Chapter 10 : Heartbreak
Piya watched on , bored.
She was regretting her decision to come to the party- she'd done it in a fit of kindness, because after all they were throwing it as a farewell to her.
She didn't really have much affection for any of her Kolkata colleagues. Well, she didn't really have much affection for anyone.
Besides Leena, Misha, Jeh and Misha's son, Nikhil, she didn't really care for people.
Scratch that- she did care for Anisha and Abhay.
But why, she had no idea.
Anisha somehow reminded Piya of her own lonely teen years.
She recalled her own happy childhood, till... Something happened. She had no idea what, because she was herself puzzled as to why she was being so mean to her friends. And of course...once her friends got tired of her, they never looked back. Probably a good thing, she mused, swirling the red liquid in her goblet. They probably didn't even remember her now... Even though there was a chance they might have read her book...
And besides, who cared. She was rich, successful, enjoying what she did, and she even had a great boss, who was even a proper friend. She didn't think she knew many people who could claim that much.
Her thoughts strayed to Abhay. He'd called her dress a handkerchief. She scowled down at her drink and drained it in one gulp. She wished he were here now, smirking at her, making snide comments about people.
She could almost hear him now. 'See that bimbo in red, Piya? She's flirting with the man in the grey suit. No, not the one she's dancing with, the guy who's at the far corner- there-'
She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Abhay would no doubt have seen her attraction for him. She hadn't wanted anyone so badly ever.
Piya sighed. She had it bad. How was she going to deal with it when she went back?
Perhaps they could speak on the phone. But would he want to? It was obvious he hated clinging females. Would he think of her as one too? Would he even want to talk to her?
She blinked away the sudden burning in her eyes.
She still remembered the one night he'd told her he was sort of using her. Yeah, so he'd asked to be friends, big deal. Maybe he'd just done it to comfort her- she'd been pretty transparent, after all.
Oh, he cared for her all right. If he had been a typical guy, it would have been a thing of hope for her. But Abhay cared for everyone he met. She saw that in the way he worried about his patients, even those he hadn't met for long.
She admired him for being so giving. He was a good person- he'd always been, she saw that now.
How many times had he pulled pranks in class right after test marks would be announced? She realised he'd only done that to cheer up everyone.
She'd been so blind then, hating him, hating everyone... Why? Why hadn't she sought him out, thanked him for it? Why had she been so determined to hate him?
Looking back, she realised she didn't have an answer.
Piya looked at her watch. 11:30 at night. It was too early to go back- Abhay would most likely still be awake. But she needed somewhere quiet... Somewhere alone.
Almost half an hour later, having sent her driver away, Piya was sitting in a park, fighting back tears as she pulled her knees closer to her chest.
She loved Abhay.
Why? Why her, why now?
Why did she have to fall in love with him? Hadn't he told her he hated love?
She knew why, of course.
Because he took care of her. Used to taking care of herself, she'd been taken by the fact that he looked after her, even when she protested. She loved that he never backed down when he thought she was wrong. He would be quiet when she'd air her opinions, but when he'd disagree he'd tell her exactly why. He wasn't scared of her like almost everyone was. He'd yelled back at her almost a dozen times.
She was being a fool, she knew. She hadn't even left him and she was already missing him. She had a notion this was why so many girls loved him. Who wouldn't? Look at her, six months of living with him and Ice Queen was sobbing alone in a park at- what time was it again? 1:30 am.
Ice Queen. He'd called her that once, so long ago. She almost laughed. Ice Queen had melted- she'd become a tearful drama queen from a television soap. She hated herself and she hated him for what he'd made her become.
Abhay Raichand. She pulled at the grass restlessly. Then she heard voices. She suddenly realised she was alone in a park at night, and could easily become a target.
Gathering herself, she went back to the safety of her car, wiping her face as she drove back to Abhay's house.
The lights were off, except for a dim light in the living area. She felt a surge of relief that he'd gone back to sleep. Fumbling with the locks, she entered.
She exclaimed in shock at the figure who sat on the floor.
'Abhay?!'
Abhay looked at her.
'Go 'way,' he slurred indisctinctly.
She hurried over to him, squatting on the floor. Close to, she saw his eyes were swollen and red. They were also slightly unfocused- and wait, what was that- smell?
'You've been drinking!' she cried in horror. 'How much have you drunk?'
'Shh...' he put a finger on her lips. 'Jusshhtt... Two...' he lifted up four fingers.
'Two or four?' she said in alarm.
'Two! I told you...leave me alooone,' he drawled.
She slapped him, hard.
The action brought him slightly back to his senses. 'Piya?' he croaked. 'What- what are you -'
'What are you doing, Abhay?' she said, catching hold of his collar. 'You're drunk!'
'I'm sorry,' he said softly, sounding like an overgrown schoolboy. 'I won't drink again if you don't like it.'
