Sanskaar entered his room only to find out that She was not in the room. He checked the bathroom and it was open. He panicked and but kept looking around. He passed by the windows of his room and his attention fell on the garden. He found her sitting on the small bench lost in her own world of thoughts. A small smile crept on his face when he remember his small moment with her in the garden. He remembered how she was so frustrated then and just wanted to let it out. How she had ranted that day without breathing. He nodded his head with a small smile and decided to go towards the garden.
Swara was sitting in the garden. The constant thunder of thoughts that had erupted in her mind when she got to her room after her confrontation with Sanskaar were not letting her be at peace. She changed sides, closed her eyes but nothing helped. She kept crying. Finally, she got up and took a deep breathe and decided to go to the front yard garden. She remembered how her best friend had advised her on letting the stress out by breathing in and breathing out and how it could help you relax. Her best friend, who was still upset with her and not talking to her. But who still would help her by not even being on her side. She went to the garden, sat on the bench, closed her eyes and took a deep breathe in and breathe out. She did feel a little better but not completely. She decided to seat for some time and relax and just think.
The moment he entered the garden, Swara felt his presence. Her eyes brightened up from her war of thoughts and before Sanskaar could sorry, she stopped him and said "Its ok Sanskaar. You don't have to say anything."
Sanskaar was shocked. Its not that she had seen him coming, then how did she know he was there and above all how did she figure out what was he going to say? She turned around and gave him a smile. He looked in her eyes. There was no pain, no complains, no sadness. The only thing he could see was her love and understanding. He again questioned himself, "Was it love? She was just faking to hide her pain? Was it something else? Could he be mistaken?" But that cannot be the case. He has never failed to read her eyes. But he wasnt sure about his own interpretation.
But She could read his eyes and the questions that were clouding in his mind and eyes. She continued, "You had a long day Sanskaar. And I know you. You don't really lose your temper unless you are provoked or are already irked". He just nodded with no expression on his face. She continued, "And about Uttara, I wasnt actually giving her ideas to avoid marriage. She was nervous about it and above all she wanted to pursue her career first. So I just asked her to wait and talk to you and Bade papa about this. I told her maybe we can also look for some prospects would be willing to let her pursue her goals."
Sanskaar was shocked and cursed himself and thought "Damn it Sanskaar. You didn't even let her speak then". Sensing the guilt expression on his face, Swara said "Its ok Sanskaar. Don't worry. And its really easy to believe something of that sort given my history of mistakes. But you should definitely talk to her tomorrow. I am sure you will be able to figure out a better solution for her and convince OUR family for the same."
Sanskaar just looked her in awe and got happily surprised. "Did she just say OUR family? Did she really know me so well? Does she really love me?" The moment he thought about love brought a lot of bitter memories back to his thoughts, the recent one being her not trusting him. His facial expression changed again. He was upset, angry and confused again. "Why was she doing this? what is she trying to do? I really need to stop her. She cannot go along like this calling this as LOVE She cannot love me. She has always made it clear. Then how can she?"
Sanskaar finally decided to give words to his thoughts and approached Swara: "Swara, Why are you doing this? What are you trying to do?"
Now it was Swara's turn to be confused. Yes, she did know him well enough to judge his reactions but she wasnt able to figure this reaction out. She said "Sanskaar, I don't.."
Cutting her in midway way, He continued "You don't understand what I am trying to say? Exactly!! I am in the same boat. Because I am not able to understand what you are trying to do? Why are you doing all that? Why are you taking care of me, my family so much? Why are you concerned about me so much? What is it Swara? Aren't your missions already over? Shouldn't you be going back? Why are you still here?".
He again referred to his family as "MY" family. That again made her believe that she is still not a part of his family which pained her beyond limits. She still controlled her pain and said "I am doing this because I care Sanskaar. You might still not consider me a part of your family but I do. I am doing all this out of my responsibility for..."
Sanskaar continued "Oh so this is out of favor for whatever I did for you?"
Taking a deep breathe, Swara continued, "No Sanskaar. Out of love"
Sanskaar, losing his cool, "Stop it Swara. Don't call this love. This isn't love. You cannot love me. Don't call your guilt and sympathy love!! Don't insult love please!!"
Swara literally felt as if the ground beneath her was shaking. She was shocked and hurt beyond limits. All this time, she thought Sanskaar only needed sometime to accept her love. She didn't realize that Sanskaar termed her love as guilt and sympathy. She felt traumatized.
