Thread II, Asya FF: the runaway bride, Epilogue,(LAST) 15-11-15 - Page 6

Chap 28 Tastless

Days had passed since Asad made his confession and he felt that she was still in her bubble, even if she pretend that everthing was fine. He felt restless, he thought have done the maximum to ease her guilt, but it seemed that she had to get out alone from her chain, he decided to never put any pressure on her and to wait until she decided to open up to him. They always talked about everything, but this pregnancy had increased the distance between them, she was slipping away from his hands and he didn't know what to do. It cost him a lot to look at her being sad, but he can't force her to talk or to accept her fate, the key was inside her and he will only stay by her side, always and when she needed him.

His first result didn't show any abnormality, so Nisha suggested him to go to the specialist, who will help him for the next step. He did not know what to expect from this visit, if tests confirm that he has nothing and that the problem could come from her, he didn't know how to handle it, should he lie to her to protect her? Or tell her the truth so that she can turn the page? He was anxious and totally depressed for the outcomes. He waited in this room, like a statue and his mind tried different scenario, and no one of them satisfied him. They tried for 1 year and it was just the beginning, but her fears caught him slowly and he needed to be fix.

-Asad?

He looked up and she was here, but how, he though

-Zoya?

-what are you doing here, Asad? She was stunned to see him here, she was supposed to meet the specialist and Nisha did all the test and took the appointment, did she also call him without telling her?

-I.., he gulped, he didn't expect to see her, Nisha was supposed to keep it secret from her, did she reveal everything?

Both stood up in front of each other, awkward and silent. Both of them now knows it was Nisha's plan but they didn't know how and why. Their moment was interrupted by the doctor

-Mr and Mrs Khan?

-Yes, both replied

-follow me, please

Asad waved at Zoya to go on first and she just nodded timidely at him, she looked up in misery, she didn't want him to go with her, what if the news was bad? She didn't want him to be hurt? Asad closed his eyes totally anguished, he was supposed to face it alone, he just prayed that it will be fine for both of them and no matter the result, he just wanted to be easy for her first.

-have a sit, please

Asad and Zoya sat nervously avoiding to look at each other, but they were hooked to up coming doctor's speech.

-well Mrs and Mr Khan, you first result didn't show any abnormalities for both, both smiled relieved at each other and they held each other hand. So I need to know more about you, first, I will start with the lady, he smiled at her, he could sense her nervosity, he was used to see couple in distress and he knows how to relax them. So Mrs Khan, can you tell me since when you and your husband are trying?

-One year, she looked at Asad and he nodded

-and since when did you stop your contraceptive and for how long did you take them?

-I only took them during our first year of marriage and I stopped them year ago now

-ok, and how was your period before and after the contraceptive, were they regular? Were they long, abundant?

-well, they were regular and lasts between 5 to 7 days depending on the month, sometimes, I have delay of one or two weeks, and it happened only two times this year but now, it's ok.

-during this delay, did you notice that they were different, I mean the color, aspect, something new.

She tried to recall, looking in her memory, those two moment, she thought that she was pregnant and she was shattered when days later, she saw her period.

-one time, I remembered that it was more paining than usual, I mean really painful and the color was different, but after two days, it was back to normal and the other time, it's was like all the other time.

-in what state of mind you was during these two moments?

-I don't understand

-what I mean, if you were under social or work related pressure? Or any physical or mental trauma?

-no, nothing new, I guess, she looked at him like asking his agreement,

He tightened his grip on her hands, he didn't know if he had to talk about Akram or not, but he was just asking about this year, so he thought it wasn't necessary to mention this episode, she was enough stress now.

-and you, Mister Khan? Any pressure at work?

-I am always under pressure, I am leading a big company so the stress is my compagnion, I must say, all chuckled softly

-And Mrs Khan, how you would descrive your state nowadays?

-I guess...She sighed, she looked guilty at Asad, I am tensed those days because of this and in some way, I've put pressure on my husband too. Asad smiled to confort her, but he can sense that she was feeling responsible.

-well, Mrs Khan, I can understand your stress and willing to be a mother. But you have to know that pressure was not good for both of you, he looked at them, it decreases the quality of the sperm and also ovum, so it's important to be or to try to be relax. And Mrs Khan, you should not think too much about, it will not help you at all. Some good thing need time. And it was just your first year of essay, but we are going to do another test that was necessary to check. You told me about one of your period who looked to different, I can't not guarantee but I guess you had a miscarriage, at least the symptoms you have described to me looks like a miscarriage.

