Gopi is wrong - Page 10

I agree on a objective level. Gopi was wrong in keeping Vidya from the family. She deprived the child of a father and the father of a child. But Ahem is also wrong in trying to take Vidya away from Gopi completely. Gopi is all that Vidya has known, hence she ran away. Ahem and Koki were also wrong in blaming Gopi for Meera's death. It was an accident and other people were at fault as well.

Originally posted by: lovely_lady

I agree on a objective level. Gopi was wrong in keeping Vidya from the family. She deprived the child of a father and the father of a child. But Ahem is also wrong in trying to take Vidya away from Gopi completely. Gopi is all that Vidya has known, hence she ran away. Ahem and Koki were also wrong in blaming Gopi for Meera's death. It was an accident and other people were at fault as well.

Subjectively however, its a different matter.

Can you imagine how the news that Gopi was pregnant with Vidya after Meera's death would've been taken? Ahem and Koki probably would've kept Gopi from Vidya as soon as Vidya was born. They obviously blamed her for Meera and would've never let Gopi be alone with Vidya like she was with Meera. Plus can you imagine a child growing up in such a hostile environment? So yeah objectively Gopi was wrong, but I can kind of see where she was coming from when she left.

But then again, I can also see where Ahem is coming from. Both parent's aren't really making Vidya their priority. If she was their priority, they would agree to share her. But Ahem not only wants Vidya for himself, I feel like he also wants Gopi to feel the pain of being away from a child for years. So on a human level, his feelings are also understandable.

And finally, regarding Meera's death. I agree that Gopi wasn't at fault. But if you look at it from Ahem's and maybe even Koki POV, Gopi was the one from whose hands Meera fell. Did Koki and Ahem even know that Gopi was the one who saw Meera in the dangerous place and was trying to take her out? They also have no idea about it all being Radha's trick. All Ahem probably saw was the love of his life letting the love of their life fall down. That's such a big betrayal for anyone to look at, even if it was an accident. Losing a child is such a big change, a lot of couples can't stand it. Therefore, as much as I dislike their blaming Gopi, I can see where they were coming from. However, I do think that they should've gone to see a counsellor or something to resolve the resentment they felt towards Gopi because at the end of the day, it was an accident.

All in all, it's a really messy situation and both sides are at fault, not just any single person. Although some people are more at fault then others (Radha and Koki).

Kools, I think most of those who have opined here do agree that Gopi's mistake was really big. I think the same. Gopi did make a big mistake. But the 'why' part of it is where we differ.

Yes. This can be taken both ways. But there are times when the abused becomes the abuser, whether intentionally or otherwise. So even if we consider that Gopi indeed took Vidya away for exacting revenge from Ahem and Kokila, then it was a reaction to the abuse she underwent..

But it is obvious that Gopi did not want to exact revenge from the Modis in anyway. It is also obvious that she just did not think of the consequences of her actions. She is seeing it now.. But eight years ago, she did not consider how her actions would affect those who she held dear, particularly Ahem in this way..

She saw a situation where nothing would change the perception of the very people who she trusted. She saw her husband and her MIL mistrust and blame her for her own child's death.. She did not do the rational thing. She was irrational as those around her made her so..

Gopi held on to Vidya as her lifeline and she stayed that way for 8 years. Yeah.. Her mistake was to keep assuming and hoping that her husband would someday forgive her for dropping her child accidentally.. She was human and hence when she made that one mistake (run away from her abuse, guilt and mistrust), she never found the strength to correct it.. She was a coward.. That was her biggest mistake.

Gopi is seen as a victim because we try seeing it from the point of view of the original victim. Because of the way the victim reacted to her circumstances, she actually victimized Ahem. While one can understand that he is also in grief and has the right to be angry, one again loses sympathy because of his inaction towards his wife's abuser even now.

It has been 8 years. Ahem can still keep blaming Gopi for Meera's death. It is unfortunate.. Even if Gopi had not been misled to that cliff an even if Radha had played no part, I still think that Ahem and Kokila blaming Gopi for 'killing' Meera has gone out of bounds.

If Gopi was irrational 8 years ago and a coward since, Ahem and Kokila have remained irrational ever since.. Yup.. Seeing from their PoV, Gopi did drop Meera. They can resent her. She was afterall the keeper of their heir, but was she the only person at fault?

