FF: All the Right Moves - Chapter 14, page 129 - COMPLETE - Page 9

Thanks for the pm...

Zoya and Najma... to much of fan girls ... piss asad to the max..
so funny...

i wish you update your love story ... IF

I'm already dyin to read ur next update...! So plz plz plz plz plz plz plz update soon...! nd ur prevoius post cleared quite a lot of my doubts...!

Originally posted by: PalyGirl

Ohh...I had to reply to your post. First off, THANK YOU for leaving such thoughtful feedback! It's so kind of you to take the time. Next...

Such wonderful writing deserves longer reviews!!

Najma and Zoya fawning over Rohan isn't sitting well with Asad! Ha! Ha! The green eyed monster (GEM) is visiting the Khan Villa!! Such drama over a jug of water!! 😆

The jug of water is nothing. Wait for the pancakes Zoya makes for breakfast the next morning!

Yummy pancakes!! 😆 I know you don't watch QH anymore (or did you come back??) but did you see the scene where Zoya serves everyone but Asad parathas and says he can eat cereal to maintain his 6 packs!!

Can Zoya go through a single day without falling, tripping or getting hurt? It's a good thing Asad was there to cushion the impact of her fall! Her knight in shining armor! Hey, there's a chink in that armor around his heart!

Honestly, sometimes I think she does it on purpose! Wouldn't you if you knew your hot and hunky 'not-my-boyfriend' was always there to save you?

Hmm, why not? Especially if he always caught her!!

"Ms. Farooqui!" Asad snaps. "Well-behaved young ladies do not comment on men's physiques."

"Then well-behaved young men shouldn't take off their shirts in front of well-behaved young ladies, should they, Mr. Khan?"

Ha! Ha! Touche, Ms. Farooqui!! Good tie back to "Web of Lies"! I love how you link your stories by referring to the previous one and leaving a trail for the next one!!

I told one of my betas that everyone would be so focused on Asad removing his shirt that they'd forget the scene is actually a plot point. The significance won't be clear until GHOST IN THE MACHINE but it is an important setup for the next story. Good on you for catching it!

"Is this Asad Ahmed Khan asking if it's necessary to present a clean, smudge-free glass?" Zoya's eyes are wide open as she feigns shock.

The GEM is overpowering the OCD!! 😆

The GEM (may I use your acronym? I love it!) will overpower everything, including Asad's life-long conditioning. This is the story that breaks apart all of Asad's false assumptions of who and how his life-partner should be.

Of course,I don't have a copyright on GEM! 😃

Lovely!! Can't wait to see it unfold. He can barely control his feelings!! 😉

Cute couplet!!

I'm a fan of William Blake so the crazy tiger references come easily.

What's the deal with the missing IPad? Rohan has it?

Why would Rohan take Zoya's iPad? What purpose would that serve? 😲 Remember, I don't pad my stories with unnecessary details.

Hmm! You are OK dissecting the plot in comments or we can move it to PM?

Exactly my point: you don't have unnecessary details. So, there is a reason why Zoya's IPad is missing. Rohan is the obvious answer, or is it too obvious?!

Zoya looks at Rohan's bedroom door. "Maybe I should check to see if he needs anything else."

"No, you won't." Asad jumps up as though the sofa is on fire. "Well-behaved ladies do not go around knocking on men's bedroom doors in the middle of the night."

*******

"Allah miya, what do you think I'm going to do?" Her voice is high with her annoyance.

"I don't know," he snaps back. "Maybe you'll forget it's not your room and sleep in the wrong bed. You've done that before."

"That only happened once and it was an accident. I didn't know it was your room at the time." She waves her hand to dismiss the event. "You threw me out of bed, remember?"

"That will never happen again."

"I mean, now you know it's my room," he clarifies. "And I know you. I'm used to you barging into my bed."

Oh boy, Asad has it bad! 🤣 Are you sure you are not dabbling a bit in RomCom?! I know, I know! Mystery is your forte!! And you smoothly turn the RomCom into a whodunit!!

I'm also work on my original-character story. I'm trying to make it sweeter and lighter to balance against the harsh backstory. I think the different writing styles are confusing me. But I've already opened the mystery in this story so I should have the intensity back within the next two chapters.

I wasn't complaining! I love the light hearted bantering!

The flashback served multi purposes: reminded Asad of his mistake, tied us back to the previous story and beautifully opened the plot for the next one. Ooh! Who is the traitor?! Loved the RAID explanation. Your hard work and research tell!

Sometimes I think I need to start quoting my reference sources to give proper credit when due. I try to simplify the computer jargon but it can be hard at times. But at least a RAID is a real device setup, unlike some of the stuff I made up for WEB OF LIES.

"My retaliation is as well-known as my temper." His voice drops, becoming thick and dangerous. "They know I'll destroy anyone who hurts you."

*****************

"Regardless of their intentions, you were hurt that day. That won't happen again." He stills, the heat in his eyes chilling to glacial calm. "I'll find who did this and I'll take care of them - my way."

That ominous threat sent a shiver down my spine!! We have seen proof of that in the last 2 stories and surely will see it in this one and the next one!!

Oh, yes. My version of Asad Ahmed Khan doesn't take anything from anyone. Now he knows that even though Zoya has forgiven his mistake it hurts her too much to forget. She still cries remembering it. He also knows that someone deliberately set him up to hurt her. Do you think Asad will rest until he finds the culprit and makes a very ugly example out of him?

Bring it on!! 😆

Awesome start! Let's see what Rohan is up to!! Until next Friday (or later)...

I think I have to switch to posting on Mondays. My betas have gone back to school so I don't like to bother them during the week. Plus, it's very hard to find writing time now that the holidays are coming up. But I will try to have this story finished before I go to India in February.

Thanks again for the wonderful feedback! I'll try to keep the story interesting for you.

awesome update !
asad 's really frustrated with rohan !
now that everyone's only interested in pleasing rohan !
totally loved it !!!
can't wait for the next part !
update quick :)

Edited first author's note to say I will update on Monday mornings, New York time. I'm sorry for the delay. My betas and I are very busy with school, work and the upcoming holidays.

Again a very lovely update..keep it up!!


-Sana