New Asya SS:Crossing time, chap 14 (LAST); 08-11-15 - Page 49

Chap 11

He felt her finally giving up her inner battle to push him away and felt her body relaxing under his kiss. He held her thigh to him, he missed her and her scent. He loved her and was overwhelming having her with him, in his arms like before, when he was...He pulled apart slowly. He realized that a part of Leo was in this kiss and he didn't like it. Her lips swollened and wetted with this long kiss, her eyes closed and her breathe speeded, she was looking beautiful and desirable in his arms. She travelled her hand along his shoulders and arms and finally looked at him. She smiled hesitantly and she held his gaze, for a change, it wasn't a kiss of submission, or force one, it was just a kiss between two who were in love. She felt his gesture different from she experimented before with him, it was the same that they shared first in the hospital, he was gentle and no more arrogant or possessive. They stood there, not saying any words but looking at the other. They let their eyes diving into the other souls telling hundred of missing words.

-come with me, he took her hands and she just nodded.

She entered his apartment and he went to the kitchen preparing some drinks for them. Using his absence, she scanned his room and found the decoration really minimalist, grey and white were the only colors used and few furniture's dressed his lounge. They were no books, no picture, no color in this house, it looked cold and lifeless place. They was no signature or a particular print, his old house looked warmer than this. He was for sure different now and he not only change himself but the way he wanted his surrounding to look. He put the same color inside and outside, it was time for him to come back to who it was in real, Leo and not this sad version. She knew that he was inside of him, scared to go out but she was here now and she will do her best to bring him back, her love as weapons. He came and gave her a cup of warm coffee, they sat facing each other and stayed quiet for sometimes, before she decided to break it.

-tell me what happened to you after I left?

-you really want to talk about the past now? He said annoyed

-yes, I want, her voice was firm and he sighed in defeat

It has been two month that Leo left the hospital, he recovered really well and he was back to school. Zed since this accident, became really possessive and overprotective with him. She was always in alert to all his needs, she never forced him to anything, and if he asked something she will always obey. Leo didn't like this side of her, he wanted her back, his ziddi, his impulsive friend but he didn't know what to do. He noticed her staring at him in pain and when he caught her looking, she faked a smile that didn't reach her eyes. He was really annoyed with her, she didn't even respond to his tease or challenge, she stopped all her other activities, the only activity was to follow him everywhere, acting like a bodyguard. No matter how he tried she didn't change her behavior but he will bring her back at any cost. This was not his crazy Zed.

-Zed, I want to run

-What? She said in shock, YOU? Want to run? With your feet?

-Actually I was planning to run on my head but with my surgery, I can't, he tried to crack a joke but her eyes filled with tears and he smacked himself, he shouldn't have said this, she was really sensitive on this subject. Zed, I really want to run, I want to have a perfect body, he pointed to himself and she sketched a faint smile.

-as I told you, I tried to stop you but you just left and I was feeling so guilty for hurting you that I decided to be another man than him, I grew up and I see life as she was really. I changed totally to be a new man, to be adapted to this life and that you can be proud of.

-I was proud of him too

-Zoya, don't lie, tell me that you didn't hate him all this years for what he said to you?

-I never hated him, I was hurt of course by him, but when I was lost or I needed a friend, Leo's words were always here to comfort me and no matter how much I stopped those memories from my head and heart they were always the light that I needed to cross my darkness.

-instead of you, I was in the darkness with him but now, it's different. Your face was my destination and the end of my agony and today I finally found you and I know now that my waiting was over, he smiled at her tenderly. I don't need to run anymore, I have you now.

She was running behind him, not in her usual speed, she wanted him to enjoy and she will take care of everything. She didn't want to win, she wanted him to win and to make him happy. He was looking behind him, calling her and spatting his tongue to her but she only answered with a soft smile. He sighed at her and stopped to run abruptly.

-Leo, are you ok? Are you hurt? Did you feel pain? Tell me, she ran quickly when she saw him and bombarded him with question, checking him at the same time.

-Yes, I am hurt, he said annoyed

-Where? She didn't notice the sarcasm in his tone, let's go to the hospital, Leo, everything will be fine, I am here with you and I won't let anything happen to you. She grabbed softly his elbow to help him.

-can you stop this, I am fine

-no, you are not fine, don't lie to me, Leo

-I-AM-FINE, I was just joking

-You? You were joking?

-Yes, joking? You know, HA HA, he held his tummy faking to laugh, I was playing prank

-you really think it's funny? She replied harshly and her voice was shaking with fears and anger

-It's funny, you know me, I always like to joke, and since when do you start to take everything seriously, Zed? He tapped her nose but she didn't smile at all. She pushed him and ran away as fast as she can, crying in pain. He felt guilty, he wanted to make her smile but he screw up everything.

-ZED, ZED, PLEASE STOP, but she kept running ignoring him.

-Why are you in pain even now? She asked him

-I am not pain, Zoya, it's just happiness, she shook her head in no and he rolled his eyes, I am telling you, Zoya, I don't have pain, you are misunderstanding.

-I can read your eyes better than anything, she came to him and sat on her knees, placing her hands on his face and he closed his eyes leaning on her touch, I know you, Asad, I know every part of you, all those thing that you tried to hide, your eyes can't never lie to me, I can see through your shell as thick as it can be. He opened his eyes and felt naked under her gaze.

