Samarpan
Surrender is a power tool for listening to the voice of your spirit
and following its directions
Part 6
Holding me up…..when I am weak
Helping me find what it is I seek.
Catching my tears….when I cry
Pulling me through when the tide is high.
Just being there….through thick and thin
Protecting my heart from within
You helped me to begin.
Aarti wrote these lines on the first page of her new journal the night Malti left. This was by far the thickest journal she owned, which Malti had gifted by saying, "…to make up for all those I won't be able to give in the coming years. By the time you finish this, I am hoping there will be someone in your life to give you another one to fill." A few years back Malti had advised her to segregate her diary writing from the poems and thoughts that she scribbled. She had bought her a journal asking her to pen the creative writings in it. Subsequently there were two more. Aarti had given the filled-up journals along with the painting that Malti wanted to her as her wedding gift.
Malti left a vacuum in Aarti's life which no one could fill. What she shared with Malti could not be shared with Radhama, who in any case could not give much time to her anymore. Dadima and Maya kept Radha busy in the main house, saying the girl is grown up now and doesn't need twenty-four-hour watch. They fired the cook and put Radhama in charge of the kitchen. When not in school, Aarti spent more and more time in the garden and the mangrove, either studying or sketching and writing. Her food would be on the side table when she would come back.
She ran to the mandir after the last board exam of Class XII got over. Radhama had told her in the morning that Panditji was not keeping well for some days, but since her exams were going on, he had told everyone not to tell her. In his room she went and knelt beside the bed where he lay. He opened his eyes on hearing her voice.
"Pandit dadu, I am very angry with you."
"I know bitiya…forgive me please. If I had told you earlier, your exams would have been spoilt."
"What is wrong with you dadu?"
"How does it matter bitiya? My time has come. My God has summoned me."
"Please don't leave me."
"Don't cry bitiya. I shall always remain with you….in the stories we shared, in the bhajans we sang together, in the shlokas I taught and you learnt. I will live again when you teach them to your children….Now wipe your tears, and read me the Gita. It's on that shelf there."
Fifteen days later Pandit dadu breathed his last while listening to Bhagwad Gita's tenth chapter being recited by Aarti. As the family gathered around the priest, Aarti turned to have one last look at her Pandit dadu and quietly walked away. She never went back to the temple. Malti came looking for her when she came home for a couple of days to attend the shraadh ceremony. She found Aarti watering the kitchen garden and her bua standing with her hands on her hips and passing her usual caustic comments.
"Did you hear what I said? The mali has gone to his village for a month. Now that your godforsaken schooling is over, you can make better use of time by looking after the garden instead of sitting in one corner of it and scribbling. In any case you have no place to go anymore. That priest is also gone. I told him so many times not to let you be close to his family, but he wouldn't listen. Now, look what happened. The curse got him too." She started to walk away but remembered something and turned. "Another thing, apply besan lep on your face each night. We want you to look presentable when the proposals start coming in. Bhaiya wants to see you married as soon as possible. Just pray that not everyone has heard about your curse."
It was the last bit that rattled Malti more. She knew what she had to do before she went back.
Aarti hardly registered anything. She was still too deadened. She had spent the first three days after Pandit dadu's demise clutching the Saraswati statuette to her and sitting in one corner of her room, silently shedding tears till Radhama had mildly scolded her for being exactly what her dadu didn't want her to be. She had then got up and walked to her painting corner and began painting at a feverish pace. Even Radhama couldn't help but marvel at her little girl's depth of emotions when she saw the finished painting: The Gita lay open at the tenth chapter, as a pair of reading glasses lay on it (exactly like Panditji's). Next to the book lay a brush and a pen as a girl's hand reaches across to pick them. On the upper right side, a haloed, smiling Panditji stands against a bright light, his hand raised in blessing. This was the only painting Radhama would be able to save when Maya would get all the others burnt along with the painting materials in a fit of anger a couple of years later…The reason? She had found Aarti busy painting in her garden-tending time. Many more years later, this would be the painting Yash would return home with from Radhama's village, too numb to even begin to analyze the pain Aarti would have gone through, since she never painted again after that incident.
Malti met Aarti on the day she left and gave her a list of the names of colleges running degree courses on Fine Arts. She told Aarti what was to be done after the results were out. She also met the school's principal and apprised him of Aarti's helpless plight. He promised he would help his brightest student. The results came out and were as expected: Aarti had once again topped the state with record-breaking marks in her stream of subjects. The school and the town facilitated Aarti separately. The entire family was called and honored.
