Sr.Scindia's anger isn't completely unjustified:VB pg 5 - Page 4

Originally posted by: DMKJ_VB

Let me put in my two cents here and my intention is not to argue or offend anyone.

First, coming to the post, Janaki I do agree that Sr. Scindhia's anger is justified here. Now when I say justified or when Janaki says so, we don't mean to say that chauvinism is justified! I think when we r trying to analyze the actions of a particular person, his character traits should be taken into consideration. In case of SP, he is an extremely chauvinistic, egoistic, quite a megalomaniac person. He thinks he is the only one who can take decisions in the house. I am not going into the right and wrong of this yet, I will come to it later. At present, I am just trying to put myself in his shoes and look at the situation from his point of view. So, if I am that sort of a person which SP is, would I be furious? why of course Yes. So, SP's anger is justified to him. Being a chauvinist, he does not consider his thoughts to be regressive.He feels whatever he is doing is right. He has been lied to by his son. On top of that Prateek behaved as if everything was SP's fault, and he himself had every right to lie to him, which was wrong on his part. So, from SP's point of view, he has every right to be angry.

However, is his thinking right? obviously, no. And though I don't need to defend Janaki here, but I think when she made this post she never meant that what SP did was right. She only wanted to say that a person like him would naturally get upset and angry if he faced such a situation.

I believe wholeheartedly that no man is totally black or white. Hence, I do not consider Sr Scindhia as an evil man. He has many faults, but he does have some virtues as well. Chauvinism is a despicable and regressive trait in human beings, but it does not make them purely evil. I can point out several women who think men r creeps, and deserve nothing but hatred- I despise such women as much as male chauvinists. But do I think these women r pure evil? No.

Coming to Paridhi's job, in this respect, I differ slightly with u Janaki...I think Pari should not compromise even on her working days. Not because, I think she doesn't need to take up any responsibility towards her family, but because Prateek was well aware that she was a working woman and would continue with her job even after wedding. Prateek had given her false assurances before the wedding, and post that, chose to take the easiest route- hide the truth from his dad, when he saw he could not coax pari to give her job up! That was terribly wrong of him.Prateek has not only offended his father, but he is responsible in a way for Pari's plight. This matter should have been tackled before the wedding itself.

About it being unfair on the other two, but its their choice to be housewives. So, I don't think Pari should suffer. She can always help in the household stuff during the weekends.

Coming to Indian culture, its true that we give more attention and importance to family than other things, and I am proud of it. Its also a fact that women here are more family-centric than the men, however loads of women work even after marriage in India, and I know of many husbands who do help their wives in household chores. I feel mutual help is necessary. A man should also hv responsibility towards his family instead of expecting that only from a woman. But, Janaki never disagrees in her post with this, so I really don't know why she is being accused!

I am proud of Indian culture, but I know there are somethings which ought to be be changed, and the same goes for other cultures. About in laws expecting the DIL to be responsible towards the family is not new, and blaming Indian culture for this is unnecessary...I could then also blame western culture according to which most sons/daughters move out of their homes and do not live with their parents- for me that disrupts a family. Its not necessary to leave ur parents to be independent. However, I refuse to be judgemental and blame western practices, becoz I am sure this habbit must also have many positive effects. Similarly I do not like it when Indian culture is blamed and called regressive. No culture is regressive. Regression is something which breeds from ignorance of mind. And this is not only integral to India. It can be seen in all parts of the world..only the manifestations are different.

I am all for equality of men and women. I echo what Paridhi said yesterday in her speech. We r not less than men in any way. We might be physically weaker, but then we r emotionally stronger. So God himself has balanced that out. But being an empowered women of today does not mean I ignore my family and think only about my ambition. Becoz ultimately, the relationships are more important. So, Paridhi's decision of leaving the house for a job was'nt right at all. What she should have done is fight for her rights by staying back- by fight, I don't mean being offensive, but a matured resistance. Something which Yash does, Aarti does.

Lastly, I do believe that though a girl marries her husband, and that relation should be more important to her than the relationship with her in laws. But accepting the entire family and trying to be a part of it is also her responsibility and that cannot be ignored. Here in India, a guy is also supposed to accept the family of his wife as his extended family. So why blame Indian culture? The culture is maintains equanimity for both sex. However, its the people who offend. While girls are always expected to accept the in laws as her family, many times the the in laws forget that its a two way process. Claiming that the new bride is always right is also wrong as in many instances the DIL actually does distance the son from his family which is equally wrong.Also, many men do not consider the families of their wives important. But instead of culture, lack of education( by education I don't mean bookish knowledge) and ignorance are the causes.

