SanDhir OS: The one that got away

Title: The one that got away

Pair: Randhir and Sanyukta

Genre: Angst/Romance

Rating: T

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me. They belong to Sadda Haq and Channel V.

Author's notes: I don't normally recommend songs but for this fiction, you can listen to Daylight by Maroon 5. The lyrics, the music, they are apt for this fiction.

"The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

No dawn, no day, I am always in this twilight

In the shadows of your heart..."

~Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine

(I)

"I can't do this anymore."

Randhir froze on his spot; the bouquet of daffodils obstructed from her view (clutched behind his back) fell with a dull thud on the tiled floor of her room, as his hammering heart. His heart shattered into pieces, he had heard that line in many a movie, but he truly appreciated its meaning when his own heart piled up in a heap of shards. He essentially knew the implication of her words, yet his broken heart rebelled anyway and clung onto a faint ray of hope; hope that he had misunderstood her and that he can salvage this situation somehow.

"What-what do you mean?"

She paced around the room with an agitated gait, faint wrinkles forming on her forehead, hands wringing around wildly.

She stopped midway and stared at him.

"I want to end this relationship."

No! No, it couldn't be. This couldn't be happening. She was supposed to stay. They were supposed to have a forever. Then, why this? Why, when he was finally happy?

"W-why?" He faltered, voicing his inner tumult. He didn't care if he sounded broken or pathetic or desperate. He needed her. And she just said that she didn't.

"You know why, Randhir." She sat at the edge of her bed with an exasperated sigh.

Stalking in her direction, he pulled her towards him; his breath heavy on her face.

"NO, I DON'T."

Sanyukta met his gaze defiantly in retaliation; her chin was raised upwards with a distinctive arrogance.

Something was significantly wrong in their current predicament. As he gazed deeply in her eyes, her mellow and soft brown irises burned with the intensity reminiscent of the animosity which they shared in their initial days, the traces of their mutual adoration didn't linger anywhere in its depths.

When did she start despising him again?

He didn't want to admit, but he knew the answer.

"Mom. It is my mom, isn't it?" he shoved her away from himself and his visage contorted in a vicious and malicious expression.

"NO, RANDHIR! That's the problem. Your mother is not at fault here. YOU ARE."

"ME? REALLY? HOW?" He was bellowing now.

"Because of this hatred. The rage that you feel towards your mother has made you into a person you are not. IT HAS BLINDED YOU. And I can't be with the person you have become!"

He couldn't believe this. Even his girlfriend didn't understand him. After everything that they had been through, she wanted to flee at the first sign of trouble. After knowing the agony his mother had inflicted on him as a child, this was what she had to say? He was right before. All women were indeed the same.

He took a calming breath. He should have known better than to let anyone in. Because in the end, everyone left him. He could feel the bitterness, the dysphoria swarm its way back in his very essence.

"Okay, Sanyukta. If that is what you want," he replied in an icy cold tone. The temperature of the room dipped a few degrees; his sudden frigidity raised goose bumps across the expanse of Sanyukta's bare skin.

Their eyes met once and without uttering another syllable, Randhir walked swiftly out of the room, trampling the daffodils on his way out.

The golden daffodils, now imprinted by his grimy footmarks, lay lifeless and stale in the vicinity of her room. The daffodils which spelled of love and affection and liveliness a few minutes prior were unrecognizable now.

And that was not the only thing that was dead.

___

Randhir checked his wrist watch. It was quarter past four; Shanaya was late again.

"Hey!" He heard a familiar sound greeting him from a distance and he looked in the direction of the sound to see the aforementioned person approaching his table.

"Hey. Sorry, I am late. A client had requested that I extend the meeting."

Randhir wanted to make a biting remark but he didn't want to waste his breath unnecessarily. So, he only said, "Next time don't be late."

She nodded her head and smiled sweetly at him.

While she was busy blabbering about her day and making caustic remarks about her colleagues, he stared at her and he wondered; wondered how he had ended up with a girl like her. Yes, she was an attractive woman with enviable assets, yes, she was the quintessential example of conventional looking female with an extremely feminine grace and charm and the physical aspects of their relationship could suffice for the lack of an emotional and an intellectual one; he was a warm blooded bloke, after all.