-I am sorry, I shouldn't have said this, I just ...He scrubbed his face distraught, I don't like to see you like this, I don't like to see you in pain. You are not anymore yourself, you are treating me like a piece of glass, and you look scared and sad. And I hate seeing you like this , Zed. I just want you to be happy, I want my Zed back.

She didn't reply and choked with her tears.

-Zed, please, he sat next to her and placed gently his arms around her shoulder to hold her, she didn't resist and she cried on his chest. He knew that she didn't move on and she was still traumatized by his accident, he can feel her guilt and he just wanted to forgive herself, she was not at the fault. She was not responsible for what happen to him.

Her sobs subsided and she moved away from his arms, looking down. She didn't want break down in front of him, but he was the only person with whom she can be herself.

-Zed, look at me, she nodded her head in no, please, look at me, she hesitantly looked at him, I am fine, I promise, look at me, I am really fine, you don't need to worry about me. She nodded and hummed sadly, but he can see that she was not sincere, he removed his glasses, and put his hair behind to expose his face. Look at me carefully, I am here with you, fully awake and with all my teeth. She chuckled sadly, then why are you feeling so low?

She was right, he didn't know why he still felt pain, even after what they shared in the elevator, she gave herself in this kiss, but still, he felt this whole in his heart.

-Zoya, he sounded in pain

-Asad, tell me what's wrong? I am here now,

-I am just scared to close my eyes to feel that I was dreaming all this time about you, Zoya

-close your eyes, she asked him

-Zoya, please,

-Shh, she covered his eyes with her hands,

-I am always scared to see your eyes closed and to never be able to bring you back, Leo. I...felt alone without you, I don't want to lose you.

-why do you think that you are going to lose me?

-I don't know, I know that you are here, but I have a bad feeling, she cupped his cheek.

-You are just idiot you know, listen to me, he held her both hands, no matter the distance between us, you will find me and I will always find you. If I go far, you will call me and I will come, and if you decided to go away, I will grip on your legs and you will not be able to move from inch. She let out a short chuckle. You know my heart and you know me better than anyone, you will always find your way. You bring me back when I was playing as a sleeping beauty and you think you are going to lose me.

-and you?

-you are the only road that I know, Zed, I might travel all around the world, seeing hundreds of face, but yours will always be my final destination. You are my friend, my best part, I can't do anything without you, but...He posed, I will remind you to saty away only when I will be on date.

She smacked his arms playfully and she finally smiled at him.

-I will always be here to give you advice

-no please, I can do by myself, I read enough to know about girls and their needs. I will let my natural charisma seducing them.

-you are just going to scare them with your crazy stories

-of course not, they will laugh at my jokes, they will feel love with my words and they will enjoy being in my arms, he waggled his eyebrows perversely at her.

-you are disgusting,

-I am just too romantic for you.

-I can imagine your poor kids, they are going to be mad like you and your wife will kill you.

-No, of course not, I want to be with a girl who will accept my craziness, she will fall in love with it, I want my children to smile, to laugh, why they should take everything seriously, life will remind them enough how much it can be hard sometimes, I will let them dream and be themselves, I will draw with them on the wall, and I will colore my face as they can do, and I will read them stories of prince and princess who lived happily after. I will teach them how to love and how to smile, life will teach them all the other thing. I will always remind them that there is always two side to everything, it's not only black and white.

-don't you think you have to tell them also how to face life?

-I will, but first I want them to enjoy.

-what about me?

-Of course, you will teach them how to fight, how to curve those eyebrows, he pointed in the middle of her forehead, and she growled frustrated, you will teach them to run.

-I have all the bad role, she crossed her arms and pouted, he shook her head and held her elbow and forced her to look at him.

-of course not, you will teach them loyalty, you will teach them life, you will tell them how to fight their fears, how to stand for other, you will teach them how to be selfless and generous, you will tell them not to listen to their father because he is crazy, he made a weird face and she laughed at him. You will teach them how to take care about person that are closed to your heart. You will tell them to keep faith when everything was not easy and how to pray when they are helpless. He wiped her fresh tears and she didn't realize that she started to cry after his speech. She was touched that he saw her as good human despite her sadness.

- you just say that to coax me, she wanted to change this heavy atmosphere

-was it obvious? He replied and knew that she didn't like when it became too emotional. Both laughed finding again their cheerful mood, he soothed her pain with his love and she couldn't fight him, she never know how to have the last word with him, he was so persuasive. She stopped to laugh and stared at him, lovingly. She never saw his face without all those hideous stuff, his glasses, his hair and his braces that hide his face, the lines were well defined and actually, he was looking handsome. She drew imaginary lines with her index touching the furrow of his face, her sudden gesture arrested his laugh and stared questionably at her. He though she wanted to play and he did the same with her face. Zed let her hands where she can still see his wound, on his eyebrow, his cheeks and his jaw, the mark was still present on his face and her heart constricted, but it didn't change him, he even looked better and terribly attractive. Those scars only showed all his love for her, how can she not like them? Leo was surprised to close his eyes leaning on her touch, diving on and on. He felt strange under her touch and he felt her different, her eyes were different, she was not looking at him like usual, it seemed that something has changed, his heart beat new feeling for her, that he saw before Akram hit her. Their heartbeat and breathe became erratic and speeded with this closeness, it felt strange, scary but yet beautiful for both of them. Their mind were in mute and only their both heart knocked in synchro in the cage rib. Both closed their eyes and decreased the distance between their lips.

