Chapter 3
The dress was red, Zoya noticed fidgeting uncomfortably. Hers, Zoya's dress was red. And he liked red best on her. She hadn't consciously picked this one out. It had been Najma and Phoopi who had forced her into it, saying who knew, someone might just fall for her in this wedding itself! Oh the irony of it all left a bitter taste within her. The someone she had fallen for was the one getting married!
Feeling slightly self-conscious, she looked once more in the full length mirror before heading out. The rose coloured dress beautifully flowed down to her feet, with a thick golden strap at the bottom. The front of the dress was intricately designed with golden beads and thread, and her sleeves were plain, however crumpled at her wrists for more effect. It all also came with a matching 'dupatta' that Zoya had little use for, however still wore for its effect. Closing her eyes, the first face the popped up into her mind was that of Asad's.
"No Zoya!" She chided herself. Enough was enough. No more Mr Asad Ahmed Khan. With these thoughts, she finally stepped outside, ready to receive the guests.
Zoya looked around the hall at the number of guests that had come to witness the union of two people. It was really weird, wasn't it, she wondered to herself, how sometimes, they seemed to be more happy for the couple than the couple themselves! Well, of course they would be, they get free food didn't they?! She giggled inwardly at the small joke she formed, as she continued her observation.
"Zoya?" Dilshaad called from behind and Zoya turned, putting a bright smile on her face.
"Why is Asad taking so long, beta?"
Zoya shrugged her shoulders.
"Can you please check up on him? I would send Najma, but Najma is busy helping Tanveer.And neither can I go because you don't know the guests very well. So will you?"
Shit. How could she go to Jahapanna's room, to check if he was ready for his engagement with someone else?
"Please Zoya? It's very unlike Asad to be late like this." Dilshaad genuinely looked worried, so Zoya forced a smile on her face, and assured her that she would check up on him. After all, she was only checking up right? Wouldn't be too hard.
Wrong.
Every step to his door was like inviting another blow to your stomach. She didn't know if she could do this. Many a times, she wondered why she didn't just leave from there and go back to New York. But then her 'Phoopi's' solemn face came into her mind and she had forced herself to think otherwise. She couldn't leave Dilshaad alone at a time like this. She needed all the help she could get, and Zoya could not turn her back on someone who had been equivalent of a mother to her. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on his door.
"Mr Khan?" She called out. No answer. "Mr Khan?" Nothing. Sighing, she opened the door and barged in to see him sitting on the bed with his face bowed.
"Haven't you heard of knocking, Ms Farooqi?" He questioned, his head still bowed.
Zoya's mouth dropped low. What on earth..? Was this man serious?!
"Haven't I heard of what? You're the one who seems to be deaf here! I knocked for so long, no answer! And guess what, all you're doing is sitting on the bed, you couldn't even call out a simple 'come in'?"
Asad stiffened at her tirade and stood up, looking at her. Immediately, Zoya let out a gasp, both her hands flying to her mouth. His eyes were bloodshot! There had only been one time when Zoya had witnessed something like this! The time his mother went against him for her husband. That, time, she had been the one to console him, to tell him that his family needed him! But now, what could she tell him now? How could she keep him whole, when she herself was breaking apart every minute at the thought of Asad with another girl? And then again, how could she have faith in him to make everything alright, when his actions were tearing her to pieces bit by bit? Tears threatened entrance, but she bit her lip trying to hold them back.
Once Asad was done trying to analyse her emotions, he looked down. Zoya followed suit and saw two rings in his hands. One in each hand. One of them was the one she'd given back, and the other was a new one. She hadn't seen it before. There was a sparkling diamond stone sitting in the centre, in the shape of a pearl. But that was about it. The one she had once adorned on her finger was where her heart tugged at.
He put that new one aside and took her right hand his, pulling her closer to himself. Astounded, she wordlessly let him place the ring, her ring, on her finger, all while watching the expression on his face that bared naked all his emotions. What was he doing to himself? He didn't want to marry Tanveer. He didn't want to at all, she found herself thinking. Then why on earth was he going on a suicide mission?! Her mouth opened, but nothing formed coherently enough to be projected out to him. He held on to her hand for a little while longer, caressing the back of it with his thumb.
"This belongs to you." He whispered to her, making her heart drop right down to the pit of her stomach. What was he doing? Why was he doing this?
"Mr Khan, I don't think-" but she was rudely cut off, when he said,
"Please keep it. At least as a gift."
This time, there was no way she could stop the tears from flowing down, her gaze still fixed on his. She noticed, that the ring was slightly more free in her finger than it was before. Frowning, she snatched her hand away from his and twirled the ring around.
