Working Moms!

Firstly I would like to thank Mythili for introducing me to this section..whatever little I have read here has really been very stimulating and here is by own two bit...

I would love to know your thoughts on _" Can Career Women with families achieve their potential and at what cost?"

I am a working mom with 2 young kids at home. Sometimes when I try to analyse my career graph todate I wonder if I could have been better off if I had not had the additional responsibilities of a family and kids.

I took a break of almost a year each when my kids were born, I never hesitate to take leave when one of my kids is unwell, I avoid the the "official social parties" as much as I can and hence miss out the chance of the informal networking, I try to finish my work within stipulated hours and do not like to work late hours...for these reasons I feel I might be perceived as a person who lacks the killer instinct to reach the very top..

On the other hand I feel I am a good, effective and fast worker...motherhood has made me a master of multitasking, my academic and work ex credentials are among the best in my field...

Will I make it to the top of my career...will I have to make some sacrifices on the way...will the sacrifices be worth the prize...can I achieve what I want in the absence of a strong support system at home...will I regret at a later stage if I choose not to make the sacrifices...

These are the questions that haunt millions of working mothers..the working women of this generation have to make probably the hardest choicest ever...

Would love to hear your views...

Thanks!

I just saw another post on working women in the section...I guess mine strats where it ends...this is about the dilemmas one may face after having taken the decsion to work!!!

Dr Ashuji!!
Nice to see you in DM.
There are somany Moms,Dads and Kids in this forum.
As a kid I cannot answer your question.Looking forward for the replies of Moms ans Dads.
Cheers,
Mythili

My mum and dad both work! 😊
But it is ok as I live in a joint family so if my parents are not there, then I will always have either my dadi, chacha, chachi or someone else look after me..even though I don't need to be taken care of 😳 😆
My mum works from around 9:00am in the morning till 5:30pm..its not that long as my dad works from around 9:30am to 8:00pm 😕
but my mum always has time for us!
She'll spend time helping my li'l sis with her h/w after school, and she does the cooking and all when shes back. My and my lil sisters school starts at around 8:45am so she makes our lunch or whatever, dresses my sis up and then shes ready to go. It is her usual routine and it does not affect our timetable in anyway 😕
They have a right to have a professional and social life too and not spend it at home doing chores all the time. Ofcourse thats not what a housewife is all about but I would rather do any small job than sit at home all day serving my family. This is not because I don't like them but because God gave us all some type of ability, to actually do something constructive with it and not make no use of it at all.

TallyHo, welcome to Debate Mansion 😊 Yes, this topic has been discussed, before, but your topic is still special which emphasize on growing at your work and promotion.

I myself am a working mother and all the questions you asked always come to my mind all the time. I stoped working for 2 years when my daughter was born and then started part time till last month. Now that she is 4 1/2 i started working full time. I still work with the same company I used to work before my daughter was born. I had trained some people there who are now managers. It was initially hard to work under people who I had trained. However, this is price I pay to be with my daughter. My company have let me work whatever hours I want, and whenever I want. I can't thank them more. With this flexibility I am able to give enough justice to my child and family. But it does hurt me at times 'coz I can't put more hours, cannot attend seminars or training out of town at times, and have limited time I can give to company. As you said, i also try to cut down as much social events at work as I can. But then it's a choice or decision we make right now that what is important for us. It depends upon each individual family or couple what they decide. I am not saying one is right and other is wrong, it's just a personal decision. I have come to conclusion and decision that until my daughter is out to college my carreer is going to be secondary for me. With living in United States one good thing is I can take plunge and work on my career and further education at any time and any age.

Originally posted by: abhijit shukla

Fortunately for us grandparents were always in picture so children did not have to suffer much. That is another model society needs to work on. <SPAN>Let grandparents be involved </SPAN>and give people benefits for caring for their elderly parents in stead of dumping them in elder homes.

Abhijit, I must say your kids are really lucky to have grand parents around. It help them a lot build their confidence and also their social skill in this country of neuclear family. I totally agree with you, model of society needs to work on let grandparents be involved and give benefit for caring their elderly parents.

I am fairly new to motherhood and this is something I am grappling with right now. I gave birth to my son in Canada and we have a years mat leave so I am on it but I dont know what to do after. Its tough becuase as abhijeetji said I dont want to stay at home. I enjoy working. i love corporate life and working on my career at the same time my husband is a resident so he has absolutely no hours to spare as Abhiji can vouch and i dont know whether i want my son to grow up with Nannies. It would be wonderful for grandparents to my inlaws and my parents are still in the corporate working jungle themselves ( both of us having grown up in 2 parent working families) so its is something that I grapple with. I love working, but then I question am I being selfish that in order to satisfy my amibition, will i be hurting my sons?

I'm sorry tallyji, I think I ended up posing more questions than answering yours.

Hey Tally- Good to see you here..

Why is it that mostly women are the ones in this dillemma and not men? Would love to see how men would decide when to have kids if they were to sacrifice their professional lives.

Family dynamics are changing and I feel it is best to postpone having kids until you are in 30's . For career minded, 20's are important to establish oneself in the field of choice and get in the position one wants. Being financialy secure, one can give the best to the kids in their 30's and afford to stay home for few years.
Having kids before you establish in the career would entail postponing professional dreams or be content with with just being able to work.
I say enjoy the kids, they grow up too fast.!!!!

Originally posted by: lighthouse

Hey Tally- Good to see you here..

Family dynamics are changing and I feel it is best to postpone having kids until you are in 30's . For career minded, 20's are important to establish oneself in the field of choice and get in the position one wants. Being financialy secure, one can give the best to the kids in their 30's and afford to stay home for few years.
Having kids before you establish in the career would entail postponing professional dreams or be content with with just being able to work.
I say enjoy the kids, they grow up too fast.!!!!

Lighthouse ji!!!

😕.

Why is it that mostly women are the ones in this dillemma and not men? Would love to see how men would decide when to have kids if they were to sacrifice their professional lives.

😕If men can deliver babies and even then they are forcing only women to deliver (only on the pretext of not sending their wives to Office)then we should really wonder why men are not doing sacrifices!!!

Family dynamics are changing and I feel it is best to postpone having kids until you are in 30's . For career minded, 20's are important to establish oneself in the field of choice and get in the position one wants. Being financialy secure, one can give the best to the kids in their 30's and afford to stay home for few years

Yeah ofcourse ,20's are important but onething!!! Say we did grraduation with good optionals then we did Post Graduation now we got a Job by the time we get settled perfectly in job it takes 3 years,by the time we approach 30 we start getting promotions in the profession we take at this point can anyone resist to take a break😕.

I don't think life is that much planned as we try to make.Our profession should'nt disturb our family life.In life we need to bow to the needs and happily take our responsibilities.I personally feel a woman should'nt hurt family members by being stubborn on some issues like not having children upto some age,going any place for the sake of career.I don't like to be a feminist ,not being a feminist does'nt mean I don't have self esteem or it does'nt mean that I'm not career minded,I'm very much career minded but not at the cost of parents and others!!!

BTW woman is a good manager,she can manage career and hope perfectly,hope I belong to this category of women!!!!Hope I did'nt hurt anyone!!

Cheers,

Mythili

Thanks a lot for all ur responses... and making me feel so welcome...I am still reading all of them carefully and really enjoying all ur POVs