👏 This your first attempt and you have done a great job...now brace yourself...I am commenting so it is likely to get looonnggg...😆
Firstly I want to commend you on the concept..Rudra disgusted with himself...I can understand where that may come from...although at the same time I don't exactly agree with him feeling this way...confused...lol I fear not I shall explain...Rudra's self loathing is something we see quite a bit...it is his self loathing that leads him to Laila in the first place so I get the feeling of his disgust at himself...but I don't think...and this is my opinion...that he will feel disgusted with himself before the D-Day as you put it...but rather an awkwardness...like a first time lover...because while he has had sex many a times (apparently every night for eights yrs, that is a lot of nights😆) this is will be a first...for this will not just be sex...it will not just be any woman he is about to lay...this is his girl...his lady...his love...he will be about to consummate his love rather than just have sex...so I get the feeling he will be nervous and agitated, but not disgusted...because like Msfrootie said if he feels disgust on the brink of their honeymoon then that shows failure of Paaro's love...the disgust you show here I think will be seen in this track that is about to play out...where he will feel disgusted with himself for having been with a another woman and therefore hurting Paaro with it...and the disgust should end when Paaro accepts him...when they come together she should make him realise that he doesn't need to be ashamed of his past...he did what he did to survive...it wasn't right and it's not like one should promote this behaviour but...why in her eyes will she be able to accept him is becuase she will see that he realises he is wrong and is repenting for it...that is if he does...which I think the cv's should make him do...and that is why she should accept him...n when she does she should heal his heart making him stop hating himself for his past...and then they should have a new beginning where all will be new...and like you said then they will be equals...he may not be physically a virgin but the for the emotions he will be and therefore in a sense he will be a virgin like her...
But this is my opinion...one can only wait till the day arrives and then see how they both behave...he may well still feel disgusted with himself that day...
oki moving on...other than the concept, i loved your unique take on what really brings about the marriage and the inclusion of the doll...it is an important scene n I too am annoyed that the doll hasn't played a bigger role in the show...I mean if the doll was just going to end up sitting on Paaro's dressing table then why was the whole first episode shot? Why was the childhood shown...to me it was because of that first meeting...where she was the first person ever to share his pain, lightening it and he hers'...so why not more about it...anyway that is my complaint to the cv's not you 😛 so thank you for putting it in...
although having mentioned this I wish to second Ipoona...one cannot expect him to hold on to that doll and wait for the girl...firstly because men generally don't believe in fairy tales and especially Rudra...he is not one to hold on to such fantasies being with that girl...for he wants to be with no girl...he doesn't want commitment...or correction he is afraid of commitment because of his mother...he is afraid if he lets someone in n they end up leaving him he won't be able to keep it together...so he shuts people out...so like Ipoona said the doll serves as relief, a symbol of that girl he met, a sweet reminder that he alone is not writhing in pain...someone else is too...he doesn't expect ever to see or find that girl again...if he did then it would be shown that he tried to search for her instead of going to Laila...the very fact that he goes to Laila shows that he has long forgotten the girl, much in the same way paaro has forgotten the boy...all either remember is the elated feeling that clouds of grief were not just hanging on them alone...which meant their worst fear that they are alone was not realised...for they both shared the grief...
oki so concept, marriage, doll...i have covered the other thing which i loved was the last paragraph where the twist comes...up until this moment the reader has been thinking the disgust is felt towards Paaro...but then you reach the end of the paragraph n are like wait...what?! he is loathing himself...he feels inferior to Paaro?!! That is nice twist because at the moment one has only seen Paaro look up to Rudra but now you see Rudra looks up to Paaro too...so 👏 n then its a real treat to see him feel inadequate...I would like to see that when the time comes...him nervous about what is about to happen...
And lastly I will second everyone hear on it being abrupt...firstly for all the reasons they gave of how you give insight into Rudra's mind but should dig further...you see all us girls are desparate to know what goes on inside Major saab's mind...😉...and secondly the reason I want to add is that its too abrupt...as in short...we want more 😆
A friendly tip...not that I am half as talented as the people here but I have written I few fan fics too...so just want to let you know one thing I always do when I pen an OS or SS or FF...is that after I have written it leave it for a day or two and then come back to it...re-read it with fresh eyes and end up taking a few bits out but putting in a lot more...you explained to someone here...I can't seem to find who why the last paragraph was abrupt because your thoughts ran out...that happens...n that is why i suggest leave it for a day or two n then come back to it...more thoughts will come and you will be able to expand it... n secondly like Teen Angel said...along with others...continue writing...the words will start flowing...really they do...take heed of the joke you shared with ttt1 about writing for 8yrs continuously...😛 the more you write the better and better you will get at it and all the more better for us greedy people who don't get enough of PaRud five days a week...n so come on this forum like a hungry wolf looking for more 😆
P.S. I think I managed to keep it short...well short for my standard...😆 and sorry if anything I said was offensive...only sharing my thoughts on what I liked and where my opinions differentiated from yours...whenever I write a fan fic I always look for comments where people oppose my thoughts as they challenge me to look at it from their perspective and then in the next fan fic I write, I try my best to take it into account and so wanted to do the same for you...as compliments encourage but criticisms develop and better one's art...this OS really was great to read and your rightly thought one should pen one on this concept of Rudra's guilt...keep writing 😊 and thank you for asking me to read it was a treat 😃
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Current Affairs