-how? She was stunned by the revelation, she had a miscarriage and she didn't know about, Asad saw her distress and her tears flowed.

-during the first month, you can't really distinguish the difference between period or pregnancy, subtle change can tell you and I guess you couldn't notice because you thought it was just a unsual period, miscarriage in the beginning, was hard to be detected. You can't do anything, this is how your body react sometimes, he can accept or reject.

-but why did I reject it?

-some body need time to adjust to changes and I guess yours was not totally prepared, so we are going to help him a bit. I will give a hormonal treatment for 3 months first, and we will see how it goes, but again, don't expect to be pregnant after those 3 months, this treatment is to prepare your body and you can be pregnant before or after, be patient. You have to know that uterus is like a car engine, it needs fuel, and the first fuel is still love and my jobs it's just to add many other small details.

Zoya smiled between her tears and Asad smiled sadly at her, he didn't want her to go throught this, but thank God, he was with her. He didn't let her hand once. The doctor turned this time to Asad.

-Mister Khan, you have to reduce a bit your pressure, it's not only Mrs Khan who need to relax but you also, you are the 50% involve in this and stress, anxiety or pressure, will decrease this 50% to 10%, so if you want to increase your chance, all you need is to be serene and please, no-more-stress, it's totally forbidden. Your pressure is hers and her pressure is yours. You should go somewhere just the two of you, in quiet and romantic place. It will help the both of you to be in peace and fine with each other, I can understand how life can be consuming so think about. Mrs Khan, after this treatment, we will see each other to see how your body react and Mister Khan, we will see each other too. You both need to let it go and to only keep love in your relation.

-thank you Doctor, Asad was the first to check his hand and Zoya stood up wiping her tears and tried to smile to the doctor.

Once they were out, they stood up, awkward and no one knows what to say but wanted to ask a lot.

-Asad/Zoya, both said at the same time, they laughed idiotically. Asad waved at her to start.

-Asad, did Nisha told you about my appointment?

-No actually, I had an appointment with him too

-but how could it be, it was suppose to be ...

-secret?

-yes

-I think I understand what she did, Zoya nodded and knew that Nisha pushed them to be together and trapped both of them. At the end, Zoya was thankfull that Asad was with her, he was her strength.

-but why did you take an appointment, Asad?

-Who...actually, I want to know without you first, to know how to deal with. I looked for answer to help you and I asked for Nisha to do all the test in secret, but maybe I didn't insist to much on this. I know how this pregnancy is really important for you and I just want to protect you. Zoya, I ...

-Sshh, she stopped from talking I know now, it's funny, we planned the same thing but in each our side, I was so stupid, Asad, I am sorry. I want to know also, my first test was good and I was just scared about the following test, I wanted to face first like you did alone, the last result and to know how to deal with.

-You would have hidden from me the result? She nodded

-like you would have done for me, right? He nodded, She held him tight, Asad, I love you for what you are and I am sorry for hiding this from you.

-And I am sorry too for hiding this too, I guess we have to thank Nisha

-what ? No way, she should be punish, she faked to be angry.

-she is your best friend, you will have to deal with her

-what you leave me in this? You are such coward

-no I am not, it's just too ...You know

-no, I don't know, dare to explain to me

-who...actually, he adjusted his collar, looking for his words

-let it be, I will do it alone, she rolled her eyes and he sighed in relief. Asad, I didn't know that I had a miscarriage, I didn't notice anything

-the doctor said you can't distinguish between a period and loss, in the first month, it was too small to be detected. You couldn't have done anything and maybe it was just a normal period, he was not sure either. The delay was just due to an excess of stress. The doctor say no more stress and only love. I like this doctor, he smiled naughtily at her

-I like him too, I just hope that this treatment will work

-in sha Allah

-in sha Allah

They left both hand in hand, with a new light of hope, Asad happy for her that she was in positive phase and Zoya for her feeling that soon she will give him a child.

9 months later

Days became weeks and weeks became months, and the distance between them increased with each passing days. After this 3 month of treatment, nothing changed and the doctor just asked her to be patient. Zoya stopped running after this sadistic 14th days or her treatment but not her willing for being a mother. Asad didn't feel any improvement in her mood, she was still gloomy and sad and slowly, he felt himself diving into her sadness. He trapped in his heart all this frustration of unsaid words, he just wanted to shake her hard and to put sense in her mind, forcing her to accept her fate, but he can't, he loved her and he didn't want to hurt her more. He was caged like her in this, and both were not enough strong for the others.. Both of them became short-tempered and every reason was enough for them to arguing. They used to reconcile after every fight, but days after days, the time increased between their reconciliation as the distance of their bodies on the bed. Nothing helped them, slowly, a wall built between them where they talked less, they touched less and they loved each other less.

