AsYa OS: An Ocean Of Regret

PART 2

Asad threw himself into the silky leather seat of his SUV and turned the ignition key forcefully. His foot rammed the pedal down and the car leapt forward with a jerk. It took a few minutes for him to realize that he had no idea where he should go, a place where he would get a little peace of mind. For about a second he wondered about that before realizing that he just couldn't be bothered. He took the highway as he didn't think he had the patience to face traffic or anything else that meant lifting his foot off the pedal.

His thoughts wandered back to all the times Zoya had tried pleading her innocence to him and he had refused to hear even a single word. Hadn't even given her a full chance to explain herself. Hadn't even bothered acting civil with her. Instead he had taken his frustration out on her.

Like a video clip, all the events from their recent encounters began to play in his mind's eye. Her telling him the whole truth and his disbelief and distrust in her, his completely cold behavior towards her whenever she tried to point out Tanveer's suspicious behavior, his lashing out on her, her coming in the way of the bullet meant for him, her dead weight in his arms and her lifeless head rolling on her shoulders, her eyes half closed, bathed in her own blood...

'Zoya!' he gasped, his face pale, his knuckles white from clenching the steering wheel too hard, while his foot stomped on the brakes, knowing that he shouldn't drive while this incapacitated. He felt as if an invisible hand was clenching his heart till it had no blood left to pump. He bent over, pressing his damp forehead against the steering wheel and tried to breathe without lungs. The pain was so excruciating it took his breath away. He didn't know how he would've survived if something happened to her

He was still gasping for air when he was jolted back to present by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He tried to ignore it but when it wouldn't shut up, he reluctantly picked it up and glanced on the blinking screen to find it was his Ammi calling. He sighed as he picked up the phone, knowing his mother must already be going through a lot and he didn't need to add to her worries by completely disappearing at a crucial time like this.

"Hello?" He muttered into the cell phone in a dead emotionless voice.

"Asad?" She said, her voice showing relief. "Where are you, Asad? We've been looking all over the hospital for you!"

"Ammi, woh actually..." he trailed off, not knowing what to tell her.

"Asad, what is wrong with you? You should be with Zoya at a time like this, not abandoning her! She's your wife!" she chided him. Her voice getting louder with every word.

"And do you know you were the first person she asked for as soon as she regained consciousness?!" She exclaimed, not knowing her words were drowning her son deeper in an ocean of regret.

He felt tears prickle his eyes as he murmured in disbelief, "Zoya asked for me?"

"Of course, she did. You do realize you're her husband, don't you? Now you get here this instant. The doctors had to give her sedatives to put her back to sleep because she was getting hysterical worrying about you! She thought something had happened to you too and that's why you weren't there and we were trying to hide it from her. She thought Tanveer had hurt you too..." She broke off. The hurt and feeling of betrayal could plainly be heard in her voice on the mention of Tanveer.

"Ok Ammi, I'm coming," He replied.

"Ok beta but please hurry." She said in an emotionally drained voice.

He tossed his cell phone on the empty passenger seat as he revived the engine and started driving back at a respectable speed.

He didn't know if he was supposed to be rejoicing or grieving. He was feeling overwhelmed with happiness that Zoya still cared for him, still asked for him when he thought she wouldn't even want to hear his name. On the other hand, he felt awful. He felt sick, sick to the core for his unexplainably rude behavior towards his wife.

'And she still cares about me?' He exclaimed in the darkness of the car, anger at himself glinting in his grayish-blue eyes. He was right. He did not deserve that sweet angel of a girl in any way. He was the most miserable excuse for a husband.

He was hit by waves upon waves of remorse and regret as he made his way back, wishing the Earth would split open and swallow him whole.

***

SCROLL DOWN FOR PART 3

PART 3

He stood with his hand on the door handle of the private ward for a minute, gathering the courage to go inside and face his wife. He took a deep breath before slowly turning the door handle and stepping in and breathed a sigh of relief on finding Zoya sleeping.

He quietly went near her bed, his eyes never leaving her peaceful face. The oxygen mask had been removed and if it hadn't been for the needles poking her skin, she could've been mistaken for sleeping.

His vision blurred as it struck him yet again how he was responsible for this condition of her's. He quietly sat on the stool next to her bed and gently took her IV free hand hugging it to his chest as silent tears flowed from his eyes. He sat like that for what felt like eternity, just looking at her and didn't realize when he dozed off.

He was woken up by some movement and saw Zoya stirring, her eyes fluttering open.

"Zoya?" he called out softly, standing up, his hands hovering above her not sure where to touch her lest her hurt her.

"Asad," She whispered trying to sit up as her eyes roamed over his body making sure if he was okay but she winced as pain coursed through her fresh wound.

Asad had already gently caught hold of her shoulders and helped her lie back down before frantically started bombarding her with questions, "Zoya? Are you alright? Does it hurt? Should I call the nurse?"

Zoya smiled a small smile despite herself seeing him this worried about her. How ironic it was that a person who hurt her at almost every opportunity was now so moved by her pain.

"I'm fine, Asad." She managed.

He nodded reluctantly before sitting back on the stool quietly and Zoya noticed how he was avoiding her eyes. She had thought she would never forgive him for what he did to her but one look at his face had changed her mind.

He was burning in his own personal hell. His shoulders were bent under the weight of unmasked grief. And his eyes... His eyes always spoke volumes, told her things he never did. Those eyes were filled with so much remorse and anguish that it took her breath away. They were pleading to her to understand what he wanted to say but couldn't bring himself to. She knew he wanted to apologize for what he did but didn't know how to. Not because he was ashamed of saying it. No, but because he felt sorry was too small a word for the hurt he had caused her. And suddenly she realized that she didn't want to hear it. He had realized his mistake and that was all she wanted.

