*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 28

To all my readers and forum members,

I promise that i will continue to write and share my life,career and thoughts like before.12 years and counting and i have to wonder if this longevity on a forum is shared by others in this site.Just curious,that's all.

People talk,people share,people paint,people walk,people build,people discover and i just write about this kutty voyage of mine and the amazing world of ours and the lives we lead.

Sometimes,i will be walking in the wee hours of the morning and i will see the sodium vapor lamp lights faking themselves as a early sleepy sunrise and i will stand and just enjoy the moment.

Many a time have i stood dumbstruck watching wild plants in full bloom and with a rash of flowers in all imaginary colors and i will think to myself,jumping up and down in joy " dei sati,Bharatiraja padam mathiri irukku" and true to my Schizo nature,another voice will pipe up and chide me " dei mutaal,bharathiraja padam ille,director shankar oda padamunnu sollu.Bharatiraja padathula verum wedding gownle mattum thaan heroine varuvaa."


True for Director shankars sir padam,especially from the film Sivaji come a few lines that hit home hard and reminds us what we don't do anymore or at least not often.


Eley.. Gramathu Kudisayila Konja Kaalam Thangi Paaruley..
Koorayin Ottai Virisal Vali Natchathiram Enni Paaruley..
Koovum Cell Phone'nin Nacharippai Anaithu,
Konjam Sil Vandin Ucharippai Kaetpoam..
Verum Kaalil Seruppindri Nadanthu, Mannodu Paesikkondu Povoam..
Mazhalaigal Aavoam..


Ippo enge paarthaalum,ellorum phone mattum thadavu,thadvu entu thadavikituirukaanga.Whats app,instagram,facebook and you tubea.

Phonea thaduvuruthua vittu konjam unga manaiviye,ille kozhanthaiya,ille unga appa ammava thottu,anbale thadavi pesunga.

Kyu ki Kal ho na ho.

Enna naazhaiku namma irupoma illiyo.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2GXBLVZk60

Sivaji The Boss - Balleilakka Song


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0eO74UmRBs

Kal Ho Naa Ho

That was beautiful.
It has been a real pleasure to read your words and inner thoughts over the years...
so much so that it has become part of my essential daily routine!
It is going to be so so hard to break-free from that story-time addiction now...
but I will remain consistent and persistent in my work too.

I recently came across the work of an Indian-Canadian instagram poet called Rupi Kaur.
She migrated as a 4-year-old child from Punjab and moved with her parents to Canada.
Her work talks of her growing years filled with confusion, lack of self-esteem, a lack of sense of belonging and going through an identity crisis.
Her words tell of her struggles, her hopes, how she embraced them and how she is now inspiring a whole new generation of people to accept themselves. Through instagram.
Her books are bestsellers now and she is an officially acclaimed author.
Sharing some of her well-known quotes below:

----------------------------------------------------
"it was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole.
Rupi Kaur

"Our backs tell stories
no books have the spine to carry
Rupi Kaur

"The kindest words my father said to me:
Women like you drown oceans.
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"when it came to listening
my mother taught me silence
if you are drowning their voice with yours
how will you hear them she asked
when it came to speaking
she said do it with commitment
every word you say
is your own responsibility
when it came to being
she said be tender and tough at once
you need to be vulnerable to live fully
but rough enough to survive it all
when it came to choosing
she asked me to be thankful
for the choices i had that
she never had the privilege of making for herself
- lessons from mumma
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

"i want to apologize to all the women i have called beautiful
before i've called them intelligent or brave
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you're born with
is all you have to be proud of
when you have broken mountains with your wit
from now on i will say things like
you are resilient, or you are extraordinary
not because i don't think you're beautiful
but because i need you to know
you are more than that
Rupi Kaur

"you might not have been my first love
but you were the love that made
all other loves seem
irrelevant
Rupi Kaur

"Every time you
tell your daughter
you yell at her
out of love
you teach her to confuse
anger with kindness
which seems like a good idea
till she grows up to
trust men who hurt her
cause they look so much
like you.
Rupi Kaur

