*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 30

Jannal oram-229

There is a hole in my heart,Baby
a hole that is old and cold with clot
a tear,a wound punched through by life
scarred,thickened with old tissue
it still beats on and on
for you,only for you
and yet there is that hole in my heart
a hole in my head and a gaping chasm
that is dark and like the abyss
in my soul and in thoughts


Even though their lovemaking had been mind blowing,both knew that a shadow had fallen across them,dividing them into two and they lay in the darkness side by side,staring at the white ceiling and the fan rotated slowly with its three blades imploring the lovers below it to be one,not two for life is too short to be alone in body and soul.

Raman slowly turned to her ' I owe you an explanation and i have been owing an explanation to my parents for many years now and i think tonight i will end this and also lower my burden once and for all.'

Jeeva raised herself on her left elbow and looked down at him ' Vendaam ram.There is no need for any explanations for it is everyone's right and freedom to hold back their thoughts and secrets.You will never,ever again have to explain yourself to me and i promise that the past is the past and let it lie there like the ghosts that have gone and should not venture back into our living world.'

At first,Jeeva thought it was a trick of light that had cast themselves by diving into his eyes as drops of shimmering diamonds and only when she heard a sob erupting from her lover's lips,like lava erupting as volcano after having lain buried underneath the enormous and crushing weight,did jeeva realise that raman was crying and was under immense pressure to hold back and control his emotions and her heart nearly broke seeing him suffer and so weakened.

She took his head tenderly and with motherly love and hugged him close to her breasts and covere him with her long black hair as if she was throwing a blanket,a cloak of invisibility over them both and hiding away in their own magical world.

' Ram,baby,please don't cry.For seeing your tears and hearing your cries is as bad as losing suja.Forget it sweetheart and let it go.I am telling you i am sorry that i brought up something that has laid buried deep in your heart and i swear i wouldn't have brought it up if i knew that it would tear you like it is doing now.'

She lowered her lips onto his eyes and kissed them both tenderly ' ram,sweetheart,i can cry,my parents can cry and so can your parents but i don't want to see you cry for it means all is lost and it makes me feel helpless and hopeless.'

Raman looked up at her ' sorry jeeva,there is only so much strength left in me and with the mention of Madhavi,my foundations broke away and i feel so lost and so full of guilt and anger too.'

Jeeva stared at him in surprise and also shock ' but ram,why should you feel guilty and angry.'

Raman looked at her and she began to realise the depth and darkness that had peeped out from his soul,a soul that held the past in its wispy arms and now it had broken free and had emerged into the light and sight of all life.

She kissed him deeply and strongly and whispered ' baby,maybe you should lower his burden that you seem to be carrying and let it go.But,i request you to share this burden with your parents present for they too seem to be harboring some pain with this incident concerning madhavi.'

She got up and slowly pulled him up and naked they walked into the bathroom and jeeva turned on the shower and slowly and lovingly bathed him like a mother would bathe her cub.

She hugged him tenderly,with her head buried in his chest and told him ' it will be right raman for nothing can come between you and me.You will see for i will protect you and care for you until my last breath.'

Jannal oram-230

"Some of us weren't born for rewards. We were born for sacrifices. Melina Marchetta

The moment both sets of parents saw their children,they knew instantly that dinner was going to be a bit of a difficult and an uncomfortable affair.

Shaktivel and valli both saw the redness in their son's eyes and they very thought that he had shed tears tore something inside them and it was only when Raman looked at them and flashed a loving and yet subtle smile did they begin to breathe again.

Kamakshi too had not missed the eyes of raman for she had come to love and respect him as much as she did jeeva and maybe more than even that for what a special soul he was.Her anger began to simmer and threatened to seeth out of her lips as angry words at jeeva for causing all this unnecessary disturbance between them and she vanished into her den,the kitchen and began to prepare the chapattis and from the noises that erupted as she slammed plates,utensils and spoons,everyone and more importantly jeeva knew that her mother had been roused into anger and she glanced at Raman.