She captured his lips softly between his, massaging them tenderly. Her touches were soft and slow, she wanted to ease his pain with her kiss, and to find him again. She wanted to feel Leo in this kiss, as they first kissed years ago. The first time, she let her lips on his, she didn't think and her heart didn't obey to her mind saying that she will lose him. She wanted to open this door that he refused all access, she knows him and knew how to reach him. She just needed to remind him what he forgot. Her kiss of today was more mature than before, but her love was still the same for him, it only increased tenfold for him today. She pushed him far away thinking that it was the solution, but if she was the reason to bring him back, she will kiss him until awakening his hidden happiness. She only needed to remind him his lost memory and she will show him the good path.

Her lips were soft and shaking under his, they kissed as teenager can kiss each other, their gesture were hesitant, unsure, they didn't know what to do with their hands but their lips knew how to, it was natural between them as the seconds were passing. No one of them wanted to break the kiss, both knew that it will be awkward enough when they will stop to kiss, then they kept moving slowly discovering a new side of their feeling for each other. Zed slide her hand in his hair bringing him closer and he only put his hand on her back, each of them treated to other as soft as possible, they didn't force any of their gesture, they didn't want to scare this beautiful dream that both were going through.

He groaned throatily when he felt her lips and he responded hungrily at her, trapping her lips possessively. He wanted her to feel his need to have her. She uttered between the kiss,

-slowly Asad, and he decreased his thrust, but few seconds, he forgot her request and he speeded his moves. Her hands slide in his hair, brushing softly his lock and her other hand moved up and down on his back, but in opposite, his touches were deep and hard on her skin, she initiated for a change and he was pouring all his emotions in kiss. He was rough and bold and his urge and impatient kisses described perfectly his obsessed love. The myriad of emotions she can feel in his kiss and of his body when she touched him showed her how much he was deprived of love and was leaving in pain, she felt this Asad who waited 13 years to her. His hands were now moving shamelessly along her body, under her top and her pants and her body tensed suddenly, she removed his hands from her butts but he cupped her breast and she pulled away from the kiss.

Awkward was the word that described the silence once they stopped to kiss, both kept their eyes closed, none of them wanted to face the other. They didn't know what to say. She was lost in this moment, she initiated the kiss, and she didn't plan, it just happened for her, her first kiss with her truth friend. Did she screw up everything between them? Did she lost him? Did she fall in love with him? Did he love her too? Or was it just a desire to be kissed? After the euphoria, questions and doubts jostled in her mind. She can look into his eyes, what if he laughed at her or shouted on her? What will be his reaction? After long and deep breath, he opened his eyes and admired her swollen lips and couldn't hold his smile. She can regret or slap him or even yelled at him, he didn't regret kissing her and he just wanted to try again until the rest of his life. She was the one that he wanted to be with, he was in love with her from the beginning but never allowed himself to develop this feelings for her, she was too beautiful, too perfect for him, and how can she love a boy like him? She deserved so much better than him. He can't let her go and he will confess, this moment was a gift from the sky and he will not let it go. Her cheeks reddened and he could feel her turmoil, but he promise to comfort her once she will open her eyes.

-Zed, he called her soflty and her heart skipped a beat, why his voice sound smoother than before? She blinked still looking down. He lifted her chin forcing her to look at him.

-Leo, I...she didn't know what to say, I...Before, she could continue, he kissed her again, pressing his lips softly on her and she sighed deeply. He was respectful and kept his hands on her face. He was not like her, emotionally challenge, he never felt shame or scared to show his fears or his feeling, and in this, she will never be better than him. He was always gentle with her and he always knew how to make her feel good no matter the situation that she was.

-Asad, she moaned moving his hands away from her body. The kiss went too far to her taste in this present and it was not anymore like they kissed before. For the first time, he crossed her limits.

-I want you, he tried bring her close, his eyes darkened with desire.

-Not like this, Asad, not now, she stared into his eyes and she can see that he was annoyed and she frowned, she thought that he will show something different but he looked more upset than understanding. Maybe she was thinking too much but she couldn't help but to feel disappointed with his selfish gesture. She sat a bit far from him and readjusted her dress.

He finally broke the kiss and her face was red crimson this time, she was tied tongue. When she tried to look at him, he was grinning like a fool, happiness and satisfaction were cleared in his face. She just wanted to disappear now, she felt so embarrassed.

-I...I..have to go, she stood up and turned away. This is what she always do, she always ran when it was too much for her to handle.

-can I have at least a goodbye kiss? He teased her

-idiot, she was shock to his audacity and he laughed out loud enjoying to put her in awkward position. She shook her head amused at him, normally, she would have hit his head, but today, she didn't want to. She left, with a smile reaching her eyes and shyness all over her face, her tummy was full with butterflies after this 2 kisses. He made her feel beautiful and she didn't know that losing control can be so beautiful. He saw her leaving in hurry, and he was proud that she didn't deny this kiss or rejected this feeling. He knew that she will need time to open up but giving him a kiss was a huge step for a person like her. He realized one of his biggest dream, to kiss his lady love and what a beautiful dream it was, he didn't want to wake up ever. He couldn't stop to look at the sky dreamily.

All her effort and feeling that she put in this kiss didn't give the expected outcome, she felt disoriented and disappointed. She didn't know why she felt low after that, his eyes maybe didn't say those words of love that she saw before. She shook her head to throw her doubt and wanted to try another things.

