In wish and hope people spend their entire life Urmila - Page 2

The deeper issue if you think about it why did Sita go with Ram to Van, why it is her desire to be with him nothing else mattered to her, in the old Ramayan Ram implores Sita that her life is beyond him she has a duty towards the inlaws and she can't push that aside to be with him and Sita rejects it saying that not even her inlaws are more important to her than her duty towards him. This same argument Urmilla makes to want to go with Lakshman but Lakshman convinces her that if she really loved him then she would stay back, it is not that Urmilla stayed in the palace because she loved her husband any less than how much Sita loved Ram but for Urmilla it has always been her first priorty to fulfill her husband's wishes and that is how she shows her love, her sacrifice is bigger than Sita for that 14 years because her husband required her to stay back to take care of the family in the absence of Ram and Sita and she proved that love is not just being with the man you love but also by being away from him and fulfilling his share of the responsibility when he is unable to, always giving more importance to what he wants more than what she desires. Urmilla felt like made the bigger sacrifice more than anyone for the 14 years. She could have been adamant about going with them and eventually Ram would have to relent to take her or he would not even take Lakshman, but Urmilla did not use emotional blackmail to get what she wants and she did not force her husband to make that choice because she loved him and understood that love doesn't demand it only gives.

I think this is why Urmilla was lated rewarded as well, it was Sita who had to face the wrath of Ravan and social stigma because it was her desire to be with her husband that ultimately broke her from Ram. If Urmilla too had gone who knows she too might have had to leave Lakshman if she was taken by Ravan but she didn't and instead she got to be with her husband till the end of her days and was spared the humiliation that Sita faced. In this lies a great moral if you sacrifice everything without expecting nothing in return you will be rewarded later.

Urmila on the other hand knew her husband was going to do seva of his brother, to support his brother, protect his brother. If she had gone with him she will be a distraction for him in his duty of seva. So to ensure he does his duty she stays back doing the duty towards the palace.

It's neither easy living with a man who has no means of luxury without complaining and it's neither easy letting go of a man to do his duty. Both has its share of pain. And which is great can never be compared. They both are equally important.

@Savitha yes. People do many things to prove themselves to society and another set do things to satisfy their soul expecting nothing. Sita and Urmila belonged to later category and Mandodari to first. And that's the difference between them also. Present society is more inclined towards pretense than actual selflessness.

Rightly said Shruthi. Sita and Urmila cannot be compared to each other .Sita herself elevated Urmila's sacrifice above everything. Somewhere in her mind Urmila was confident that no harm would come to her husband as long as he was with Ram. Sita gave up every other relationship to be with Ram,perhaps knowing that it would lead to so many bad repercussions for her. Ram would need a very strong reason to go to Lanka and destroy Ravan and without Sita's sacrifice would not have been possible.

@Savitha Prakriti came on this earth to walk with purush in every step. To show the world the harmony of prakriti and purush through their trials and tribulations. So to ensure the purpose for which she came she had to go with Ram. As she was the medium through which the greatness of Ram was going to come out.

Shruthi, first of all...amazing post as always dear...👏 I kinda

new u'll make a post on that scean😃

But I kinda agree a bit with what @lovanime has said...

I know Sita and Urmila cannot be compared... And what Sita did was part of the destiny... If she had not accompanied them ..Ravan would not have been killed...one reason for Ma Sita to take birth is Ravan's destruction

But I feel that a husband and wife are part of each other..who complete each other ... They fill the gap and weaknesses of each other... If a husband is duty bound, and has no option but to leave his family behind... His wife should take over and relieve her husband from the delima... She is a part of him, his life... That is what urmila did, she knew she had promised her husband, she knew her husbands love for his elder brother, hence she decided not to come in between his duties... This is what increases my respect for urmila...she selflessly chose to support her husband and his wish, keeping aside her own

Sita on the other had decided to follow her husband nd fulfill her duties... As a pativarta...but her she left behind her duties which followed with her as a daughter in law...King dasharath hence said those words...I THIUGH YOU TO BE MY DAUGHTER... In her pativrath dharma she left behind other relation s which were dear to her husband...mata could have stayed back and fulfilled her duties which her husband could not due to vachan palan...I am definitely not saying that mata was wrong, but in today's world where men or husbands are busy grinding themselves to earn for their family, a wife should support him by taking care of his family, and If both r earning than both should take the responsibility and complete each other... Many a times husbands are able to do better outside without any worries when they know that their better half is beautifully taking care of his love onces... Sita did not do that...she wanted to follow only one dharma...Pativrath dharma, but stri dharma is to be a better half of ur husband and complete him in every way, it was truely difficult for her to take that decision to go van being a princess but the toughest test would have been competing her husbands duties, acting as his better half when he is doing his other dutie

s, best eg are our soldiers wifes

Urmil on the other hand did what her husband expected her to do, respected his decision and never came in his way of his duties... she is like the soldiers wife ...