Unlike the old kitchen in their small saidapet house,this kitchen was huge and as big as a bedroom and was fitted with ventilation and exhaust fans.The hum of the fans as they sucked out the hot air from the kitchen masked the arrival of raman and standing behind her he told her ' amma,please don't be upset or angry with jeeva for it is pretty obvious to all of us what you are feeling.Finish up and join us,for tonight i would like all of us to eat together and also there is something i need to share with all of you.'

Five soon became six as kamakshi placed all the bowls on the larger dining table and joined them and now five pair of eyes were cast on raman who sat quietly,lost in his own thoughts.

kamakshi too joined them and Raman paid a slow knowing glance to all of them and said ' First of all,i want all of you to know that jeeva is not at any fault and that the blame for today's apparent tension and uneasiness is due to me and only me.'

Shaktivel loved his son more than anything,maybe even more than he loved his wife valli and facing his son,said sadly ' iyaa,it is my fault and i should not have spoken about madhavi or for the matter of fact anything to do with your life without your permission.I am sorry.please forgive me.'

Raman stared at his dad and then looked at all of them ' Now do you see why i am what i am and it is all because of such a great dad who apologises when he has no need to and when he has done nothing wrong.'

Raman reached out and took his dad's left hand and kissed it gently ' appa,i love you appa.And please,i beg of you.never ever say sorry to me for there is nothing that you have to feel sorry about.'

Taking a deep breath,raman began to speak ' I knew madhavi from a very young age and she was a very bright and free spirit and was the best in our class,in studies and sports.The only problem with her was that she knew no boundaries and assumed that the rest of the world felt and thought like her.It was all okay as long as she was a child but then she came of age in the 7th std and then things began to go wrong.'

He looked at jeeva ' it is a perfectly a natural situation that a class 7th girl should come of age when we boys were just that,boys and still kids.Quietly and totally unnoticed,Madhavi began to bloom into a real good looking woman and the skirts soon gave way to half sarees.And it was about this time during the 10th std that we boys began to sprout hair above our lips and chin and also began to take notice of the opposite sex.'

Jeeva could not control herself and cleared her throat with a giggle and kamakshi hushed her ' summa irudi,what a nice story and raman is telling it so well.'

Raman smiled at kamakshi and jeeva ' sorry to disappoint you for by the 10 the std,i was totally involved in silambam and other native martial arts and our master,Yogi Ramayya was also like a spiritual guru and who is one of the biggest reasons for what i am and the way i am today.'

Raman picked up the napkin that was near him and began to play with it ' many of my class boys began to fraternize with the opposite sex and exchange letters and stay back after class to smooch and i had no clue about it and only learnt of it later.But things started getting a bit confusing when one day madhavi whispered to me in biology class that she wanted to talk to me about something very important and asked her to meet me after class and i did.

She was waiting for me in class and the moment i went close to her threw her arms around me and tried to kiss me and failed.I got very disturbed and upset and asked her what she was trying to do and if she had gone crazy.But this only seemed to encourage her and she kept moving forward saying that i was just pretending to be a goodie,goodie boy and that i too was attracted to her like the rest of the boys.'

Raman looked at all of them and smiled a slightly sarcastic smile ' i would have left it at that and not thought about it again,ever but then she said something that sounded very arrogant and nasty.Her exact words were ' you should consider yourself lucky that i am trying to be your girl for boys from even our senior classes have been sending me letters of love and passion.Yet,here i am wanting to be with you and you are rejecting me.'

Everyone watched with fascination as the napkin in Raman's hands began to show the strain that he was in and from his past experiences and began to tear itself unable to cope with the strain.

Raman continued ' i looked at madhavi and told her something that i should not have and maybe that broke her spirit.I told her just because a prostitute is beautiful,desirable and is sleeping with several men,it does not mean that she is marriage material and that she can be loved and cherished.'