"Did you..?" she barely choked out her question and saw him nod.
"Took it to the jewelers." His husky voice was dry and she looked up at him once more, in utter shock. At that point, he stretched out his hands and wiped away the tear stains on her cheeks. She shut her eyes, relishing the touch. When she opened them, he was gazing down at her with something in his eyes that she'd never witnessed before.
Zoya felt her cheeks heat up at their closeness. There was something between them so thick, so deep that you would need a very sharp knife to cut through it! But then again, why should there be anything? He was getting married! Married! The word cropped up in red bold letters indie her head, and immediately, she took a step backward.
"Phoopi was asking for you." She whispered. "Please hurry up." With that, she spared his astonished, then grief filled face one look, and made her way out of the room. He chose this for himself. Not her! Then why on earth did it hurt so much?! She looked at the ring on her right finger this time. Clearly, this wouldn't give an answer. Sighing, she went to Dilshaad to tell her Asad would be out in a minute.
* * * * *
"Asad, won't you introduce us?" One of Asad's friend and colleague questioned, putting his hand out for Zoya. She gave him a small smile in return and shook it, replying confidently.
"I'm Zoya Farooqi. A guest at Mr Khan's house."
"I'm Aamir, a friend of Mr Khan's. So where are you from?"
"New York." She replied, with a distant smile. Right now, she was remembering her Aapi and Jiju a lot. Had they been here, things might not have been so bad.
"Really? I spent a good few years in New York as well! I actually studied there."
Aamir's handsome face split into boyish grin while Asad looked at him incredulously. A good few years? He'd only spent one year there! And that too for work placement! Standing in between the two, he could feel blood rush up to his head as clenched his jaw to prevent himself from embarrassing poor Aamir.
Zoya however, bought that lie immediately and started questioning him further. What was his favourite thing about NYC, whether he'd been up the empire state building, how he liked it? Did he experience the theatrical side? And did he know that the statue of liberty was actually shipped from France as a gift to USA, to recognise the friendship during the American Revolution?
Asad watched her giggle at Aamir's comments and felt his heart clench inside. What on earth were they doing? Why were they acting like best buddies all of a sudden? And what if this went further? What if this got onto a first date, then a second one, then a third one.. and he couldn't bear to think about anymore! He'd been counting seconds in his heads and realized that he had gotten up to three hundred and sixty. Six minutes, they were talking in front of him as though he wasn't even present! Enough.
"Ahem, Miss Farooqi," he interrupted. She halted her story about the time she got lost in Chinatown and looked at him.
"Yes Mr Khan?"
"Would you look for Ammi? I can't see her."
"Mr Khan." Zoya replied sweetly. "She right there." And she pointed out Dilshaad amongst guests, right in front of them! Asad shut his eyes at his stupidity and brought his hands up to massage his temples.
"I meant, would you call her."
"Magic word, Mr Khan." She smiled her mischievous dimpled smile at him as he narrowed his eyes at her. Aamir watched them, an amused expression glinting in his brown eyes. Asad on the other hand, was in no mood for this stupid game.
"Will you call her or not?" he asked directly, glaring at her. She was a bit taken aback, however, blinked coolly.
"Fine I will," she said then whispered underneath her breath, "Akdu!"
At this, Aamir gave a hearty snigger but sobered up immediately when Asad shot him a dangerous look.
"I heard that." He added as she was about to leave.
"You were meant to." She retorted, then turned to Aamir. "I'm surprised someone like you is his friend. In fact, I'm surprised he's got friends!"
And before any of them could answer back, she stalked off to Dilshaad.
"She is one girl that can shut you up can't she?" Aamir questioned. "Do you think she'll agree to go out with me?"
Perfect. Exactly what he had been dreading. He watched her interact with guests for a millisecond before answering Aamir's question. True, he had no control over her life. He had no right to think about her, when he himself was getting married! How much more hypocritical could he get? He couldn't see her with someone else, but here he was, giving a life-long commitment to another girl! He looked at his friend's expectant face and found the words tumbling from his mouth.
"No. She's quite conserved that way."
* * * * *
"I can't do this." Asad announced, just before putting the ring on Tanveer's outstretched hand.
People's eyes widened, and Zoya, who was standing behind a pillar, not being able to face what was happening, felt her heart skip multiple beats. There were murmurs of questions while Dilshaad stared at her son, her heart breaking by the millisecond. Here he was in the center of the room, the lights had been altered for the actual ring exchange as per Zoya's plans, and he was refusing to go ahead with the engagement. Zoya turned around the pillar to take a good look at Mr Khan, however, he had his gaze fixed on his 'Ammi'.
