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Chapter 16
"What the hell is that?" Payal grimaced as she saw what looked like a picture of a truck load of cow dung on Khushi's laptop screen.
"God! Jiji you scared the hell out of me!" screamed a startled Khushi. "And thats a biomass briquette in the making, by the way. Cheap source of fuel. Its amazing." she said jutting his chin out, eyes twinkling with excitement.
"To me that just looks like cow dung. And you guys say my chosen profession is the creepy one. Damn. I had come here to ask if you wanted some chamomile tea? I'm making a cup for myself, for some reason I am unable to fall asleep."
"Its dried cow dung, just 6% moisture. And its not creepy. And I want that tea." she said and turned her attention back to the laptop screen without waiting for Payal's response.
A few minutes later, Payaal came back to find Khushi sitting comfortably on her bed, and to her relief, the laptop was closed and far away from Khushi on her desk. She handed Khushi her mug of tea and sat down next to her. Placing her mug on the side table, Payal took a pillow from left end of the bed, placed it on her lap and hugged it close to herself.
"So, why were you looking at dung? Sitting online in the middle of the night, one would think you'd be ogling at pictures of sexy men. But no, my sister checks out biomass and shit. Literally."
"Jiji please, don't talk about it like that! You know how useful those briquettes are? Its the best cooking fuel you can imagine, you make it the right way and its freakishly efficient. Honestly, I wouldn't mind trading our LPG cylinder for a kilo of-"
"Urrgh stop right there! Do what you want to but keep that away from our house."
"You know Jiji, this is exactly the problem. You think petroleum is cool but biomass is what you must avoid. Why? You have something cheaper, cleaner, and probably just as efficient. But no, we won't use it because we are upper class, sophisticated city dwellers, isn't it ?" she scoffed.
"I thought you were working in a firm that specializes in solar energy. When did you go join an NGO?" asked a bemused Payal. Khushi didn't think there was anything funny about it.
"Jiji, you know better than that. This is like saying every person who stands up for women's rights is a feminist. I am serious about this, you know? I mean, I know it won't be feasible today and we are quite used to the comforts of piped gas. But in future, this is one really good option."
"Accha baba, I won't argue any more than this. What is up with you and this... thing anyway? Till a few days back, all you could talk about was how you wanted to spend time polishing your manuscript before sending it to that publisher guy. And now.."
"I need to turn in my dissertation proposal before I leave for the field trip with my colleagues, Jiji. That means I have just 3 more days. This includes writing my proposal and getting it approved by my professor. And I haven't even decided what exactly I want to do. This is terrible Jiji, I am telling you, this dissertation will ruin me."
"Chup pagli, don't say things like that. And this still doesn't explain your fascination with all that biomass."
"So, because I delayed writing my proposal this far, most professors from our department are taken. My classmates, vultures all of them. Now I have only two options left - one of them is Singhania. I'm not going to her because her surname sounds like its right out of a TV soap, like the one your darling boyfriend watches."
"Khushi!" said Payal pointing a finger at her. Khushi ignored her and continued.
"So, the second one is Prof. Merchant. He is a nice man, I hear. I spoke to my seniors and they say he is quite the task master, thats why kids don't usually go to him. But it seems he makes a great teacher. What more do I want? In any case, I like and dislike all of this with just as much passion. Or dispassion, I don't know. So I went to him and he said his current research is on use of biomass briquettes as a cooking fuel. I would have preferred to do something on solar, but then beggars are no choosers, right? He gave me some papers to read. I was just doing my research to write my proposal. He said he won't take pity on me and accept my proposal just because I have no other option. My proposal must be, in his words, "sound and well researched." So, here I am, studying thermal efficiency of cow dung in the middle of the night. Phew!" She ended her tirade with a tired sigh and took a huge gulp of tea from her mug.
"Well, and here I thought I had problems in life." Payal giggled as she took in Khushi's irritated face.
"What problem do you have? You like what you do. Papa likes what you do. And you are good at what you do. Sab badhiya hai."
The anxiety, it flickered in Payal's eyes only for a fraction of a second, and then it was gone. But when had Khushi needed anything more that a moment to read her sister? At least when she was paying attention.
And that is when it struck her. So engrossed was she in her research that she had, for a moment, failed to really notice the fact that Payal was awake, which she knew could only mean that her sister was upset. Was it something to do with Aakash, she wondered as she closed her laptop and waited for her sister to come.
"Whats the matter Jiji? You are only unable to sleep when you are worried, what happened this time?"
"What? Its nothing, why do you ask?" Payal shrugged. She thought she'd done rather well at keeping her worries to herself.
"Why are you even trying Jiji? Please just tell me what the matter is."
"Am I so easy to read? I thought I was a tough one." said Payal trying her best to sound casual.