Everyone reacted in their own way but all their reactions were of shock and pity.shocked that raman could have said those cruel words and pity for madhavi who at the most had just been trying to tell him that she was interested in him.'

Jeeva looked at her husband ' raman,then why is that you accepted the seat i offered next to me on the bus and that too without any hesitation?'

Raman looked at his parents shyly and then answered jeeva ' because i was in love with you and that too for a long time.'

He looked at her ' i know what you are getting at sweetie.But this is now and madhavi was then,back in our 10th std.

Sighing sadly ' anyway,that evening somehow seemed to have brought her to her senses and from the next day on,Madhavi was a totally different person and this difference lasted the next few years and then it happened again in out 12th std.She came up to me in front of all our class mates and asked if i could spare a few minutes of my time,for she had something important to tell me.so,we walked around and sat under a tree and she told me that she loved me very much and that she wanted to marry me and that i was her whole world.'

Raman shook his head in despair ' i was patient.I was very patient but then i lost my patience and with no other way left,i turned rude and said some words that i regret to this day.

Valliammai gently hugged raman ' ram,why do you think you were rude? you were just being honest and frank and if that hurt that girl,then it is her problem.'

Raman shook his head ' no amma.every action,every word we say and do has an energy and effect on each and everyone of us.'

Kamakshi totally engrossed and intrigued by this tale ' but what were those rude words that you used against this madhavi girl?'

Everyone present around raman could see the incredible pressure on him as he recollected his memories and words ' I told her that i had no feelings for her and that i had never had thought of her in that way.But,i think what broke her spririt was the words that she never existed for me and would never ever do so.But even though she began to cry,she still spoke calmly and asked me why i did not love her and if she was ugly or repulsive in anyway and i told her in arrogance that her very existence was repulsive and that i thought very lowly of a woman who came up to a man and told him of her feelings.'

Jeeva looked at raman ' baby,maybe you were wrong,maybe you were rude and arrogant but it is your life and your choice and you were in the right in rejecting her,although a bit painfully.But all this teenage crushes are common in high school and madhavi should have understood that and let it go.'

Raman smiled in anger ' but madhavi was madhavi and she did not let it go and after a few days,her dad came to meet me and he caught me just outside our house as i was leaving for a game of volleyball.'

Shaktivel leaned back startled ' what,Mr.Venu came to see you? '

Jeeva curiously asked shaktivel ' appa,who is this mr.venu?'

Valliammai ' Mr.venu was the Trichy district collector and a great man.There is even a statue for him in our revenue office and in some of the villages around trichy.He served trichy for nearly 10 years and under him the district enjoyed one of its greatest and glorious days.'

' Statue,why a statue? Is he dead?' asked jeeva and raman nodded ' heart attack,a few weeks after madhavi's death.But i know that the heart attack was because of me and i am responsible for the ruin that fell on his family.'

Manigandan,who had remained quiet until then asked in his feeble and quivering voice ' ram,sometimes karma and god work in these weird ways and it is how life has been and will be for all of us.Why some go soon? why those who we wish death linger forever and even worse,some who suffer and suffer before dying and they happen to be the kindest and noblest souls.Take the great Shri Ramakrishna paramahamsa who suffered with throat cancer and died with tremendous pain.Take the son of god,Jesus himself and how he was crucified to death.You did what you thought was right and that is it and you should just let it go for the rest of it is in gods hands.'

Raman looked at all of them in despair ' fate,maybe fate ruled my senses that day but i should have known better.I was young,immature and maybe even full of myself and looking back on those times,i think i could have handled the situation better.'

Valliammai angrily ' better.But how raman? you can't go around being nice to all the women who say they are in love with you and want to marry you? Why should you try to be better,when honestly,it is these kind of women who should have handled their feeling better and more importantly should have stopped and asked what you wanted.'

Jeeva reached out and took raman's hand and looking at him with even more respect ' all of you are missing the point that raman is trying to make.'