"you said. if it is meant to be. fate will bring us back together. for a second i wonder if you are really that naive. if you really believe fate works like that. as if it lives in the sky staring down at us. as if it has five fingers and spends its time placing us like pieces of chess. as if it is not the choices we make. who taught you that. tell me. who convinced you. you've been given a heart and a mind that isn't yours to use. that your actions do not define what will become of you. i want to scream and shout it's us you fool. we're the only ones that can bring us back together. but instead i sit quietly. smiling softly through quivering lips thinking. isn't it such a tragic thing. when you can see it so clearly but the other person doesn't.
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"i have survived far too much to go quietly
let a meteor take me
call the thunder for backup
my death will be grand
the land will crack
the sun will eat itself

- the day I leave
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers


"how is it so easy for you
to be kind to people he asked

milk and honey dripped
from my lips as i answered

cause people have not
been kind to me
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"what is the greatest lesson a woman should learn:

that since day one
she's already had everything she needs within herself
it's the world that convinced her she did not
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

"bloom beautifully
dangerously
loudly
bloom softly
however you need
just bloom
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"emptying out of my mother's belly
was my first act of disappearance
learning to shrink for a family
who likes their daughters invisible
was the second
the art of being empty
is simple
believe them when they say
you are nothing
repeat it to yourself
like a wish
i am nothing
i am nothing
i am nothing
so often
the only reason you know
you're still alive is from the
heaving of your chest
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"when I hit the rock bottom
that exist after the rock bottom
and no rope or band appeared
i wondered
what if nothing wants me
because I do not want me

- i am both the poison and the antidote
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

"i am not a hotel room. i am home
i am not the whiskey you want
i am the water you need
don't come here with expectations
and try to make a vacation out of me
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"what is stronger
than the human heart
which shatters over and over
and still lives
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

"it must hurt to know i am your most beautiful regret
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"I hear a thousand kind words about me
and it makes no difference
yet i hear one insult
and all confidence shatters

- focusing on the negative
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

"you are waiting for someone
Who is not coming back
meaning
you are living your life
hoping that someone will realize
they can't live theirs without you

Realizations don't work like that
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers


"the irony of loneliness
is we all feel it
at the same time

- together
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

"i don't know what living a balanced life feels like
when i am sad
i don't cry i pour
when i am happy
i don't smile i glow
when i am angry
i don't yell i burn
the good thing about feeling in extremes is
when i love i give them wings
but perhaps that isn't
such a good thing cause
they always tend to leave
and you should see me
when my heart is broken
i don't grieve
i shatter
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"he says
i am sorry i am not an easy person to want
i look at him surprised
who said i wanted easy
i don't crave easy
i crave goddamn difficult
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"i struggle so deeply
to understand
how someone can
pour their entire soul
blood and energy
into someone
without wanting
anything in
return

-i will have to wait till i'm a mother
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"i stand
on the sacrifices
of a million women before me
thinking
what can i do
to make this mountain taller
so the women after me
can see farther
- legacy
Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

"the thing about having
an alcoholic parent
is an alcoholic parent
does not exist

simply
an alcoholic
who could not stay sober
long enough to raise their kids
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

"there is no bigger illusion in the world
than the idea that a woman will
bring dishonour into a home
if she tries to keep her heart
and her body safe
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

Jannal oram-221

"The stream of life is black and angry; how so many of us get across without drowning, I often wonder. The best way is not to look too far before-just from one stepping-stone to another; and though you may wet your feet, He won't let you drown-He has not allowed me. J. Sheridan Le Fanu

Drip-drip drops water,tick...tock,tick...tock and round and round go the hands of the clock and i wonder what sounds erupt in the digital world in a digital clock as they tell time.Round and round and will those who have gone come around.

Time,it always comes down to time and its passage.Not about new life coming and not about old and sick life going and sometimes tragically taking with it brand new life.Time is but a passage of experiences that turn into memories in a second, a voyage we called life or living.

In the end,time,life can be measured by love,hurt,pain and loss and it all boils down to episode after episode.

How much ever one tries to hold on to the present moment as if it was a present from the gods themselves,that present moment slips away and becomes then,was and yesterday.Just a memory.