-Asad, I want you to realize your dreams

-You are my only dream, Zoya

-you used to have a lot

-I let them all, you are the only one that I need to fulfill

-now that you have me, I want you to do all those thing that you stop yourself from doing.

-you mean travelling around the world? She nodded, I don't need to take a bag and to travel as poor man, I have enough money to go to any destination I want and to stay in luxurious hostel.

-but you never wanted to do this in the past, Asad, you wanted to live as people live in their country, you wanted to live and to learn from their culture.

-I have internet for this, he said arrogantly

-I noticed that you don't have any book here, Asad? She stood up and looked around

-I don't like reading anymore, some book contained rubbish and unreal stories

-but this is what you used to like about book, it makes you travel in your imagination

-that's was the past, now I prefer real life than imagination and it can distort your judgment living in the imagination. I want to live free.

-you think you are living free now?

-of course, look around you, I can have everything I want, why trying to imagine something unreal, knowing that I will never have. Dreaming about unicorns, fairies or super heroes it's for kids, Zoya. I grew up and I am not in age to believe to lies.

-I still dream about fary tale and super-heroes, she said bitterly

-Really? He laughed at her and she felt hurt, you are really cute, Zoya.

-when did you stop to dream Asad? When did you start to take everything seriously?

-since I realized that it's better to chase real dream than useless stories for children.

-and if we have children, what are you going to teach them? What are you going to read them before their sleep?

-I will teach them what life is really and how to face and to resist to hardship days and before their sleep, I will let you read for them what you want. He posed his hand behind his head.

-that so sweet of you, she said sarcastically

-what did I say now, Zoya?

-why do you want our children to face reality so soon? Why don't you want to spoil them first? What kind of father you want to be?

-A father who will not lie to them, and it's not because I will tell them the truth that it will make me rude or heatless. I want them to stand on their feet as soon as possible. I don't want them to suffer.

-what if I want them to believe in unicorns and happy ending life for sometimes?

-what was the need if at the end, they will know that's it was all false.

-it's not only about believing in fairy tale, Asad, it's about the fact to believe in dreams, to smile at crazy stuff, to laugh and let your imagination going as crazy as possible. It's good for their growth and life.

-Good for them? Are you kidding me? They are going to escape for a while to get back to their life and after, what your children's stories will serve them, to NO-THING at the end, instead of wasting time in useless reveries, they will have to move on and to find how to live.

-I don't like what I am hearing from you, Asad

-you know that I am right

-and you know that I am right too

-wrong, you are not right at all

-Leo was different, she whispered but he heard her

-let's talk about him, a perfect example, he read a lot of book, about love, about life, about fight, about human, did he serve him? Did he know how to fight Akram? Did he knew how to love you? How to trust you? DID HE SAVE HIM TO LIVE IN LIES? TELL ME?

-Yes, more than you think, he knew how to love, how to laugh, how to smile, he knew how to fight his fears and his pain, he knew how to dream and how to hope. All the thing that YOU will never learn because you think that you know everything but you know nothing. You don't know what happy means. I was about to give you a chance but I realize that you will never change, you pretend that I am the reason of your happiness, but even after our kisses you're still looking sad and bitter. I can't be with a negative man like you and I don't want you to put me down with your sadness. I want my Leo's back and not this one that you are now.

-I never force you to be someone else, I never force you to change or to fit me, I only want you as you are, my only wish is to be with you, as you are, as Zed, as Zoya.

-what was the need to have me? To have a life with you where you are not going to allow me to put dream in our children's head, what was the need to build for them a beautiful world you are going to destroy? To protect them? Seriously, you think that all the truth was supposed to be said, some truth needs you to be strong to face them or it will break you in piece without repair. You maybe didn't force me to change but if I lived with you, I will for sure change and become you perfect copy. I want my Leo's back, I want his beautiful smile that reached his eyes and his heart, and I want to see this, and I only see Leo able to bring you back. You are taking me wrong from the beginning, Asad, I just want you to be happy. I feel that you are forcing yourself to be someone emotionless while you are not, I only see sadness in your eyes and I can't see you like this.

-again the same thing, AGAIN and AGAIN. I don't want to be him, you hear me, I am happy as I AM. I will never force you to change but you will realize that I am saying the right thing, I am just saying out loud that the world that you are leaving will crack all of sudden if you are not prepare well. My happiness is where you are and I will protect you, as I always did, even if I have to take away from your la la land.

-Sorry, Asad, I guess, I prefer to live in my world of dream than in your sad love story. She took her stuff and leaft his appartment to join the elevator, he ran behind her shaking with rage.

-This is who I am Zoya, I will never be Leo again, I don't like his humanity, his kindness and his innocence, in this world, only stronger can survive and Leo was not made for this world. I am tired to run; I am tired to convince you that I am the better choice for you. This is who I am, take it or leave it. He stepped back waiting for her to take her decision, he didn't want to reach this point, but he didn't have another choice, once she will realize that she was losing him, she would take a step toward him, and this was what supposed to happen in theory. His heart knocked harder with every seconds of doubt that he was witness in her eyes. He knew that she was fighting internally and inside he was praying and calling her : come on Zoya, come on, he repeated this, hoping that her soul will heard his pleading calls.