"Where were you Asad, when I woke up?" she asked softly instead hoping to distract him from his pain.

Asad winced as he turned his burning gaze towards her. He would've preferred if she shouted at him, tell him that he was the worse person on this planet, blame him for her present condition but this calm attitude of her's as if nothing had happened was killing him. It was way worse than being yelled at but perhaps this was what he deserved.

"Don't... Please don't talk to me like this." He whispered.

"What are you saying, Asad? You don't want me to talk to you?" She asked in a hurt voice.

"Yell at me. Shout at me. I don't deserve to be talked to in such a polite manner, especially by you."

Zoya shook her head, not being able to see him in such a condition. "You didn't answer my question Asad? Where were you when I woke up the first time?"

"Zoya, Woh actually..." He gulped. "I'm sorry!" he suddenly whispered in a hoarse voice. "I'm so sorry for what I did. Sorry for not trusting you. Sorry for not being there when you needed me. Sorry for the state you're currently in because of me..." He choked at the last line, unable to continue due to the lump clogging his throat while silent tears started streaming down his face.

"Asad" She said, lightly placing her hand on top of his, "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay!" He shook his bowed head, overcome with grief, "I am such a miserable excuse for a husband. It would've been better if I had taken that bullet and died."

"Asad, never..." She gasped out, placing her hand on his lips. "Never say that." She repeated firmly. She knew she had to get him out of this anguish. She couldn't see him like this because she loved him too much. His suffering was causing her pain too.

"But I could've lost you." He choked out, turning his agonized gaze towards her. "How would I have lived with that? Do you have any idea how close I came to losing you because of who I am?" His head dropped into his hands and he clutched his hair in frustration.

"Sshh Asad, come and sit here. Next to me," Zoya said patting the space on the bed next to her and waited as he slowly rose from his stool and shuffled towards her bed, his shoulders still slumped, his head bowed.

"Look at me Asad." Zoya said softly and started speaking when he finally raised his tortured gaze to meet her's.

"I forgive you." She said softly, knowing she had to make him come out of this agonized state. "And it's not really your fault, Tanveer fooled us all... I have an intelligent brain, that's why I managed to look through her deception but not every one is as lucky as me. Look at you, for example. I sometimes feel like searching for your brain with a microscope." Her eyes glinted playfully and Asad felt his lips curving up slightly.

"I told you Mr. Khan, Zoya Farooqi can do everything in this universe. She can even become a detective if time requires it but you can't even grow some much-needed brains. I don't blame you though. Manufacturing fault hai. Nothing can be done." She giggled and Asad felt a soft smile grace his face.

"So yes, please stop blaming yourself for all that happened because I can't see my Akdu Ahmed Khan like this. Please go back to your Akdu mood, the muscular robotic machine one. I can't digest a slumped Akdu Ahmed Khan." She laughed at the end.

He simply looked at her for a while before saying softly, "I love you Zoya!"

The words that he had tried to say a billion times came out with an ease he had not imagined. Maybe because he had realized how important it was to say these words before destiny played some other game with you.

"Oh finally!! Finally the Akdu says it!!" Zoya shrieked happily before jumping on him for a hug and wincing when pain shot through her wound.

"Are you alright, Zoya?" Asad asked worriedly.

"Alright? I've never been better in my life." She gushed excitedly. "You know, I think that's why Allah Miyaan sent me back; to hear these words from you. I thought I'd have to wait a gazillion more years to hear them but thank God, you decided to end the torture early." She laughed lightly.

"Shall I tell you a secret, Mr. Khan?" Her eyes were dancing merrily and he mutely nodded, his eyes drinking the beauty of her innocent face.

She beckoned him to come closer and he leaned himself forward. "As unbelievable and utterly impossible it may sound, I love you too."

Asad gave a chuckle and pulled back to look into her merry eyes. "I'm very much honored to hear this, Miss. Farooqi."

"Well of course you are. It's not everyday Zoya Farooqi declares her love for a man." She gloated and he laughed.

"I love you so much, Zoya." He simply replied.

"Allah Miyaan! What's wrong with you Mr. Khan? It took you so long to confess before that my ears were thinking of committing suicide and now you've said it twice in one day! If you keep on doing that, I'm going to get a heart attack Mr. Khan!"

"From now on, Miss Farooqi, you'll hear this every single day and not just once, dozens of times so you'd better get used to it."

"It'll take a while for my ears to get used to it because they're so used to your shouting; I think they've been damaged."

"They'll heal, Zoya because from now on, they'll never have to hear my shouting again."

"That's a relief! You know I wasn't even this relieved when I passed the computer paper which I was pretty sure I had flunked."

Asad laughed and then got up, adjusting her covers. "Okay, you're going back to sleep now. The doctors said you needed rest."

"But I don't want to go to sleep."

"Zoya, you have to. You're not allowed to stress yourself."

"But I already was out for so long." She pouted like a kid.

"Just some more rest. Please, for me?"

"Okay, only for you, Mr. Khan." She made a face as he lowered her to the pillows.

"Love you, Asad." She smiled at him shyly.

"Love you more, Zoya." He leaned down to place the softest of kisses on her forehead.

She smiled blissfully with her eyes still closed and Asad took his seat next to her on the bed, holding her hand as if he would never let it go.

Realizing your love for somebody and to find that they love you back makes you the happiest person alive, but it also makes you the most weakest as you can't survive without that person. Asad Ahmed Khan had learnt this the hard way and he promised to not let any harm come Zoya's way for as long as he lived...

THE END