Raman gently lifted jeeva's arm and leg that was thrown over him and got out of bed and knew that it was time before he saw the clock displaying the time as 6.00 am and he sat wondering how it was possible for him and his body to revert back to its clock even as a goddess lay in his bed in all her glory.

He stood gazing down at her body and hearing her gentle snores,smiled and treaded softly into the bathroom.He quickly shaved,showered and came out of their room and into the hall and saw that both of Jeeva's parents were up and about.Kamakshi was about busy in the kitchen and catching sight of him hurriedly poured a cup of coffee and came to him.

Raman whispered a soft,loving and grateful thanks and seeing Mani standing near the entrance,leaning and supporting his frail and arthritis ridden limbs and joints against the huge pillar that stood guard with another twin in front of the house.

He gently laid his left arm around mani and greeted him ' Good morningpa' and mani coming out of his stupor,smiled and wished him back.

Raman knew that it was nearly three weeks since Suja had left them and he knew that even if three hundred years passed by,none of them would be able to forget her or stop feeling the pain.

Mani looked at Raman ' Ram,i am sorry if i sound depressed and cliched but the pain of losing suja seems to be grow into something more each day and rather than reducing in its itensity,it only hits me and hurts me more and more and i don't know what to do about it?'

Raman remained quiet for he knew that letting a person speak when they are in pain,reduces the burden in their souls and by unburdening their sorrow and torment and by speaking and sharing their thoughts,many have voiced that they felt a bit better and came to terms with death and loss and its trauma.

Mani spoke about suja and various incidents in which she convinced everyone that she was not a child but a little demon and a monkey to boot.

Manigandan looked at raman ' raman sir,You are the best thing to have happened to this family and the best gift god has given all of us.'

Raman smiled ' thank you sir and i feel exactly the same way with all of you.'

Mani suddenly remembered something and hurriedly ' ram,any idea about how that young man Mohan is doing.He is in a coma right?'

Looking hopefully at raman ' do you think there is any chance of him recovering?'

Raman shook his head ' i am not surepa.But i am sure about one thing and that is even if he comes out his coma,there is little chance of him being hale and hearty and like what he was before the accident.'

Raman gently squeezed his father-in-laws shoulder ' appa,i am glad you reminded me of Mohan for i am going to call up the Assistant commissioner who is handling this case and find out what is happening.'

Looking at the large clock and seeing it was nearly 6.30 am,raman turned to mani 'appa,i am planning to go for a small run and i will see you later.'

He rushed to his study cum office room and opening a small cupboard took out a tee and track pant and slipped into it and then getting into his shoes ran out of the house.

Unsaid,Unspoken and Unnecessary


I stood tired and sweating among my beach pals and watched them sip coffee and make small talk and i as usual in such situations was " aathula oru kaal,sethula oru kaal" and the morning stretched on.

One member whispered in my ear in confidence " keep it to yourself but i will not be coming here for a few days."

I looked at him in surprise,worry and with speculation and whispered back " Why not? is everything okay?"

He looked at me " Yeah,yeah.Everything is okay.It's just that i am working on a book doing some research and so i will be totally caught up with it and i don't want any distractions while i am doing that.And moreover,its not like i am going to miss the conversations here with all of you since we don't discuss rocket science or world peace and all we do is stand around and talk,chat and shoot the breeze."

Words and thoughts such as these from people who i hold in high regard and that too from a person who is quite educated makes me wonder if they are really educated and wise at least in terms of diplomacy and tact when it comes to people who are friendly with you and who care about you and with whom you have shared food and drink,many a time and have laughed your time away.

Firstly,i guess it is the person's privilege to do what he needs to do or chooses to do and do all that in his own time.But,is it fair to whisper his opinions such as And moreover,its not like i am going to miss the conversations here with all of you since we don't discuss rocket science or world peace and all we do is stand around and talk,chat and shoot the breeze " for it makes you wonder what that person was doing all these years coming every morning to the coffee shop and spending an hour or more with me and the others.

He looked at me and realising something was wrong,politely enquired ' enna satish,what's wrong and what's on your mind?"

I very softly ' how much time are you going to spend everyday on the book and its research?" and he replied " a few hours in the morning after breakfast and few hours after tea in the evening?"