What if he was right? What if she was forcing him to be someone else? What if she was wrong from pushing him away? Why everything was complicated? Why everything was confusing? She loved him and he loved her then why can they just be together? Why she felt something wrong? Why? She needed time to see clearly, this kiss, this atmosphere and this tension between them didn't help her to see all the side of this story. She just wanted to be in peace with his past like she did with hers, she didn't want him to wake up and realized all the time that he wasted by hating himself. She didn't want him to live in regret like she lived once she realized that she hated her parents for the wrong reason. He was right, world is hard but it doesn't mean that it was only allowed for the survivor, if kindness, humanity and innocence disappeared what will remain to balance this rude world? The earth will always had a half part in the darkness and the other part in light, he was in the dark and she was in the light, they were perfect for each other, but what if his darkness was greater than her light? Leo lost himself in this world then what if she lost herself too and became again Zed? This image sent shiver in her, she realized why she pushed him, she didn't want to be again sad, and she didn't want to get back to this painful past. She was afraid to taste again loneliness and bitterness. She realized why she was pushing him, she was selfish, and she wanted to protect herself from his darkness. She was losing her mind in this love and in him, but she didn't want to lose herself, not anymore. She didn't want to live a life in fight with him, like their parents did when she was young, she didn't want to live by his side while she wanted to be far from him, she didn't want this life for her, for him, for their couple and for their children, it was not sane. The future with him was totally insecure if he stayed the same.

She stepped to the door that was separating them and clicked on the button down. She then looked at him and simply said.

-I am sorry, I have to go. His heart stopped at her words, he couldn't believe his ears, she let him go and she left him...Again. The ding of the door rang the end of their story and slowly the double door slide to join each other, closing the curtains between two lovers who didn't know how to stop the other, killing the last hope to be together again. Until the last moment, they stared at each other fighting their own demons but the closing door chose for them. Zoya collapsed on the floor, holding herself and she cried like she never did before, crying for leaving him, crying for hurting him, crying for her weakness, crying for not being strong to stand by his side. She let him all alone in this road, she knew that she let her heart behind this door but she didn't know why she didn't give a try, because of ego, of fears or because of him. He became too different and hard to reach. Her love, her kisses or her touches will not enough strong for him, he was immunized, life ran in his blood like a poison and his heart seemed frozen. She didn't know what to do...

A lone tear ran along his cheek but his heart trapped anger and pain, he was now truly angry against her, asking himself, if she really loved him. And pain, because he lived so many years waiting for her but at the end, she left him. No matter what he did, it was not enough for her. He wiped his tears and refused to pour a single tear for a person who didn't value him and who spent all her time rejecting him for useless reasons. He stopped to live for her but today, she freed him and today was his day, Asad will finally live the entire thing that he stopped himself from doing for her. He was adamant to live his life, as he rejected Leo, it will be easy to reject her from his heart. He was strong today, he faced many things and today, he will have to remove Love from his heart, to remove her image from his soul, to finally kill the last link to his past, Zoya.

He can see his future clear now, he was not scared anymore, and he had her in his life. He finally found what he looked for, he was lucky to meet his half part soon, some waited for years, some try many time before finding her and some never find their half missing part. He felt blessed to have her. They saw each other after that kiss but he didn't change his behavior toward her, he teased her as always, but it was awkward for her, she blushed more, she stammered more but it didn't stop her to respond to his kiss each time, he invited her by surprised. He enjoyed every bit of his new Zed, this shy, and quiet girl but yet passionate. Even if nothing was discussed clearly between them, they were more than just a friend, and he knew that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life.

Luttna from cocktail, translation bollynook.com

Jeh main tainu bahar dhundha
I am searching for You outside
Teh mere andar kaun samaya
Then who is inside me
Jeh main tainu andar dhundha
When I searched for You inside
Teh bahar kisdi maya
Then whose shadow is it outside
Andar tu hai bahar tu hai
You are inside me and outside too
Vekhaan har thaan tera saya
I have seen every shadow of Yours
Main bhi tu hai Teh tu bhi tu hai
I am also You, and You are also You
Ratta farak nazar na aaya
I can't spot even a single difference

He stood in front of the mirror, sliding his arms in his black coat. He looked at himself, he was a new man today and he wanted to celebrate his freedom. The world was waiting for him with an open arms and he will enjoy from now every single minute in his life. He didn't want to waste anymore his time in doubt or in hope, life belonged for those who dare not for those who waited, and he waited enough.

I just want to see you happy

-I will be, don't worry, I am going to find this happiness again, he said determined. He checked the last thing to his clothes before he left his home.

Zoya took her day, she didn't want to see anyone today, she wanted to be all alone. The light was off and she was lying on the bed in fetal position, recalling her encounter with him. She didn't stop to cry since she left his side, why would she smile? She left everything there; did she went too far and lost him forever? He was not the one to be blame for her misery; she chose for both of them and ignored his request to stay with him. A big part of her wanted to go back and another part was hoping that he will understand that he lost himself. She praying for his salvation prayed that once he will reach the depth of his darkness, he will realize that the only road for happiness was to get back home.

She couldn't believe how their relation has changed drastically, from friendship to love. She was in love, she knew it and didn't expect. She never planned to fall in love with him, but he knew her, he saw her and accepted her as she was. He was here for her, making her laugh, smile and driving her crazy with his antics, but this was what she loved about him. He was the smile that she missed for years, he was the love that she craved to have and the peace that she finally reached next to him. She can throw everyone for him, even her parents. He was the only one who matter in her life. It was her secret wish of happiness and Allah gave her better than she can dream about.