But in no way i am saying mata sita was wrong, she had taken birth to help lord vishnu to kill Ravan and she had to be the reason for it...hence mata underwent all the pain so that her husband reaches his goal

And that's the truth. Your identity in your sasural is linked with your husband. Whether they call you daughter whatever, you are his wife. And respect for you is there only in the place where he is respected. When he is banished, when his brother is going to take throne as the wife of the banished son, Sita's condition in palace will be pitiable. It is a different thing Bharat did what he did. I am talking about the normal scenario. As a wife your self respect is in the thing, where your husband is respected. Any place where he is not allowed, you go or you stay then it is like killing your self respect for the comfort.

Now Urmila. Her husband is not banished from the kingdom. He has gone in the service of his brother on his own volition. Ram cannot come to Ayodhya before 14 years. Lakshman can if he wants. That's the difference between them. So Urmila's patnidharma becomes to support her husband in the path of duty he has choosen. Not to create issue for him in his service and take care of the family. Lakshman was supposed to take care of ailing dasrath. There are no men in the house and all can see how frail Dasrath is. Still Lakshman goes with his brother. And Urmila takes his burden.

A woman will win if she understands the use of patnidharma correctly as per the situation. Because if she does patnidharma correctly everything else false into place. Instead if you run around doing bahu dharma, nanad dharma etc post marriage you will end up in a mess like the leading ladies of TV soaps.

But if you do your patnidharma correctly according to the situation understanding one person you will more or less manage the other things also. Sita and Urmila actually does Patnidharma in different ways. Because their situation are different.

And you said one more thing. Men can work outside better, if woman take care of their loved ones. I am a working lady dear. And when you make that comment understand that you are hurting a working lady. Telling her that because she is working she cannot take care of the family as well as a sit at home person. Secondly I am not with my in laws. I stay with my parents because my job demands it. And my job it is needed for my husband to chase his dream without worrying about finance. My patnidharma demanded me not only to stay away from him, but by staying away support his dream. Everyone ask me. Why did I let him go, why did I allow him to resign a job in a MNC that paid well. But that was what he wanted. He wanted something of his own and well the person he could turn to was me to support him till he established himself.

So before commenting look at the situations. Don't generalize. This is good, that is bad. That generalization is the bane of the society. Every individual has their story. Their trials. To tell one trial is better than other by a 3rd party is not right. Only thing that need to checked is whether the decision was taken based on good intentions and adherence to duty.

Sorry if i hurt u with that line...my intension was not to hurt anyone dear

I myself m working, i understand...i wrote hence that if both hubby n wife r working than it is the duty of both to complete eachother by helping eachother in fullfill their responsibilities...

I again say sorry if my words hurt you

Yes i know that movie, its sansar in hindi...I've seen that scean where finally that woman says that she understood now that her identity in that house is due to her husband..n hence she decides to be with him..

Even my mom always says ..a wife's identity n respect is attached with her husbands in her sasural...

I agree laxman was not banished but he too was going away, leaving urmila...

Even lord ram accepted this vachan of kk to fulfill his fathers promisses to her...it was only kk who was against Ram being a king... a banishment would have been if family decides to banish the person in sansar even unwillingly the entire family decides to banish the son n daughter in law, but Ram was supported by every one except kk...he decided to follow the path of dharma to save his family n fathers honer ..

Hence i said ...mata sita was also correct in her decision to prioritize her husband first n follow his path...

Sita didn't knew dasrath will die and all. But if even kausalya worried for sometime, imagine Sita's condition. To depend on her brother in law permission for each and every thing she needs. And her younger sister the queen, how will their relation will be. Yes Mandavi is a good sister. She will deal with her sister well. But again it depends on Bharath. Mandavi is also a wife and if Bharath takes throne and run the kingdom as per his wish like Kaikeyi wanted or the way Manthara manipulates imagine Sita's condition. So in the given circumstance, with the knowledge available her best option was accompany her husband. So that however her BIL rules the kingdom she doesn't have to sacrifice her self respect.Sita staying back looks fine when Dasrath is alive. But it is Dasrath's death that proves Sita was right in her decision.