Asad came back late after a erratic journey mixed between meetings, site visit, negociation, and still his day was not over yet. He entered the room huffing, and sat abruptly on the sofa, he opened his laptop and tapped frantically on it. He had to prepare a presentation for tomorrow and he will not sleep before finishing. Zoya heard him and followed him in the room, she found him tired and exhauted, he was looking really tensed. She placed her hand on his shoulder soflty :

-Asad, she called him softly

-mmm, he hummed without looking at her

-why don't you take a break, jaan ?

-I can't , I have to finish this, he said coldly

-coffee ?

-yes, please, he didn't look once at her, she sighed and went to the kitchen. She didn't like when he was acting like an autistic.

Few minutes later, she came back with coffee, a sandwich and her favorite cold pizza. She placed his coffee and the sandwich next to him, he recognized the smell and grabbed it without even lifting his eyes. He grumbled a soft thank you and continued his work. Zoya knew that when he was like this, she can't get any attention from him. She took her pizza, and sat on the bed, playing with I-pad. Asad looked up briefly and saw Zoya smiling and eating pizza on the bed. He clenched his jaw frustrated, and it increased when he saw a small piece of bread on the sheet.

-Zoya, he said sharply, how many time do I have to tell YOU, not to eat on the bed ?

Her eyes bewildered by the tone he used to talk to her, she remained open mouth with a piece of pizza stucked between her teeth. She took it and asked.

-excuse me ?

-the room and the bed is NOT the place where you were supposed to eat, Zoya and with your clumsiness, we are going to have ants everywhere, so please, move from the bed.

-oh really ? You didn't look up once since you came back and the only moment, YOU decide to lift your eyes, it's to scold me, she lifted her hands in the air.

-come on Zoya, don't throw the fault on me, you are eating on the bed and you know that I don't like this and I told a hundred time, right ? His voice increased a bit.

-like I told hundred times not to work at home and to take a rest, still do you listen to me?

-this is different, Zoya, don't mix everything, this is my job, and it's my FIRST priority

-really? I thought I was YOUR first priority, she said hurt and he jerked annoyed

-it looks like we both change our priorities, Zoya, he replied bitterly and she kept quiet, all I asked you, it's to stop eating on the bed.

-yes, you told me but never in this way, and by the way, you were supposed to work and I don't think you will sleep soon, so what is the need for you to have it clean tonight ? Her voice followed his tone.

-I will sleep at one moment of this night, so please, could you leave the bed clean, when you will finish ? I have an important work to do tonigh and I don't have time.

-as Jahapanah order, she bent down sarcastically, I will let you and your bed tonight, I hope you will enjoy beeing with a white and immaculate sheet than your wife. She threw out her exasperation at him.

She stood up and left the room, Asad followed her and he pinched the bridge of his nose. He went behind her.

-Zoya, where are you going ? I just told you not to eat on the bed, I didn't tell you to leave the room

-if I can't do anything I want in my room, what is the use to be in this room ? I want to eat in my room and I will stay HERE.

-you are just overreacting, I repeat I just told you that I WANT A CLEAN BED, WHAT IS MY FAULT IN THIS ? He yelled this time

-YOUR FAULT IS THAT YOU IGNORE ME ALL THE TIME, AND YOU JUST WANT TO YELL AT ME

-I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU, YOU...YOU ARE JUST TO STUBBORN TO RECOGNIZE YOUR FAULT

-MY FAUTL ??? MY ? AND YOU ? WHAT ABOUT YOU MISTER JAHAPANAH ?

-YES YOURS , JUST GROWN UP AND FOR A GOD SAKE STOP CALLING ME LIKE THIS

-I WILL KEEP CALLING YOU LIKE THIS UNTIL YOU CONTINUE ACTING LIKE THIS, THINKING THAT EVERYONE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO WHAT YOU ONLY WANT AND YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE OR THEIR FEELINGS

-anyway it's pointless to explain you anything, you don't want to hear ANYTHING

-YES, BECAUSE I'M STUPID

-I didn't say that, DON'T..., He closed his hand in fist angrily

-what are you doing here ? You have work to finish and your clean white bed was waiting don't make him wait to long.