"Good try... And if you must know, you are certainly tough but I've known you long enough to recognize your tell. Now, are you going to talk or not? This is me at my very best supportive-sister behaviour." she smiled. An attempt at a serious discussion or polite, sympathetic words would never work with Payal. The only way to get her to talk was to make sure she wasn't made to feel vulnerable.
"Alright, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. I will decide when the time is right."
"Oh just tell me already. I don't do well with suspense, you know that!"
"Err... its just... I had applied for a fellowship at Duke. I received an acceptance letter yesterday." she said, her voice a mere whisper towards the end.
"What! Jiji that is... fantastic! And here I was expecting the worst. This is great news, then why do you look like you just returned from a funeral?"
Payal smiled slightly and allowed herself to be hugged close by Khushi. "I am so happy for you, Jiji. I didn't even know you had applied!"
"I didn't plan on it, you know. This was months ago. I was doing some research and came across this thing on the Duke website. It looked exciting and I just applied for it, I didn't really think I stood a real chance. In fact I had forgotten about it till I saw their email." she elucidated.
"How could you not stand a chance, Jiji? You are good and you know it. I am so happy for you! I cannot wait to see the expression on Papa's face when you tell him, he'll be over the moon" she squealed in excitement and jumped out of the bed. "And you're having chamomile tea? Seriously? This one calls for hot chocolate. And ice cream. And cake. And jalebis!"
"Pagli! Slow down, you'll wake them up. And don't be so excited. I don't even know if I'm going to take it up." said Payal tugging at Khushi's wrist trying to get her to sit back on the bed.
"What do you mean? Of course you'll take it up! And it will be awesome. You'll go to Duke! Wow, I'll just bring my laptop. Lets look at pictures of the campus, I'm sure its gorgeous. Aaah this is so exciting!" her voice dripping with joy as she made a move to get up again to bring her laptop.
"Do you think he will also be happy?" Payal Gupta finally voiced her fears in a soft, feeble voice. As if speaking it out loud would somehow make it come true.
"What are you talking about, Jiji? Why wouldn't he be happy?" she said, holding her sister's hand firmly in hers. She was shocked to find that it was trembling.
"I don't know Khushi, all of this is so unexpected, I don't know what is going on."
"Jiji, why do I feel this isn't the real issue? You are not one to overthink things, tell me what is bothering you?"
Payal bit her lower lip, trying to gather her words. How was she to articulate something she had herself failed to understand? But Khushi would understand, she thought. Khushi would understand even if she were to speak Latin. "It's just... I don't want to sound like some clingy girlfriend, but Aakash was the first person I wanted to share this with, you know. And he's just been so busy. For almost a month now, and we have hardly seen each other. I know he is busy and all his reasons and right and if I were in his place, I would expect him to understand me. I get all of that. Yet, I feel annoyed today. Disappointed even. Maybe I am being petty but I hate that he doesn't have a second to spare for such an important moment in my life. What is the point in a relationship if you cannot share your joys and sorrows?"
"Jiji-"
"I am a petty, petty woman, aren't I?" Payal didn't give Khushi a chance to speak as she finally let out all the conflicting emotions she had been holding back for two days. "I am supposed to support him during this time and look at the things I am saying. But how do I help how I feel right now? I am angry. I am not supposed to be but I am. What do I do Khushi? Never before in my life have I not known what to do. It makes me feel... nauseous!"
"Jiji, stop!" Khushi had to physically hold Payal by her shoulders and make her look up to get her out of the whirlpool of emotions she was allowing herself to get sucked into.
"You're thinking too much. Stop, just stop for a minute, okay? Here, have some tea." she let go of her hands to fetch Payal's mug from the side table. Handing the mug to Payal, "Now I see why you wanted to have chamomile tea." she sighed. Payal couldn't help but smile.
Once she finished her tea, Payal looked curiously at her sister and asked, "You don't have anything to say to me?"
"Nope. Nothing." Khushi shrugged casually.
"Seriously? I totally thought we're going to dissect my feelings tonight."
"Whats there to dissect? You're in love, thats all there is to it."
She knew Khushi was perceptive. She had admitted her love for Aakash herself. Then why did she feel surprised? Shy even?
"What, cat caught your tongue?" Khushi teased, for the first time really getting why Arnav would never give up pulling Aakash's leg.
"I'm miserable here and you're making fun of me?"
"I'm not making fun of you Jiji, I am just... happy for you."
"You can be happy later, let me where I am going wrong. Its wrong to be feeling this way, isn't it?"
"Nope, it's only natural you want the person you love to be there to share all the important moments of your life."
"So he is in the wrong then? He should have been there, right? He can't spare a few minutes in three weeks? He lives like ten minutes away!" she shrieked.
"No."
"What no?"