Manigandan looked enquiringly at raman ' how else could you have handled it ram? At that point you did what was right to you and it is only now in hindsight that you regret your behaviour.But any person,be it boy or girl would have most probably behaved and spoke the way you did.Let it go son and please put it all behind you.'

If they had thought that they had spoken and worked out what had been burdening raman,they thought wrong for Jeeva asked him ' ram,i think and i am sure the rest will agree when i say that you are mentally one of the strongest person that we know of an yet here we are talking about someone who died so long ago and you are still carrying some misplaced guilt on your shoulders.Why? what is going on? '

Raman tried to look all of them in the eye as he began to speak and unable to do so,cast his eye back to his hands that were now clenching and unclenching in obvious tension.

' The reason why i still have not recovered from madhavi's death and why i feel guilty about it is because a few days later,Madhavi died.'

Raman slowly lifted his face and everyone could see the tears of diamonds that had erupted as sorrow in his soul and bloomed as tear drops in his eyes and now began to cascade down his cheeks ' madhavi died not because of some illness but because she committed suicide.She died by hanging herself in her bedroom.'

naanum oru vengaayam

Iravil unbatharku enna vendum endra kelvi
unnaku enna pidikkumo adhai sei ungiren endren
sari urulai poriayal seigiren nee rotikku maavai pisainthu vei endraal

sari endru,pathirathil kothumai maavai medhuvaga kotti
neer ootri adhil siridhu viyarvai ootri pisainthen

mudintha pin urulai kizhangu poriyalukku vengaayam vendume
sari adhaiyum seithu vidalaam endru vengaayam ondrai eduthu
adhanin adaiyai uruvinen
ondru poga ondru irunthathu

uruva uruva vengaayam munumunuthathu matrondru,matrondru

kangalil neer vadiya vengayam narukinen
dushashan panchaaliyin selai urivayathu pola
kannan avalukku mudivillatha selaiyai koduthathu pola
vengayam narukka mahabharatham ninaivukku vanthathu

paravaillai satish avaragale neeyum oru kavignanthaan endru
aluthu konde ennai naane paaraati konde vengayathai siru.siru thundugalaga narukki vaithen

vanthaal,nindraal,kandaal,vedithaal
unnakku etharku intha vengaayam vettum velaiyellam endru lesaaga vaithaal

paarthen,rasithen,yosithen pinnar idhal munu munuthathu

vengaayam vettum pothu un kangalil kaneer varumallava
adhai thavirka en kaneerai sottinen

paarthaal,rasikavillai,yosikavillai

vengaayam vettiyaachu,ippothu un mokkai kavithaigalaal
ennai vettathe,idathai gaali sei endraal

vaalai surutti,kavithaiyai mootai katti
samayal araiyilirunthu vidai petren

mudivil naanum oru vengaayam thaano

ACHIEVEMENT: A great accomplishment, often accompanied by a sense of triumph. Or, as it is known to 98 percent of the population, getting out of bed in the morning

ACNE: Nature's way of telling you that you are not quite ready to have sex.

ACADEMY AWARD: Recognition of achievement in the motion picture industry. Given annually to a group of people who are a hundred times prettier, richer, and more popular than you will ever be or have any hope of being.

ACCENT: A way of speaking that reflects the region of the world in which you grew up. Depending on where that it is and where you are when you use it, it could either get you beat up or laid.


BAR: A place where lonely, desperate people go to get hammered enough to find other lonely, desperate people suddenly irresistible.


CAESAR, JULIUS: Dictator of ancient Rome. His nearly fifteen years of conquest, which resulted in the formation of the entire Roman Empire; now reduced to a salad.

CALM: What you are usually urged to remain around the time the third engine on the aircraft has failed.

CAR ALARM: An antitheft device that only goes off when no one is trying to steal your car.

Jannal oram-231



' Madhavi died not because of some illness but because she committed suicide.She died by hanging herself in her bedroom.'