Choking over her own words and trying to hold his face, she said "No Sanskaar. You are misunderstanding me again. I am not doing this out of sympathy or guilt. Please, dont call my love, sympathy. Please!!"
Sanskaar: "Why can't I? Why can't I? How can you love me? You had yourself once confessed right, that you won't be able to love me!! And I had accepted that whole heartedly and let you be. I gave you a way out of this for your happiness. Considering your happiness. Then how can you? I think you are highly being mistaken. This is not love. This is just your sympathy. You want me to forgive you? Fine, I forgive you. Happy?"
Swara had now had it enough. She had been trying to keep her calm to explain it to him but her constant denial to her feelings was getting on to her.
"Enough Sanskaar. Enough" Her eyes filled with tears of anger and fury. And then she remembered, how she called his love "Dhoka" and felt pain and even more guilty. She again realized how much she had pained. She closed her eyes, let her tears fall, wiped them and looked towards him.
"Now I realize how much it would have pained you when I had called your love and feelings Dhoka." Sanskaar closed his eyes with pain remembering that.
"When I had termed your feelings as Dhoka, you had specifically warned me to not to insult your feelings. You were ok with me not reciprocating them. The same applies for you too Mr Maheshwari. If you don't want to accept me or my love, you don't have to. But you don't get to insult my feelings like that either." Sobbing and choking on her on words.
"You were right when you said I had decided to not love anyone AGAIN. The pain, the angst that my first love gave me, I didnt want to go through that again. So I decided to build a huge and a very strong wall along the sides of my heart so that I don't fall for anyone and not let anyone else enter my safe spot. I was too scared of that heartbreak again. This time it was you who was able to help me stand up again on my feet, I didn't know if I would have been able to do that again if something of that sort would have happened again. I have been very unlucky Sansksaar, when it comes to love. The fear of losing loved ones got on to me. I know!! I was a fool to think that way. I was so sure that I could control my heart. I was stupid. I forgot that we cannot control our heart. Heart controls us. Dil hamari nahi sunta, hume hi dil ki sunni padti hai. Aur pyaar ek essa ehsaas hai, jo paaani ki tarah, kahi se bhi apna rasta banakar, apni sahi jagah pohoch hi jata. Tumhara pyaar kab mere dil ki deewaro ko lang kar mere dil main bas gaya, pata hi nahi chala. You tell me Sanskaar, when you lost Kavita, did you ever thought you would be able to love again? No right. It just happened. The same happened with me. The only difference is, I took a lot of time realizing my love for you and I know I am late." Sanskaar was listening to her with tears in his eyes. It felt as if her pain was flowing down through his eyes.
Swara continued "I know I made a severe mistake by doubting you and I am ready to accept any punishment for that, even if it means, I have to live the rest of my life without you, in loneliness. Sanskaar, whatever happened that, I know I am solely responsible for that. Remember Sanskaar, once you had misunderstood me and you thought that me and Laksh were together and you told me that there are some days and situations that lead you to listen to your brain even when your heart is denying you to do that. The same thing happened with me Sanskaar. I saw you burn the blanket and I was shocked. My heart was claiming and shouting to not to doubt you at all. And thats why, I came to your room, to talk to you about that. Sanskaar, if you expected me to trust you the same amount, I had expected the same amount of truth from you as well. I know, if I had directly questioned you about the same, you would have given me a very honest answer. It was my mistake that I asked you a very twisted question, and you lied. And because you lied, I thought you might have been actually behind this. I know I was wrong. But I am a human as well Sanskaar. And humans do make mistake. I can possibly not take back those words but I know much it would have pained you. I could feel it Sanskaar. Maine mehsoos kiya hai Sanskaar, tum kese khudko hazaro maut dete aur issiliye, main khudko corodo maut deti thi, tumhe itna dard dene ke liye. I know how it feels when someone who you love and trust so much breaks you apart by breaking your trust. I have gone through this, not once but multiple times Sanskaar. My own sister, Laksh, and the family members, I literally felt like dying Sanskaar. But when I use to look at your eyes, the world seemed so much more better that I use to forget all my miseries. Your eyes, your unconditional support were like a balm to all my miseries. And I couldnt do that for you. Instead of becoming your supporter, I became the reason of your pain. And if you want me to go away from your life Sanskaar, I will and will make sure that my soul even doesn't become the reason of your pain. I dono what your decision is going to be tomorrow, but whatever it is, I am going to accept it wholeheartedly. Whether, it is a yes or a no. No force ka rule toh tumne hi sikhaya hai. I know one thing for sure Sanskaar, your decision is not going to change our feelings for each other. Tum mano ya na mano, hamare dil ek saath dhakte hai. Hamara maan aur hamari atma bohot pehle se ek hogayi thi. Hum dard ke saathi hai Sanskaar. Aur yeh sach koi nahin badal sakta!!. Aur yeh bhi, ke jo main tumhare liye mehsoos karti hoon, woh main kabhi kisi ke liye nahin kiya"
With this Swara started walking back to MM but she stopped and turned to him and said "I remember Sanskaar, you had once told me that you weren't sorry for loving me because it was one of your most beautiful feeling you have ever felt in your life. I can very well understand and feel that now. But please Sanskaar, ek baar sochna. You have never let anything come between our friendship. Without letting anything else come in between, do think about this. I know I don't deserve you or your love. Par kya main ek mauka deserve bhi nahi karti? Kya hamare rishte ki wakai koi manzil nahi hai? " And Swara left leaving a shocked Sanskaar in the garden.
