My eyes are drawn back to her face, and I find that she is still looking at me.
Is there a faint questioning look in that gaze?
I take a deep breath.
"This isn't your fault, Khushi. None of it is.."
Even as the words leave my lips, I realize how inadequate they are.
And I know that I am right when her expression doesn't change at all.
But then she finally moves, and horrifies me again with her actions.
She starts pulling the rings off her fingers, and takes the earrings out of her ears.
Her mother and Payal try to stop her, but she shakes them off, and kneels on the floor, her hands reaching for her payal.
I know what she is doing.
She is removing everything that adorns her, that marks her as a woman.
In her eyes, these are the things that make her pretty, and she is trying to take them off in attempt to make herself less attractive.
But these are her mother's payals.
The last keepsake from her parents.
I can't let her do this.
I walk up to her, and kneel down in front of her.
I grasp the hand that is trying to take the payal off, and she looks up at me immediately.
"Stop this, Khushi! These are your mother's payal!"
She says nothing, just stares at me for a moment, and then tries to free her hand in order to reach for the payal again.
I have tried to stay calm until this point, and my touch has been gentle.
But the sight of this innocent woman punishing herself for something that isn't even her fault snaps something inside me.
I grasp her by her shoulders and pull her up so she is now standing with her body a hair's breadth away from mine.
Her eyes widen and she starts to struggle against my hold.
"Khushi, listen to me! You don't have to do this! You are not responsible for what Shyam did, dammit!"
The vile name seems to unleash something inside her, and now she struggles in earnest, her movements frenzied, and her eyes wild.
I am afraid of hurting her , and so I let go, only to reach out again as she stumbles back.
But she evades my hold, and backs up towards the bed, staring at me as if expecting me to grab her again.
I realize now that I shouldn't have touched her in anger.
This was not what she needed, not at this point.
Will I never be able to do the right thing by her?
Payal and the nurse guide her onto the bed, and she sits down on it, finally looking away from me as Payal strokes her hair gently.
Her mother sits beside her, her soothing murmurs seem to work wonders, and Khushi leans against her, exhausted.
I am not needed here.
I have to force myself to leave.
But I know that I will be back, when I have figured out how to approach her.
Because throughout this latest ordeal, one thing has given me hope.
The simple fact that for the entire time I was with her, she never once looked away from my eyes.
I turn away, my mind working furiously as I try to keep track of all the things I need to do now, before I can come back to her.
And the first thing that comes to mind, is dealing with the policemen who caused this.
As I leave the room, I see them standing to one side, talking among themselves.
As soon as they see me, they start walking towards me, and the older cop starts talking.
"Sir, we are really sorry, we didn't mean.."
I stare at them for a moment, then slowly pull out my cellphone.
"We didn't know that she was right behind..."
I continue to stare as I dial the number of a close friend.
When the call is answered, I start to speak, and watch as their faces pale as they recognize the name.
"I'm calling to let you know that two of your men are here, in my home. And they have just done something that I think you should be made aware of."
The two men watch in stunned disbelief as I tell the man on the other end of the line exactly what has transpired here this morning.
"You want to see them in your office right now? Sure, I'll let them know. Thanks, buddy. And yes, I'll let you know if I need any help. For now, let's start with sending your most trusted female cops to record her statement.No, not today. Thanks!"
I cut the call, and raise my hand as they start to speak.
"He wants to see you in his office right this minute. I wouldn't be late, if I were you."
I start to walk away, even as they try to run behind me, their apologies filling the corridor.
As my guard stops them, I hear one last shout as I turn the corner.
"We'll lose our jobs, Mr.Raizada! Why did you have to call the commissioner?"
I don't stop walking until I reach my room, my hands already busy dialing another number.
"Hello, Aman? I need you to do a few things right now."
I sit down on the recliner, trying to focus so I don't miss anything.
"Get my team of lawyers down here, asap. Tell them I need information on how to make an airtight case against that b*****d. Then call those detectives we hired, and tell them to speed things up in trying to find out where he is. Hire more, if necessary."
I take a deep breath.
"Get my PR team down here as well. Now that the police is here, the media won't be far behind, and I need them to handle this. And also, I need you to place a "Wanted" notice in all newspapers, and TV channels as well. I want his photo splashed across the media. He shouldn't be able to go anywhere without someone recognizing him. Did you get all that?"
I listen as Aman adds some plans of his own, and tell him to go ahead with them.
"And Aman, I want you down here too. Someone has to handle my staff, and I'm going to be unavailable. So get down here as soon as you arrange all this."
I cut the call before he can ask me why I'm going to be unavailable.
I have my reasons, but I don't want to share them with him, or anyone else.
I have finally figured out what I am going to do.
I leave my room and head towards Khushi's again.
When I reach it, the door is partially open, and I can see that Khushi is asleep.
Her mother is still sitting next to her, and the nurse is back in her chair.
I sit down on the floor outside the room, and lean back against the wall.
I have a clear view of Khushi from here, and I settle in to wait.
A half hour passes, and HP comes in to take Khushi's mother down to lunch.
