Joint family vs Nuclear family.... - Page 8

Originally posted by: LadyMcbeth

Wow what a wonderful topic! Before I discuss the pros and cons, I have a personal experience to share: In an inter-college debate we got the same topic. My partner and I got the "Joint Family". I think in this age and time, there are more benefits to being in a nuclear family vs. joint family, but since we got the topic we had to go with it. We put up such a tough fight that we ended up being tied in the debate 😆 The judge couldn't conclusively announce the winner! Any hoo ...

Here are my thoughts - (I am going to use SGP as an example for objectifying my thoughts)

JF teaches you a good values like adjustment, sacrifice, and caring. You get the protection and wise guidance of your elders. If you have working parents, a JF gives you attention and oversight you need as a child. But IMO somewhere in this whole deal, you tend to lose your individuality. If you are weak, you are bullied over. If you are shy, you are become a butt of someone's jokes, just like Ishaan.

Like Aparna mentioned, you never rise above a certain level for the fear of hurting someone's feelings, even if you can afford it. i.e. Both Ishaan and his Dad work. Their standard of living both as individuals and as a family is definitely higher than Elesh and Inder. So affording an AC shouldn't be SUCH a big deal. Yet getting something inconsequential as an AC becomes a matter of household debate because it affects the dynamics of the household.

You end up sacrificing a LOT of your small pleasures in life. Going for an extended honeymoon, indulging in an extra saree, or fulfilling your child's demand for an expensive gizmo. That shouldn't be. Life shouldn't have to simply be one big adjustment. Ever since evolution, man is a flexible creature. He adapts to any situation that he lands in. So there is no need of being in a JF to learn how to adjust, sacrifice, care etc. These feelings have to come from within. And they do, once you find the right person to spend the rest of your life with. A lot of it also depends on parents. If they teach their kids good values, their children will behave appropriately.

But JF's are not entirely bad. JFs are good for people like Elesh who doesn't have a decent job, or Inder whose father has left them for good or Radha Bua whose husband turned out to be a loser. But for Ishaan, being in a JF is more harmful than good because it has turned him into a complacent individual with no burning desires in his life, until Suhana stepped in. So if you ask me to take a stand, I would say it depends on your situation in life.

I agree with everything you said really well put i read this days ago but at work on my phone 😕 😆 so could not reply..it does come down to individual expectations, also family set up as well, if its live and let live...if someone does buy something for the husband and kid or themselves should it be a cause of issue not really because if they work as well it should be there choice but it works both ways like you said in joint family you would consider others feelings etc but it would be inportant as you give it in the big picture would someone buying a AC for example when life has 100s of bigger problems.

Originally posted by: vishmewell

Sorry folks... I became gaayab last few days... I am traveling this
whole week and will be sporadic in the forum... Ithni bhi masti math
karo yaaron mere gair haazri mein.. kaam pe nahi lagtha mera mann... 😆



Now time for my POV guys!!!



The kind of JF we are seeing SGP is very rare or no longer exist. I mean the size. Instead of focusing on what's already been said, I want to shed different perspective.

I think everyone is on the same page understanding the advantages and disadvantages about NF and of course it's definition. So I want to talk about NJF... Nuclear-Joint Family... sounds like a different term right? Considering larger Indian population living in nuclear families, I am wondering if JF system as one in SGP is moot for this population...

<font size="3">If someone from nuclear families like Appu, Simran and few others, get married into another nuclear family, and Shounak gets married and his wife becomes a new addition to his family, would you call it Joint Family? Either it is the boy or the girl, isn't it just one extra person in family size? Should that one extra person really matter? That's the dilemma I am in, trying to redefine JF.

Something to remember: In this modern age, both sets of parents are broad minded and really don't interfere with their kids' life coz they have their own. </font>

I was pleasantly surprised that Smriti aka serialjunkie quoted her close friend (who is successful and handsome) with who the girls are willing to date and go clubbing, but not get married to him for his living arrangements. I will reserve my comments on this :-). I feel it is the parenting to be blamed for not teaching their daughters the family values. Not everyone is like that too... so there are exceptions.

The present trend of so called nuclear families of 21st century, there are innumerable girls who do not want to live even in NJF. But they want their parents and parents-in-law as soon as they have a baby to baby sit their kids, and take care of the household chores until the kid starts going to school FT. This in their definition is a nuclear family. This genre of nuclear families in my opinion have no concept of family itself. <font color="#ff0000"><font size="3">Sorry this is not intended to offend anybody's POV. </font></font>

@ Simran - I am really impressed that you want a joint family. Very sweet of.

@ Appu - You have such clarity in your thinking you will make a good wife, DIL, SIL, and a great mother in future. 👏

@ Shounak - It is really good to hear from a man's perspective. You sure know what you want. I thought men who are quiet like you will love Suhaa types... 😆. NO? But trust me, girls like Suhana are easy to tame coz they are so pure at heart. All you need to give them is Love and they will remain so loving rest of the life. 😉

@ Laxmi - wonderful topic dear... you have value added first
hand information on joint family.