These words of recollection were like thunderclaps over their heads and the pain and dread that filled all their souls were like bolts of lightning aimed at their souls and slowly,silently all of them looked at each other and then valliammai in panic,confusion and also with a tone filled with anger' ram,dei,what are you blabbering? we all know that madhavi died of jaundice or some kind of illness.What is this new and strange nonsense of suicide and hanging?'

Raman smiled sadly ' no amma.it was only reported like that in the news and by the cops and doctors who did so because of madhavi's dad being the collector and a well respected and liked person in the district.But she hung herself and died because of me and only because of me.'

Kamakshi ' but you could be wrong ram.How do you know for certain that madhavi died by hanging herself?'

' Because i went there for the funeral and her dad gave me the letter that she had written for me and i also read the letter that she had left for them.'

All of them were moved,shocked and speechless for a few minutes and the Raman looked at them ' Am i not at fault? Am i not the reason that a soul killed herself? Now do you all understand why i had buried all thoughts of Madhavi and this painful memory.'

Shaktivel felt his son's pain but also felt what the poor parents must have felt and tentatively asked his son 'Ram,why did you go for Madhavi's funeral? And more importantly what happened there?'

Raman looked at his dead ' i am sorry dad,but what are you asking me?'

Manigandan ' he is asking if you were ill treated or if madhavi's parents abused you at the funeral in pain and anger.'

Raman shook his head negatively and began to sob a bit loudly and jeeva not able to bear this sight gently threw her arms around him and raman spoke slowly ' I went to the funeral because she was my classmate and i went with many of school mates and faculty members.I don't know why but i was feeling very uneasy and vaguely guilty about her dying although at that point we were only told that she had fallen sick very suddenly and had passed away.'

Valliammai suddenly remembered something from that incident ' raman,something happened at the cremation ground.I cannot remember what it was for it has been many years now.But something did happen,right?'

Raman nodded ' yes,amma.something did happen that evening and it has stayed with me all these years.'

He continued ' only a few of us went along with madhavis body to the cremation ground and it was just me and few other close friends of mine.There were not many people from the public and just a handful of govt employees and no one from madhavis family for apparently,Mr.venugopalan had not bothered to inform any of his relations about the tragedy and so it was only him at the cremation ground.Madhavis mother was too heartbroken and emotionally destroyed to make it to the cremation and remained at home,mildly sedated.'

Raman fell silent and not able to take the suspense anymore,jeeva requested him ' baby,just say it and finish it off,once and for all.'

Smiling,he wiped his tears ' you innocent and a fool of a woman.There are somethings that never leave you and you take it to your death,for when you are dying,it is not our loved ones who will come with you but memories,good and bad and they die with you.

It was late in the evening when we reached the cremation ground and to our surprise,madhavis dad had refused for her body to be cremated in the furnace and had instead organise the regular and older ritual of cremation with wood and dung patties.At that point,the priest placed many pieces of sandalwood all around the funeral pyre and i am not sure about what the others noticed,but madhavi was dressed in a beautiful silk saree and a large red bindi adorned her forehead.'

He looked at all of them and hesitated and continued ' then to our surprise,madhavi's dad venugopalan took the stick of fire and came to me and requested to set fire the pyre madhavi was laid on and not knowing what to do and just to please him and to get it over with,it took the burning stick and lit the fire as the priest told me to do so and just as i was doing that,i looked at madhavi's dead face and whispered ' i am sorry madhavi for hurting you and i hope you find peace in gods arms and presence' and looked at her and '

Everyone could see the puzzlement that filled raman's face and he stared back ' i saw it with my own eyes and if i had not seen it,i wouldn't have believed it.Just as i whispered sorry,her lips,her dead lips seemed to spread into a gentle smile and to this day i am not sure what if what i saw was real or just a figment of my own imagination.'

Jeeva not able to take the pain of this tragic story began to cry and all of them sat numb and frozen hearing raman recollect this painful love story,a one sided love story.

Raman placed a soft kiss on jeeva's cheek and wiping her tears away ' wait,for now comes the twist and the letter.'

kamakshi ' letter,she wrote a letter to you.'