8 Years is a long time to rationally think it over and atleast now understand that maybe.. maybe Gopi was also as helpless..

But both Koki and Ahem have resorted to abusing Gopi again...

One also is swayed because Gopi does empathize with Ahem and perhaps Kokila.. She does seem to realize that she has made a bloody mistake by hiding Vidya from the family.. A gross mistake. Her empathy wants people to empathize with her.. Does the same holds true to either Kokila or Ahem?

Gopi was wrong in hiding Vidya. She had the right to go away from her abusers. She had the right to stay away. Her fault is that she hid someone who could have been a lifeline to another person, her husband. She feared rationally or irrationally that she would lose her lifeline in the process. I see this as her first selfish act and she was entitled to one..

I do not want to mix Kokila in this at all.. Gopi wronged Ahem. This is an issue for Ahem and Gopi to fix. They can battle it out or confess their err of judgements and declare peace and do it as adults.

The fact that Ahem still hides behind Koki and makes her fire his volleys as he watches only makes it harder to empathize or sympathize with him. His angry outbursts are justified.. We agree.. And I would not even fault his irrational need to strike back at Gopi by taking Vidya with him and keeping her to him alone.. But will he also take 8 years to come to terms with his irrational behavior?

ok... first thing first, i hate this theme of not telling the father about the kid. horrid

but
but
but


kool, you said in a lot of your posts, that ahem went crazy with loss. kokila and ahem accused her in the heat of the moment ... then why do we expect the mother of the dead child to behave rationally? ... you discount ahem and kokila's reactions as one of grief ... but then why is the mother not given that same understanding

you say that problems happen in every house. no one walks away. agreed. but when someone does walk away, is it not other people's responsibility to bring them back?

your wife, with no money, no education, no friends/family has disappeared ... whose whole life has been about ghar ki chaar diwaari, that girl disappears and you don't bother to find her once? even if not to being her back then just to assure that she is physically safe?

just like leaving husband was HER decision, then blaming wife was HIS decision
just like not telling him of pregnancy was HER decision, then abusing & pushing his wife to the brink was HIS decision

We can't discount all his reactions as emotional outbursts and then call her reactions as planned, well thought decisions. the rules have to be same for both

she might give any reason today. but that day, out of her mind with pain, having zero support system, instead having people she loved the most turn on her viciously ... maybe her only option was to leave before she lost her sanity.

as for why she didn't come back in these 8 years? the same reason why ahem never tried to find her in these 8 years... you do something stupid, and before you know time passes and its too late to go back to what you once were

kokila is an abuser. i have said this from the first day she appeared. and ahem is an enabler. he just hides behind her pallu while she goes on with the dirty work. i can't blame anyone for getting away from this toxic twosome

We can't discount all his reactions as emotional outbursts and then call her reactions as planned, well thought decisions. the rules have to be same for both

Yup.. We better agree to disagree😆

And to just make it more plain.. I do believe Gopi did wrong. But the only difference is that I believe she knows that herself.

And I also agree that she behaved irrationally when she ran 8 years ago.. But I sympathize with that act of hers.

My disagreement is more on the fact of how much Gopi went through and her intentions behind running away.

I consider that Gopi lived with thinking about Ahem and his grief and I do not consider that she wanted revenge in these 8 years. Gopi lived is the operational word here..But she lived in guilt and pain for 8 years over her mistake. It was clearly shown that she worried for her estranged family and also that she kept praying for Meera to be alive and well somewhere, hoping against hope that her child survived.. I wouldn't call that as exactly focused way of living... Gopi never moved on from her grief. She hid it so that she did not poison her other daughter...

While I agree that she did not give Ahem that chance with Vidya, I disagree that she did it to spite him.

As for calling her good for not poisoning Vidya against the Modis... Well, I think it does happen, and it happens often with estranged couples. It was really good on her part not the blame others for her mistakes and grief. Gopi did rather well under the circumstances. We do see how Ahem did not think once about blaming Gopi for the death of her child in front of the kids.. So maybe it is not wrong to give Gopi some credit here😊

Shake hands😃 and honestly, I haven't had this much fun in months.. Loved the discussion Kools.. It was good to have a conversation with different views!!!