Yet, sometimes, he couldn't stop himself from comparing her to the girl he was completely in love with.

No, Randhir. Shanaya is your girlfriend now. She listens to your qualms and satisfies all your whims. She is perfect, not Sanyukta.

Sanyukta...

Sanyukta.

The one that got away.

"... and then he thought- Randhir? RANDHIR?" Shanaya shook him, halting his train of thought.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something," he mumbled. However, he didn't make another perfunctory attempt to make an excuse to appease her.

"It's okay. So where was I?"

Yes. Shanaya was indeed a perfect girlfriend and he needed to stop thinking about a certain raven haired, fierce, determined, uninhibited and independent girl.

Even if the said girl captured his attention in a way that this girl couldn't.

___

The same day, Randhir found himself retracing the steps of the Caf that he had frequented earlier in the afternoon. Walking on the cold, desolate path, he mentally berated himself for carelessly leaving his Parker pen on the table from earlier. Only when he was looking for it to sign certain important documents, it struck him that he had forgotten it in the Caf. Of course, he could have bought another one. However, he couldn't fathom losing it because it was a gift from Rahim chacha on his last visit to India. He remembered the surprise that had colored his face when he was handed over such an expensive artifact from a man of his status. But he didn't refuse the gift because he was the only person who he considered family and he also loved the man.

Smiling at the memory, Randhir clutched his overcoat tighter as the winds howled and he increased his pace. The warmth of the memory wasn't sufficient to combat the cold outside, he realized. Good thing that the Caf was only a few feet away.

He now jogged towards the entrance, however, as he was about to step inside, he withdrew his step as a certain raven haired girl rendered him immobile.

He could swear the world stopped on its axis at that moment.

At first, he thought he was mistaken because of the kind of apparel she was donning- a pair of jeans and a pinstripe long coat, with her hair set in a bun and spectacles balancing precariously on the edge of her nose. But, as he looked longer, her features seemed familiar. Her garb might be different, though her build and her face still resembled the Sanyukta he knew.

She was sitting at the corner table, her back towards the wall and was concentrating hard on a document before her. She wasn't really paying attention to her surroundings and he could easily slip in, inquire about his pen, and collect his item and leave.

Yet, something, an indescribable force, strong and powerful, gripped him in an iron clad grip, restrained him and stopped him from taking a step inside, as his heart thrashed around like a trapped bird wanting to be freed, pounding harder and harder. He felt that his heart would claw its way out of his throat and fall on the floor in a bloody mess.

It didn't, obviously. And slowly, gradually, he did step inside the cozy and modest Caf.

He found the waiter who was serving him; and all the while making inquires about his pen, he glanced surreptitiously in her direction at regular intervals.

"Yes, sir. That lady there (he pointed towards Sanyukta) saw your pen and handed it to the counter."

He stared at her again, this time not so surreptitiously. She was the one to find his pen? Was this a cruel joke the Universe was playing out?

"How long has she been sitting here?" he asked the Waiter, his gaze steadfast on the woman in question.

"For the last two- three hours, sir."

He nodded his head in acknowledgement. As the waiter left him, he found himself deep in thought, an impending conundrum in sight. Now, he could just turn around and leave or he could be the courteous gentleman, greet her and say his thanks. Only, the latter option brought back those visceral sensations from a few minutes prior. Before he even made it to where she was sitting, heart attack didn't seem like a far-fetched possibility.

No. This was a change, a disruption he didn't need in his life. His life might be dull and monotonous, however talking to her would bring back those memories he had purged himself off.

But as a great man said "The heart wants what the heart wants", his feet propelled him towards her even before his mind could rein in his disobedient heart.

"Hey," he greeted and her body jerked by the abrupt sound and then she was turning, swiveling her head in his direction and her eyes, oh her eyes, those brown irises were shining with a light so familiar, it hurt.

Her jaw dropped and her mouth made a plop' sound as their eyes connected and burned with the intensity of their past intimacy. It was surreal; all the sensations, and he was proud that he was alive still.

"H-hey," she finally found her voice.

