AsYa OS: The trail of Subconscious- complete pg 5 - Page 3

Originally posted by: asyaforlife

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The Trail of Subconscious-Final part

Asad kept standing, half hoping for Zoya to continue the conversation, instead, she left, chin high, shoulders straight, as if trying to prove a point, as if trying to convey she is alright, he knew she was

not, and it bothered him.. he saw the couch where she was sitting a minute ago, it still had the impression of her sitting... He went ahead and sat at the very place, hoping that by occupying her place he might get a hint, but such things are hypothetical aren't theyz?, no one has ever been able to read other's mind.. But Zoya was not so complicated, she never had been. He knew if he asks her she will pour her heart out, like the other night, when she confided in him about her fear of fire, her father's search and the emptiness in her life after her mother's death. Asad decided to talk to her and see if he could ease some of her troubles. In long strodes he started to cover the distance between the living room and Zoya's room..err.. the guest room.. No zoya's room... Uff... He stopped midway, thinking if he was the reason behind her state... How will he ask her... He retreated his steps, turning to go back, but a corner of his heart asked him to halt, to face her during her misery, not leave her side this time, like that night when giving in to his emotions he had left her when
she needed his shoulder to cry on. Slowly he reached outside her room, he never meant to pry but behind that translucent glass he saw her pacing here and there in the room, doing something... Cleaning the room!!!!! What!!! Asad became curious, and he knocked the door, he could sense her stiffen as she turned to look at the bolted door, his heartbeat increased as he saw her coming to open the door... There she stood in her beige top tuck in her jeans, her beautiful waist length
hair tied in a ponytail, that made her look serious, as her eyes, "I hope you weren't doing anything important" said Asad shifting his gaze to the nearly clean room, or should he say nearly packed room, his breath almost stopped when he saw two bags full of zoya's belongings
"Miss Farooqui, what are you up to" he asked worried,
"I am packing Mr Khan, u know my visa will expire in 10 days, I have booked my flight for next weekend, and I am planning to see a little of India before I finally leave for New york" she said not meeting his eyes Asad felt a jolt in his chest, really, wasn't it inevitable, she had to go back, that was due, even he wished that she go back, at one time.. Yes at one time, not now, not this early

"but Miss farooqui, what about your search, you are so close to finding your father, you
can't leave like that" he said trying to keep his voice normal

"Its not important Mr Khan, besides as you said he is not bothered about finding me, may be he is not, so I better leave" she said looking at his disheveled face, he saw her eyes soften when they met
his, he blinked
Zoya could not think of an excuse to leave Asad's house, a place that she looked at as home... Saw her family in Najma & phoopi, and her Mr Khan... It hurt her, her heart heavy so she blurted to Asad about wanting to see India before leaving. When she looked at Asad his eyes seemed to ask her to stay and not leave him like that, or was Zoya imagining all this,

'zoya control your emotions, do not give in to your heart, be firm, this shall pass' thought she
"But Miss Farooqui, your fath..."
"Mr Khan, I said that is not important any more" she cut him short
"Then what is important Zoya, tell me"
She could sense Asad's frustration which shook her, did he care as well, or was she again imagining, no it can't be, even if he is being soft this time, she knew about Mr Khan's mood swings, and she did not have the courage left for more hurts, yellings and insults, especially when she remembered that night's events and their impact on her heart, which left her truly, hopelessly in love with Asad'. Yes She was in love, but she knew she cant face it'. She just wanted to fly away with the memories of these months and live with them forever.. She was still thinking not knowing what was coming next..
"I am sorry Zoya, I know what I have said and done all this while is unpardonable, but I still want to apologize for leaving you in a lurch this morning, God forbid, but if something bad would have happened to you in the bus accident I would never have forgiven myself"
Zoya was too taken aback to say something, she knew Asad never apologized unless he actually meant it but she chose to stay silent...

Asad was shocked at the desperation of his own voice, it took him some seconds to compose himself, he needed to talk to her, for all the times he had wronged her, apologized and hurt her again, all the times he had never heard her part of the story, never believed her instincts. But most of all he wanted her to truly forgive him. He waited for her to reply, waited her to say "its ok" waited her to forgive him like she always did, easily... He waited, waited and waited... Zoya had her back towards him, he felt her shoulders shake, her head went back, he knew she was fighting her tears.. But no word came out of her..

"Zoya, again I would say we will try to work on your visa extention, and look for your abbu, I am here to help you" said he.

Only if Asad knew that the next sentence by Zoya will change his life, his ideas, his opinions most importantly his rules forever.

