I want Mata Kaikeyi to see Mithila through my eyes-Ram

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shruthiravi

@shruthiravi

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#31

Exactly Jaya. Certain aspects we have to deal as courtesy calls. An obligation. Even when a rule is there which allows you to do certain things, there are little things that gives Maryada to it. Ram is called Maryada Purushottam so we are seeing how he takes care of each and every minute maryada with respect to relation.

Marriage can happen even if Kaikeyi doesn't agree. If Dasrath is fine with it and the other 2 queens are fine, Kaikeyi as such has no power to stop the marriage. But to know she will have a concern and to address that concern taking the step shows courtesy or maryada.

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mnx12

@mnx12

Channel Moderator

+ 15

Posted: 9 years ago

#32

Agreed mothers are mothers. But a queen as a mother has a much wider perspective as stakes are high. If a queen as a mother was so over protective then they would never send their sons to battle field.
A queen would never allow her husband to marry again.

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BertieWooster

@BertieWooster

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#33

Thought provoking post, Shruthi!

I really liked that sequence. A son wants his mother to see his betrothed through his eyes, What a brilliant way to seek parental approval!

Parents need to let go of their biases and misplaced grudges and look at the choices made by their children from their perspective. Rather than be rigid with their opinions, they need to try and understand why their children are making those choices and why these choices feel right to them. Parents have a right to counsel their children with the wisdom of their experience but that should not make them blind to the desires of their children or the merit of their choices.

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deejagi

@deejagi

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#34

Originally posted by: mnx12
^^ They had already shown, Dashrath discussing with rishi Vashishta, it'll be a honour for him to accept Janak's daughter for him. Dashrath always listens, respects rishi Vashishta's opinions. This was when they got the news of Ram freeing Ahilya from the curse. Dashrath had told rishi Vashistha, he wanted to send a message to rishi Vishwamitra, about taking Ram, Lakshman to Mithila & participate in the Swayamvar.
So rejecting the swayamvar invitation, rules out here.

King Dashrath discussing with Rishi Vashishta doesn't serve the purpose unless it is a marriage of convenience. That was applicable if they wetre expecting some threat from either Mithila or someone else and by accepting Mithila princess as the DIL of Ayodhya that threat would have vanished or subsided. And there no such message was sent to Rishi Vishwamothar to take Ram & Lakshman to participate in the Sayamvar. He just mentioned, had he known that they were nearer to Mithila, he would have sent message. But even before sending any such messages, Queen Kaikeyi rejected the proposal and Queen Kausalya seconded that. So Ram had just his Guru's blessings and nod before participating in the swayamvar and his parents were ignorant about this till they received the message through Jasnak's messenger after the Swayamvar.

If I ask someone to agree to something, I should be prepared to receive the refusal.

Otherwise it will be like someone smoke in your presence just by saying hope you don't mind. If they say so, you have all the right to say I mind, so don't smoke. But instead if they say, please don't mind me smoking as I can't do without it, you have no choice but to accept.

King Janak not just sent a message that Ram won the swayamvar and wants your attendance in his marriage but both Ram and Janak sought King Dashrath and his queens permission fro the marriage and they should be at the receiving end if rejected and shall accept it with open heart. They have no right to compel and ask the other person to accept it.

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shruthiravi

@shruthiravi

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#35

@Meena Kaikeyi was never a queen in real sense. A queen thinks about larger interest. She would have never asked for those boons pushing away the most eligible for the throne to vanvass.

And exactly that's why Kausalya was crowned queen who behaved like a Queen. Who sent her daughter because she knew a heir is needed for the throne. She allowed 2nd and 3rd marriage of the king exactly for the same purpose. And even in pain send her son for vanvass as she knew what the word of Raghuvansi meant. She took a lot of personal pain for the sake of the king and kingdom. Yes she had her share of mistakes but on a larger scale Kausalya was a Queen, but Kaikeyi is a wife and mother first . Her opinion matters to her most.

@Bertie for changes to happen, the younger generation can be a bit more empathetic towards the previous generation. Change will happen positively as Mata Gargi says revolution with love😃

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mnx12

@mnx12

Channel Moderator

+ 15

Posted: 9 years ago

#36

@ shruthi, I've always read since childhood- Dashrath had 3 queens. So my understanding is based on that. 😆 A Queen's behaviour is different.
Sorry, like button is not working for me today. Accept my likes in this thread itself. 😆
Personally, my ideas about Ramayan are of that of the epic by Valmiki. Where Dashrath gives more importance to rishi Vashistha's guidence. He acts according to that. Dont care much about the daily show's saas- bahu type politics shown about Kaushalya & Kaikeyi rejecting.

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shruthiravi

@shruthiravi

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#37

@Meena you can look at Ramayana from various perspectives. One is to understand the complexity of relations and how Ram-Sita handled them. And I as a person is more interested in that because managing relations is a delicate art and one who succeeds in it, succeeds in all spheres of life.

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vipraja26

@vipraja26

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#38

Originally posted by: deejagi
@ Shruthi, but if they are so sure that marriage will not accepted, then what is the point in getting married when none of the parents neither from boys family nor from girls family are happy and are against the marriage, will you be happy with elopement? will you not miss them? will you be able to keep your life partner happy even without her or his parents and family? Will you be able to fill all those void points in their life? So what would have been happy marriage will turn out to a disaster later after initial few days or months and the couple will start feeling the heat of the responsibility. During the love phase whatever qualities have been liked and appreciated will look as huge drawbacks later and they will have one to advise them on the shortcomings. So it is better for the lovers to think many times before taking the huge step on getting married.

