The knock on the door startled Rudra. He was lost in his thoughts. In disgusting thoughts. No, not exactly. In thoughts which disgusted him. About things which disgusted him. He pulled himself up together and went to the door. It was Sunehri. She was back from college. She was her usual chirpy self. Talking about her day, enquiring about Rudra's presence at the haveli at this time of the day. Asking all unwanted questions which invoked further disgust in him. Like when is Paro expected back from the market ? When are they both leaving the haveli on their trip ? He again felt nausea creeping it ugly head up. Which was also another disgusting feeling. Oh God !! Is his life going to be filled with disgust going forward ?
He was back in his room after getting rid of Sunehri when his BapuSa walked in. Demanded to know where his Bahu was. He wanted to gift her something before the trip. Oh the damn trip. The trip he and Paro are supposed to make the next day morning. Looks like the whole world is bent on making them go for this trip. Ranawat Sr also wanted to know the status of his packing. Whether he has packed enough warm clothing for Simla. Yes, that is where he and Paro are travelling to the next day morning.
It was almost a year after the wedding. The wedding, where he took 7 vachans and the special 8th one for Paro. The one where he was drunk and uttered all sorts of nonsense. Was he taking refuge behind alcohol to utter some nonsense and to get married to her ? Because he very badly wanted to be her husband. To tie her down with him forever. And was so thrilled when she proposed to him. But too afraid of the demons of his past to say yes to her. Then came the photo in the paper and the suspension. A blessing in disguise which he was waiting for. When he had a peg or two, sprinkled the rest of the bottle on himself and walked home pretending to be drunk and went through the motions. Knowing very well he will not fulfil even one of those vachans. Infact he will do the exact opposite. And he did. From the very first night, when he carried her into the bedroom lest she had any doubts about where she belonged.
Well all that is water under the bridge. In this one year
Paro impressed the social workers and got him a good conduct certificate
Paro ran to Shiva temple , prayed for him and got his life back
Paro nursed him back to health
Paro was a shoulder for him to spill his emotions
Paro understood and accepted his past with Laila
Paro could even make Laila her well wisher
Paro was everything in his life ...
Well from where he was a year back, he has come a long way. He was a very happily married man. Rudra Sirf Paro Ka Hai and Paro is only Rudra's.
Why then why you may ask the feeling of disgust ? Of Nausea. Of Revolt. For whom and why ?
The trip they are making is their honeymoon trip. The second one if they count the Jaipur trip as the first. And Rudra was faced with demons of his own.
Loving Paro belonging to Paro, protecting Paro - everything he was fine with. Because those emotions were as virgin to him as for Paro. They were equals. But this was an area where he felt he cheated Paro. Rudra could not forgive himself for not waiting for the girl with the doll. For going into somebody else's arms before she turned up 15 years later. For not waiting. For not believing in fate.He felt impure. He felt disgusted. With himself.