He was speechless. His heart was pounding. "She loved me. She actually does love me". He felt like dancing. His happiness knew no bounds. The realization of her true feelings for him acted as a balm to all his miseries. Her eyes reflected genuiness when she was saying everything. Never, did he imagine that the girl he loved so much, the girl he never expected to love him back, loved him so much that she was ready to accept anything for him. She was always honest about her feelings for him. Be it during their friendship, or be it during her denial for his love. Then why would she lie about her feelings now. He had tears of happiness in his eyes. He was also pained to think how he became the reason of her tears when his sole aim in his life was to protect her and not let type of harm reach her. "Damn it Sanskaar. How could you let that happen to her. its ok. She made a mistake. She has apologized for that time and again and also has suffered enough. Think Sanskaar, she was traumatized. She was jailed for something she didn't do. She was emotionally disturbed even though she didn't really show it to anyone. And over and above your mom and badi ma were making things even worse for her. And also if you would have spoken the truth then or informed her, this wouldn't have happened. You are kind of responsible for that too. But she is not blaming you. She is still taking the blame on herself. She is punishing herself. No, I am not gonna let her suffer anymore. She is the one who brought me out of my dark and revengeful life which would have given me nothing but pain. I cannot push her to such a life. She was my savior and I will be hers. She is right. Hum dard ke saathi hai. I am gonna make everything right for her. She deserves a chance. Our love deserves a chance. We deserve a chance. I will make up everything for your tears Swara. Your Sanskaar is coming Swara." He had decided, they will make this relationship work. And he knew his Swara. If she has decided something, she will do that with utmost honestly. And so will he. He already knew her answer. He wanted to tell her how happy he was to know that she loved him. He wanted to take her in his embrace. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her. He wanted to kiss her. And he wanted to tell her how much he wants them to start their life together. He decided to go to her immediately.
She entered her room silently and slowly. She approached her cupboard and opened it and got Sanskaar's purple t-shirt out. That was the same shirt he wore when he had confessed his feelings to her. She smiled thinking about it and started smelling it trying to memorize his smell. This could be her last night here. Fearing that, she started looking everywhere in the room, trying to remember her moments with Sanskaar and store them as her life long memories. She took their marriage picture out and gently caressed Sanskaar's picture in it, trying to memorize all his features and started crying.
Laksh, entered her room followed by Ragini. Laksh put his hands on Swara's shoulder. She turned and got up and seeing Laksh over there at this hour of the night. She was overly pissed and upset and his presence was making it so worse for her that she ended up slapping him. Ragini smirked at the scene.
Swara: "What the hell are you doing here? Don't you have any sense of time and relations? Or you have lost that all considering your recent doings?"
Laksh: "Why are you overreacting Swara? I just came to check up on you. You were upset right? Things between You and Sanskaar aren't unnoticed by any of us. I care for you Swara."
Swara with the disgusted look: "Care? Really? So Mr Laksh Maheshwari, were was your care when I was being character assasined by your family members. Instead of saying the truth to your mom, you had the audacity to ask me whether I was really two-timing you and Sanskaar? Where was your care and concern, when I was being falsely accused for kidnapping YOUR WIFE and being jailed for that. What the hell were you doing? I didn't know, being a silent spectator to all of this is called CARE AND CONCERN. And regarding me and Sanskaar, whatever it is, is none of your business. It is my and Sanskaar's personal life and we don't like to discuss it with strangers. The door is over there. Get out!!"
