Please Someone tell me. - Page 6

Originally posted by: me2you

Rosh...right? I used to read most of your post but did not comment on it frequently 😕 (Please, do not ask why) 😛 I must admit: you are a great topic maker!!! 👏

Just before I give my comments: I am not as good as you are Sangeeta Di in analyzing but kabhi kabhi koshish karti hoon.

A copy paste of my comment on Di's FB post:

First things first, appreciation for this analysis: SUPERB!

Dilshaad: She was, is and will always be a strong woman. She did not choose Rashid over Asad; certain circumstances pushed her into a certain situation where she has to made a certain decision. She gave her children the right upbringing; they have settled in their own respective lives so her biggest worry ends there. But one thing has always remained in the back of her head: her love, Rashid. Aaj bhi, she is his legally wedded wife means she has all the rights to stay there in SM. Razia's taunts cannot harm a woman like Dilshaad. She is too strong for that. Some of us might indeed not agree with her decision (we have had this discussion before) but right now she is doing what she feels is right.

AsYa: For all those people, who were born and raised outside India: do you think you can ever put partner above your family? For those who can't, let me share something with you: India has a collectivistic society, means its more about a we' culture than an I' culture. In fact, not only India but most of the Asian countries share this collectivistic society.

Even though, we (yes including myself) have lived most of our lives in the West it does not necessarily mean we have become Americans, Europeans etc. Yes, our thinking might be different (more modern) but the core of our norms, values and traditions are still that of an Indian. Why? Because our parents, family, relatives and perhaps even friends made sure that we do not forget our roots. We make decisions based on a particular situation. In some of those decisions, our Westernized thinking plays a role but most of the time, it is really that we' culture which is of a big influence in our decision.

The individualistic and collectivistic theory might not be directly connected to this whole situation but indirectly it plays a huge and significant role. So what is the link with AsYa?

Asad and Zoya also belong in to that collectivistic society, albeit Asad more than Zoya because he has lived his whole life in India but she has not. Then why, was he being selfish' for a moment and not she? His decision to move to NY was a hasty one. The only thing he knew and saw the moment he made that decision was: an empty house (yes, without his ammi that home is a house) and the one who took his ammi away from him; Rashid Ahmed Khan. In the spur of a moment, he wanted to run away from the current situations. Was that selfish? For some yes, for some not. For me, it was an action reaction.

I havent heard a collectivist vs individualist arguement in AGES! well said! 👏

Zoya: A girl from NYC. Has spent most of her life in a country where thinking, norms and values are so different than in India. Yes, she is a modern girl lekin phir bhi dil hai Hindustani. She decided not to go with him. Not because she does not love him, not because he is not her priority but because she knows what value family has for him.

She wanted to protect him from taking the wrong decision; therefore she had to say those ugly words to him aap woh Asad Ahmed Khan nahin hain, jo mein pyaar karti hoon'. Just to make him feel those very deep hidden emotions and feelings which are not easy for him to show to people, perhaps not even to Zoya.

BTW, for those who can prioritize her/his partner above her/his family: exceptions are a part of this world.

P.S. Maybe I went a bit off topic, but this was something I wanted to say since a few days now. Again, I am not saying that our every decision, move, reaction and behavior is justified with this theory but it has a strong influence for sure.

No you arent off topic.. very on topic.. i get your point very well and agree! I do at times wish Zoya would support asad more.. but i get why she doesnt.. i get her "priorities" and similarly his. Which is why i even made this topic because its not about whom he or she prioritized and why. Its aboui the REASON why the do what they do.. and to look at the bigger picture. Plus, it all depends on circumstancess. and in QH in particular the situation was such that Asad stayed for his mother.. and that should NEVER be an issue considering Dilshad's character.