-You..You are just impossible, Zoya

-GOOD NIGHT, she closed the door on his face.

Asad closed his eyes and wanted to knock the door, he didn't like the way their arguement finished, he wanted her to recognize her fault, it wasn't a crime to have a clean bed, and he can't understand her. He grumbled under his breath and went to his work. If he wasn't busy, he wouldn't have close the topic so easily.

Zoya, behind the room, felt hurt by him, he was harsh with her. She knew that he didn't like when she ate on the bed, but he used always to tickle her, and to scold gently and sometimes, he joined her for the pizza. But nothing like that happen, it was different, he was mean and she felt that he wanted to hurt her, she knows that he was stressed and he can be short tempered when he came home tired, but this was not an excuse for him to throw on her his frustration and his anger. If he just told her softly, she would have listen, and no argument would have happened between them. She was stubborn and she won't come back to him to apologize, he had to come.

But he didn't come that night...

The day after, Zoya woke up, she couldn't believe that he didn't come to apologize, he always used to come. She planned to keep her anger and not to talk to him until he didn't say the magic words. She went to the kitchen, and asked the servant about him, but to her surprise, he already left earlier this morning and he didn't even take his breakfast. She felt sad for not seeing him and for his silence. She will waited until this night. He finally went back home and she was pretending to be sleeping. He changed his clothes and laid down next her. Zoya could feel his eyes on her back but he didn't move or try to touch her. He sighed and turned to his side, giving her his back. She waited for some minutes when she heard his soft snoring, he already dozed off. Her tears fell on her temple, she didn't expect from him to sleep before talking to her. She was angry on him and on her, both reacted badly and stubborn to take the first step. She didn't know when she closed her eyes thinking about him.

She opened her eyes and she felt oppressed and detained in a small sleazy shack and she could barely see finely sunlight between the joints of wood. She was all alone and scared and the only sound that she could hear was her loud and panic breath. Suddenly, the walls came closer and closer around her, she tried to push and to yell but her voice was trapped and she couldn't breathe either, She tapped frantically asking for help, but no one was there. She closed her eyes, it was just a nightmare, she kept saying. She opened her eyes and she was standing in another place. She could barely heard something but she saw Akram pointed to Ayaan, his attitude was clearly threatening toward her brother. She lifted her hand to stop him but her hand was holding a gun, she looked shocked at it.

-I love you Zoya, she heard him say, she looked up and saw Asad totally covered with blood, she gasped loudly.

-Asad

Her gaze turned to see Ayaan walking toward her with his hands in blood, crying at her and below she saw Akram holding a knife dressed with blood.

-Ayaan, she cried

Akram came closer smirking at her.

-there is no one for you now, I will always be with you, forever

She was shivering, he killed Asad and Ayaan, and she didn't how but she just pulled the trigger on him and saw blood running from his torso.

-NOOO, she jerked from her sleep, crying and yelling, she wiped her hands harsly on the bed ,to erase this feeling of the heavy metal on it. NOOO, I killed him, I ...

Asad woke up abruptly from his sleep when she yelled, he switched on the light and she saw her crying and crushing her hand on the bed.

-Zoya, what's wrong? He touched her shoulders

-Akram, Akram, she kept repeating this again and again, still crying incoherently

-Zoya, there is no Akram, he is no more, he wrapped her in his arms but she was still rubbing her hand on the bed

-I..know...it's...because of me...It's me...Asad

-sssh, calm down, Zoya, it was just a nightmare, Akram will not harm you ever again. He held her wrist and cupped her face forcing her to look at him. It's all behind us, now, ok? Calm down, Zoya, I am here, with you.

She fell on his chest, clasped her hand around him. It looked so real to her, she could feel the gun in her hand. She felt disgust and guilty, the image came to her mind and she tightened her grip around his waist, sobbing and shivering. Asad kept chanting smooth and confort words to her, rubbing her back. The stress that she was living those days woke up on her this trauma again, he thought, he never saw her so shaken since that episode happened. He was aware that she needed to relax and she accumulated a lot of frustration, he was worried now for her mental. They didn't get the time to go somewhere alone, he was always busy and he felt guilty about that. Slowly, her sobs fade away and she loosened her grip slowly. He faced her and slidded his hand into her hair, pushing some lock from her forehead.

-Are you ok? He said soflty, kissing her forehead, she just nodded catching her new sobs, tell me what did you see?