Thats the same time Sanskaar came by his room and heard Swara's outburst on Laksh and smirked.
Ragini: "Swara, now you would know the feeling when no body is ready to accept you? I wanted you to feel the pain I had because of you"
Swara: "Really Ragini? Is that what you think? See, I am in no mood to talk to you or explain it to both of you. You were the one who forced me to accept your present husband, you forced me to get married to him, you ruined everything, our relation, our parents relation and yet I am to be blamed. Even after all that, all I wanted was to that you get a chance. But clearly, you didn't want that. You again wanted to ruin things for yourself. And yet, the blame is on me. Bravo!! You know Ragini, I really don't care about what you think because I have given up. Whatever you both want to do with your life, whether it is to divorce each other, stay with each other or fake staying with each other just to trouble me and Sanskaar, i don't care. Because I have decided that I am going to stay out of your business.Do whatever that makes you happy and if one day you get a chance do think about one thing, The amount of time, attention and energy that you have invested in hating me and ruining me and spoiling all the relations, if you would have used even 1% of that towards making your life better, you would have been at a much better place. Its just a suggestion. You don't have to listen to that if you dont want to. I don't care you know."
Laksh: "What are you going to do when Sanskaar leaves you? You have no option but to come back in my life Swara?"
Swara smirked and said : "Really? Do you really think that I will come back running to you after all the charade that you have pulled off? Really? Let me make one thing very clear. I don't know what Sanskaar's decision is going to be but whatever it is, even if you are the last person alive on this planet, I am not coming back to you. I would rather chose to die or chose a life filled with miseries and struggles but not accept coming back to you. You claim to "Love" and "Know" but you really don't. If you knew me, you would have accepted my No long back and let me live with peace. If you really loved, you would have let me be happy even if that meant a life without you. You did everything opposite to that. I know, its useless to talk to both of you. But I hope one day you both realize what you both have done to each other and everyone else. You can do whatever laksh. If you want to "act" again to cut your wrist, go ahead and do it but nothing this time will stop me to do want I want to do. And thats final. And Ragini, I do want to thank you though. For saving me by not letting me getting married to him. I know you didn't intend to, but whatever you did, made me realize my love for Sanskaar and his importance in my life. Now both of you get the hell out of my room." Laksh was shocked at this revelation. They both didn't move.
Swara said "Fine, I will go from here because I cannot stand even a mili second of your presence in front of me." The moment she starts walking, she feels a sudden jerk and is about to fall, when Sanskaar runs in and holds her. He shouts "Swara". The moment he felt her body, it felt as if her body was burning. He tried to tap her face but she wasnt responding. "Oh god, she is unconscious. Oh god, she has high fever". He panicked. He picked her up and placed her on their bed carefully, covered her with their blanket and immediately called their family doctor. He gave a death glare to Ragini and Laksh and warned them that they both will see the worst of him if anything happens to his Swara. With the sudden panic and hustle bustle, elders of MM were woken up.
Annapurna asked Parineeta to bring a bowl with ice water and cotton cloth and asked Sanskaar to put it on her head and neck so that the fever could subside before the doctor arrives.
The doctor came on time and checked her. Upon asking, he revealed that the reason of such high temperature is nothing but stress. Sometimes, if the person is too stressed, that can take a toll on their health which can lead to such conditions. Sanskaar felt traumatized. "What did she do to herself? Why did he ignore her so much? He was very well aware of the reason for her stress. If anything happens to her, I won't be able to forgive myself." He kept looking at his Swara who was lying lifeless on their bed. He kept holding her hand and didn't want to let go of that.
Doctor suggested that "I have given her medicines. Hopefully the fever will subside and she will regain her consciousness. If Swara doesn't gain consciousness within an hour, please call me back. We will have to admit her to ER asap". With that, the doctor left.
Everyone went back to their respective rooms. Laksh wasnt really willing to go but getting a death glare from his own father was enough for him to chicken out and go to his room.