"Mr Khan, as I said, its not important any more, besides I don't belong here, I
am a misfit"

Zoya's eyes widened, she could not believe what she just said, she had just said what Asad told her that night, she was horrified at the thought of him recalling those events and hate her more' she didn't want him to feel trapped in his own words'.. she just had to vanish right now, left him standing there she went out to inform phoopi about her leaving and preparing herself for another set of explanations

"I don't belong here, I am a misfit'. Misfit'. Misfit.. misfit" the words echoed in Asad's ears'. He had heard these words somewhere, he had heard these words in his voice'''. Shell shocked he stood, not knowing whether to move or to keep standing

She will leave, she will go forever, Asad didn't know what to do, Asad could not understand why he wanted her to stay, Asad wanted to know why he started to think of her as family, why ,he in his mind thought that this was her room' Asad needed answers'. He decided he will do the very thing that he did seventeen years ago to detach himself from the man who gave him life'' as a ten year old who grew up overnight, he did something to bury his love for his father in his subconscious and leave no sign to getting back there' he needed to follow the same path, the same trail to his subconscious' he needed some deep introspection, he needed a therapy to understand this woman who was suddenly so important to him that the idea of her going away flinched him' He knew what to do' slowly he walked towards the backyard of his beautiful house, he passed through his room's window, same window that had witnessed her barging, that's the bench where she used to sit in the nights and look at the stars, and that was the pool at the side of which she did hearty talks with his sister and ammi'walking he reached at the edge of the pool' such a cleanliness freak he was, yet he didn't bother to take off his shoes and clothes, still wearing his dark blue shirt and brown pants, he threw himself on his back, into the water, buoyancy initially pushed his body back to the surface where he kept floating for a few seconds, as he started to sink he inhaled large amount of oxygen which could last him a couple of minutes' he was sinking, sinking deep, eyes closed, vaccum in his ears.

Thoughtlessness''.. was his first thought, his eyes could see nothing in the dark sky, he could hear nothing, not even ripples of water formed in the pool after he jumped, everything was still'.

he felt claustrophobic, his breath will go loose and water will get in his lungs'.. he thought he will die'. Die' die'. Suddenly he got into a trance'.. as if under the effect of intoxication, swimming did that to him always, but today was extreme''.he thought he saw a dream'' Zoya and Asad'he saw both of them, laughing, talking, dancing, eyes in eyes, hands in hands, he saw her replying to his silent promises, he saw her loosing herself in his intense gaze' he caught the end of her saree.. and hell she looked beautiful in it.. a pink saree'.. she should wear it more often'. So he caught the end of her saree and raised it till her eyes, he saw love in those big big eyes, same eyes which spoke a lot, even more than she did' then he saw them talking' laughing' and he heard himself say

"aap mujhe itni achhi kyu lagti hein

Aap mein itni kashish kyu hai

Mere khwabon mein aapke saaye kyu

Kyu meri tanhayion mein khalal daalti hein aap,

Kyu mere andheron mein roshni ban kar aati hein"

She had a thoughtful expression on her face, suddenly she started laughing, like they were doing all night'. And she said easily, because she was always vocal about her thoughts and feelings, she said that its because I likes her, and she liked him too'' and hell she was right''.. between this game of hatred and defiance, when had she become so close to him, when had he become so fond of her, he didn't know, she didn't know

That's when the final realization dawned upon him, wasn't she wearing the same saree in the morning when he got up to see that they both slept resting their heads together, as if it was meant to be like this always'.. that's when he realized it wasn't a dream, it was as real as him, as real as her "Allah!!! I love her'. I love her so much, I cant let her go' she cant go"

Asad came to his senses, the trance broke, and he kicked the water to leave the trail of his subconscious, because now he remembered everything, he remembered all those moments till the day she came in his life, he remembered how she took care of his ammi when she was shot, how she always looked at Najma with that sisterly concern, and how she came about him to become his support when he needed the most'. And he had called her a misfit'..now he knew what pained her, why there was sadness in her eyes, now he understood what he was loosing in letting her go

Asad Ahmed Khan, all of 27, for such a fool that he was fighting with his heart to keep that one person away from him, whom he belonged to.. whom he was meant for'. He had hurt her so much that now it hurt him'. With definite strodes he came on the surface' water dripping from his clothes, eyes red, hair wet'.. he took his all messy steps to go to him room from the window this time ''' to change, for good'. He knew in his heart she wasn't in her room, she wasn't in the house, he knew where he will find her'. He quickly changed onto his black kurta and dark blue jeans'''. He had to be quick to not miss her, he cant this time'.he knew she would be praying In that divine place for him and his family, he sat in his SUV, headed towards the Dargaah... He knew he will find her there.. he knew he will go there to get her back, to get her HOME

Originally posted by: MisHumptyDumpty

Now this is what is called as Asad's Prov!! 👏 Darn Good Darn Darn Good! 👏