The lover boy will change into an husband but he will still miss the pampers he used to get from his mother and all those small helps from his siblings, so he expects all those from his wife. While the carefree girl she was back home will turbn out to be a home maker and all those added responsibilities and demands from husband (being a lover, he would have been the one receiving orders but the moment they marry things change) will tear her apart and she will miss her mom ho used to mouth feed her and the father who would have provide all her wish list even before she uttered. So with added responsibility, they will add their tantrum list against each other and that some times turn nasty and with spur of a moment they will part ways? If this is supposed to be the out come of that rebellious act of your love and marriage whom did you make happy with that decision? neither you, nor your partner nor any of your parents? then what?

Yes, I know love jus happens and it doesn't ask for permission but the marriage doesn't happen like that? So it is better to be cautious before taking your relationship to the next level. It is not just the two of you but 2 whole families will suffer the brunt of your action. If there is an unmarried girl in the family, then her future will be at stake? Your parents will not have the same respect they were receiving till such time you take the major decision. So yes, it is your life and you are the soul person to take charge of it and live it as you like but who are you to rewrite your siblings future? Why should they face the wrath of society for your happiness?

Yes love is blind and it happens but your are not blind to the society or your surrounding and your upbringing? So why test the Sun for its hotness? Before nurturing the feelings for marriage and togetherness for life, why can't you sit and analyze the situation and you will know about your parents decision, so why do you give assurance to your lover? Why can't you think twice before continuing your love or affair with the other person whom you claim to love? If you feel that love is eternal, what is the love for your parents and siblings? Is it not eternal? If you can leave the whole family for one person, can't you do the same for your family? So all I can say is that before taking hasty decision on love and marriage, think about the possibilities of heart break on later stage which may hurt you and your people more. Then decide on your further steps. Every relationship need not be love and end with marriage. You can still be good and platinic friends who share great bond.

sorry if I have hurt any ones feelings with my rant. But still I advice, love is not bad but should be practical before committing yourself to someone, think about the reactions you may receive and if you are confident to win over the rebels, then please go ahead but otherwise, please pinch it at the bud before it hurts more.

Agree on this need for more thought of action to avoid life long sufferings !

Even if this ends up in a sacrificial act of giving up one's true love.

To give ultimate importance to one's own need is somehow not been highly valued in the Indian system !

Be it the parents whom sacrifice their pleasures for their children or the mother who makes a lot of adjustments to keep the family smoothly running , a head of the family who tries every bit to keep the families together and their needs satisfied by sacrificing their own personal needs has always been the way that had kept the society going strong and bound with love .

Our society always has been more of a duty based one rather than a right based one .

Weather we like it or not in the long run , it seems like the duty based life style seems more sustainable as the rights based system ends up in narrowing down individuals to become utterly selfish beings .

Ram is always portrayed as a duty bound person and to see his character being used to portray the balancing act of being both dutiful son as well as a protective husband who tries to assure a respectable place for his wife in his mother's heart is very interesting as well as a welcome lesson for the society today!

The challenge is , how well this letter will be drafted !

I am more anxious to know that .

Let's watch out for that.

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shruthiravi

@shruthiravi

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#39

@vipraja agree to you, our society was duty based than rights based. The society which was based on the tenants of Sanathana Dharma never needed rights because everyone knew everything has a place and all things animate or inanimate were respected and worshipped for their role.

Rights had to be demanded when all this superior, inferior roles came in. When for one there was only duty and no right and for other only right. If we look at any war the root cause can be traced to this. Everything has right and duty.

Children also have rights. It is when parents don't recognize this right the conflict comes. Same with kids. When you don't recognize another person's right conflict comes.

If everyone is duty bound, conflicts wont be there. And as you rightly said Ram's way is that of showing how duty bound way of life can be lived.

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radianteyes.

@radianteyes.

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#40

Originally posted by: shruthiravi
@charvi it is hard to walk by principles, but it is worth it. In 1999 when I joined B-Tech I was a small town girl and engineering college was not only the first time I was going into a mixed class but was also the first time I was seeing people outside my town. I remember I couldn't connect with half the girls reason being I didn't know many English authors, didn't understand brand names, didn't know what compact meant, had no clue on the word BF or GF. And well no one had any interest in what I knew mythology and Indian history. For boys I was a nerd, not the fashionista. Need to belong was so strong in me. I learned about cosmetics, I took books from people knew authors Sidney Sheldon to Jeffrey Archer, read about Harry Potter, infact I was changing, but still there was no acceptance. My marks were dwindling in this need to belong and it was somewhere in the beginning of 4th year I realized there is no point trying. I can never belong. Beyond a certain point I can never move along with them. Because the threshold had reached from where I will not walk another step. It was then I looked around and realized behind the glitz and glory there were simple people like me and if I had extended my hand of friendship to them, I would have been happier. I stepped out, reclaimed my individuality, concentrated on my classes and got through campus placement. One among just 50 students who got the placements in that year surprising many of the so called glamour friends of mine. My engineering college killed the innocence in me. But it also gave me something priceless, the ability to distinguish between good and bad. The ability to ascertain whom to trust, whom not to trust and this knowledge always comes in handy. So if you are in adverse circumstances, use that opportunity to learn. Even among those people there will be something to learn. Just like I have not regretted knowing about cosmetics and personal grooming and English books, stories outside the country etc...Know what to take, what to leave. Always observe and on guard. You will survive.

@Meena and Arjith the fact is that parents are conditioned by the thoughts of their time. Or based on what their parents valued. So to change that conditioning some effort is needed and here the child is showing that maturity.

thanku so much di for this valuable advice , I can learn many things

I will take note to not loose my identity wherever I go

thanks 😳😳