"Why Asad? You said you were ready." Dilshaad questioned, her tone defeated. Zoya felt her heart go out to the woman and was about to go support her, but saw Najma rushing to her aid and stopped. She instead, turned to look at Asad whose eyes were shining with eons of guilt at his mother's face.
"I meant.." he shot a look at Tanveer, then at Zoya. She felt her mouth go dry at his next statement. "The light is too bright. It's hurting my head. Can we just have the normal lights?"
"Oh, is this it? You got us worried, beta." Dilshaad replied, a smile forming on her face. "Najma, please turn on the normal lighting."
A chorus of relief sounded through the crowd. Of course it would, they would at least get their free food wouldn't they, Zoya thought bitterly. Her eyes stung once more as his words circulated around her head. He knew she had done this for both of them! He knew she had personally done everything, and he threw it all away as though it didn't mean anything to him?! Was he that repulsed by her ideas as well?! Why was it that one moment he made her feel like she was the most special thing to him and the next, the next moment she was dirt not even fit to settle on his shoes! This was like another stab to her self-esteem. She had spent ages on that chandelier, trying to make sure everything was perfect, for him and he dismissed it without a thought? So basically, hours of doing everything to perfection went down the drain? Why perfection, you may ask? Because he liked perfection! She had spent her time and energy for what?
Gritting her teeth and trying her best to keep the barriers for her tears intact, she threw him the dirtiest look she could manage. When he turned and saw her, she had the satisfaction of seeing it affect him more than he let on. Finally, before anyone could notice anything, she spun around on her heel and ran off. This man would seriously be the death of her one day.
A pair of stunned eyes watched the interaction between the two and did not fail to notice the ring on Zoya's right hand. Something was definitely up. Something deep that somehow refused to surface. But bring to surface she would, no matter what.
* * * * *
Zoya lay down on her bed, hurting deeply from whatever had occurred a couple of hours back. She was fed up putting this facade in front of people she loved. She was tired of putting a smile, pretending that everything was clean and clear whereas in reality, she was in some really complicated mess she had no idea how to get out of! She glanced at the ring on her right finger. His touch when he was pushing it on was so tender, so caring that it left an even bigger impact on her than the ring itself!
A sound outside her door caught her attention suddenly. She could see someone's outline through the glass doors and felt her breath get caught. The outline was of a man's. And there was only one man in the house. Was he going to knock and enter? Was he going to apologize for what he said? Maybe he'd come to ask the ring back. No! She closed her fingers over it, digging it into her palm.
But the knock never came. Instead, she saw a paper slide through the bottom gap, him hanging around for a second longer and then turning to walk away. Zoya felt her pulse and it had probably increased by two times its normal rate. Surely, all these ups and downs weren't good for her body, she found herself thinking. All his fault! Stupid Mr Khan! When she was sure he'd left, she got up from her bed and picked up the paper. It read,
I'd hate to see someone else live your dream.
Zoya gasped. Since when had Jahapana, her Jahapana become so thoughtful? He obviously cared way more about her than he let on. Else why wouldn't he be able to let Tanveer live her dream? Did her dreams matter so much to him? Did what she want matter so much to him? Then why on earth couldn't he see that all she wanted right now was HIM! She wanted this man! This impulsive, caring, down to earth man who was so stupid he couldn't realize what he wanted! But maybe he did, she found herself opposing. Then what was holding him back? Sighing, she flopped down on her back, on to her bed and switched the bed side lamp on.
He was such a convoluted man! No wonder people preferred to steer clear from his way, as Aamir had told her. So why wasn't she keeping away? Oh yeah, she was a 'museebat' wasn't she? She sort of loved attracting trouble. A small smile formed on her face when she thought of every time he had willingly and unwillingly saved her from trouble. Maybe this was what had brought them to mutual understanding of each other.
She brought both, the paper and the ring in front of her trying to work out the meaning behind them. What was he playing at, she wondered? He gifted her the ring his Mom had made for her daughter in law, so technically, this should be on Tanveer's hand! And his Ammi's wishes meant the world to him! Unless this meant he would never actually consider Tanveer his wife. And he considered her, Zoya.. oh wow! What sort of a web was Mr Khan weaving himself into?