She stared at him, stunned. What had happened to him? Gone were the laughing eyes, the teasing smiles. What was wrong with Abhay?
She sat down next to him, dimly noting that there were some papers scattered around. So many papers... Had someone slapped a case on him?
She looked at him, but his eyes were closed. Sighing, she reached over to pick up the sheets, arranging them neatly. However, the word 'Anisha' caught her eye.
She did a double take.
Scanning the contents, she read the piece of paper. She read it again and again, her mind disbelieving the evidence of her eyes, asking her to confirm.
'Respected Dr.Raichand,
We would like your statement on Anisha Banerjee's sudden death. The exact cause of her suicide is still unknown and we were hoping you could throw light on the matter...'
On and on, it went. Piya felt as though she was suddenly psychotic as she feverishly shuffled through the pages.
Lab reports. Blood samples. Anisha dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
The word hit her brain with all the force of a rampaging bull. She'd committed suicide a day ago, throwing herself in the path of a speeing truck. She'd been declared 'brought dead' in the hospital.
She saw a handwritten note among the pages.
'Dear Doctor,
Thank you so much for trying to help me. I know it was your job but you still tried a lot to help. I don't know if she has already left, but please do give me thanks to Piya di too. She gave me so much love, but I know she will leave and its not her fault. Its mine, because if I was a better person I would have more friends. Everyone always says so. But I am not being able to improve much. I don't want to be alone again. And I will be, because anyone who will love me will be taken away from me just like my family. I am a bad person. So I am leaving. Please don't hate me even if you think I'm a coward.'
Yours sincerely
Anisha.
A drop of water fell on the paper and Piya realised it was a tear.
She was crying.
She looked at Abhay, wishing him to tell her it was a joke, a trick, a lie. He was looking at her, a hard smile on his face.
They stared at each other for a long moment.
Piya suddenly threw himself at his chest, sobbing.
She felt him hesitate, but then he held her tight, and Piya saw the tears in his eyes too.
They held each other for a long time, not speaking.
It was Abhay who broke the silence. 'What do you think of me, Piya?' he said suddenly, in a voice that held a forced lightness.
'Am I a bad person? Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?'
Confused, Piya sat up, leaning away from him so she could read his face.
'No- of course not!'
He smiled that hard , tight smile again. She hated it.
'Then tell me, why is it that when I care for someone, they bail out on me? Aren't I good enough? How am I supposed to be better?'
'No- its not like that-' started Piya, but he cut her off.
'Really, Piya? First my mother, then Sharon, then Anisha, and you are leaving too , aren't you? Am I that worthless?'
'Your- what?' said Piya in shock.
He laughed mirthlessly. 'Oh, I didn't tell you, did I?'
'No,' said Piya in a hushed voice.
She saw the pain in his face increase. His mouth twisted, as though he were sickened.
'I never told you... My mother died of a drug overdose.'
Piya couldn't speak. Her hand flew to her mouth.
'Do you know , Piya,' he said lightly, but his voice chilled her to the bone, 'My mother adored my father. She would have laid down her life for him. And she did.'
His voice became colder.
'When I was away at Stanford, she discovered his affairs with eight other women. She started taking drugs... And she died within eighteen months.'
'Wha- but-' spluttered Piya.
'I never knew the details, you know?' he said, once again making his voice carefully light. 'I only got to hear from her neighbours. I confronted Dad about it, and he readily admitted it. And you know what hurts worst? The whole freaking time- he was playing with us. He didn't give a damn about me or my mother.'
'What- where did you go?' whispered Piya. Abhay's laughed. ' Why,I packed my bags and went back to Stanford- only to find out that the love of my life? Sharon? She was in someone else's arms. Guess who? Gaurav.'
Piya stared at him. 'But- but- Abhay, Gaurav was-'
'Supposed to be my best friend, yeah,' said Abhay, looking haunted. He took a swig from the bottle. His actions were slightly uncoordinated, causing some of it to slosh over his chin. He wiped it away with the back of his hand.
'Anyway, so there it was. My girlfriend- the first woman I loved- she cheated on me with my best friend. I got my degree about a month later, and I returned to India.'
'Anyway, so Kabir took care of my life- or whatever was left of it, anyway. He'd recently got married, and he and his wife- they offered me this house. But I don't think... I don't know if some day, he'll turn around and say I'm not good enough.'
Piya blinked to clear her eyes. 'That's not true, Abhay. He cares for you- he wouldn't do that- you're a good person, Abhay...'
'Yeah?' he said bitterly. 'Why couldn't I help Anisha then?'
Piya opened her mouth, but couldn't speak. He continued in the same tone, 'She was special, Piya. She was important. I wanted to heal that damage- I wanted to see her whole-'
He turned on her suddenly.
'And you- I'm not good enough for you either, am I? You've tolerated me so long- now you want to leave me, too. Everyone important to me leaves me. I should've seen this coming...'