I,well you know me ( Adhiga prasansgi,that i am) very respectfully " so that comes to maybe six or seven hours in a day and then?"

He shrugged ' I am not sure but some of my relations are coming down and that will take up some of my time i guess."

I very pointedly and calmly " That being the case,don't you think that you coming here in the morning and meeting your friends and having coffee with them will only boost your energy,moods and thoughts and give you more zest to do what you need to do? For,in my thoughts and understanding,i look at friends and time spent with them as charging my batteries and charging my soul energy."

He stopped realising that there was more to it and that there was more coming from me and it did come and i went on " Rather than go about doing your thing with your book and life,what was the need to tell me and the others that you will be busy with your book and with other more important things and that coming here in the morning to have coffee will be a distraction."

He opened his mouth and i held up my hand ' the moment you used the word ' Important' and that too in the same sentence and in the same context and comparing us with your work and needs,you knowingly or unknowingly have let us down and have hurt us.Don't you think that it would have been better if you had stayed silent and just texted us on whatsapp or mailed us saying that you are busy with stuff and all of us would have understood.For this morning meeting has been happening out of friendship and common ideals and now you say this."

I smiled tiredly " you are much wiser than me and more qualified and educated than me and yet you felt the need to say this.So what does this say about you and your real self?'

His face began to turn red in anger and was about to explode and i calmed him down with my words " I am asking all this and have spoken my thoughts because i thought we were all friends and that we all shared something nice,sweet and worthwhile and then when you say such stuff,it hurts,really hurts and so i come to you with my open wounds,bleedings wounds and ask you why you hurt me thus?"

He walked away and i walked away too and we haven't seen him since that fateful morning and i just hope that he and his family are doing okay and keeping well.

Words empty as the wind are best left unsaid. Homer


Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid. Bernard Meltzer


Some of my friends who were watching asked me ' whats going on?' and i said ' nothing,just a friend who is a bit lost and lonely and rather than leaning against us for comfort and strength has instead decided to kick us in the face.But little does he realise that he only hurt himself by hurting us.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU8OJAOMbPg

Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes

Just a beautiful song and that's it.

"In Your Eyes"

love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lydBPm2KRaU

Carrie Underwood - Jesus, Take The Wheel

"Jesus Take The Wheel"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFcOsnk8DM0

Mayakkama Kalakkama Song - Sumaithaangi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urpwkaD3GUA

uravugal thodarkathai song - Aval appadithaan

Jannal oram-222

For most people,the very mention of Gandhi Nagar makes their taste buds tingle and salivate as memories flood in about the famous Grand sweets and snacks and the homely ambience and more importantly the absolutely mind blowing curd rice that is given out just before lunch and freely to the customers who shop there.

Raman was slowly running along the Ramachandra Adithanar road and he remembered that he had visited the famous Grand sweets and snacks place many years ago during college days and that too when they had come to IIT to take part in the Mardi gras culturals.Ananthu,one of his many Iyengar friends had dragged him and a few others to Grand sweets and they had all fallen in love with the place and had stuffed themselves with hot samosas and Basundhi sweet.

The very ground that Raman ran on looked up at him and whispered their history and he slowly ran his thoughts over the area that was now where he and his family made their home.

Gandhi nagar was once called Bishop gardens belonging as it did to the diocese of Mylapore-Madras. The purchase was negotiated by C.Narasimham, Commissioner of the Corporation, and J.C. Ryan, Registrar of Societies, with the blessings of Daniel Thomas, Minister for Local Administration. The two officials agreed to the Bishop's price of Rs. 17 lakh for 136 acres.

Gandhi Nagar has more than 150 years of history. The most oldest things in Gandhi Nagar are the Pilliar Kovil and the St. Patrick's School. It was established as 'Gandhi Gram' in January 1948, just a week before Mahatma Gandhi was assassinated. Gandhi Nagar is one of the earliest planned layouts in the old Madras with more than 322 housing plots, underground drainage systems and broad roads. The neighborhood began its transformation towards becoming a residential locality around 1949 when the first residents moved in.