Sanskaar kept looking at his Swara. Loving caressing her cheeks. He was silently sobbing. And he saw a tear flow out of Swara's eyes too while she was unconscious. He wiped them lovingly and thought of Swara's words: "I can possibly not take back those words but I know much it would have pained you. I could feel it Sanskaar. Maine mehsoos kiya hai Sanskaar, tum kese khudko hazaro maut dete aur issiliye, main khudko corodo maut deti thi, tumhe itna dard dene ke liye. I know how it feels when someone who you love and trust so much breaks you apart by breaking your trust". She was indeed feeling his pain and crying with him for him. He again remembered something else that Swara said "And if you want me to go away from your life Sanskaar, I will and will make sure that my soul even doesn't become the reason of your pain."
The thought of losing her forever sent jitters down his spine and he took her in his tight embrace. "No, I cannot lose her. I cannot lose my love again. I cannot live without her. Please god, do some mercy. Don't snatch my love and my life again from me". Even god cried at the pain and angst and the desperation of the two souls to unite with each other. And finally Swara gained her consciousness. She was still in his embrace and she softly called "Sanskaar". He just heard his name. Was it her? Is she conscious? He moved her out of his embrace and found her awake with teary eyes lovingly staring at him. She was awed by the fact that how much he still loved and cared for her even after being upset with her. She tried to wipe his tears but he moved his face.
He immediately called the doctor to inform him about her consciousness and asking him whether she needs to be checked again. The doctor informs him that its not necessary right now but he will definitely come tomorrow morning for her routine check up and see if she needs any change in medicine.
Swara: "You are still angry with me? Aren't you? Its ok Sanskaar, I would not pile on you if you don't want me to. I will."
Sanskaar: "Can you shut up? And yes, I am angry. I was ready to forget everything but what you did now is unforgivable?"
Swara looked down.
Sanskaar: "Nobody, nobody has any right to harm my Swara. Not even you. Who gave you the right to torture my Swara in this way? I won't spare anyone who will harm my Swara. You were planning on snatching my life from me?"
Swara looked up at him and saw him again with teary eyes. He wasnt mad at her for breaking his trust anymore. He was mad at her because she fell sick. That means, he had already forgiven her for her past mistakes. She couldnt control anymore. She just hugged him so tight as if her life depended on that. She kept apologizing for hurting him so much again and again and again. She apologized for taking him for granted and for not being considerate towards his feelings. Sanskaar just hugged her back with same intensity and let her heart cry out. She needed that. He needed that. They both needed that.
While she was slowly calming down, Sanskaar asked her, "Why did you do this Swara? Why did you hurt yourself so much? So much that you risked your life? How would have I lived my life without you Swara? You are my life, my sole reason of existence. I love you Swara. I cannot live without you. Please come back in my life."
That was it. That sounded so magical to Swara. She broke the embrace, cupped his face, looked into his eyes, and said "I love you too Sanskaar. I love you very much. You are the reason of my existence as well, my smile, my everything. You are my safe haven Sanskaar. Main tumhare pyaar ke rang mein rangna chahti hoon. Tumhare saath apni zindagi bitana chahti hoon. Tumhare saath, pyaar ke is jannat main jeena chahti hoon."
That was it for him as well. He immediately kissed her, shocking her first. But she responded with equal fervor. The moment, subconsciously, they both have been waiting for was finally here. The misunderstandings were finally sorted and the new beginning was finally about to start.
They were finally sitting in each others solace. Swara wanted to go the terrace but Sanskaar wasnt supporting that idea since her fever wasnt completely gone. But she insisted and he gave in. They both were sitting on the swing, with Swara sitting on Sanskaar's lap and both of them covered in one blanket, and both facing the sky. They both were enjoying the peace, solace and serenity with each other. Finally, the bad days are gone and new days filled with love, understanding and care were about to begin or had already begun.
Swara: "Sanskaar, tum mujhe kabhi chod kar nahi jaoge na?"
Sanskaar: "Bharosa hai mujhpar?"
Sware: "Khud se zyada"
Sanskaar: "Pyaar karti ho mujhse?"
Swara: "Tumse zyada. I love you Sanskaar."
Sanskaar: "I love you too Swara" and gave her a light peck on her cheeks and hugged her tightly such that his unshaven stubble touched her cheeks. She tried to be naughty and bite his ears. That shocked him and he didn't leave a chance to tickle her. They both laughed their heart out. Finally, they just sat with each other, in each other's solace quietly.
And they let their soul do rest of their talking which was witnessed by the moon and the stars who were blessing this eternal couple with life long togetherness.
*****The End*****
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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