Satya got the news in Muscat where he was presently based when his father called him to ask him about Aarti's further education. His only reaction was to look skyward with empty eyes. The mirror image of Shobha swam in front of his eyes as he closed them in consternation….the pain hadn't eased a bit. Not ten minutes back he had signed on the dotted lines for an extension of three more years. He wasn't yet ready to go back. Somewhere a sense of discomfort had found its way in when he had heard how his animalistic anger had made the girl bleed. With much difficulty, he had stopped his feelings from expanding on those lines. He wasn't prepared to walk the path that in his opinion was the cause of his spending this godforsaken life without Shobha….No, he couldn't soften. His father called again after a couple of days when the word spread that the family had decided to end the girl's education and get her married off, after which there was immense criticism. The elite of the town, as well as the political class, started putting more pressure, saying it was a matter of prestige that a girl from their small town had brought laurels to the town and that it was a matter of shame if her education is cut off because of the family's archaic notions. In any case the girl was under age. No one came to know of the hands of Malti and the school principal behind the leak. The press too got a wind of it and wanted to speak to Aarti, but Radhama stood between them and her. She refused to let them come near Aarti. The family had to bow down to the pressure. Thus, Aarti got a chance to complete her graduation.
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In college too, as was in school, people soon learnt to leave Aarti alone. In the first year, she was exempt from any sort of ragging because of the academic reputation she carried. The seniors not only respected her credentials but also her quiet, dignified bearing. On her second day in college, a couple of senior rowdy boys had accosted her in a lonely corridor and had tried to rag her by trying to make her dance with them. She had dug into her bag and had sprayed them with a homemade spray. It had taken the boys almost a week to get back into circulation. Ever since the kind man had advised her, Aarti carried that spray she made herself at home. When he had mentioned it, she had no idea what a pepper spray was. She had thought about it a lot before finding an answer. She had then taken an empty perfume bottle from Malti and filled it up with red chilli powder solution. After spraying the boys she had ran as fast as she could and into another group of senior girls. It had taken those girls some time to make the scared girl speak a few coherent words and explain what had happened. After that incident, an unspoken decree had been passed by the seniors that Aarti was not to be touched.
Arpita was a Commerce student in the same college. She was also one of the most popular girls in the college. She was beautiful, stylish, smart, and arrogantly selfish to boot. She came from a humble background but dreamt big. Her father was a retired university professor and mother a school teacher. She was a late, and only, child. Her parents always tried to do the best for her, but their best was never good enough against her ambitions. Her beauty had made her insufferably conceited, and none but her own opinions had any value to her. She also possessed the ability to manipulate people with her guile. Her only weakness was Rahul, her classmate and boyfriend. She was very possessive of him.
Though they were in the same year, Aarti's path never crossed Arpita's till a day before the end-term exams of the final year. Aarti had made her mark in college academics as well. Students would make a beeline toward her and her notes during the exam times, and she would gladly help. For a girl who hardly spoke and who was as shy as a fawn, almost always keeping to herself, she was amazingly articulate and lucid when it came to talking about course subject matter. Rahul had noticed her when she was softly explaining a topic to a couple of girls, as he crossed the Fine arts classroom a day before the exams. He was intrigued at seeing the mouselike girl speak so animatedly. Unknowingly an amused smile had crossed his face, which was noticed by Arpita who was further away talking to someone. As Rahul moved away, Arpita came to check on his object of interest. She confronted Aarti when the other students had moved out.
"Hey…you…what's your name?"
A startled Aarti stammered, "A…Arti."
"OK Aarti. I won't repeat this. Stay away from my boyfriend."
"Excuse me?"
"Don't act innocent with me. I just saw Rahul smiling at you."
"I am sorry. You must be mistaken. I didn't notice anyone."
"You didn't?...Well then, take this as a warning. Keep away from him."
Aarti nodded. As she moved away, a couple of books fell down from her hands, one of them her journal. Arpita noticed the scribblings, as the notebook lay open. She snatched it from Aarti unceremoniously and started browsing through the almost-complete journal. Aarti tried to raise her hand hesitantly a couple of times but couldn't muster enough courage to take it back from her.
"Oh my…so you are some kind of a writer as well. This seems good stuff."