Raman nodded ' yes,she wrote a letter to her parents and one to me and i read both of them.In the letter addressed to me,she had written about how much she loved me and that a life without me was not worth living at all and so she had decided to end her life and much more.But,in the letter she had left behind for her parents,she told her dad that he should not take any steps against me in vengeance and that would mean disrespecting her soul and which would never be at peace.She also requested her dad that i light the funeral pyre for that's the husband's duty.'

Shaktivel totally overcome with the story ' iyaa,you have had all this painful memories buried inside you for all this time.Why,why didn't you come to us and talk about it and share your pain?'

' Ethukku appa.it was bad enough that i was totally depressed and heartbroken and why include you in all that trauma.That is why,a few months later i took off from trichy to chennai,leaving behind my dreams of becoming an engineer and all that.'

Then manigandan dropped a thunder of an observation ' madhavi hung herself and now you have had to witness and experience the same thing when suja hung herself.'

Jannal oram-232


"We are free to choose our paths, but we can't choose the consequences that come with them. Sean Covey

If Raman had sensed much from mani's observation,he did not show it and let it pass and it was manigandan himself who spoke again ' Raman,it was just an observation,a painful recollection that our suja too died young and died at her own hands.My words had no inner meaning,i hope...'

Raman raised his hand and stopped manigandan before he could finish his thoughts ' mani sir,you are like my father to me and i have the same respect,love and implicit trust in you that i have in him.I know your mind and i also understood your words.'

Kamakshi jumped in ' it is pretty obvious that madhavi died for a different reason and suja died for a different reason.our suja was forced to take her own life by the actions of that minister,whereas madhavi did it out of love and depression.'

Raman looked at her sharply and then slowly let his eyes travel into each of the other's eyes and he whispered softly ' death is death.And it does not matter how it came to a person for all that matters in the end is that the person is gone and will never come back.whether it is madhavi or suja,both are now dead and will never live out their life and all the dreams that they must have nurtured.'

Jeeva felt the tremors and the inner meanings of raman's words and she shook him roughly ' what are you trying to say? Finish it and let us close this chapter once for all and erase this memory forever.'

Raman looked at her in wonder ' Seriously jeeva,do you mean those words?If so tell me how it is possible.tell me can you forget suja or ever erase her memory? can you do that?'

Shaktivel with great restraint ' ram,iyaa.please,let it go and let us all make a new start,a new beginning in this house.'

Raman sarcastically ' easy to say these words appa.But not practical in our normal lives.We can pretend but we cannot forget,not ever.The pain might reduce but the wound will fester,on and on.'

Valliammai looked at her only son ' ram,what else can we or you do in these kind of situations that we face.What else could you have done different that fateful day when madhavi came to meet you?'

Raman fell silent and jeeva nudging him ' okay,honestly advocate sir,on hindsight,would you have done anything different that day,if you had suspected that madhavi might do something that would have dire consequences.'

Raman without hesitation ' if i had known or even suspected that she might do something so terrible,i would have accepted her and the love that she had offered me.I would have married her,but maybe after finishing my education and getting a job.I would have told her dad to talk to my parents and that would have settled everything.'

Kamaskhi and the others were totally unnerved and in a high tone ' marry madhavi.But you did not love her,then how would you have been okay with marriage and a future with her? this does not make any sense at all.Why would anyone ruin their life and sacrifice their life for someone they did not care about?'

Jeeva began to smile and as she smiled,her eyes began to fill with tears,tears of joy and pride ' chee,dee kamakshi.you still have not understood your raman very well.'

Wiping her tears,she took his strong hands and gripped them tightly ' he means that to save madhavi,to save her dad and to help a family live in peace and harmony,he would have been willing to give up his needs and passions and that too whole heartedly.'

Raman looked at jeeva and then at the others ' Madhavi taught me that every word and action has a consequence and an energy of its own and that we can try to forgive but we can never forget,never ever.'