I did live with nearly 49 people under one roof for a year after my marriage. And as most of you pointed out, there is no ambition or higher aspirations coz everyone is happy and all needs are met. But I realized that my husband had great passion further his career and academic qualifications. By then he already had 2 engineering degrees and a MBA from IIM. He still wanted to do his MS from US and was softer than Ishaan when it comes to his family. His family had a firm no for his plea. With the result he was such an unhappy man and I did not want to live with an unhappy man rest of my life. So I gathered all info application forms for few reputed Universities in US from Chennai consulate office and had my hubby fill them and within a month took GRE and TOEFL. All this operation was a secret mission. Four months after, he was on his way to US.

The downside of this dare devil act of mine, resulted in my in-laws resenting me. Nevertheless, when my son came along after couple of months, he was instrumental in making the saural walon ka naarazgi gaayab...😳 Meanwhile, I had lots of fun with bacha party. Almost 7-8 kids tending on me... 🤣 pura pura faida uthaaya... 🤣🤣

So, the dynamics in JF are different. You still can do whatever you want, if it is totally justified and there's no other option left. You have to have a convincing reason and pleasantness towards other family members because it takes time for conditions to become normal there after.😳

Vishmell very nice post and i agree with you anything i put hope does not cause offence.

I read the MIL point and found it interesting i am not married but have cousins who are married and seen my own eyes in family parents who call their DIL parents over nothing and MIL who still tell their kids at 40 not to go there..the reason i agree with though is i do think things are changing alot in that aspect 😊

As for NJF i am from UK and it is pretty much the norm, SGP type families would be very few most couples tend to move out eventually especially if younger brothers for eg got married. My Dad and Chacha had a house next door to each other with one garden which we did ourselves and honestly i loved that and my gran who was by herself lived with us both we only moved 2 years ago because out house was abit small..it has worked fine and now despite living apart well 7 mins away still very much together whenever we need to do something as a family we do it together or when relatives come we get together at one house it is all because when my chacha got married we lived together. Now personally if i got married though i do like my space would love a big family because that is the way mine is even my phuas kids practically lived here in all the schools holidays and even now when everyones older.

NJF is really not a big change i feel or see why it should be a problem its surely just like living in your own family 😕 😕

Interesting your incident that was the kind of thing i was thinking of ideally it should not be a issue in joint family if one person does want to do something like career well move it foward..

Wow. What an intense, interesting topic with equally interesting views from all you guys.

Originally posted by: vishmewell

Sorry folks... I became gaayab last few days... I am traveling this whole week and will be sporadic in the forum... Ithni bhi masti math karo yaaron mere gair haazri mein.. kaam pe nahi lagtha mera mann... 😆

Now time for my POV guys!!!

The kind of JF we are seeing SGP is very rare or no longer exist. I mean the size. Instead of focusing on what's already been said, I want to shed different perspective.

I think everyone is on the same page understanding the advantages and disadvantages about NF and of course it's definition. So I want to talk about NJF... Nuclear-Joint Family... sounds like a different term right? Considering larger Indian population living in nuclear families, I am wondering if JF system as one in SGP is moot for this population...

If someone from nuclear families like Appu, Simran and few others, get married into another nuclear family, and Shounak gets married and his wife becomes a new addition to his family, would you call it Joint Family? Either it is the boy or the girl, isn't it just one extra person in family size? Should that one extra person really matter? That's the dilemma I am in, trying to redefine JF.

Something to remember: In this modern age, both sets of parents are broad minded and really don't interfere with their kids' life coz they have their own.

I was pleasantly surprised that Smriti aka serialjunkie quoted her close friend (who is successful and handsome) with who the girls are willing to date and go clubbing, but not get married to him for his living arrangements. I will reserve my comments on this :-). I feel it is the parenting to be blamed for not teaching their daughters the family values. Not everyone is like that too... so there are exceptions.

The present trend of so called nuclear families of 21st century, there are innumerable girls who do not want to live even in NJF. But they want their parents and parents-in-law as soon as they have a baby to baby sit their kids, and take care of the household chores until the kid starts going to school FT. This in their definition is a nuclear family. This genre of nuclear families in my opinion have no concept of family itself. Sorry this is not intended to offend anybody's POV.

@ Simran - I am really impressed that you want a joint family. Very sweet of.

@ Appu - You have such clarity in your thinking you will make a good wife, DIL, SIL, and a great mother in future. 👏

@ Shounak - It is really good to hear from a man's perspective. You sure know what you want. I thought men who are quiet like you will love Suhaa types... 😆. NO? But trust me, girls like Suhana are easy to tame coz they are so pure at heart. All you need to give them is Love and they will remain so loving rest of the life. 😉

@ Laxmi - wonderful topic dear... you have value added first hand information on joint family.