The first residential (non academic) inhabitants were people from a tiny town called Sadhuranga pattinam or Sadras as it is called. They came from Chengulpet to Gandhi Nagar via Buckingham canal via boats that was propelled by wind under favorable conditions or the boats were pulled by humans with rope from boat tied to their waist. At that time in 1942, Gandhi Nagar had lush paddy fields and was used for agriculture and was bordered by Guindy forest (which has almost disappeared now).

The Alwaris family is said to be the first family who resided in Gandhi Nagar. The next was the family of Mudaliar Brothers. The Mudaliar Brothers consisted of Mr. S.K. Ramachandra Mudaliar and Mr. S.K.Puniyakoti Mudaliar. They worked in Triplicane, but bought vast lands in Gandhi Nagar as their building construction flourished. In one of their lands stands the old cancer institute, which was donated by Mr. S.K. Puniyakoti Mudaliar.Mr. Puniyakoti Mudaliar built first independent flats in Gandhi Nagar. The Mudaliar brothers construction industry recruited people from Sathurangapattinam (Sadras), the first workers settled on banks of Adyar River, this settlement was later called Malligai Poo Nagar.

In the 1950s, when Gandhi Nagar was being developed, the residents wanted a neighbourhood temple, and the last maharajah of Travancore (Chitra Tirunal Bala Rama Varma) helped in purchasing the land on which the Padmanabhaswamy temple was built.

Raman slowed and halted before the sleeping blue god and folded his hands and prayed to Lord Anantapadmanabhasawmy and sought his blessings for him,his family and friends.

Raman knew that jeeva and her parents would find it difficult to adjust to the new area for unlike saidapet,Gandhi nagar seemed fast asleep for it was rather quiet and would remain quiet throughout the day.he looked at his casio wrist watch and saw the numbers 7.30 Am and slowly made his was back home that was on the corner of the second main road and entering his house saw both his parents and jeevas parents busy chatting over steaming coffees.

Shaktivel looked up at his son ' iyaa ram,so you have got back into your routine?' and raman nodded ' yes dad for otherwise with amma's cooking,i am sure that i will be padding up and bloated with fat in a matter of weeks.'

Valliammai looked at her son with affection as he sat on the arm of the large sofa and enquired ' ram,when are you getting back to work?' and he replied ' from today amma.For though my case load was a bit light and was being taken care of by my other colleagues,my clients have been hollering for my return and so the boss himself called last evening and requested me to come back as soon as possible.'

She held his arm gently ' but kanna,what about you and jeeva going away on a honeymoon.Don't you think,getting away from the city will be good for both of you,especially jeeva after all she has been through these past few weeks.'

Raman ' i know amma but it is not only her but all of us who have gone through the same pain and knowing jeeva very well i doubt if any honeymoon plans are featuring on her agenda.Honestly i think she is going to start her work from tomorrow and i am okay with it.'

He planted a kiss on valli's head and looking at all of them ' i am sorry i cannot stay longer for then i will be late to the office and court' and saying this rushed off into his room.

Even though he managed to shut the door with the barest hint of a noise,it seemed to have awakend jeeva who sleepily mumbled ' what time is it baby? ' and Raman sitting close to her on the bed whispered ' going to be 8.00 am.'

Jeeva opened her eyes slowly and catching sight of raman in his sweaty tee and tracks ' oh! you have been running' and realising the stress on the time he had just mentioned,she looked at him ' are you off to work too baby?'

Raman nodded yes and she gently touched his cheek ' i was thinking the same too and i am going to call my boss K.k and inform him that i will be there from tomorrow' and seeing his smile in response ' enna,any problem?'

Raman bent his head and kissed her deeply and lifting his head ' those were my exact words to our parents just moments ago.'

His deep kiss seemed to be just what she wanted and she looked at him coyly and Raman quickly got out of his clothes and slipped into bed and jeeva totally aroused ' god,i just love the scent of your sweat and body.so musky and so damn horny.'

They kissed and slowly she spread herself and invited him in and they made love for a long time and time and work flew away from their presence.