Just then Rahul came back and smiled congenially at both of them.
"Hey Arpi, I need to talk with you." He looked at Aarti, "Hi there, I am Rahul."
Aarti just nodded and extended her hand toward Arpita who asked Rahul to wait for her in the canteen, and then turned toward Aarti, "Look…it's obvious my boyfriend has some interest in you. Just to ensure you keep within your limits, I am going to keep your precious writings with me till the exams are over. You will have it after that." Arpita walked away leaving a tearful Aarti staring after her.
As it turned out, Aarti never got back her journal…till a few years later and from a totally unexpected person. Arpita had no idea that with one gesture she had set motion the wheels of destiny in the lives of two lost souls…..a wrongful act of this day was going to set right the wrongs to follow a few years down the line!!
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Professor Sharma, the Head of the Department, called Aarti to his office a fortnight after that incident. She had just come out of the classroom after her last exam, "Aarti, a very high-profile school in Bhopal is looking for someone to take over their Arts Department and oversee the entire art-based makeover they plan for the school building. You know murals, collages, etc. They are offering a handsome salary plus living accommodations. They approached us first because the owner, senior Mr Scindia, is a patron of our chain of institutions. I had forwarded your resume. They have short-listed you. Mr Scindia's son is coming here for personal business this weekend. He wants to interview you before leaving on Monday. Please be here at 10 am that day…OK?"
Aarti was stunned and did what she always did…nodded mutely. The professor smiled affectionately at his favorite pupil, "No, no Aarti…only nodding and gesturing won't help. For the interview you will have to speak up and answer clearly what you are asked." He gave a few more tips to Aarti and wished her the best before waving her off.
Aarti entered the gates of the house in a daze. She was surprised to see her dadi beckon her inside the main house. She stood rooted and stared at Radhama who stood a little behind dadi with a pained expression. Her bua hurried up to her and whispered loudly as she caught her wrist and pulled, "Can't you see ma is calling you? Dear God, you look all disheveled. But then we have no time to dress you up. He will have to see you like this only."
Aarti was dragged inside the living room by Maya where a middle-aged, balding man sat conversing with her dadaji. Aarti was introduced and made to do namaste, as the man literally ogled at her. Feeling self-conscious and adjusting her dupatta, Aarti looked here and there for Radhama who had vanished. Her dadima walked over and sat beside her. She then held Aarti's hand in her own and squeezed a warning as she cleared her throat and smilingly addressed the man, "This is our sweet granddaughter Aarti. Isn't she beautiful? She is also very talented and efficient….just perfect for you Yadavji. She will fill up the emptiness Subhadraji left in your life and give you your heir."
Yadav nodded gleefully, "Your family is well known. I trust you completely. It's a Yes from my side. I shall go and talk with my family and set the date."
Maya spoke up, "We have spoken with our panditji. There's a date three weeks from now. If that's not too soon for you…"
"No, no…I am fine with the date. Right then…I'll take your leave and give the good news to my family."
Radha hurried toward Aarti, as the others went to see off the would-be groom. She took the shell-shocked Aarti to her room and made her sit down, giving her water and talking to her soothingly…asking her not to worry…consoling her that her father will stop this once he knows. Radha was soon summoned by Maya outside. She could hear Maya passing instructions to Radha to keep Aarti from going anywhere from henceforth and to take care of her looks. She heard her say that they just now had a talk with her father. He would be flying down a week before the marriage.
For the next four days, Radha saw Aarti withdrawing from her too, as she spent most of her time in the mangrove writing her diary. She had not spoken a single word ever since that afternoon of charade. It was as if she had accepted her doomed fate. Radha knew it was time she take a step if she had to save the daughter who was hers yet not. On Sunday night, Aarti kept the diary on top of the previous ones in the cupboard and requested Radhama to burn them once she went away. She also told Radhama that the next day she had to go to the college once for a few minutes, as she had promised someone she would be there.
Radha took her to the college on the pretext of taking her to the temple. She waited in the college reception as Aarti went up to Prof. Sharma's office. She knocked and went in as the professor gestured her to come in. He was on phone with someone.
"Yes, Mr Scindia…fine…She has just come in. Please hold on. I am passing the phone to her." He covered the mouthpiece and whispered to Aarti, "He is on his way back to Bhopal as something important came up. He would like to ask you a few questions on phone. Be confident, Aarti. This is a big opening for you, child…All the best." Prof Sharma blessed her by patting her head and walked out. Aarti held the phone to her ear and gulped once or twice before mustering courage to speak.
