'The one who is the dreamer is the controller.'
Do you know, that feeling when someone informs, you of some sudden news and you cannot believe what you have heard so your entire brain freezes for a second. Then when your brain begins to gain life again, some how you're pulled back in to a trance of hallucinations. Reality and fantasy becomes one, confusing your being in to believing that you have lost your sanity. This very second I was experiencing a moment exactly like that.
I felt myself pulling out of his arms. He did not pull me back or try to stop me. Composing myself from the shock I turned to face him. Eyes narrowed, fists closed I felt myself burning with rage. 'What the bloody hell is going on?', quietly, but deadly, I asked. He got up from the bench and walked towards me. Standing closely I felt his gaze roam around the area. 'When you're a writer, ' he began, 'you are the god. The control is in your hands. You are given the opportunity to create life or end it. Characters are born and they become real to the reader. Once the book is opened, they enter your world. No matter how hard they try, they cannot change anything, because it is your rules. Each word that is been sketched in, is your thoughts, your beliefs and your ideas. Except they are presented through the character's mind.'
Frowning, I shook my head confused. 'What are you trying to say? I do not understand.' 'I thought I told you in simple words before.' He simply replied. Anger coursed through my body. My mind was spinning with exhaustion. Riddles after riddles were thrown my way, without a proper answer. All he kept doing was confusing my state of mind, questioning my own sanity. Patience within me snapped .'STOP SPEAKING TO ME IN RIDDLES,' I thundered, my voice echoing throughout the park. 'GIVE ME A PROPER ANSWER.'
'Alright,' still calmly he responded, 'you're dreaming. This entire world is created by yourself. Is that a good enough answer?'
'IS THIS SOME KIND OF FRICKIN JOKE. I AM BEING PRANKED, AREN'T I.' My body shook as I seethed.
'You shut yourself down.'
'What-'
'The heart is speaking to you Khushi. Your sub conscious is trying to reach out to you. ' Blood pumped faster to every depths of my body. The beat of my heart increased by the second. 'What-', I heard myself stammer. Gently he grasped my shoulders.
' The mind is a fascinating place, Khushi. It has the ability explore worlds you have never entered. There is power within the mind. But you know what is more powerful; your heart. Without the help of the heart the mind isn't at its most powerful. The heart is crying out to you. Trying to bring you back to reality. Right now you're only using your mind, but this cannot continue. The heart needs to be merged with your mind. Emotions needs to be evoked in to your system.' Arnav wiped the tears that slow slid down my face.
An object sharp as a two edged sword twisted its way inside. 'You're lying,' I choked out, squeezing my eyes shut. I wanted nothing but to block the images that were beginning to transform in front of my eyes. 'Or maybe you're lying to yourself,' firmly, but quietly he said. 'You know what I am talking about. You know exactly what is real here and what is not. So tell me, Khushi, are you going to deny this for the rest of your life, until your time comes, which can be any time , because life doesn't last forever- or are you going to accept this and start living again.'
Silence- words did not form, for I did not know what to say. The awakening truth was laying itself down before me. Tormenting fears that I kept hidden within me began to arise, pushing me to accept the reality.
'Do you know who's heart that you possess, Khushi?' His slightly cracked as he spoke. Quivering under his sight I shook my head in denial. Electric currents swept through my body the second I felt his palm lay on my heart. 'Feel the beats? The rush, the speed? This heart is crying unto you, but even though it is inside your body, this isn't your heart. It's mine. You stole my heart that very day you fell in to my arms. The maneet key is a representation of it. The second day we met I let you keep that key without even realizing. This entire world that you have conjured is your mind's way of trying to connect to your heart. The emotions that you were put through is the hearts way of trying to reach back. Sadness, pain and a chance for hope was something you were put through to feel, because all these 2 months you have blocked every ounce of emotions. You blocked me, Khushi.'
The palm he held my cheek with, he moved to place it on my waist, whilst the other still was placed upon my heart. Pulling me closer to his warmth he continued to tear open my walls.
'2 months ago when our baby girl died, you died along with her. Not physically, but you died emotionally. You blamed yourself for the tragedy. And when I tried to hold you, you pushed me away and hid yourself in a nice warm shell. Neither have you uttered one word or let me comfort you. 2 months I was watching you suffer as I felt your heart inside of me bleeding for mercy. But I could not bear it any longer. I could not watch you let life pass by. So my heart broke out of the cage you placed it in and joined forces with your mind to bring you to this dream world. A story where you were at the edge of the end. A place for you to learn something important. Where you had to leave behind a mother and go in to the other life. Tell me, Khushi, how did it feel when your mother pushed you away, even though she promised to help you get through this together. Tell me, would you have wanted your mother to stop living because it was your time to go? No, you would have died more in the other life watching your own mother just fade away. You would have wanted her to start moving. Start living again.'
