Regarding Pari not including ishaan in her family didn't disappoint me. He is not family to her , that's okay.
Why people call her selfish is because she is shown as a very understanding mature than her age baby ( so much that some people call her mini mouli) and some other times she is shown as a little child who cannot grasp the situation . That inconsistency is what makes her annoying. Remember in the begining there was a stark contrast shown between the kids on one side pari who always understands her buddy and other side mishti who gets mad at Mauli for not giving her time. So people do expect that same kind of behavior from her. Now this mature kid is not able to understand the simple fact that Mauli ,ishaan,mishti belongs a single unit (she doesn't know the undercurrents , from her POV ishaan was introduced as mishtis father and Kunal Mauli marriage truth came much later). When she came to know that maunal were married her question was why can't they still be together. So where does ishaan that is mishtis father feature in this.
I know we cannot expect such deep thinking from a four year old ,but since she is shown as sensitive and mature , her wishing for Mauli comes across as selfish. Like she is ignoring that fact that Ishaan is there in the picture. Sounds illogical considering that we are talking about a kid but thats how it feels.