-it's..nothing, Asad, it's nothing, she brought her knees to her chest, looking in nowhere

Asad gave her a glass of water to drink, her hands still shaking, he helped her to hold on it, she drunk slowly, her eyes still closed but tears still flowing from them. He wiped her tears.

-Zoya, it was just a nightmare, Akram was no more, get back to sleep, now. He said soflty. She held her hands and laid down on the bed, she didn't want to be alone, she was terrified to close her eyes, as he felt her hesitation, he slept next to her, holding her body next to his. He kept saying soft and sweet words into her ears until she closed her eyes. He was still awake and stared at her, he touched tenderly her head and looked at her worried. He didn't know what to do and how to convince her to forget about her obsession, she was going far away from him and he was also moving in the opposite site, he was exhausted to fight alone and to see no change in her. He thought with love and patience, she will be back, but it seemed that he has no more patience. He didn't want to force but he was helpless, he prayed to God to remove this pain and to give her enough strength and patience to face her destiny.

One week later

Dilshad threw party where she invited Zoya's family and some her old friends, she felt tension between Asad and Zoya those last time, when they came to visit her, the sparkle in their eyes seems missing. She wanted to change their mind and to cheer up their mood.

Zoya prepared herself almost reluctantly, she didn't want to see anyone, she just wanted to stay alone, but her parent will be there and Dilshad prepared this for them and she couldn't decline the invitation. It has been almost a week now since she saw this nightmare and between Asad and her, it was ok. In this week, they had a short talk, and the habbit was now : he went to his work and she into her i-pad, this cuddling, teasing and kissing seemed so far now. She smiled sadly but at the end, she didn't need it anymore, she was going away from everyone, she can't share about her misery with Asad, he will always told her the same thing: be patience, it's our test, but she can't stand it no more, and seeing her like this, he will be in pain. She preferred to keep everything inside of her, even if it's eating her slowly days after days, diving her into deep darkness and loneliness. She was no more herself.

He came out the bathroom, wiping his hair with the towel, he saw his sherwani on the bed, prepared for him. They exchanged briefly an eye look throught the mirror, she went back to her make-up and he dressed silently. He finally took the shawl and smiling recalling a moment in the past when they almost kissed when she helped him with it.

-Zoya, can you help me with this please? He wanted to relive this moment. She came to him, asking to bend his head down, she posed the shawl around his neck and took one side to cross on his shoulder, her face was closer to him and this time, he did it in purpose, he kissed the corner of her lips. She touched his cheek and the corner of her lips lifted a bit.

-we are going to be late, she let him and turned back to her make-up.

Asad stood up, in shock and in pain, he waited for her to kiss him back but she just stepped away, it became so easy for them to let the other one moving away without fighting.

Both of them were welcomed by the guest and their family, they were met with smiles and hug, with tap on the shoulders or kiss on their cheeks. Both didn't wanted to go to this party but it was confirmed to be a good idea for them. Zoya chitchatted with her mother and some relatives while Asad discussed with Ayaan and his father-in-law, and from time to time, Asad and Zoya exchanged some soft look to each other. This party gave a brand new page in their morose life.

Zoya's mood was much better now, she was talking, smiling and even she laughed, she missed to be happy and to stop thinking about her pregnancy, like the time has stopped for her and she didn't mind. She prepared some juice and went to the guest, but she stopped suddenly. Asad was playing with a small kid, one cousin's son of his mother, she posed looking at Asad smiling and playing with the hair of this kid, she felt a sharp pain in her heart, it might their son today. She closed her eyes to fight fresh tears and tightened the plate.

-Zoya, come one, called her Dilshad, she nodded and went to her, putting a fake smile on her face.

She couldn't remove this image of Asad with a child, this picture looked so perfect to her, she stopped from her reveries when she saw the same kid running to her, she cupped his face and kissed his forehead, sadly.

-this is my son, Vikram, said his mother,

-he is really cute, and really nice, Zoya replied politely

-ya Allah, nice!!!! He is not, he drives me mad, right, you drive me mad, Vikram, she said tickling him hard and he laughed loudly. Zoya felt emotional looking at this bond between them. Tell me Zoya, when it's going to be your turn? She said innocently

-mmm, I.., she didn't know what to answer

-well, we prefer to enjoy our marital life first and when Allah decided we will have children, Asad came to her rescue, she looked up at him sadly

-oh! A long honeymoon, you are so lucky Zoya, enjoy because once you will have kids, you will not have time for both of you, and all of the parents laughed while Asad and Zoya smiled briefly, they didn't have heart and they wished to sacrifice their freedom for this.