"Ufff, you're supposed to be the elder one here, Jiji! Can't you see? It's nobody's fault. I am sure he is just as upset about not being able to spend time with you. Have you been watching those TV soaps with him? Communication between lovers isn't actually telepathic, you do know that?" she giggled, earning a slap on her arm and an angry glare.
"The weekend is just two days away, then you can talk to him at peace. Maybe by then you will also have thought about how you want to handle this. He will be happy for you and proud of you, and then my sister will come home with a smiling face, ditch the chamomile tea and go for the champagne."
Khushi gleamed as she saw her sister nod in understanding, and then blush. She was certain Aakash wouldn't disappoint her Jiji.
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"Where is Di?" he asked as he walked to Devyani's room and placed her small suitcase near the bed.
Devyani walked inside right after him, "Uff, you and your Di. You haven't even asked how I am doing." she said smiling and sat down on the teak rocking chair next to the bed.
"Nani, please. Di and her penchant for drama has rubbed off on you, isn't it? You look just fine and I am certain I'll be hearing details about how wonderfully your Anjali bitiya took care of you in some time. I was asking because I know she is flying out to Hyderabad tonight, what time is her flight?"
"Her flight is in in about 3 hours. She was right behind you when you came to receive me downstairs, on a call. Abhi upar aati hi hogi. I think she was booking a cab to the airport."
"What cab? I'll drop her myself. Did she really think I'll just send her away in some random cab at night?"
"Chotte, I think you forget she is your elder sister, who travels around the world quite frequently - alone. She must have assumed you'd be busy, its a weekday you know." she said bemused, as she smoothed the non-existent creases on her saree.
"She doesn't travel alone, she travels with her team of musicians. And I know she is elder to me, trust her to never let me forget that important fact." he said rolling his eyes.
"What important fact?" Anjali's sweet, teasing voice interrupted their banter. She walked into the room and hugged Arnav tightly, a bit too tightly for a second before letting him go. "So, how is my Chotte?" she asked, ruffling his hair. To her surprise it made her grandmother chuckle loudly and her Chotte groan in frustration. "What?" she asked, perplexed.
"Nothing" he said gruffly.
"Your little brother was just saying that he will take his Di to the airport himself." added Devyani, her eyes twinkling. She did enjoy teasing her grandchildren, she thought. She'd be damned if they thought their Nani lacked a sense of humour.
"Oh you don't have to do that Chotte" said a confused yet clueless Anjali. "I'll manage, I've already booked a car."
"Di, firstly, do you think you could not call me Chote for just one day? And secondly, I'm taking you to the airport and thats final. Please cancel that booking you made."
"Alright, I'll cancel it. Also, what should I call you if not Chotte?" she pondered seriously. "I remember I used to call you Molu when you were little, will that work?" she sat down on the bed, running her hands through the pleats of her starched cotton saree, just like her grandmother.
"Arnav! How about Arnav, for a change? You know, my real name. The one you suggested to Amma as a name for your brother?" Arnav pleaded. He would never find any respite from the Raizada ladies, would he? The sight of his Nani's mirthful face did nothing to help.
"I was also the one who suggested Molu, you know" his sister giggled.
"You did, after your mother rejected the other suggestions from your end, like Noddy and Julian. It took you a while to understand that your brother wouldn't be named after the characters in those books you used to read."
"Oh the Enid Blytons! Nani, trust me it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I remember Dad bought the entire Famous Five collection on my birthday the year Chotte was born. I think I'd thrown a tantrum because I felt they didn't have any time for me attention"
"Arnav. The name is Arnav." bellowed a rather cross man. The ladies in the room, however, refused to acknowledge the little interruption.
"I will take some credit here." said Nani, folding her right leg, tucking it in under the left. "Your father came to me tired and whining, not knowing how to pacify his darling daughter. I knew you liked to read, you used to have one of those Amar Chitra Katha-s with you all the time. So I suggested he buy you a few books, I was certain it would make you smile. Yourmausi had come down to take care of your mother, so I accompanied your father to the bookstore. The kind old shop owner there...I forget him name. Bharat or Lakshman or something, I know it was one of Ram's brothers. Uuurgh...nevermind. We couldn't figure out what to purchase and when we told him we were looking for a present for our little girl, he pointed out to a set of colourful books and said they'd make the best birthday gift, one the girl would certainly treasure. Neither me nor your father knew anything about these books, so we just trusted that man and bought it. Your father spent through his nose for the whole set, but we realised soon that it was worth it. Look at you, it still makes you smile." she said pointing at Anjali who was smiling ear to ear.
In the next few moments there was silence, and the three people in the room were lost in their memories, memories of times they cherished and held closest to their hearts. Devyani kept the promise she had made to her daughter on her death bed, she did not shed a tear. Not in front of her grandchildren.
"Anjali bitiya, I know you have flight in some time, but I crave for a cup of tea. The one you make."
