OS: Oops! On the Beach? [16+] Note - Pg 19

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Miss Sara

@Samaira32

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#81

Hey girl... Seriously it was amazing.. Had me blushing at some places... Hehe nice one... I like the way u wrote it... And then kripya karke pileej continue kariye ga,.. Hum par aise zulm na karo.. . 😛

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PhoenixRadar

@PhoenixRadar

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#82

Originally posted by: Laila2009
Writing here is tough and sometimes i feel that since I am not a OS (does this mean short story) or FF writer, perhaps I should not say anything; however, these are my views on how I see this story and i feel that with all the praise, people should also feel free to be open if they are not fond of a story as along as they are also able to say why.

Abuse is a very serious issue. Have worked in the field of trauma for 20 years I was really stunned how casually this was treated in the story. I was even more mortified how she reflected back on the incident in such a matter-of-fact way and that to as a seductive sexual encounter and not some horrific traumatic event. I practically threw up NOT at what was going to happen to her but how this was written. Then you add her maternal grandfather ran a home for abused children and that is where she stayed. if grandfather ran such a home, how did his daughter end up with a pedophile and would he not have noticed it? It made no sense. It was just thrown in there without any sense or logic. It did not add any depth or substance.

Then half the time Asad is spent dealing with an e___________ he cannot seem to control?! I realize you did not write this for young people but it did not come across as erotic or sensual at all. My very good friend at one time wrote eroticism professionally and this definitely did not have the elements of it.

Technically you're writing skills - ability to write descriptively, vivid imaginary and scene setting are strong. These are your definite strengths and I will not ignore and praise you for them. However, for me, if do not find characters interesting at all, let a lone likable,it is hard to continue. Moreover, i did not find it added any reality or surprise to the story. Overall, this made this story off-putting.

By writing this, I had not intention of hurting your feelings or discouraging you from writing .You are free to ignore what i wrote but whatever you do, I do hope you continue to write.

OS means One Shot, written with one (mainly) or two parts.

And one thing to be cleared here is that Nana isn't Zoya's maternal/paternal grandfather, but a woman, who had taken to taking care of abused children. Now, for the whole background check to be done on the girl, this will have to turn into an FF.

Zoya, for me in this particular story, is strong and has gone through her share of suffering and sleepless nights, if you want to know. It's not really necessary to have abused kids, or kids, who have witnessed such things to be scarred in such a way that they fear almost everything, including their hormones, their whole life. That element has been there in every single fiction that has a serious storyline, or even humour.

And I am not handling the abuse part casually. If you want to know why is it handled in this manner, then, I will have to convert it into an FF, which I am not ready to do so, with my college being my first priority now. There are times in life, when people who have gone through such trauma(s), realise it's high time to put it back where it was. In the Past. Be it with the help of someone or something, or just self-realisation.

It is not always a necessity to have the protagonist be the one to help the other lead come out of that trauma and start feeling for each other. As in fall in love.

I am not an expert in the field of trauma, but I do know a few things about it. And am not making any assumptions, either. (:

See, am still learning to write, and by putting my work up, only then can I know how to improve myself. And writing professionally is not what I have achieved yet, though I do want to and will, in due course of time.

Well, criticism does shoot you down at times, but it's what helps us rise, build up and go forward.

P.S.: Asad's reaction is what men go through in reality, with a pinch of fiction out here in my story. I am trying my hand in something new, and I like it.

P.P.S.: Thank you for your reply.

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PhoenixRadar

@PhoenixRadar

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#83

Originally posted by: -Fizzi-
I am ruko-ing! :(

huh?😕

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PhoenixRadar

@PhoenixRadar

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#84

Originally posted by: Samaira32
Hey girl... Seriously it was amazing.. Had me blushing at some places... Hehe nice one... I like the way u wrote it... And then kripya karke pileej continue kariye ga,.. Hum par aise zulm na karo.. . 😛

Jeez, am glad to hear that, girl!

Will put up the next part soon. 😳

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Miss Sara

@Samaira32

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#85

Originally posted by: PhoenixRadar

Jeez, am glad to hear that, girl!
Will put up the next part soon. 😳

Hey, ua continuing it?? I thought it was just an OS????

But yyyaaayyy ... I liked ua try and its nice to read somethin like this...

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-Fizzi-

@-Fizzi-

Dazzler

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#86

I meant I'm waiting! Fool. :S
Btw, this part that you're gonna post will be aakhri? :O

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PhoenixRadar

@PhoenixRadar

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#87

Originally posted by: Samaira32

Hey, ua continuing it?? I thought it was just an OS????

But yyyaaayyy ... I liked ua try and its nice to read somethin like this...

But OS do have parts, right? 😳 Thanks, girl!