She shook her head wildly. 'No- no, Abhay, no!' she cried. 'That's not- I don't want to- I really like you-'
His hard, calloused hand closed around hers, jerking her close. His index finger traced the back of her hand.
'So you really are attracted to me, then?' he murmured, gazing down at her.
'I wondered...but I thought I was mistaken...'
She stared at him, powerless to move.
His fingers left hers and moved up her sides like a ghost.
'Abhay-' she said, but he silenced her witha finger.
'You really shouldn't have worn this,' he muttered suddenly, as his hand came into contact with the bare skin of her back.
She shivered, and she saw his eyes darken. A pulsing thread of electricity coursed through her.
'Don't ever go out wearing this again,' he said hoarsely, pulling her closer still.
She could not repress the question.
'Why do you hate it so much?'
'Hate it?' he muttered, tracing patterns on her exposed skin.
'No, I don't hate it... I like it...too much...'
She could barely breathe.
His eyes held her captive as he stared at her. 'If I-hypothetically-kissed you now, would you object?'
'I- what- no,' started Piya, flushing to the roots of her hair.
'I didn't think so,' was his answer.
And then he covered her mouth with hers.
Piya forgot everything as he kissed her lingeringly, his lips playing with hers. When he raised his head at last, she whispered, 'You said- hypothetically-'
He smiled briefly. 'What can I say, I'm a Science student. I like testing out my hypothesis.'
He kissed her again, nibbling on her lower lip to gain access to her mouth. She hesitantly kissed him back, smelling the alcohol in his breath, and somehow not minding it at all.
They broke apart when the need for oxygen became overwhelming, and Abhay kissed her again and again.
And then Piya's foot caught on the bottle and knocked it over with a clang. She pulled back at once, staring in horror at the now-empty bottle, which rolled under the sofa.
'Damn, Abhay, you need to go to bed,' she said, trying to get him on his feet. 'You're completely sloshed. Go to bed.'
He shrugged. 'Yes, Madam,' he said, awkwardly getting to his feet and sketching her an awkward salute.
She hurried over to help him to his bedroom. She helped him lie down on the bed, and almost instantly, his eyes shut.
She sighed, covering him with a sheet before she left the room.
Alone in her room, she tossed and turned, unable to sleep. She couldn't get over the feel of him holding her, and his kisses-
for shame! She chided herself. He'd wanted comfort from her, and so he'd kissed her. No biggie. But what a horrible thing to happen to him. She never liked Gaurav particularly, and she already hated this Sharon. How dare she treat Abhay like that? How could they be so insensitive?
And that skunk Gaurav- when she met him, she was going to boil his intestines and feed it to the dogs. Lousy flea-bitten wastrel.
And Anisha... Why the hell hadn't she seen that coming? Why hadn't she asked Anisha to come with her? Abhay could blame himself, but it was more her fault than his. Why had she been so naive as to think Anisha was a normal child who'd forget short acquaintances? She felt the tears come again as she sniffled into her pillow. It was partly her fault Abhay was like this. She'd caused Anisha to die, and now all he could do doubt himself.
She decided to ask Leena if she could postpone her leaving in the morning.
Nevertheless, Piya couldn't sleep that night. On top of everything else came the realization that Abhay had kissed her in a state of drunkenness. Would he regret it in the morning? Did he really want her to stay? What did he want, anyway?
She sighed as she punched the pillow into a more comfortable shape.
Piya woke up late the next day. By the time she got dressed, Abhay was preparing to leave.
'Good morning,' he said courteously. 'I hope you slept well?'
She stared at him , incredulous. 'How are you feeling?' she asked him instead.
'Normal,' he answered coolly. 'Had a bit of a hangover in the morning. You didn't see me drunk by any chance, did you?'
Piya gasped. She stared at Abhay in shock.
'If you did, I trust I wasn't too much trouble?' he said.
It was several moments before she could speak.
'I helped you to get to bed,' she answered colourlessly.
'Thanks,' he replied. 'Anyway, I should be leaving. Bye in advance- It was nice meeting you.'
She watched him in disbelief as he held out a hand to her.
She felt as though something inside her was falling, falling fown into an abyss.
She shook his hand cordially as he left.
Three hours later, Piya had packed and she was going to leave. She only wanted to see Kabir first.
She called up Abhay to tell him.
'Don't you have anything to do, Piya?' snapped Abhay. Piya's voice held steady as she replied, 'I was going to say I'm leaving.'
'Sure, just drop the keys at Kabir's place,' he said curtly as he cut the call.
An hour later, as Piya stared out aimlessly through the thick glass of the train window, she felt that thing which had been falling finally hit the ground and shatter into many little pieces.
Finally, she recognized what it was. It was her heart.
PS. Honest opinions please!!!! I hope this chapter didn't irritate you, did it?
Edited by bookworm-ALS-- - 11 years ago
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