Posted:
From a paradise called mumma's cocoon
01 Feb 2013
As I clutch onto mumma with fear and apprehension for tomorrow, I look at you and give myself a little slap on the forehead for even feeling so low. As long as you have us in your heart nothing can go wrong. In the past few days our little paradise has faced many a storms and I admit that when bhaiya was taken away I was shattered, and so were ma and didis. And then we all looked up at you and there you were...still trying your best to paint our world a rainbow when all we saw were broken dreams...explaining to us clearly when nothing was what it seemed. Only once did I see you lose your faith and that was when we saw bhaiya on the laptop and heard what that stupid man wanted...that you should leave mumma and marry again. That night mumma gave me a very important message to pass to you and I did. Remember papa? I told you that you should not be sad because if you lose hope, who'll take care of us and hold us together? You apologized immediately and told me why you were scared...you were scared to lose us...you were scared we shall be separated from you as bhaiya was. But papa, as long as we are in your heart, we are safe...no one can take us away.
As I watched you move heaven and earth to find bhaiya, I felt so proud of having a father who is ready to bleed himself dry for the sake of his son. Because of your selfless love, I thought all fathers are like you...but then dadaji confuses me, papa. Why is he making you do things that make you sad and angry? Why is he pushing you to corner and hurting you? Is he then not a good father, papa? Why can't he be like you? He says hurtful, very very mean things to mumma...Why? Why does he hate her so? When all she has ever done is respect him and be obedient to him? Mumma would never hurt anyone...both of us know that. That's why I am glad she has you in the time of this crisis. You take care of both of us as before...making us eat and sleep in time...when you sit and worry for bhaiya. The other night I looked out for you as I woke up after a bad dream and saw you sitting by the window, thinking of bhaiya. With papa like you with us, nothing untoward can happen to us...I keep assuring ma also of the same. She too tries to hold herself together...for you...for didis. However, when she is alone with me, I see her break down and cry for bhaiya...I hug her then...I try to pacify her as you would...Sometimes she hears me and then holding onto her tummy talks to me and says sorry for scaring me. But I am not scared papa...not anymore...I am the strong baby of a strong papa.
Ever since you couldn't get bhaiya home and signed those papers for bhaiya's sake and decided to remarry, I have watched ma crumbling. Bhaiya's absence made her sad but then she had you so she had hope...Suddenly she realizes that she might lose you as well and that very thought is breaking her...killing her softly. In the afternoon today she went ballistic when she didn't see you...I felt a blood rush when she frantically looked for you and then we went out to see you sitting on your favorite bench lost in thoughts. Frankly, papa, I got scared too...so when she ran and sat beside you, clutching your arm, I too reached out for you. I needed you close to me too. And then I did...when you hugged mumma to yourself...tightly. I relaxed only when I heard your steady heartbeats. She wanted you...I wanted you...to be with us for a few moments more...and you didn't leave us...giving us your precious self for as long as it was needed for mumma's sobs to subside and for her to calm a little. I saw your heart breaking on seeing mumma so devastated, but you kept your composure...for her...so that she gains strength from your strength...so that that strength sees her through for the most miserable and painful hours of her life. You left us with a heavy heart...unable to see her like this anymore. And then she broke down...she loves you so much, papa. She really feels she cannot survive without you...she is right...none of us can. I don't want to come into a world where you two are not together and we get separated again.
I think my fears are unfounded, especially after what I felt and what I saw tonight...I saw my papa being brave, being in control, and being oh so romantic with mumma...just so she smiles a little in these hours of togetherness. After dinner we came looking for you and saw you by the pool with mumma's red dupatta in your hand, looking at then moon. You knew we had come without even turning...that's the profundity of the love you both share...and I am previleged once again to witness my parents drowning in each other's love...even as an uncertain tomorrow awaits us. I felt the familiar warmth of love gush through mumma as you spoke..."I am in a dilemma...don't know whether I want this night to end as fast as it can so that I have my son in my arms again or pray that it never ends so that I have my love with me till eternity." Mumma too couldn't hold back her emotions. She echoed my feelings when she said, "I don't know whether this beautiful moon is there to make us inseparable or put distance between us." I then felt your touch through mumma's hands, and I somehow felt assured that nothing will break that handclasp...you will never let it happen...Your hearts are one, as you both gesticulated...and I have felt it in my little heart the sounds of your heartbeats which resonate through ma's heart all the time. Your love is my strength papa...You love ma, you love me. You hug her tight and I feel I am snuggling into your heart. Only a fool would think he can separate you two. When the storm passes away, you two will stand tall...your love will stand tall...and all four of your children will be right next to you...and all will see this family...our family...together, as it was always meant to be.
I can keep repeating this and never tire that I have the best papa in the world...Whenever there's a cloud covering our path or a problem we have to face, you are the one to wipe away our tears and put everything back in place.
I have confidence in confidence that you will get bhaiya back tomorrow and we shall all be one happy family once again.
I love you papa...You are the best...the best of the best.
Yours
Ayu
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
Anupamaa