She silently indicated him to take the seat beside her and gathering all her documents, angled her body towards his as he sat on the cushioned seat.

"How have you been?" Her voice was hoarse because of lack of any interaction for some time and even her voice, everything about her, aroused those dormant feelings and Gods, had he missed that blinding rush which overwhelmed him whenever he was with her.

But he couldn't let her know that she still affected him in this manner. He needed to put up his molded masquerade and spew his incising comments.

"Why Sanyukta, did you miss me? You know I almost didn't recognize you." he smirked.

Her soft expression faded away and was replaced by the countenance he had witnessed when they had broken up.

"Look Randhir, I was just trying to be courtly. I was mistaken, of course. How could I forget that you didn't even know how to spell it?!" She pushed back her chair and was about to walk away when he held his hand, all hints of a smirk wiped off from his face.

"You don't get to walk away this time," he pulled her by her arm as she landed haphazardly on his chest. He inhaled her smell greedily, like a ravenous nomad who had found food after a mile long trek in the barren desert. She smelled the same, just the same.

"It wasn't me who walked away last time," she whispered. He could see her eyes glittering with unshed tears.

"Yes, it was YOU. You said you wanted to leave. YOU."

"I thought you'd follow me. Change your ways because of me. I thought you'd stop the hatred from poisoning. YOU left. YOU."

Although he could almost taste her, he didn't and instead, he pushed her away.

That was them. Push and pull. Pull and push.

"Five years, Randhir, five yea-

"Will you come tomorrow? Here? Same time?"

She looked baffled by the bizarre shift in his tone and his curious request.

"I want to talk to you. But, not today. I need to go. I need to deal with this in a mature way and for that I need to deal with this alone right now. Promise you will come tomorrow?"

She looked torn for a few seconds. Then, "Yes," she whispered.

"Yes." This time she said it more confidently and there were faint traces of smile on her face. Happy; she looked happy.

____

"After we broke up, I learnt that you had left for the US the next day. I tried contacting you; I couldn't. I didn't hear anything about you for a long time. Nobody had a clue. Then, three years later, I learnt that you had started your own entrepreneurial venture. That your product was doing exceptionally well in the Market. After that, I only got to know bits and pieces of your success stories."

"What did you do all these years, Sanyukta?"

"I stayed in India. Worked for my father. I am the Vice President there at present. And I recently came to Maryland to meet our overseas clientele."

"Good, that's good."

They made small talk for a few more minutes. It was pleasant. It was devoid of anything remotely unsettling and it was a different experience. Randhir had to admit, he really missed just talking to Sanyukta.

"D-do you, do you miss me, Randhir? Because I do. I really miss you," Sanyukta fidgeted in her chair and her hands were tied in a knot before her, yet not even once, did she avert her eyes, she continued staring at his.

"Sanyukta, I-

"Hi, Randhir!"

Time for action.

"Hey Shanzy," he got up from his chair and hugged the girl entering inside and then, in a bold display of public affection, kissed her smack dab on her lips.

Shanaya beamed at him while he could hear Sanyukta gasp beside them.

Pulling Shanaya closer by wrapping his arm around her waist, he turned to Sanyukta and said, "Sanyukta, meet my fiance Shanaya Mehta."

Her face was painted in absolute shock and bewilderment and he loved every minute of the silence that ensued.

"Hi Sanyukta," Shanaya proffered her hand to Sanyukta which she shook, albeit in a dazed manner. Her disposition mirrored that of a deer caught in headlights.

He was about to make a comment when Sanyukta abruptly got up and interrupted them, "I am sorry. I need to leave. I forgot that I had a meeting to attend." She smiled at Shanaya, exchanged pleasantries and walked, no, dashed away.

Before leaving she looked at him once. Their eyes met at that moment. And in that one moment, he witnessed something which would haunt him for the rest of his lives, he knew.

Betrayal and sadness. Heart wrenching sadness. He was the reason that she was smiling yesterday and he was again the reason for the way her eyes shimmered with melancholy and despondence today.

It only last for a few seconds and then, she left and he knew, this was the gravest, the most barbaric crime he had committed today.