"Go..od morn..ing, Sir!"
"Good morning Miss Dubey. Please don't be nervous. You come highly recommended by my staff. I just want to know a few things and the job will be yours. I…did you want to say something?" (And again after a pause when she kept quiet) Miss Dubey?"
Aarti stared at the wall in front, thinking, "How did he know I want to speak? I didn't say a word. (Aloud) Sir, I am so..rr..y. I can...not take the job. I am so so..rry."
He heard a sharp intake of breath as if the girl was trying to stifle a sob. Under normal circumstances, he would have thanked her and kept the phone down. But something stopped him from ending this conversation.
"Why Miss Dubey? Is the salary not good enough?"
She shook her head.
"Then?"
It didn't occur to either that a silent communication had happened just now. There wasn't a break of even a fraction of a second as one gestured and the other understood.
"They are getting me married."
"And you don't want to."
She shook her head again.
"Why don't you tell them that?"
"They won't listen to me…they never have."
"They will have to if you are brave enough to face them. You are an adult. This is your life. No one should stop you if you decide for your life."
He paused and waited. Silence. The most eloquent silence ever…her breaths providing the eloquence. Why was he doing this? What was prompting him?
"Look, life is precious…and it's ticking away every second. You have to make a choice today….whether you want to spend your life drowning because you couldn't convince yourself that you are the one who is in control of this life or believe that you can so easily save yourself by standing up. You have to decide whether you want to be saved or remain unsaved forever….(long pause)…Miss Dubey?"
"I am listening, Sir."
"Good….I shall remain hopeful Miss Dubey. I hope to talk to you again…say after two days…Hmm! Remember what I said. Don't give up on yourself."
"Thank you, Sir. Good day, Sir."
"Goodbye Miss Dubey…Bhopal awaits you."
Yash stared at the phone for a few minutes and then kept it down. He looked out of the window, thumb and fingers caressing his chin, reflecting. Now, what was that? That was so uncharacteristic of him…passing unsolicited advice. He had never done that to Prateek also. He asked the driver to step it up and opened the briefcase, taking out the large notebook he was reading since the previous night.
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"I will not marry."
"WHAT?"
Aarti had entered the main house on her own after years, walked into the living room brushing aside Radhama's restraining hand, and faced the three elders with a bravado that was as false as the people in front of her. She braced herself, a certain voice in her head egging her on, and repeated, "I shall not marry that man. I am going to Bhopal to work."
The first blow split her lip as she fell down. It was her dadima, as the other two stood up in support. "Is this how you pay us back for putting up with a curse like you? (Slap)" As Maya held Radhama back, she punctuated her diatribe with slaps and more slaps, "It's my fault that I let you be all these years and not shown your place (slap). We put a roof over your head (slap), gave you food, gave you education…so that one day you will turn around and disobey us? How dare you, you murdering, good for nothing…."
"STOP IT!!!" Dadima's hand stayed in air as they all turned toward the voice at the door. "If you lay one more finger on Aarti, I shall see to it that you rot in jail for physical abuse."
They all looked stunned as the little woman rushed to Aarti, who was being held in her lap by a crying Radhama.
"It's OK darling…I am your naanimaasi. I am here to take you with me," She nodded at Radha who smiled through her tears in gratitude and relief. "I am so sorry I was too late to stop this atrocity. Radha, help me with her." Very gently she stood up Aarti and held her tenderly even as she turned to her grandfather. They all knew who she was, having met her during Satya and Shobha's marriage. "I am taking my granddaughter with me. If I had known earlier what a hell-hole she was in, I'd have taken her long back. Thank God Radha called me and told me what you were about to do with the child. You all should be ashamed of yourselves…torturing a young girl like this."
"She is our son's daughter…We have all the rights to…"
"No, you don't…From today I take from you all the rights of Aarti. You can convey the same to that lowlife son of yours."
It took Radha all of half hour to pack Aarti's things. Aarti sat in the car in one corner, huddled to herself, as naanimaasi held her hand and talked about Nainital and a new future…..
To be continued…….
Pati Patni Aur Panga
Jaane Anjaane Hum Mile
Tum Se Tum Tak
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Vasudha