"Of course Nani" she blinked back the tears pricking the back of her eyelids. She got up from the bed and moved towards the door. "Oh and Chot-, sorry, Arnav. I think we should leave in another 45 minutes or so, is that okay with you? Or should I keep my booking?"
"I'll drop you Di."
She nodded and made a move to leave when she heard Arnav speak.
"I think Chotte is perfect" he said softly and left the room.
*
*
*
"You look much better than I thought you would."
Arnav switched the indicator on and took a left turn as the signal turned green. They had left for the airport sometime back. Anjali had hoped she would be able to see Akash before leaving, but he was working late and was unable to make it. The mood at the Raizada house had been solemn after the conversation in Devyani's room. But Nani had bid Anjali a cheerful goodbye and wished her good luck for her concert.
"Why does everybody keep saying that?" said Arnav, his stance more relaxed now as he'd hit the highway.
"Saying what?"
"That they expected me to be miserable but they're surprised that I am not."
"I didn't say that!"
"But thats what you meant. And don't deny it." He turned towards her just for a second as he changed the gear but the stern look on his face was Anjali's cue to not defend herself any more.
"Fine, maybe that is what I meant. But can you blame me?"
"For thinking I'm a fragile doll you were convinced would break? I think I am allowed to be offended."
"Thats not the point Arnav. You think with your heart, and while I truly believe that is your strength, that also means that you set yourself up for a lot of hurt." she tried to explain.
"You realise I am not actually your little Chotte anymore, right? I can handle some setbacks in life, Di. Of all people I had hoped at least you would have more faith in me. Even Payal seemed to have more confidence in my ability to handle everything than you." He realised he may have said too much without even meaning it, but he was disappointed that almost everyone he knew was certain he would break down so easily.
"I'm sorry Chotte, if I have made you feel that way. I can only ask you to trust me when I say I was just worried for you. Not once did I doubt your ability to battle the challenges that life throws at you. You are my strength, Arnav. How could you believe I'd think you weak?"
"Di please," he removed his hand from the steering to place it on his sister's and give it a gentle squeeze. "Don't cry now, you know how I hate to see you upset." he sighed. "Its just a bit frustrating, you know. Sure I was shaken up in the beginning, but I am human after all. I just wish that had surprised people more than me getting myself together. I am sorry, I was just venting. I didn't mean to-"
"Its okay, Chotte" Anjali reassured him before he could finish. "I was also overreacting. Its just the guilt gnawing at me.. I wanted to be there with you through all this and I couldn't. Shyam was recovering from his ligament tear and I just got so busy..."
"Don't worry about it Di, I am doing just fine. Hope Jiju is better now?"
"Yes, he is. In fact he has been fine for a while now, you know how he is. He loves me dearly but is the laziest man around, he will find every reason to just sit around and not do any work. I might sound harsh but I am certain he is quite thankful to this ligament tear. He's been sitting at home watching TV all day for weeks now. But I am glad you are okay, Arnav. In fact I was quite surprised when you mentioned Payal before anyone else... even Khushi. I thought Payal was the one who spews venom every time she speaks."
"Di! She isn't that bad! She has a sharp tongue but she is a nice person. And you better make your peace with her, she and Aakash are pretty serious about their relationship." He chose not to speak about Khushi at the moment. He knew she had wanted to spend more time with him but her job had kept her on her toes and they barely managed to even speak over the phone. But he understood her position well, he had been in the same place during his time. Yet, it took some effort to ignore the slight pinch in his heart.
"How do you know that? Chotte are you even listening to me?"
He was grateful to his sister for interrupting the uncomfortable thought that kept coming to his mind more often than he cared to admit.
"Know what, Di?"
"That Aakash and Payal are serious. Did he say something to you?"
"Oh that. No, Aakash didn't say anything. But Payal did say she thought he was adorable."
"What?" she exclaimed. What was her brother talking about?
"Uhhh.. Nevermind. The point is, she is in love with Aakash. And yes, she was very supportive the last time she came and spoke to me. Not a trace of pity, just understanding. Talking to her really helped me clear my head... I guess its because I knew she would never feel obligated to say something she didn't mean just to make me feel better."
"This may be the first time I am hearing anyone speak so highly of Payal as a person. Anyway, I'm just glad you had people there for you. The good thing about tough times is that it really tells you who are the people who really care for you."
He smiled softly as he took a right towards the Departure Terminal at the airport.
A/N - I don't write for the comments, but your comments do make me very, very, happy. I cannot thank you guys enough, really. And those who read silently - I understand that you may have a lot going on in life, but a few lines every 2-3 chapters would be appreciated 😃 This isn't a demand, just a request. I assure you I will not leave the story incomplete or delete you from my PM list or move this to a protected blog. Promise!
Oh, and new readers, if there are any, kindly buddy me to receive PMs.
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