The end of the party was soft and slowly everyone left the house, Asad and Zoya came back to their house, silently walking next to each other. Zoya was lost in her thought and Asad lost in her.

Zoya sat in front of the mirror, removing mechanically her jewellery, she was lost in her thought and in her pain. This was expected that everyone will ask her about this hurtful subject : pregnancy. She didn't know how to respond or how to explain, she didn't even know why she was still not expecting, she prayed Allah to give her a child, but it was like delayed for some reasons that was just killing her, because she can't figure out those reasons or she can't accept them. Her body was like numb to fertility, rejecting the simple idea to have a baby, everything was fine and not fine in the same time. She was confused because she didn't know from where to start, her strength left her and her happiness, she was not anymore the Zoya that she was in the beginning, she hated that body which was responsible from all of this pain, she wasn't feeling anymore attractive to him or even to herself, watching her body just reminded her failures. She hated herself and even Asad didn't touch her that much since 5 month, it was not anymore this passion between them, it became tasteless. Both seemed have gave up. Everything became tasteless and unwanted in her life.

Asad sat next to her and she broke her thought, she gave him a brief smile and continued her task.

-Did I tell you how much you are looking stunning Mrs Khan? He said gently

-thank you, she let it out sadly

-may I ? He held her earing, she just nodded without looking at him.

He came closer and removed her earing soflty, he pushed her hair in one side to be able to see her neck, He placed wet kisses along her neck while his hand loosened the lacets of her top. Zoya cringed under his touch, she was never like this but those last months, she didn't feel any pleasure to be touch, she didn't want her body to be satisfy. She pushed him abruptly.

-Asad, no, please, I am not in the mood, her eyes showed clearly pain and her voice sounded hurt

He stepped back looking intently at her, he was also hurt, he was used those last month to be push and in those last 5 month, the rare making love that they shared, she was far from him and he could see that she didn't enjoy his touch anymore. He lost the desire to touch her after that, but tonight, he wanted to make a step toward her, but it seems that she wasn't not ready to come to him.

-it has been 5 months now, that you are not in the mood, Zoya, he said bitterly

-should I remind you that you are not either in the mood those last month, Asad? She looked in defiance at him.

-you are in reproaches, now, he said sarcastically, well, tell me then for what you blame me?

-I am not blaming you Asad, I just said that I am not in the mood, that's it

-no, please, I want to know, I want to discuss

-but I don't want to discuss, Asad

-but I want to talk today, tell me about your dream?

-it was just a dream, Asad

-tell me more, I know that you don't want me to touch you but you are also not in the mood to talk to me?

-Asad, please stop it, I don't want to fight, I am tired, she stood up and went to the bathroom.

-I didn't miss her, he said bitterly

-excuse me? She looked back

-I said I didn't miss this Zoya, this part of you who always used to run when it became hard to handle, this part of you who was coward and frighten for nothing, I don't like her and I will never like her, I thought this part was from the past, but unfortunately, she is back. He said ironically

-I-am-not-like-this, she said angrily

-yes-you-are, and I HATE HER, because of her, you hide behind walls and you run away from me and my love. This woman inside of you killed you and forced to become weak and my Zoya was not weak. My Zoya will have never rejected me like this, she would have never avoid to look into my eyes or she would have never give me her back without talking.

-you want to talk? She threw her towel on the bed, OK, let's talk, I just say that I am not in the mood and about the dream, I dreamt about killing Akram, happy now?

-Zoya, do you still love me?

-What?

-I ask you a question, do you still love me?

-this is ridiculous Asad,

-I said, do-you-still-love-me? HA ya NA? He asked angrily, his breath blowing from his nose were louder now.

Zoya stayed quiet and didn't respond, she wanted to say yes but for the first time, it was hard for her to say it easily, she felt her throat and her tongue tightned. She looked down and her lower lips started to shiver, Asad waited for her to respond and to come to his arms, but she didn't say anything or didn't move, he was hurt. Did she stop loving him? It can't be, his eyes showed anger but his heart was crying in pain.

-Asad, I am...she breathed with difficulties, I...He didn't want to hear any excuses, he wanted her to say that she loves him, like she used to do, was she not in the mood too? He let a bitter chuckle.

