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HI All
I am back with a proper OS after a long time... I have no idea how this one came about, and I am surprised at the speed with which I wrote this (it is short). So please do forgive any typos.
The title is "Naam Ada Likhna" from Yahaan.
Something about the understated passion and 'quiet' nature of this song appealed to me in the context of this story. Hope you find it apt.
***
Everyone was hovering around her. He stood in a corner looking at the sight in front of him. His wife was on their bed, his side of the bed, propped up with the pillows with a strained smile on her face. She had been discharged from the hospital, but by no means had she completely recovered. He got a glimpse of the woman he had first met, the one hiding pain with a beautiful smile. Only this time, the pain she had was physical. Her parents, his parents and the gang of siblings were swarming like bees around a flower. She looked tired yet pretty. The red top she wore contrasted the paleness on her cheeks. Her hair was held up with a clip, barely held together. She wore no jewellery, and the only colour that adorned her face was the small red spot that sat in somewhere between the parted hair and her forehead.
The children were making too much noise. He hadn't realised how much their daughter would miss her presence at home. Both Ruhi and SHravan were fighting for Ishita's attention while the elders were checking if she was comfortable. Ruhi had already made plans to sleep next to her mother in the night. Ishita, true to her nature had told Ruhi she could sleep with them as long as she felt the need to. A part of Raman's heart soared when he saw the love, and another part sunk imagining his daughter's presence in their room every night. Yes, he was sure he wasnt looking forward to Ruhi's presence between them at all. Only, he didn't have the heart to deny the mother and daughter any happiness.
Raman didn't notice a keen pair of eyes watching him from another corner. Bala had been unusually quiet, compared to the other members in the Iyer family. He was watching Raman with a curiosity of a small child who'd witnessed magic for the first time, but also the sensibility of a veteran who'd performed those magic tricks hundreds of time. It was undeniable; Raman was a man in love. He wasn't just attracted to his wife, he wasn't just waiting to bed her, he was waiting to begin the rest of his life with her. And that's when Bala thought how much pain the man would be in. Raman and Ishita hadn't even had a chance to be alone together since she was taken to the hospital. From personal experience, he knew how much they both needed it, even if they didn't know it themselves. So, like a man on mission, he nudged his wife and indicated her to look at the couple. Both Bala and Vandita slowly got the Iyers to say their good byes, and Vandita slowly whispered to Mihika about Ruhi. Within a few minutes, Ruhi was convinced to spend the night at the Iyers' where Shravan would also be present.
Once the crowded room became empty, she looked at him. He was still rooted to the spot; he'd only vaguely acknowledged everyone's departure and hadnt even thought to properly kiss his daughter good night. Ishita had never seen him like that. She saw a man who was barely holding himself up. She saw a man who, at any minute would just fall and break down into pieces. She was too afraid to believe he was like that for her. She couldn't imagine anyone loving her like this. She had never met anyone who even remotely cared so much about her. Her heart yearned his love, and her mind warned her that maybe, just maybe, she was reading too much into his expressions.
"Raman, I'll get up now and go to the couch. Everyone is gone" she said, her voice trying to show some semblance of strength
"Don't be stupid Ishita. DO you think I will let you sleep on the couch after what you have been through?" he said, clearly angry. He wasn't sure if he was angry at her silliness or at himself for being such a stone-hearted man in the past that his wife didn't even expect courtesy from him. His experience told him it was the latter.
"OK, But I'll shift to the other side of the bed. I don't usually sleep on this side and I am not sure I'll be able to." Neither of them wanted to broach the topic of his sleeping arrangements, but she had given him an indication.
"I think I will also sleep on the bed if you don't mind? Just in case, you know, you wake up at night and need anything?" he asked delicately knowing what the answer would be.
Medical science would dictate that their bodies needed sleep, her's because it was physically exhausted and ill and his, because he was too stressed out in the past few days. But their hearts had a mind of their own that night. Long after the lights were switched off, they both knew the other person was not sleeping. There is something about the change in the breathing rhythm of a sleeping human. Their breathing was awake.
As much as he wanted her to rest, he couldn't help himself. He needed to talk to her. He needed the reassurance of her voice. The stress hadn't kept him awake in the last few nights, her absence had.
"Ishita, are you sleeping?" he whispered.
"No Raman, are you?" she giggled at her own joke. His heart became lighter by a few pounds when he heard her.
"I was worried, you know. Seeing you on the hospital bed, not knowing what was happening to you."
"It's all OK now Raman. I am fine, it will just take a couple of days, and everything will be normal again" she said, trying to keep her voice straight. Her heart was now screaming into her ears with that loud thumping.
"No, I know it is all OK now. ANd really, we knew there wasn't anything horribly wrong with you. BUT, I was worried nonetheless" he said, his voice was changing its natural tone too.
"I know Raman. How do you think I felt, lying there, not being able to get up and do what I do everyday?" she had to find ways to get to him, but that night it didnt look like he was even listening to her.
"I was worried Ishita. If something ever did happen to you, I don't know how I could go on. Life, as I know it, would just end for me. Having said that, I don't think I want things to go back to the way they were" Now, she was confused. Neither her mind nor her heart knew where he was going with his monologue.
"What are you saying Raman?" she asked quietly.
"I realised, in the time that we have known each other, there are so many things I took for granted with you. No, I don't mean what you do for Ruhi, for me and my family. I mean, I took your place in my life for granted. I never even paused to think what my place in your life is. I was so burnt by my past, that I thought not pausing and feeling anything was the right approach towards a safe heart. But now that I think of it, my heart has never been safe since the day you walked in."
Ishita had to struggle to control her sob. Her tears were now openly flowing, grateful to the darkness in the room. But some how, his fingers found her wet cheeks and they wiped the tears off. His talking didn't stop even for a second.
"I never told you, and may be I never realised it myself, but you are the most important thing in my life right now. I don't mean to belittle my love for my children, but without you, I don't think I would have a perspective on any other relationship. Even the one with Ruhi. I simply wouldn't know what to do with myself. I have been mean to you, I have mocked you. Believe me, I know I am insensitive some times. But..." She interrupted him then.
"Raman, did you ever think why I never complained or reacted to your so-called insults and lack of sensivity?" she waited, but knew he wouldn't have an answer.
"Since the day I walked into your life, you have never been anything but honest with me. You have told me what you feel, whether it's about my choice of clothes, my choice of friends or even my choice of words. You have been sweet to me where it mattered. I have seen you string yourself up when you made me apologise to Adi. I have seen you getting stone-drunk and cursing yourself when you had to lie to me about Amma's accident. I have seen you silencing your own mother when she doubted my character. I have seen you declare to everyone that Ruhi would never be separated from me, no matter what happens in our life. Tell me Raman, are these things invisible when compared to you calling me fat and boring?"
It took them a few moments to realise the enormity of the words both had just said. The silence was now deafening. Suddenly, she sensed movement on his side of the bed. Just when she thought he'd run out of the room to hide his emotions, she felt his lips on her forehead. They lingered there for a few seconds. The few seconds were enough for his tears to touch her skin.
They didn't have to try to sleep any more. Sleep came to them.
"A physical attraction is often desired above many things but you'll discover it to be short lived. Find yourself someone that gets under your skin, seduces the dusty corners of your heart, and provides you with a mental connection. That is when you'll know true intimacy." - M.J. Abraham
*** How was it???
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