Yaar aaj luttna haye luttna
Friend, today I am going to get robbed
Ho dil tuttna tuttna tuttna
My heart is going to get shattered
Yaar aaj luttna haye luttna
Friend, today I am going to get robbed
Ho dil tuttna tuttna tuttna
My heart is going to get shattered
Yaar aaj luttna (x2)
Friend, today I am going to get robbed

He entered in night club and as expected many girls turned their head when they saw him. He smirked and felt satisfied to be praised by women. Internally, he mocked Zoya for being blind, he didn't need her anymore, and he has others who were waiting for him. He never drinks but today, he will give a try. He started with one, and then, two, and more, more, until he started to feel the effect of the alcohol, he giggled suddenly and for nothing. Her image and voice started to blurt in his mind and he finally smiled satisfied that she left his inside. Slowly, he will remove her and he will not even flinch. His eyes fell suddenly in the dance floor where two ladies were eating him with their eyes. He smiled at them and they smiled back. He licked his lower lip and approached them like a predator. As expected, he was encircled by this two girls and they all danced in seductive way, Asad enjoyed women affection, they didn't know him or Leo, they were just seeing his plastic and totally blind to his broken inside. Those women let their hand travelling along his body, touching him shamelessly and he giggled idiotically. He didn't know if it's because he was finally released from this burden or the alcohol that he enjoyed, he didn't feel any guilt. Afterall, he was a single man enjoying female's company.

Log charaag jalate ghee ke
People burn lamps of ghee (a fat, produced from milk, richer than oil which is used in India for cooking)
Main dil ka deep jalaaya
I have burned the lamp of my heart
Log hai khate kasam wafaa ki
People swear on their faithfulness
Main zehar hi zarda khaaya
I have eaten poison itself
Log gawaande dil ishq mein (x2)
People loose their hearts in Love
Maine apna aap gawayaan
I have lost myself
Phir bhi mera bujhna haaye
But still my getting extinguished
Mere sone yaar ko bhaya
Was liked by my Lover

She sat by the window, staring in nothing precise, her eyes stopped to cry, she has no more water to give. Life was running and animated outside, but her heart was feeling restless, more than earlier, she was suffocated but she didn't know why. She didn't want to hear her heart telling her that he was in danger and not fine, that he was going to do something stupid, but she ignored this calls. She shivered all of sudden and wrapped herself in her blanket looking at the sky, asking for forgiveness.

Jeh main nadiyaan Tah tu paani
I am a river and You the water
Main tah bin tere sukh jaana (x2)
Without You, I will go dry
Jeh tu paani Tah main pyaasi (x2)
If You are water, then I am thirsty
Main tah bin tere mukh jaana (x2)
Without You, I will die

He lost the track of space and time around him, the alcohol started his second effect, he was disoriented now and her image became stronger now. The more he heard her voice, the more he drunk and danced with girls, which he slowly didn't remember their features properly now. One of them held his face and captured his lips; he didn't push her and responded slightly but his mind kept ringing that she tasted differently, she was not his Zoya. He pushed her scared, feeling guilty for betraying his love. Why was he thinking like this? She left him, SHE LEFT YOU, his mind yelled at him. His anger overcame his guilt and he deepened the kiss. They pulled apart and he ignored the long call of his guilt, she smiled at him and he saw her smeared lipstick on her face but he didn't feel happy, is this happiness that he was asking? Then why it felt so wrong? She dragged him away from the dance floor and he followed her like hypnotized by strong force, something that scared him. Voices yelled inside of him, fighting the other, one said run while the other retored to enjoy your freedom. One reminded him Zoya and the other called him to forget her. Zoya...He looked up and saw Zoya standing a bit far, looking sadly at him. He stopped in his track and all around disappeared all of sudden for him. He looked down and found a beautiful woman staring at him with passion and needs.

-Come with me, I will make you forget everything.

Dil da lagnaa agg da lagnaa
When heart attaches itself to something, it's like catching fire
Yaara sab kuch hai jal jana
Friends, everything is going to be burned down
Na toh dhuan na chingaari
There won't be any smoke or sparks
Yahan kuch bhi nazar na aana
Here, You won't see anything at all

He felt his body heavier now, his mind and heart were totally in mess, the loud music and the alcohol made him feel dizzy and lost, he shook his head to calm himself but he felt his body not responding, she took him away from Zoya and her image vanished. The girl pressed him in the wall of the washroom and started to kiss him on his neck, chest and face. He felt breathless and wanted to push her, but his mind was out of control, he tried to push her away but he was not controlling anything. He didn't know what was happening to him, he was here to enjoy while now, he was suffering like hell, and he felt himself diving in deep darkness and didn't know how to stop his long falling to the abyss.

Aaja khelen khel wafaa ka (x2)
Let's play today the game of faithfulness
Yeh khel hai bahut puraana
This game is very old
Yaa tu mera ya main teri
Either I'm Yours or You're mine
Hai choukhat par mar jaana
I will die on Your doorstep

He turned her and she was now again the wall, he stared at her and at her body, she was offering herself to him without hesitation and she was waiting for him to love her, before he could protest, she held his face and devoured his lips. He was in pain and Zoya's face disappeared only few second before coming back stronger than ever. He forced his lips to taste her, and his hands to touch her, he forced himself to love another woman than Zoya, but it was only a torture for his heart. Her moan only increased his guilt and he didn't realize that he started to cry, he cried because he was removing his love for her and he didn't know that it could be so agonizing, his inside was tearing bit by bit with his bestial touch to this stranger. He felt disgust. The girl slide her hand between his pant and started to unbutton his belt. He tried to stop her but she continued thinking that he was teasing her.