Valliammai ' appo,ram.where does it all end?'

' No end amma.We just have to make do in the best way we can and live on with our faith in god and fate.'

JANNAL ORAM 233


"What you are, and who you are should provide greater clarity about where you have been and where you are headed. Although one distinguishes spiritual from physical nature, the ultimate unification of the two is the consequence of the struggle for internal, external and eternal peace. T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise: Spiritual Triumph Over Death and Conscious

Quote,Just a few words and yet each one of them strikes home into our consciousness and conscience and makes them both tick,think and rise to a better self or sink deeper into sin.

Raman looked at his family and smiled in pride ' This topic might have started with an innocent question but i am glad that at the end of it,we have all sat as one and spoken openly about it.Thank you for understanding my thoughts' and glancing at jeeva ' thank you jeeva for not bullying me too much about my past and i hope that this satisfies and puts to rest your curiosity about my past.'

Wringing his hands helplessly,he spoke with a slightly troubled voice ' I am feeling very guilty for having laid this painful burden concerning madhavi on all of you.It is not yours to carry and only mine and i managed to do that all these years,but here we are.'

Jeeva calmly ' ram,we all trust you and respect you a lot.Your pain is our pain and so please don't feel guilty or troubled for sharing your problems.I am only feeling bad that you did not speak about this earlier,either with your parents or with me for that would have spared you so much of unnecessary pain and guilt.'

Jeeva's dad asked raman ' ram,madhavi is no more and her dad too passed away soon after that.But what about her mother? what ever happened to her?'

Shaktivel and valliammai looked at each other and shaktivel cautiously ' i am not sure what happened to her for she was never visible with her hsuband who was very popular in our town.I remember seeing a small pic of her along with the late venugopalan in some tamil paper just after they had lost their daughter.'

Raman ' Mrs.Manjula venugopalan is doing well and unknown to most of the public has been in chennai for many years now and i have kept in constant touch with her over the years.'

Valliammai ' that is so sweet of you.How is she and what is she doing right now?'

' Amma,she is the head of the " Kaakum Karangal" charity organisation and is also the founder of " Sneha", an organisation that helps and counsels people who are suicidal and have such kind of tendencies and also help's counsel people who are battling depression and other mental problems.'

Jeeva and the rest of the family were awe struck to hear madhavi's mother manjula was the founder of Kaakum karangal which was world famous for looking after children and abandoned women.

Raman continued ' a few years back,she called me to help her organization with some legal documents and while i was there,suddenly thanked me.When i asked her for what,she replied,whether it is by chance or pure fate,your arrival in our lives was the cause of madhavis demise.But,through her demise,i got an opportunity to help thousands of women and girls like her and have secured a better life and future for them.'

' She said that she considers madhavis death as a sacrifice for a better life for those who really need help and guidance.'

Kamakashi sighing sadly ' that is just so incredible to hear and just so inspiring that she has gone to do so much for society and for those who need help and attention.I don't know,but i can never be so strong as that lady.'

Raman lovingly laid his hands on kamakshi ' amma,you are wrong for you too have endured and you too have decided to pick up the pieces and live on.We all have done that after losing Suja and we will continue to live on and also live the right way.'

Shaktivel with doubt filling his question ' iyaa,what about this situation,this problem with minister Vaidyanathan.How are you going to fend him and sort it out permanently for we can't live out entire life looking over our shoulders,can we?'

' no pa.surely,we cannot do that for it is just not feasible or practical and if he is bent on wreaking havoc in our lives,he will surely get a chance at some point or another.'

' Appo.what is the solution and where is it going to end for all of us?' asked jeeva angrily.

' I am sorry but i have no answer for that and for all of you at this moment.But trust me when i tell you that i am working hard on it and am just patiently waiting for a break in this problem.One break which will give me a real chance to finish this minister,once and for all and get rid of him forever.'

