accident." His own frustration started to show without reason. "Think if you would be sticking around if we hadn't been married and you were merely stationed in another part of the world, doing a story."
"We could go on arguing over hypothetical scenarios, Abhi, but you are not seeing the truth - as of today, I'm married and shelved that other life," she insisted vehemently.
"What you did felt right in the context of yesterday, but in light of the new events, you could make another decision, Kushi, when the context has changed." He persisted.
"Fine," he turned sharply to face her, "I will understand that you wouldn't want to visit him, if you can claim that you have nothing left for him."
She lost her calm. "Face it, Abhi," she cried, appealing to him with a plea in her voice, "you do want me to choose between the two of you."
"Ha!" he scoffed. "Even if so, the choice is between love and an obligation and the latter is no choice at all, in the face of the other."
Unable to formulate a response to his argument, she rubbed her forehead, nervous.
"Let's accept that I'm selfish, Kushi." He sounded defeated, by the situation. "I don't believe in this institution of marriage and wouldn't have it on my conscious if it keeps you from following your heart. I would rather sign on a paper and relieve you of all moral obligations than have you stupidly honor them for the sake of it."
She looked up at him, her eyes wide with disbelief. The clarity that presented to herself was inexplicable, even as she questioned for the second time that night if it was as simple to know him. "You are right, Abhi. Our marriage is an accident. I cannot change that fact, but if we don't handle it now, it will be too late as time passes. Sign and send me the papers. Have Harsha drop me at the airport. I'm making a choice to leave for our sake. Please leave me alone, now." There was no challenge in her declaration and he understood, she wasn't baiting him either.
She didn't clarify her decision, when he stood speechless waiting for her to offer more. "Ok," he turned away to leave the room. "As I said, you only had to say the word."
A tear escaped her eyes, as she watched his receding form become distant. Over one night they had gone from sharing warmth and easy camaraderie to be a bickering couple, ready to separate, in choosing freedom over social obligations. With the last of her strength, she prayed that her decision would be the best for all of them involved.
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