Superb Questions by Krishna - Page 4

Arre baba Niki roti kyu hai .I was Talking STRICTLY of arranged marraiges . Love marraige is ekdum ulta , U date vate , get to know each other and then marry .

Kools:

very interesting quesion based on the kriya relationship and generally speaking so I am going to give my answer in three parts:

a) my personal opinion (based totally of course on preference)

Friendship in a relationship is important as it helps both partners gain a much needed foundation of familiarity and comfort in one another's company to support moment and feelings of intimacy. However, it does not go to say that the friendship is a precursor to sex especially if the friendship in question is developed after marriage. I was fortunate to end up in a love marriage but had I ended up married to a man of my parent's choice my expectations would have been that my spouse have a friendly consideration of my apprehensions and feelings as a percursor to starting the marital relationship.

b) my understanding of typical marriages in conservative India

traditionally marriages in conservative India are arranged (in most liberal families the girl gets to pick the suitor from a wide range of suitors) and typically people entering into arranged marriages do not have the same expectations that people entering into a love marriage do. As it has been explained to me and many of my firends while we were going up - your marriage is supported by a friendly relationship with your spouse but not dependent on it and this relationship is expected to grow gradually over the years of marriage rather than happen immediately after. Until a couple of decades ago, it was all chat mangni and pat bhaya in conservative India. the whole "courtship period" between engagement and marriages was deemed a privilege not a necessity as this was a way of life and a period of change, learning, adjustment and transition after marriage. In this type of an arrangement, finding a liberal minded spouse who is willing to keep the adjustment period indefinitely open is a rare find and this is generally understood and accepted by people who consent to arranged marriages. I am not saying all men in India are chauvinists but then again people are pragmatic - when you marry you commit to having a physical and emotional relationship with your spouse, you do so in front of God and in your marriage vows. so if you made such a vow you fulfil it.

I was reading an article of Arhaan Behl today and he said something very sensible and sweet. he said because a man is your husband does not mean that he has the right to force a physical relationship on his wife. I can see his POV and it is much appreciated. I understand that for uninitiated girls (and I am trying desperately not to be crude or mocking here) a physical relationship with anyone (especially someone you don't like) can cause stress, apprehension and tension for a girl especially those who have preconceived notions or misconceptions and if a girl is fortunate enough to find such a considerate man then she should use the space given to her to get bolder and braver and take the first step towards the man. the space is not given so that it can be stretched like a rubber band until it snaps but is given as a breather before you move on to the next stage in your relationships. I agree with one thing you said Kool, one doesn't get married to make friends instead one makes friends with ones spouse to keep the marriage strong.

c) Kriya

Her marriage to Krishna is different than her marriage to Nitin. In Nitin's case her family would have insisted that she adopt the right mindset (mentioned above) from the day of her marriage and by now family expectations and spousal expectations would have seen her consummate a marriage with a man she does not love or feel attraction. Also Nitin may not give her the space that Krishna is giving her as he did not love her as unconditionally as Krishna does and may not seek her emotional commitment from the get go as Krishna has.

I think Krishna's question was valid. we got married to live as man and woman so why should we beat around the bush when end of day this is where we are going to end up. He even seemed very aware (unlilke poor Pratigya) that her apprehension was not with HIM but the ACT itself. He even told her that he could understand her apprehension and tried to reassure her that this was normal in the beginning and that the emotions and experince improves over time. I have read posts where this statement of his was thought of as crude and presumptive but I thought it was him being sweet and considerate again. If he really wanted to be crude or aggressive and self absorbed he would have not pretended to go along with the friendship suggestion and then told her to go to sleep. again he reacted based on his understanding of the situation. My wife has softened towards me and invited me to bed in a very sweet way. as soon as he found out her intentions were different he told her not to get perplexed any further and go to bed. I think she is lucky that he is giving her months of space.



funny observations for the day:

Kool this dude is like someone with a multiple personality disorder around her. its so funny to watch. sachi.

sometimes he is a clever fox, then he is Eager beaver, then he goes in friend mode, then he goes in Pshycologists mode, then he becomes court jester. he adopts so many different avatars in reaction her moods or behaviour. its very funny and entertaining to watch their interaction.

when she said meri baat suno krishna (while they were holding hands) he so eagerly repositioned himself in that Eager Beaver postion to listen to her explanation. I was ROFL the entire time. I ftanyadi was here she would say Mashallah for this sweet kishanwa.