He had broken Sanyukta's heart. He had broken the heart of the girl who he loved deeply.

____

Guilt. That was the first emotion he experienced and subsequently, a mlange of emotions followed, starting with anger, regret, more guilt, more anger and culminated to self loathing. He frequented the Caf every day, hoping he'd see her. He never did. He didn't meet her again, not in Cafes, not on the streets and all he wanted was to reverse time, take back the hurt, the pain, the heartache he had caused her.

And as the Universe would have it, one day he found a way to find her.

When he realized she would never come back to the Caf they had met, he remembered from their conversation that she was staying in a Hotel in a ten mile radius. He had found a new door, a chance and every day, he would check for her, hotel to hotel, with renewed vitality.

Knocking the door of her suite, he held his breath and waited, and hoped that she would be there and she would open the door and she won't hate him for what he did. He hoped a lot, he knew, he also knew that that was the thing with hope, without any logic, without any reason, you hold onto it anyway. You hold onto hope as if it was your air and you couldn't do without it.

He was generally not an optimistic person; this thing with Sanyukta had brought this ray of dim light in his life and that transformed the non-believer in him into a believer.

He didn't even notice when Sanyukta had opened the door.

"What are you doing here, Randhir?" She stood in front of him in a plaid kurti and leggings, the remnants of shine in her eyes had disappeared completely and he knew he was to blame.

"I-I came to apologize."

"Apology accepted. Now, leave." She was about to bang the door on his face, when he hurtled his foot forward.

"Sanyukta, listen t-

"No Randhir. The last time you asked me to-

"I know, I know and I am sorry," he pushed his way inside as she broke down into sobs and embraced her midway. "I am sorry, I am really sorry," he kept iterating it.

"I-I-I h-hate you," she stammered and the tears flew from her eyes in a constant stream and he continued holding her like a fragile piece of glass which he didn't want to break. Only, he knew he had broken her.

The acrimony, the resentment that had dictated his life for the past five years gathered its belongings and sneaked from his person the longer he sat there embracing her. He realized she had been right all along; this shell of a person was not him, he was more than the shallow, self centered and acerbic person he had become and he realized it only now.

If only.

"Sanyukta." He cupped her face and ran his thumb pads across her cheeks, wiping her tears off. Something that had been missing, an integral part of him, a piece of his heart was finally where it belonged. All the loneliness of the last five years was healed as he gazed deeply in her warm browns.

"You were right, Sanyukta. You had been right all these years. I-I defeated Renuka Sanyal, I ensured her collapse and I... I felt nothing. I only felt an expansive numbness instead of a sense of victory. I felt NOTHING, Sanyukta. And I also lost you. In my plan of vengeance, I lost you; the only thing in my chaotic life which made sense. I missed you; I missed you every f**king day of every f**king month of every f**king year. I missed the way your eyes would crinkle with amusement when I would make a smart ass comment, I missed your laughter, the sound of which spread like wildfire, I missed your lips, kissing them and letting our ferocious foreplay burn me and destroy me in a good way, and I missed your voice, the way we debated and fought and how you'd win. I missed all of that and more. I missed your perfection and your perfect imperfections."

"Randhir..." Her sobs had toned down to an occasional sniffle by now. He wanted to tell her more, tell her in excruciating detail how much he had missed her until she started believing him.

"You'll leave me again," she whispered amidst the hiccups.

"No"

"But you did the last time and this time. You will break my heart again, screw me up and when I would get used to your absence, you'd come back and screw me again." She wiped the residual tears from her face and extricated herself from his arms.

"I can't trust you, Randhir," she said in a deadpan.

"Give me another chance, Sanyukta. Another chance to redeem myself. Don't do this please. This time I will show you and I will spend the rest of my life making up to you for my past mistakes. I promise."

"I thought you were the one that got away but now that I have you back I won't leave ever and if you leave, I will follow you to the end of the world because you, you Sanyukta Aggarwal are the one for me, my missing puzzle piece," he inched closer to her and leaned in to kiss those delectable and succulent lips of her and as she opened her mouth, wound her arms around him and let him enter, he knew this time he won't leave.

Fin.