Just as she was about to put the ring on the bedside table, something caught her eyes. There was writing engraved inside the band of gold! Was this there from before? She brought the piece of gold closer for inspection and felt her heart suddenly stop beating for a few seconds. Her breath hitched and her eyes widened as a shock wave ran through the middle of her spine, to the tips of her fingers, sending a tingling sensation in the process. No, she must be wrong. So she brought the ring closer to herself, shut her eyes, and opened them again. The writing was still there, clearer than before! She read it once more,
I love you
So simple. He'd hidden this feeling, but got it engraved in the ring, then forced her to have it. Was it so she could see it? Or maybe it was a way to silently confess his love to her? Or maybe it was not his doing at all. Zoya did not know what to think. Everything in her mind was ten times more tied up, in a mess she had no idea how to figure out! If he loved her, then why on earth was he marrying Tanveer? Why didn't he tell her outright that he loved her? What was holding him back?
'She's not fit for any family'
The words he'd spoken that fateful day swarmed through her mind like lightening, jolting her back to her senses. Was this it? Honestly? Was it that he was ashamed to be seen with her? No, some part of her screamed. Maybe it was different. Maybe there was another reason. There was still some time, maybe he'd come to his senses and stop the marriage. Maybe.
* * * * *
The day before the marriage
Asad was in his room, trying to concentrate on some work on the laptop. But all he could think of was Zoya's hurt face the night of the engagement. How could he not? There was some music coming from the hallway which distracted Asad more. Why on earth did people hold all these ceremonies? Jashn e this and Jashn e that, he thought ruefully thinking of everything he'd had to sit through for the past nine days. Now, it was some sort of Mehendi ceremony. Thank God men weren't allowed here. Part of him really wanted to see Zoya, however. He wanted to see how she was dressed today. What antics she'd be up to. But then again, these days she was barely up to anything. It was as though the old Zoya had died somewhere within her. And he hated the idea of that.
Why couldn't he let her go, even when he wanted to? Why couldn't he just stop himself from caring so much about her? Love. He knew that. It was evident to him the day he'd picked Tanveer as a bride and seen her crestfallen face. It was evident to him when he realized how much each tear of hers scarred him. This was love. And somehow, he knew she loved him as well. And yet, he was scared. Scared of hurting her. Hurting her the way his father hurt his mother.
Sighing in frustration, he got up and went towards the window in his room. Night had fallen, and he realized in less than twenty four hours, he would be a married man! Not happy, but married none the less. The thought of Tanveer shifting to his room gave him an unsettling feeling. Sharing his bathroom, sleeping on the same bed, sharing his life, his love.. no! His love was only meant for one person. But he couldn't even give it to her wholly.
Just then, his sight caught that same person in a navy blue outfit walk outside and sit on the bench, a distance from him. His heart skipped a beat as he watched her stare up at the sky, take a deep breath and rub her arms as the chilly breeze hit her. The wind tugged the free strands of her hair with it, and Asad dearly wanted to go out there and put an arm around her. Tell her everything was going to be okay. That she was a strong woman and things would fall into place for her. That no matter what, he loved her, and he would always be there to protect her. That way, he'd be there for her, but never hurt her the way his father hurt his mother.
He watched Zoya tighten her arms around herself but adamantly stay on the bench. Rolling his eyes at her stubbornness, he picked up his jacket from his three piece suit and headed out of the room and into the garden, avoiding all the women.
* * * * *
Zoya had enough of the mehendi ceremony. Women laughing, singing, joking about, teasing Tanveer with Asad. Tanveer's happy face. Well, not happy. It looked to Zoya as though Tanveer had achieved something! But what..? Zoya dismissed the thought. She was thinking too much into all this. But when a lady had started saying how she always knew Tanveer and Mr Khan, her Mr Khan, would end up together, Zoya had had enough. Boiling with fury, the politest thing she could do was go away from there in need of 'fresh air'. He loved her! Zoya! He'd proposed at the airport, he'd given her a ring, he'd wiped her tears, he'd supported her when she needed him most, then how, how on earth could he belong to someone else?! WHY? When she had feelings for him, when she wanted him to accept his feelings for her so openly, how was he getting married to someone else?
She pictured him living a married life with Tanveer. Yes, they were compatible. A couple that would work. But then there was no spark between them. They didn't make each others' blood boil! They didn't make each other feel alive! Yes, marriage was a mutual understanding, but wasn't it also the idea of giving your love a name in front of the whole world? What were they giving a name to? Nothingness. What would they do when they had kids? The thought itself pushed a sword inside Zoya's heart brutally. Kids..? It would mean he'd have to sleep.. NO! He couldn't do that! But he would have to if he got married to her, one day or the other at least!