-I can't believe it, he smiled at her but it was just a smile of shock

-Asad, I am just lost and confused, those last months were hard for us, I just need to be alone for sometimes to clear my mind. Asad, it's not about you, I love you of course but it's me and...I know that it wasn't easy for us, I just need to be with myself for sometimes.

-when did I lost you, Zoya?

-You didn't lost me, Asad, I just lost myself and I am just suffocated here.

His smile fade away to be replaced by a pain and anger, his eyes were teary. Her confession wasn't sound real to him, it was all fake and it hurted him to the core, he felt like she just gave him what he asked without true emotions.

-perfect then, I am leaving,

-what? She was shocked, Asad wait, she felt panic into her heart, he was leaving her forever? He can't, he promised to be with her and she can't live without him, she lo...She loved him for sure, from the bottom of her heart, she just needed space but next to him.

-I am going away for 3 weeks and I hope it will be enough time for you to find YOUR-SELF, he said ironically

-where and when are you going, Asad? She was closed to him, she wanted to touch him but he body didn't respond to her will.

-I'm going to New-York, I have to see Elena for some final details and I am going tomorrow morning, he turned away from her, he didn't want her to see his pain, she didn't love him anymore what was the use?

-tomorrow morning? Are you serious? And I was supposed to know this when? TELL ME, she grabbed his arms and forced him to look at her, TELL ME, you would have send me an e-mail once you were there? He jerked her hand and turned away. You are just a hypocrite, you are blaming me for not talking and YOU, are hiding this from me? You were not in the "mood" either to tell about your travel? You know you are just to selfish and I hate you , I-hate-you Asad Ahmed Khan

-perfect, and I hate you too and I am HAP-PY that I don't have children from you.

She slapped him instantly hard on his cheek, she was in pain, how can he say this? She will never forgive him, he was in pain she can understand but nothing justified cruelty.

-you shoudn't have say this, Asad? Her tears flowed on her cheeks but her voice was full with anger and hurt.

-you don't love me and you just hate me, right? So this is MY truth, Zoya

-how dare you? She wanted to slap him again but he held her wrist firmly and he was mad at her for pushing him to loose control and at himself, he didn't know how he could say such a horrible thing to her, knowing how she was sensitive. He couldn't forgive himself, but he was lost in this volcano of pain.

-leave me, alone, Asad, LEAVE-ME, but he didn't leave her, you know what, I am not in the mood to make love because I CAN'T STAND YOUR TOUCH ANYMORE, I CRINGED each time you touch me, I don't want to talk to you because I have nothing to share with you, you are just SELFISH and you just like listening to yourself, it's all about you,YOU and YOU. All about you became TASTLESS and I hate you, Asad, I HATE YOU from the core and I hope you will leave and never COME BACK, she shivered at her last sentence, she didn't mean it but she just wanted to hurt him but she cursed herself for saying this and seeing the hurt in his eyes. She wanted to apologize but her pride stopped her.

It was the limit for him, he spinned her around and pulled her loudly against the wall. She hissed and he crushed his body on her, increasing the pressure on her. He caged her wrist and maintened from each side of her head.

-So, you don't feel anything for me? You don't have any desire or any love for me? This is what you claim, right?

-I hate you Asad, I hate you, she kept repeating this and he chuckled ironically

-I feel that you forget about it, Zoya, each you time you say that you hated me, you know what will happen to you,

-I-HATE-YOU, her face was closer to him, she didn't know why she was burning with desire for him. As much as she was mad at him, she wanted him so badly. His body, his chest moving up and down against her and the look in his eyes increased her heat dangerously, flipping her tummy with eargness. He looked at her and couldn't ignore the fire in her eyes and her audacity, this was the passionate Zoya that he loved, feeling her small body under his ignited his wild desire, he didn't want to be soft today, he wanted to tam her, to prove her wrong that she still had desire for him and he will show her lies, even if he asked him to hurt her.

-this is all I need, he crushed his manly lips on her, devoring her without mercy or tenderness, he was rough, hard and hungry. She said he was tastless and he will show her, he gripped her hair harshly and pushed her into the kiss. He bitted her lower lips hurting her and the kiss was now coppery. She tried to struggle under his touch but he was stronger than her and his kiss, and rudeness were something that she never explored before, it was truly aching but in the same time, she couldn't ignore the pleasure behind it, it was so intense. He bitted her lips and she winced, she did the same to him and both just deepened the kiss. They were fighting asking the other to surrender, but they just kept throwing away all their frustration in each other mouths, telling hiden reproaches, unsaid apologizes and veiled love. They stepped back asking for breath, both were now breathing loudly and with an open mouth, they were in the same state, bruise and swollen lips and craving for the other body.