I did live with nearly 49 people under one roof for a year after my marriage. And as most of you pointed out, there is no ambition or higher aspirations coz everyone is happy and all needs are met. But I realized that my husband had great passion further his career and academic qualifications. By then he already had 2 engineering degrees and a MBA from IIM. He still wanted to do his MS from US and was softer than Ishaan when it comes to his family. His family had a firm no for his plea. With the result he was such an unhappy man and I did not want to live with an unhappy man rest of my life. So I gathered all info application forms for few reputed Universities in US from Chennai consulate office and had my hubby fill them and within a month took GRE and TOEFL. All this operation was a secret mission. Four months after, he was on his way to US.

The downside of this dare devil act of mine, resulted in my in-laws resenting me. Nevertheless, when my son came along after couple of months, he was instrumental in making the saural walon ka naarazgi gaayab...😳 Meanwhile, I had lots of fun with bacha party. Almost 7-8 kids tending on me... 🤣 pura pura faida uthaaya... 🤣🤣

So, the dynamics in JF are different. You still can do whatever you want, if it is totally justified and there's no other option left. You have to have a convincing reason and pleasantness towards other family members because it takes time for conditions to become normal there after.😳

Originally posted by: vishmewell

Well, reguser, Love is an important ingredient of life. Otherwise, two people will not be getting married and make babies. Mere attraction between a man and a woman is itself science. Because it involves your hormones. And same love applies to other relationships too..

The reason Ishaan is patient with Suhana is definitely Love. But the point to be noted here is, he is using human psychology as a basis. He is not swayed away by pure emotions. If he did, he would have been irrational and illogical and would have been on his way to being a devdas.
He is using his rationale, timing, and set a tone so that he can tame her. For someone to tame a person, they have to have a perfect blend of temper (anger management), logic, which is again a science, timing (for this element one needs to have a thorough understanding of a personality. so certain level of Psychology is applied, which is again a science), he is managing Suhana's temper very well which is PR another science, at the dining table scene when Inder teased Suhana about giving away stuff she doesnt like, suhana looked up to Ishaan for help and he quietly stood up with a an expression I am deeply sorry. That gesture is called body language, which is again a science, which resulted in her trying to leave. Rano pitched in right away sensing something was wrong. To transpire that kind of reaction, one must have good HR skills quickly being able to involve higher authority. So, that's again a science!

And peole's actions are governed by governance of Law enforcement and justice system which are again another form of science. The system or society we live in is a science, Political science.

The entire human evolution and existence is based on science.

So, sorry dear I am not convinced 😆😆

Originally posted by: Samrene

according to my pov it depends upon your family wht u wud like to have some ppl are introverts and need thr space like suhana for thm tou hundred percent nf is better some are more social and dont like to be alone unn k liye jf is better

Ok, I have a very stupid question. My understanding is that a joint family is hubby's brothers, sisters, and parents. For me nuclear is me, hubby, and his parents. However, is living with his parents part of JF ji??

Originally posted by: ~*simran*~

Ok, I have a very stupid question. My understanding is that a joint family is hubby's brothers, sisters, and parents. For me nuclear is me, hubby, and his parents. However, is living with his parents part of JF ji??

Lol, in my opinion is that it's NF but that's just me.

Originally posted by: *dewdrop~pearl*

I just love the way you have analysed and presented your entire view point using science👏! Even though I agree with what Pallavi said, after reading the above I am like 😕! Pls forget I talked about sun rising from west and stuff, now I dont want to be convinced about that 😆!

Btw one thing, can you give any scientific logic for why Ishan agreed to marry a girl like Suhana inspite of knowing everything about her, her past relationship with Sid, her nature and behaviour 😳? Ishan knows every member of his family very well, so dint he think how difficult it will be for them to adjust with a bahu like Suhana (who is totally different from Rajni & Disha) and how a girl like Suhana will adjust in his lifestyle 😳? Iss par bhi kuch science, logic vagaira shed karo pls 😆.

Arree yaar Appu... 😆Opposites attract!!! That's simple Physics yaar... 😆😆😆
Suhana had BF - Ishaan had none; Suhana short tempered - Ishaan cool headed; Suhana childish - Ishaan is matured; Suhana rich - Ishaan middle class; Suhana is pampered - Ishaan is down to earth and adjusting vaigaira vagaira... Aren't they opposites? 😆😆😆 Physics actually works in Love!!! 😆😆😆

Originally posted by: ~*simran*~

Ok, I have a very stupid question. My understanding is that a joint family is hubby's brothers, sisters, and parents. For me nuclear is me, hubby, and his parents. However, is living with his parents part of JF ji??

Lol, in my opinion is that it's NF but that's just me.

@ red - I wish everyone defined NF just as you did simran... world would have been a better place dear 😆