Gripping tight of his shirt I sensed the ground beneath me move. 'I can't expect this. I can't go back to feeling.' Wailing as the tears kept shedding. 'It's too much. All too much.'
Strong arms wrapped around me, cocooning me in to his warmth. 'Shh shh,' comforting whispers travelled to my ears. 'Sweet heart, do you realize that you're not going to face this alone? I am there, holding your hand through this. You're not the only one who is in pain. But what's worse is when I am pushed away by you. If we are going to get through this we have to feel every emotion. We have to hold on to the love that we have created. Because my love, neither of us knows when our time might come. And when it does it will be too late because then there is no use trying to start living for we have lost the time we had. Life is unexpected and we have to be ready for all- it is impossible, but that is why we have loved ones. Regardless of what the world might say we are never alone. If we reach out, there are people waiting to reach back. You just have to let them. There is no such thing as second chances when we are called, but there are second chances while we are alive. We can experience them all when we are adamant to do so. Those are miracles, Khushi.'
Untangling myself from his arms I fixed my eyes on his. 'Would you forgive me for pushing you away?' 'Darling,' he said, as he cupped my face, 'I was never angry with you. All I want you is in my arms and to start living again.'
'When will I wake up?'
Leaning forward I felt his soft lips brushing against mine. Chills overpowered my body as something pulled me through a vortex.
****
The scent of fabric softener overcame my senses. I snapped open my eyes and found myself wrapped in a brown silky quilt. Familiar surroundings came in to my sight; our bedroom. Sitting myself up I ran my fingers through my tangled hair. Touching my skin, I lightly pinched myself to see whether everything was real. The light sting gave me the assurance that it was indeed the realistic world; where I belonged. Suddenly it hit me as I realized I was alone in the bedroom. Rays of sunlight was already seeping in through the silky curtains in to the room. Arnav already went to work? Panic settled inside the pit of my stomach. I did not want him to leave without him hearing what I had to say!
Ripping the sheets away from I body I ran out to the entrance to find him. Before I knew my head hit a solid wall. Oddly enough the wall was warm. As I lifted my head up I saw the surprised grey orbs looking down at me. 'Arnavji!,' I screamed, jumping in to his arms. My legs tightened around his waist as I held him tightly, whilst tears streamed down my face. 'Khushi?,' I heard his voice whisper in awe. 'Is this really you?', he asked again. 'Yes, yes, yes, it's me!' Ripping myself away from his arms I faced him properly. 'I am sorry Arnavji. I am so sorry.' Reaching out I grasped his hands in to my own. 'For pushing you away. Leaving you behind to pick up the pieces. I am so so sorry. Please forgive me?'
Even before I could comprehend what was happening I felt myself pulled back in to his arms. Arms tightened around me knocking the breath out of my lungs. 'Sorry? Sorry for what? You have nothing to be sorry about! You're back and that's what matters. I love you so much Khushi. And I can't bear to ever see you like that again. '
'I know, and it will never happen again. No matter what happens I will never shut myself down from you. I want you to know that today. We only have one life, Arnavji and if we lose our chances, there is no point. If tomorrow we were to die, I want us to look back knowing that we lived every moment together in love. I love you.' Placing a kiss on his neck I held on to his body in desperation.
'What made you change your mind, darling?'
Untangling myself from his arms, I took his palm and laid it where my heart was. 'I have your heart, Arnavji. You gave it to me, remember? All I had to do was open my ears to hear the cries. Once I heard those painful cries I came running to you. So that I would never have to see such pain in your heart. We might have lost our little girl, but we didn't lose the ability to love. And I never ever want to feel emotionless again. We promised each other to be together through thick and thin, so that is what we will do.'
He pulled me back, except this time I felt his soft lips plunged deeply in to my mouth for a searing kiss. Heaven gates opened flooding sensations I haven't felt in months. Tightly I wrapped myself around him and let myself get lost in his pure love.
Life is like a river. You don't know where you might land. Either a water fall comes ahead or just another twist in the route. We do not have the power to control the currents. And that is okay, because even at times when we are drowning, we can still call out to the people we love. In the end love is the second chance we can give ourselves.
****
Questions to be answered: The story Arnav said in the dream world was true, except the part of the maneet key appearing and taking him to another world. Then that's where the story conjured up.
***
I dedicate this story to people who are going through a loss, who don't have much time to live, or to the ones that have forgotten to live.
Thank you every one for reading and the wonderful comments. Hope you guys enjoyed this story. I cannot wait to hear the feed back. :) Take care.
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