ALL IS WELL



I spent the first part of my life burning my time away in anger,retribution,revenge,blame games and a total lack of self respect for myself and for life in general.But even through the worst times of confrontations with loved ones that i call friends and family,a wavering spark in that raging darkness kept murmuring,whispering ' Sat,that's not you dodo.That's not you at all.Rise and redeem yourself in the eyes of life and in the eyes of those who you love and respect.

But as is the cruel norm,most people do not respect the ones they say they love and that is total and pure bullshit and it only means that the love that are talking about is a vague sense of responsibility and warped loyalty.And then again,we do respect many and not love them and that respect in this context could be out of fear,inferiority complex and because they are in a higher status in society than us.

Wow! Did i write all that? well,now take both love and respect and stir it well and that is it.For that's the emotion that seems to be missing in most relationships,sadly in mine too.

I tried to follow the policy of " forgive and forget" and frankly speaking i could not for i have yet to understand what the heck that saying,so called sacred words mean.

Honestly,how can one forget an incident,unless he or she has been clonked with a hammer on the nut skull or is suffering from varying degree of Alzheimers or dementia.And if you cannot forget than how can you forgive.

Point to ponder and i did ponder and then it slowly crept into my soul and i realised that forgive and forget are not two words but one coin with two faces and it is a state in my mind and it is called Acceptance.

I have learned to accept when people hurt me and i have learnt to let go and forgive myself for hurting them and giving a chance for them to hurt me and now it is just head down and with a goofy smile plastered on my face and maybe,just maybe a mumble ' Namma thalai eluthu avvalavu thaan.Mary,mary.quite contrary.

Seriously,more than anything,we should forgive ourselves for the times we screwed up in matters of friendships and relationships and rather than run and hide like the proverbial " Dodo with its head buried in the sand with its butt sticking out in the air",maybe one should just look directly into the others eyes and say " I am sorry.I am really sorry.Please forgive me."

I confess here that i have done that many a time and i feel a lot less burdened than before.But then,what about the other person,will he or she forgive and forget? Enna koduma saravana.

Rahim minus hi is Ram


When Rukku,my dear friend and Coordinator(Agent) called me to see if i was available this Week Monday and Tuesday,i said yes and she said block it for it is for Marlia ads.

Starved of work,two day shoot was like a bonus from the blue heavens above and i recollected that the very same day,early in the morning,an oldie pal of mine had looked at me and said " Rohini natchathiram,nalla time,Guru peyarchi vera.One year romba supera irukkum."

I thanked him and stood watching him slowly shuffle away and thought to himself " One year super,athukku appuram" and i heard a familiar voice crying " Maapu,vechitaan Aapu.Aiyo,aiyo."

Sunday came and the calls from the stylist Jenny came for measurements and then came the call from the now familiar Production manager Sasi for Marlia ads and " Location Nakkheeran studios.7.00 AM reporting time sir."

For most people in the entertainment business,hearing and going to a studio that is located in Ambattur usually evokes a similar reaction which is ' Ambattura,Enna,enge,marubadiyum sollunga."

Kollywood,Mollywood,Tollywood,Sandalwood and even Bollywood once had their roots and homes in studios that dotted Kodambakkam,Vadapalani and in a 5km radius.There are many old Technicians,actors who tell stories about seeing legends of the Indian cinema sitting around,eating,chatting and having a great time in AVM studios.

Each of the floors would be hosting the reigning superstar of that era and from different languages like Mgr,Shivaji,Dilip kumar,Prem nazir,NTR,Rajkumar and then during breaks all would gather and generally shoot the breeze.

Then came Director Bharathi raja who unknowingly took his debut film " 16 Vayathinile" out of the studios and into the greens,browns and fields of interior Tamilnadu and thus paved the way for others to forge through.

But the studios hung on,not vanishing but slowly fading and dying away,one by one and even when i came into the field and into the television world,all our locations would be around saligramam,Virugambakkam,Valasaravakkam and Vadapalani.

Television at that time was looked and treated as the bas***d off-spring of the film world and this was because TV serial began to eat their way through the revenues of the film box-office.