"We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare. Bren Brown,


Does it matter that the sun is setting on me while it rises on you? Does it really matter that oceans separate us? Does it make a difference that you have passed on and i still exist? No,for your essence still fills my soul and your light still shines inside me and i am more alive than dead and more than ever my love is stronger for you.satish

Jannal oram 234



Raman wiped his face with the hand towel and placing it on the rack in the bathroom looked at Jeeva who had been obviously staring at him and smiled " that,those words,memories" and pointed towards the door " all that was for them,my parents and for your parents.But i will tell you just one thing,for i owe you more than those words and that is i love you and will continue to love you until my breath runs out."

" I know that raman and that was not what was on my mind or why i was staring at you" jeeva said slowly,searchingly for her palms were grasping at the air as if she was trying to snatch the right words to express her thoughts.

Raman took her palms in his hands and gently squeezed them and kissed them " it is strange this love that we humans feel for each other.Maybe,it is because we exist as two states,two faces of one coin,two halves of one soul and so even though the love is strong,vital and magnetic there will exist always a gulf,an abyss that will separate lovers and that means near 100 out of 100 but never 100."

" I know raman and maybe God in his infinite wisdom has deemed it thus for our own protection and safety because knowing humans,placing total and implicit faith never works out well.So,i guess he left a choice,a final fail safe mechanism in which he lets each and everyone of us to decide what is right and what is wrong."

Raman kissed her cheeks protectively and sitting by her side rested his elbows on his thighs and leaned forward steepling his fingers in thought.

Jeeva ran her fingers through his thick wavy hair and tugged it gently "the reason i was staring at you was because i was just so moved by this whole affair concerning madhavi and how you have been carrying this tragedy on your own and yet ..."

Raman looked at her ' i still am jeeva.i still am carrying madhavi and her death in my soul and it will remain until i am no more.Nothing has changed and it will not change no matter how much i talk about it to you or anyone else."

" I know raman and that was not my thought or emotion for i was just amazed and proud about you and the way you approach life with sympathy and empathy.That is what is so remarkable about you and the most beautiful thing about your character.This need,this drive and urge to be there for all and feel what grief they are going through,that is what makes raman tick and makes raman who he is."

Raman looked at her and jeeva smiled shyly seeing his eyes change mood and flames of lust flared deep in his soul and she slowly pushed him back on the bed and pulled down his boxers and quickly removed her thin gown and slowly mounted him and pushed him deep into her wetness.

Both their groans came in sync and raman growled " slow,take it slow and let us linger in this moment" and she smiled and took both his hands and placed it on her firm breasts and held them tightly with her own.

With sex filled eyes she looked down at him " god,is it me or have you gone larger than before for your hardness is filling me completely " and raman smiled wickedly and thrust his hips harder into her from beneath her and she screamed as she orgasmed and poured herself all over him and their night had just begun.


Finance minister Durai murugan muted the tv set in his study and looked at his son vijay bhaskar " enna viji,it is late and you are still awake."

" Appa,i need your help to be a part of the group that is leaving to delhi in two days under the leadership of Deputy chief minister OPS."

Durai murugan stared at the tv and then switching it off,placed the remote on the table and gestured to his son to sit down " I know you pretty well and so i know that there must be a reason for you wanting to be part of this group leaving to delhi."

Vijay remained silent and durai murugan continued ' Not that you have to confide in me but it will be better if you did for i can be of help as i know Delhi and its people very well."

Vijay smiled " I am not sure what i am feeling as of now but if my instincts are right,then i have to be a part of that group.I will tell you why."

Father and son sat talking late into the night and then slowly began to plan for all eventualities and they spoke and conspired into the wee hours of the morning.

It was 4.00 AM when raman's eyes opened,wide and fully alert and he slowly slipped out of the bed and entering the bathroom,shut the door gently behind him.

Shaktivel's eyes opened fully awake and he too like his son on the ground floor slipped out of the bed quietly and began the day by splashing cold water into his face.


"Our souls speak a language that is beyond human understanding. A connection so rare the universe won't let us part. Nikki Rowe