She was trying to erase the thought from her mind, when she felt something warm drop down onto her shoulders. The scent reminded her of Mr Khan immensely and when she looked around, she saw his coat protecting her from the wind that gave her goosebumps. Or hang on was it the thought of Tanveer and Mr Khan that did that? She would not know. Holding the coat close to her, she looked behind to see him standing in the trousers and waistcoat he'd not yet changed out of.
"Mr Khan." She mumbled, standing up to face him.
"Are you okay?" he questioned, coming forward and impulsively straightening the collar around her.
Zoya shut her eyes at his closeness. Of course, she'd momentarily forgotten about his obsessiveness. But when she opened them again, she saw he had not stepped away and was now a mere few centimeters away from her, staring at her intently. His cologne wafted into her senses and she could feel the heat from his body radiating onto hers, having an effect akin to being hypnotised.
"Why are you doing this?" she whispered, half under his trance.
That was all he needed to come back to earth and take a small step away from her. This allowed her to clear her head, and realize what proximity they had been in. And shoot, he was someone else's fiance! She had no business coming this close to him! Horrified at her actions, she glanced around, hoping no one had seen them and stepped back, fury bubbling inside her. Partly at herself and partly at him.
"Why are you doing this?!" she repeated, this time more harsh than before.
Asad's eyes widened in slight surprise at the tone she'd taken at him. But before he could open his mouth further, she continued,
"You're getting married, Mr Khan! Married to Tanveer! Tomorrow! Why are you acting like you care about me? You never did, we both know that.." she closed her eyes, part of her screaming that it was a lie and the other part opposing by saying it didn't matter anyway. He was getting married! Period! "So why? Why the note? Why this?" She slipped out the ring and held it up in front of him. "You think I wouldn't notice what's inside." Satisfaction hit her as she noticed his eyes widen. So she was right, he was the one who had got the writing engraved inside!
This sobered her up slightly. So he knew he loved her. Then why on earth was he taking such drastic steps?!
"Asad," she whispered in defeat. His head shot up at the beautiful pronunciation of his name from her mouth. "If it's true, what's inside the ring, then why won't you tell me? Why won't you tell the whole world?"
He remained mum, not knowing what to say. How could he say he was scared of hurting her? How could he put in words, the fear he had of becoming his father and hurting the one woman he loved so dearly? Would she even understand him? Therefore, he chose not reply. But Zoya was not having his silence.
"Mr Khan, will you answer me?!" Her voice reverted back to its accusatory tone as rage built up inside her at his silence. "Oh, I get it." She said bitterly, his words circulating her head. "You're ashamed of me aren't you? After all, I am a 'misfit'. What did you tell Tanveer that day? I'm not fit for any family."
Asad's head shot up in a jolt to look at her. She'd heard him? She'd heard and believed him?! He felt his eyes moisten, as her voiced cracked.
"I'm not fit for you. Everything we've shared means nothing to you doesn't it? So I guess.." she took a deep breath. "Here you go." She took off the jacket and placed it on the bench beside her. "And I think I'd be much better off without this." Pulling his hand, she opened up his palm and dropped the ring there. "Good bye Mr Khan." With these last words, she spared him a final look of disdain and rushed off, leaving him to look after the broken pieces of himself.
For the first time in a long time, Asad was sure he heard something break inside himself.
The moment she returned the ring, he was sure the world stopped spinning around its axis. His world stopped spinning. An action so small had easily felt like she'd stabbed a thousand swords deep inside him. But what about the pain he'd caused her all this time? What about the ride he'd taken her for, knowing and unknowingly, all along? What about the amount of heartaches she'd had to hide? But then, how could he tell her he loved her so much, when it frightened him that he'd hurt her in future.
It was possibly the first time, again, in a long, long time, that Asad was scared for someone.
He looked at the ring he'd gifted her with so much hope, thinking that she'll always have it with her. But she'd thrown it back in his face. Maybe that was what he deserved for everything he was doing to her.
And for the first time, in a very long time, he felt the dams give in, and water trickle onto his cheeks from his eyes.
Yes, he deserved it all.
*******************************Chapter 4 - Final pg 26Heyyah! This was what I could manage for today. I know I said I'll update this weekend.. But this is kind of really exciting and I'm really hoping to see your reactions before I reveal what happens further.. 😊 So please do comment! Cheers!
Sanaa Edited by Sanaa629 - 12 years ago
Ufff Yeh Love Hai Mushkil
Jhanak
Bigg Boss 19
Bade Achche Lagte Hain Naya Season
124