-I show you all your lies, Zoya, He took the collar of her top and snatched a single sharp movement, throwing it away, he did the same to her brat and her skirt, and he placed his hand around her lifting his eyes at her from head to toe slowly, she froze and her chest moved up and down, making dance her breasts. He looked at her like a prey ready to be eaten, he stood up looking proudly and intently at her, her cheeks reddened with his intense gaze on her, she never felt so vulnerable before but yet desirable in the same time. She waited for him totally submitted to his desires. He unbuttoned slowly his sherwani and his eyes locked with her forcing her to look at him, and slowly he removed every clothes that covered him, her eyes grew up widely with every clothes that he threw carelessly on the floor. He closed the distance and he started his torture on her body, he wasn't gentle or soft like he was before, he possessed every each of her body with his teeth, his tongue and his lips, his fingers let a blue mark on her skin but she didn't care about her body, she hated it but she loved the way he was touching her. He was bestial and arrogant, she knew now why his name means a brave lion. Each of his assault freed a loud scream and she didn't recognize her voice or let any inhibition stopping her pleasure under his touch. She didn't feel shame or weak or confused, she was just enjoying to be loved like never before, he removed all her frustration that she held for so long months. She wasn't gentle either, the mark of her nails were in all his back and chest. Her legs started to tremble and if it's not Asad, she would have fall on her knees, she was too high and it was too long to handle for her. He tore her panties and lifted her from the ground, she wrapped her legs around his waist, holding on his shoulders, both shared a look, knowing what was about to come. Her voice made echo in all the room, when he marked her. He wasn't like this with her but he wanted to show her his power and wanted to tam her, he wanted to remind her his love. They made love against the wall passionately for the first time, loving the other no matter the hurtful words that they exchanged earlier, it was only the two of them.

Finally after a long war between bodies who asked for love, both realesed their pleasure, it was like a sleeping volcano that has erupted inside of them, they never felt so fusionnel and free since last 5 months, for sure, it wasn't tastless at all. They stood up against the wall, both were exhausted and satisfied with this intense love making. Asad took balance on the wall and his head on her shoulders breathing against her neck, she slidded her hands in his hair and placing small kisses in his neck. They looked at each other and both smiled soflty. He took her in his arms and posed her on the bed. Within a second, both drifted to a deep slumber.

Asad woke up from sleep, still disoriented and he found her in his arms totally naked. The memory of last night came to his mind and the pain too, he removed her arms around him and went to the bathroom, he had a flight to catch.

He prepared his suitcase, silently, he didn't want to wake her up. His eyes fell on her body and he saw all the bruises on her exposed body, he felt disgust about himself, how can he hurt her like this? With his words, his touches and his love, she was right, she needed to be away from him, he only gave her a pain, he saw the small cut on her lips but strangely, her lips curved in soft smile. She must be dreaming about something happy he thought and he smiled sadly. He started to leave when he heard her groan and he stopped without turning back. Zoya touched his side but he wasn't here anymore and she called him:

-Asad, her voice sounded sleepy, he didn't respond, she opened her eyes and saw him next the door, she sat up rubbing her eyes from the sleep, smiling happily. She wasn't anymore mad at him, after what they shared yesterday, she was feeling something new, everything will be fine, they finally found each other and it was not an umpteenth attempt but the good one this time, she will make efforts, she loved him more than herself. Baby, you already leaving? He didn't respond, Asad, I ..

-I'm sorry Zoya, she frowned, I am sorry for yesterday, I shoudn't have hurt you like this, I was just too mad at you but it's not justify my cruelty toward you, I feel disgust about what I did to you. His voice was clearly in pain and shaking.

-Asad, no, it's not..

-Zoya, please, I will give you all the time that you will need, and I will not contact you to leave you in peace. I just hope you will have your decision after those 3 weeks.

-my decision?

-if you want us to be together or...He couldn't say it, he can't live without her.

-Asad, wait, she stood up on her knees covering her body.

-Allah Hafez, Zoya, and he left without turning back

Zoya fell on her back and her tears flowed in pain, he felt guilty while she felt the happiest woman in the world for having him, he felt miserable while she felt alive again. All her hapiness crushed suddenly seeing him in pain. She was the responsible for all this mess, she was supposed to feel shame for what she did to him, to his heart. She felt so empty without him, without telling him what he needed to hear.