@Ria,

Originally posted by: -pixie-

Janaki, your topic compelled me to post. I have one question to ask you? What is your definition of a marriage? Doing household work? Caring for the in-laws? Running chores and errands around the house?

I think thats a very menial definition of a marriage. I dont think its even a Hindu definition of marriage. We have had very strong female goddesses/mythological characters who have always strived to be a partner to their husband rather than cooking 24X7. IMO, companionship and respect are probably the most important for building a strong marriage. So if a woman is expected to respect the husband's dreams and wishes, a husband should also show the same consideration for his wife's dreams and aspirations. She cannot be expected to give up her dreams just because she is a wife. A "good" husband would probably understand the wife's aspirations and help her realize her dreams.

Scindia's are so rich- I am sure they can hire a cook and a maid for doing the "ghar ka kaam" which seems so important to you. Being a good cook can never be the end all be all of any human beings life. We are all built in a different mould. Some of us may want to stay at home and look after the family, others may want to step out and make a name for ourselves. As long as the partner understands and appreciates her choices- She is as good as the person who stays at home all day and does ghar ka kaam.

I am not sure if making Paridhi give up her career can solve anything- as it will only fester as resentment in her heart if she is forced to give up her job.

I would say that I am looking forward to the younger generation making the father realize just how archaic and outdated is his thinking.

Ps: I hope you aren't married. When you do, I do hope you get to experience that marriage is a lot more than a series of compromises (which is the stereotype that all our regressive shows seem to reinforce). FYI, I stay in India and am married.

Originally posted by: -pixie-

Janaki, your topic compelled me to post. I have one question to ask you? What is your definition of a marriage? Doing household work? Caring for the in-laws? Running chores and errands around the house?

I think thats a very menial definition of a marriage. I dont think its even a Hindu definition of marriage. We have had very strong female goddesses/mythological characters who have always strived to be a partner to their husband rather than cooking 24X7. IMO, companionship and respect are probably the most important for building a strong marriage. So if a woman is expected to respect the husband's dreams and wishes, a husband should also show the same consideration for his wife's dreams and aspirations. She cannot be expected to give up her dreams just because she is a wife. A "good" husband would probably understand the wife's aspirations and help her realize her dreams.

Scindia's are so rich- I am sure they can hire a cook and a maid for doing the "ghar ka kaam" which seems so important. Being a good cook may not be the end all be all of a human beings life. We are all built in a different mould. Some of us may want to stay at home and look after the family, others may want to step out and make a name for ourselves. As long as the partner understands and appreciates her choices- She is as good a wife as the person who stays at home all day and does ghar ka kaam. I think Paridhi and Prateik are completely in sync on this issue. I see no discord between them due to her job.

I am not sure if making Paridhi give up her career can solve anything- as it will only fester as resentment in her heart if she is forced to give up her job.

I would say that I am looking forward to the younger generation making the father realize just how archaic and outdated is his thinking.

Ps: I hope you aren't married. When you do, I do hope you get to experience that marriage is a lot more than a series of compromises (which is the stereotype that all our regressive shows seem to reinforce). FYI, I stay in India and am married.

Originally posted by: JanakiRaghunath

In this issue, I don't think Sr. Scindiya's anger is completely unjustified, but what do you think would be the best decision they should all take in the case of Paridhi's career? Should Paridhi be allowed to go to her career without having any responsibilities in the household at all? Wouldn't that be unfair on Vidhi and Aarti? Shoudn't all three bahus share equal responsibilities?

Maybe Paridhi can work 3 out of 5 days of the week so that she can attend to family responsibilities as well. I don't think CVs should make a decision that is completely in favor of either Paridhi or Sr. Scindiya. This is the perfect time to show how families should compromise their interests for each other. Prateek's parents should understand that Paridhi is a career-oriented woman, and Paridhi should understand that she should be at home some of the time too. Maybe she can change her job to be part-time so that she gets both the enjoyment of a career and also adjusts her life as a responsible married woman.

Originally posted by: JanakiRaghunath

Thanks for putting a bunch of words in my mouth and giving me a bhashaan, shows me what sort of person you are.👏