OS: Oops! On the Beach? [16+] Note - Pg 19 - Page 8

😆 great minds think alike! 😉 😛

please write more os/ss/ff

Am writing, Stalker!! 🤪

Hailaah! Gppd sense mein bola yaar!!! *pulling you to face me* Chal ab mood swing mat de, Jahapanah 6 packs ki tarah! Ek Asad Miyaan qaafi hain!! PILEEJ???😃

Haan chal chal, makkhan na maar! 😆 LEEE! Pighal gai main 😳

Baby!! 🤣

Writing here is tough and sometimes i feel that since I am not a OS (does this mean short story) or FF writer, perhaps I should not say anything; however, these are my views on how I see this story and i feel that with all the praise, people should also feel free to be open if they are not fond of a story as along as they are also able to say why.

Abuse is a very serious issue. Have worked in the field of trauma for 20 years I was really stunned how casually this was treated in the story. I was even more mortified how she reflected back on the incident in such a matter-of-fact way and that to as a seductive sexual encounter and not some horrific traumatic event. I practically threw up NOT at what was going to happen to her but how this was written. Then you add her maternal grandfather ran a home for abused children and that is where she stayed. if grandfather ran such a home, how did his daughter end up with a pedophile and would he not have noticed it? It made no sense. It was just thrown in there without any sense or logic. It did not add any depth or substance.

Then half the time Asad is spent dealing with an e___________ he cannot seem to control?! I realize you did not write this for young people but it did not come across as erotic or sensual at all. My very good friend at one time wrote eroticism professionally and this definitely did not have the elements of it.

Technically you're writing skills - ability to write descriptively, vivid imaginary and scene setting are strong. These are your definite strengths and I will not ignore and praise you for them. However, for me, if do not find characters interesting at all, let a lone likable,it is hard to continue. Moreover, i did not find it added any reality or surprise to the story. Overall, this made this story off-putting.

By writing this, I had not intention of hurting your feelings or discouraging you from writing .You are free to ignore what i wrote but whatever you do, I do hope you continue to write.