-Zoya, he whimpered in pain

-ASAAADD, she shouted in fears waking up from her sleep, she dozed off in the window and dreamt about him. He was going away from her, she could feel it and it scared her. She grabbed her phone and tried to call him, she needed to hear his voice, and she needed to know that he was fine. She will accept all his reproach but she needed to hear him. The phone rang, again and again, and she waited hoping that he will pick up.

His phone buzzed but he didn't feel it in his pocket. His head started to ach and his eyes blinked many time but it was painful for him to keep his eyes open, he was tired and his stomach constricted, his throat was burning, he felt bad, really bad. He closed his eyes, he was tired, but under his eyelids, he saw her this time crystal clear as she was in front of him, he could almost touch her.

She was standing in front of the mirror, wearing a white, immaculate bride dress. She looked nervous but so beautiful, suddenly, she was aware of his presence and turned to see him. She ran and wrapped her arms around him, laughed happily.

-what take you so long, Asad? You know it's not good to make wait your bride

-my bride?

-yes, she looked quizzically at him and he was looking all around lost, Asad, she cupped his face, do you still love me? He was speechless, it was his wedding day, with her. His eyes started to wet. Asad do you still love me?

-and you, do you love me?

-I loved you yesterday, and I love you today and I will love you for the rest of my life, Asad Ahmed Khan.

-then why did you left me?

-I was always by your side, I didn't leave you once. You just change your way and, you just change your destination because I was not anymore your final destination.

-you are wrong, you're still the place where I want to be

-then where are you now, Asad? In which arms are you finding peace today?

Yaar aaj luttna haye luttna
Friend, today I am going to get robbed
Ho dil tuttna tuttna tuttna
My heart is going to get shattered
Yaar aaj luttna haye luttna
Friend, today I am going to get robbed
Ho dil tuttna tuttna tuttna
My heart is going to get shattered
Yaar aaj luttna
Friend, today I am going to get robbed

His eyes opened up widely and he pushed the girl away from him, and he looked at his reflection in the mirror, his shirt, his belt and his pants were fully opened, his mind registered what he was about to do, he was close to get intimate with a random girl in club, he was about to make love to another woman than his half part. If he still shared something with Leo, it was his needs to be a man for one woman. He felt ashamed and disgust of himself, he closed his shirt and pants with shaky hands, he wanted to look decent, but nothing will make him look decent anymore, what if she saw him now. His stomach constricted and he threw everything out, vomiting all the alcohol that paralyzed his mind and his body. He threw out until his wound hurt to the continuous spasm on his stomach. He sat on the floor holding his head between his hands and he cried for himself, he was really pitiful and miserable, who think he will fool, thinking that he will win over his love? He laughed and cried at the same time at the irony of the situation. He came as predator and he finished a prey, trap in his own plan. He laughed out loud with all pain that his heart felt at this moment. He stood up and splashed water on his face, he was slowly recovering from alcohol, the girl left when she saw him vomiting. He chuckled at her. He stood up to wash his face and froze at his reflection, he was not the same, he didn't even recognize himself, he was shabby, and there were marks of red lips on his shirt and on his neck, he looked like a drunkard, a poor and abandoned man. For a change, his outside looked exactly as his inside.

He was for sure dreaming, its impossible, he will wake up. He couldn't believe his eyes, how that happened? Who came in his house and broke his house? He was living a fairy tale with Zed at the college, and when he returned back home, he didn't expect to be projected into a nightmare. Everything was upside down in his house, starting from the entry, they were tags on the wall, vases, and dishes were in pieces. It was a carnage. Suddenly, his heart stopped when he thought about his parent's room, he ran like a mad man to reach their home, and what scared him happened unfortunately. The broken pieces of this room were all lying carelessly on the floor, the sheet beds were tore, feather of pillows scattered. It was a massacre, pure barbarism, they didn't let anything that they didn't break. The huge picture of his parents was sheared, some pieces were lying on the floor, and he took one piece where he can see his mother's eyes. He walked in this room, lost, groaning in pain and crying silently. His voice was betraying him, he wanted to shout, to yell but nothing came out. The bottle of his mother's perfume was broken and all the liquid was gone, the last sample of his mother's perfume. He brought to his nose and it still smelt her, but for how long? He enjoyed the smell, he needed to find solace because he didn't know how he was able to stand on his feet without breaking down like a child. His nany called the police, she was not here when it happened, she was on the supermarket. She was as shattered as he was. His eyes fell on something red on the floor, he took it in his hands and recognize it.

It never left him, her red heart of her bracelet, his gift to her. Since he found it in his parent's room, he never left him. It was always here to remind him what he did to her. It was his burden, his mark of pain. Today, when he decided to move on, still this heart reminded him to who he belonged, to her. But she decided to let him go, she decided to break him leaving his heart bleeding in pain.