But,i tell you with facts and figures that Television did not eat or destroy the world of tamil cinema and it was just that the public stopped going to see " Tom,dick,harry and mary acting" and films directed by relations and pals of " Tom,dick,harry and mary.( Below average films,below average acting and below average everything).


But coming back to Nakkheeran studios and to my work for Marlia ads,i learnt that the campaign was going to be for Sathya electronics for whom i had already shot for a couple of years earlier.

I have known director sadiq,owner of Marlia ads for a very long time and my first ad was " AACHI MASALA" with actress Kaniha back in 2006 or 2007.

Monday came and went and one day of work was over and then came Tuesday and i sat in the Ola cab as the driver spoke about the late Kalaignar and how critical he was and that he was going to pass on very soon.

Honestly,even then i did not think about it and so the second and final days of work started and was progressing steadily.Monday,i played a young father with his new born daughter and also playing with his child who is riding piggy back on him.Tuesday came with white streaks to make me look old and also came with my daughter coming of age and later shots of her getting married.

The make-up man streaked my hair with great reverence and care and ended up making me look like Indira Gandhi and when my face expressed the purest and simplest word in Tamil " OTHA" he hurriedly wiped the white paint away and then proceeded gently to make me look like Thanga pathakkam shivaji ganesan.

I closed my eyes and whispered a prayer and my prayers were answered when the mistake was pointed out and hastily corrected.

It was 4.30 pm and then came the dreaded news in murmurs and ghostly whispers " Kalaignar is no more,gone and it will be officially announced late in the night."

My heart skipped a beat for my only thoughts were about how the heck was i going to get back to Besant Nagar and that too late in the night with tensions and violence simmering in the air above Chennai.

The news of the former chief ministers death was confirmed by 6.10 pm and then work was over for most of us by 8.30 pm and off all we went massaging and stroking our touchscreen phones,desperately trying to book a cab.

Well as expected and following the ancient proverb " Kaatrula pothe thutrikol( Make hay while the sunshine is there)",Ola and Uber were charging three times and four times above the normal rate and if that was a cause for many to have tremors and feelings in their southern regions,the damn drivers kept cancelling the booke trips citing fear,violence and injury and it went on like this.

At this moment,a fellow actress Vijayalakshmi was also heading in the same direction as i was although a bit further then me and to Palavakkam.So,we decided to travel together and finally booked a cab and then constantly confirmed with the driver " enge irukeenga,please come,please don't cancel and please hurry" and the driver kindly " Varen,vanthutten,pakkathula iruken."

Me and the lady Vijayalakshmi stood with our eyes on the phone screen as the GPS of Ola showed the cab driver like a tiny model and its tiny movements towards us from somewhere nearby and the countdown began " 12 minutes,11 minutes,8 minutes" and with each passing moment,i felt like Lord of death Yama was counting down my life moments.

The cab came driven by a young man and both me and the other artiste practically dived through the windows of the cab and looked desperately at the driver,expressions conveying " Ippo onnu panna mudiaythu,cancel panna mudiyathu,ulle irukome."

Thankfully the driver smiled kindly at us and our rather weird and desperate antics and off we went towards our homes.

The city was calm,the people at least appeared calm and the roads were nearly empty but with a strong police presence and the driver made quick work of the distance and soon came to a halt outside my apartment black.

I thanked him profusely and requested him to drive home the lady artiste carefully and then introduced myself as satish and shook hands with him and the driver said ' My name rahim sir.I big fan sir,from small school boy i watching your serial sir."

I,satish is a very devout,spiritual,i stress spiritual not religious and believe in all gods and so i looked at him and my mind traveled back half an hour and the names of all the cab drivers who had cancelled came to my mind. Ramanathan,Kathiresan,vinayagam and etc,etc and here was Rahim who had driven me home to safety.

Rahim the cab driver smiled shyly ' anna,can i take a selfie with you' and i smiled ' sure thambi' and threw my arms around Rahim and thought to myself " Ram could not make it so he sent Rahim and i hope Rahim sends a Ram to someone else caught in a similar situation."

RAM,ROBERT,RAHIM
AMAR,AKBAR,ANTHONY
IBRAHIM,ABRAHAM
MARY,MAARI

And people who don't recognise this are all Somaari.