I really really enjoyed seeing Pratigya smile in those scenes. it was nice and of course again our bholuram went hey hey hey. what are we going to do with this fool Kools?

I felt so bad for Krishna today. he was like a a guy who has purchased a lottery ticket for the powerball with the obvious expectation that he is going to win the jackpot and then he gets a call from the lotto company and the invite him to come to their offices without really explaining why and he goes there only to find out that he has not won the grand prize rather has been selected by the company to appear as customer of the month in a promo brochure. he will first get vewildered thinking this is some form of a practical joke and then try to make sense of it and when he realzes that this is not a practical joke he will tell the lotto company why did you call me here on this fool's errand. i appreciate the gesture but can please make sure that when you call me the next time it is to claim my prize and not for your public relations reasons.

I thought he acted remarkably calm for someone who received an unexpected virtual cold shower.

Sorry for the long post

Mog Hope

I know Kools, I was just thinking, real world is very different. Physical commitment matters more than any sort of emotional commitment. The man won't think about the girl who has left her parents behind and come to him and is probably crying in her heart on her first night. Its like, you first make me happy then I will care for you back. Arey, she trusted you and came to your house, placing herself in your hands, shouldn't you be thoda considerate of her feelings as well????

PS: Are these questions realistic or am I simply being romantic?

Hope Mogga

Nice post Hope. Agree with many of the points, especially the one where you said that if you get a considerate man who gives you time to settle down, then you should thank your stars and value him 10 times more, and return back the same love, being considerate for his feelings as well. No point in stretching the time given like a rubber band. (Precisely what Varsha has been doing in PR)

Great post Kool!!

Originally posted by: nikitagmc

I know Kools, I was just thinking, real world is very different. Physical commitment matters more than any sort of emotional commitment. The man won't think about the girl who has left her parents behind and come to him and is probably crying in her heart on her first night. Its like, you first make me happy then I will care for you back. Arey, she trusted you and came to your house, placing herself in your hands, shouldn't you be thoda considerate of her feelings as well????

PS: Are these questions realistic or am I simply being romantic?

A big muvaaa to Hope for such an excellent post .Hope shud be a journalist . Truly . I re read it and i haddd to give this muvaa .

Originally posted by: nikitagmc

I know Kools, I was just thinking, real world is very different. Physical commitment matters more than any sort of emotional commitment. The man won't think about the girl who has left her parents behind and come to him and is probably crying in her heart on her first night. Its like, you first make me happy then I will care for you back. Arey, she trusted you and came to your house, placing herself in your hands, shouldn't you be thoda considerate of her feelings as well????

PS: Are these questions realistic or am I simply being romantic?

honey they are neither. your hopes of such consideration are normal because you are thinking of it from the girls' point of view.

this is why women like men who have sisters as opposed to men who have only brothers. boys with sisters are more considerate of feminine concerns and emotions because they have had to be all the years they are growing up. boys who have only brothers and no sisters cannot be expected to demonstrate the same consideration as the experience is alien to them

In krishna's case he has komal but she has not been brought up as a girl rather she has had to live as a tom boy to survive in a very male and chauvinistic household so she exerts no feminine influence on Krishna's thinking so keeping that perspective in mind we have to treat him as a boy who has never had any sisters and so Pratigya's and Arushi's behaviour and perspectives are alien and irrational TO HIM.