-I am happy now, Zoya, look into my eyes, can't you see how happy I am now and I didn't need to be Leo, he said to his reflection. Pain? I don't see any pain in my eyes. His eyes let running tears. I am happy, I AM SO HAPPY, SO HAPPY WITHOUT YOU, YOU HEAR ME, ZOYA, I DON'T NEED YOUUU, I HATE YOU, YOU AND YOUR STUPID LOVE, YOU AND YOUR FU**** LEOOO, I HATE YOU BOTHHH, he knocked the mirror with his bare hands cracking the glace into pieces, covered with his blood. He felt pathetic, his life was pathetic, what he tried to do was pathetic; he didn't know that he could stand so low; he was ashamed to face himself. He left the club, holding his coat in his hand; he walked with heavy steps dragging his crying heart. It started to rain softly caressing the lines of his face, he felt this rain as mercy sign from the sky. He stopped and spread his arms to let this water cleaning him, his sins, he wished this water will be able to remove what he did in this club, he needed this water to purify him and his body. He wished he could melt with those drops of rain.

He walked miserably in the road, he wanted to find her and to find peace. She was the only person with who he will feel safe, the one that will stand with him and cried with him. He was in pain, totally shattered but her love became his strength. His eyes didn't stop to cry and his head started to ach sending electric shock in all his face. He heard some voice coming closer and could recognized Akram's voice. He hid behind the pillar, he was not in mood to face his prank today. He was weak, very weak.

-we had so much fun, guys, right? He laughed and gave high five to his goons and the other laughed idiotically at him. It was so easy to fool this idiot, thanks to his "girlfriend" who gave us his keys. He threw in the air a keyring and Leo recognized this keys. I didn't expect that Zed will succeed in her mission, she became his friend and he trusted easily, girl can do anything. He laughed like a maniac and Leo felt like the earth was crashing under his feet, his Zed, was he talking about his Zed, his love? It's impossible, he was for sure talking about someone else. Zed didn't manipulate him, it can be.

-Guys, I have to go, to join her, I have to congratule her and to free her from this idiot of Leo. She did perfectly as the plan, we broke his secret room and now I will break his heart. Akram was satisfied that his plan worked perfectly and he managed to fill his revenge from him.

He was stone and walked in this road, he didn't know where he was going, and he let his feet taking their proper direction. Slowly the pain started to ease as the rain poured more and more, the alcohol left his blood and his mind was back to normal. He thought about his life, about her, about Leo, everything was confusing and for the first time, he felt a doubt. Did he go too far now that he was strong? He realized that physically he was strong but mentally, he was like a kid, he didn't value enough the danger and he exposed himself to something stronger than he can handle. He was not controlling anymore, everything went to a piteous destination. She was supposed to be his final destination but today, he took the wrong one and he had to admit that he was closed to lose everything. He looked around him and smiled sadly when he realized where he was.

He needed answer, Akram was lying for sure, she can't do this to him, and they were in love. He loved her, she couldn't lie, her eyes never lied to him and he knew her better than anything. He followed him and his heart stopped when he saw him running to a girl. First, he could see who it was, his back was hiding her. She finally turned and held him on his neck, and he stopped to breath. Zed was holding Akram, her eyes closed and smiling in content in his arms. He couldn't see more, he turned and let his back leaning painfully on the wall, his heart was breaking in pieces, and he was suffering long and slow agony seeing her lies in front of his eyes. How did she fool him all this time? He was losing his sense, how all that happened? How did he manipulated him? Was she one of them? He walked painfully, his legs didn't want to move and he fell on his knees holding on the gate like holding on thigh to the last bit of his sanity.

The gate of his old school was closed, it seemed that nothing change during all this year. It was maybe the time for him to go back to his past, maybe he will find clue that he needs for his future. He climbed the gate with difficulty; the water didn't help his grip to fit the bars. He finally succeeded to go inside and walked, taking the precaution to see all detail of this place. Old memories started to come out and he didn't try to stop them, it was so familiar and warming to see that only happy memories came in first. Like an old movie, he saw his moment in this place and nothing has change, he felt good that still many place didn't get old or change, this place and memories were still strong enough to face wind and time. This all were only stone but they contained her laugh, his jokes, their fight, their kiss. He sat on the tree and brought his knees to his chest and closed his eyes, admiring his memory movie with the soft sound of rain acting as background music.

-hey, who are you? Came a male voice

Asad opened his eyes but he was blind by the light that this man was projecting into his eyes. He placed his hand to protect himself and he stood up, he must be the watchman, he thought.

-this is private, Mister, you are not allowed to be here, please you have to go out.

-Sorry man, but I am not a homeless and I own this place, I am Asad Ahmed Khan, he tried to pacify the man.

-Leo? He heard him say and Asad was surprised, he didn't hear anyone called him like this for years.

-who are you? He asked surprised, trying to find where he might hear this voice.

-I am...Asad heard him stammering, I am...Akram, Leo. The thunder tore the sky as this name tore his heart, Akram turned off the light and Asad was in the dark again. He approached him slowly protected under his umbrella and Asad realized that he was about to finally face the biggest part of his past, Akram. He shared his umbrella and covered Asad from the rain; Asad stared at him and was surprised to see him smiling at him, giving a true one. He was so stunned that he couldn't talk.

-you will catch cold man, come with me, I will prepare some coffee for you. Akram took him by his elbow and dragged him softly to his place. Asad couldn't talk and didn't resist when Akram took him. Was he still drunk or was he dead?