As she leaves, she sees me sitting there, but passes by without saying anything.
I continue to wait, and a few minutes later, a lunch tray is brought in for Khushi as well.
Her nurse wakes her up, and helps her to sit up in bed.
But as soon as Khushi sees the food, she shakes her head and pushes the tray away.
As she does so, her eyes turn towards the door, and she finally sees me sitting there.
And then the very thing happens which I had hoped for.
She continues to stare like she did before, and doesn't look away.
I feel a small tendril of hope take root in my heart, but manage to keep my face impassive as I stare back.
The nurse tries to feed her again, but she refuses once more.
I know what to do now.
A short while later, Di comes up with a plate of food for me.
"Chotey? I waited for you, but you didn't come to the dining room..so I brought you this."
"I don't want it, Di."
"But Chotey, you haven't eaten breakfast either..and your blood sugar.."
"I don't care. I am not going to eat anything."
Di looks like she is about to say more, but her gaze suddenly goes to Khushi, where she spots the untouched tray.
She looks back at me, and I know that she has understood what I am trying to do here.
Without another word, she turns to leave.
Khushi is still staring at me, and I lean back again, and open my journal.
A while later, she leans back again, and loses the battle to stay awake.
I sit in the same place, watching her sleep.
Exactly the same scenario is repeated at tea-time.
She refuses to eat, and I do too.
But this time, Di is a little more worried about me.
"You are going to faint right here, Chotey! Eat something, please!"
When I refuse, she goes in to Khushi and tries to persuade her to eat, but she fails as well.
The nurse starts another bottle of Intravenous fluid, and I continue to sit there and write.
Throughout the evening, that is all I do.
I write, and I look at her when she is awake.
And she stares back too.
I am feeling the effects of not eating now.
My head feels heavy, and I am unable to write anymore.
But I am not going to give in.
It's dinner time, and I wait for her tray to be brought up as usual.
But my Di surprises me again.
She comes in with HP behind her, wheeling a food cart with two dinner plates on it.
She looks at me with a glint in her eye, and I understand what she is trying to do.
First,she goes in to Khushi's room with her plate, but comes out almost immediately when Khushi refuses.
I notice that she has left the plate beside the bed, though.
Then she comes up to me, and places my plate in front of me.
I refuse as well, and she stares at me for a minute, and then pulls out an object from the food cart.
My glucose testing device.
Throughout all this, I can feel Khushi's eyes on me.
"Don't eat if you don't want to, Chotey. But let me test your blood sugar at least.."
I look up at Khushi, and nod.
Di tests the finger prick sample, and as I expected, it is very low.
"What are you trying to do, Chotey? You are going to faint in a few minutes! Is that what you want?"
"I've told you before, I don't care."
"Well, I do! You have to eat something!"
"I'm not going to. Not unless..."
I stare at Khushi, and she stares back, but to my disappointment she still doesn't react.
I push the plate away, and Di sighs, and turns away.
And then we both still as we hear a new, welcome sound.
The sound of a spoon clinking against a bowl.
I look up immediately, and see that Khushi has taken her first small sip of the soup in front of her.
My heart soars, and I turn to Di immediately.
She hands me the plate, and I take one bite, then look back at Khushi.
She slowly looks back at her bowl, and takes another sip.
I take my second bite.
We continue this until her bowl is finished, and then she pushes the rest of the food away.
But I am fine with that, because that was the first real food to cross her lips after days.
And she has done it for me.
Just like I have done it for her.
Di places my plate and hers back on the cart, and as she turns away, I notice the glint of tears in her eyes.
HP asks the nurse if she wants her dinner now, and I realize that this is my chance.
"HP, why don't you take her down to the dining room? I'm sure she would like to take a break."
"Are you sure, Mr.Raizada? I can eat right here.."
"I'll stay with Khushi while you eat downstairs. And take your time, there's no need to hurry back."
The nurse looks at me for a moment, and then smiles.
I know that she has understood what I am trying to do as well.
"Thank you, Mr.Raizada. I'll be back soon, Khushi."
Throughout this conversation, Khushi has still been staring at me, and she continues as I enter the room, and sit down in a chair across from the bed.
We stare at each other for a moment, and the incidents of the past few days threaten to break this fragile peace between us by coming back as unforgiving memories.
And I can't have that.
I say the first thing that comes to mind.
"I would have fainted in a few more minutes, you know. So thank you for eating that soup."
I wait for a response, but there is none.
"You always save me just in time..remember when you fed me that jalebi when my blood sugar was low?"
Still no response, but she leans back against the headboard and continues to stare.
"And then you came to my room to apologize, and your face was covered with that paste..and then you made me laugh. Do you know how many years it had been since I had laughed like that?"
I lean back in my chair, the words spilling from my lips as memories come back. But they are good memories this time.
"Actually, you have always made me do things I never have before. Remember those silver coins in the pack of detergent?"
Her eyes widen slightly, and she leans forward.
"I put them there. Because you wanted them so much. And also because I wanted to see you smile.."
She takes a deep breath, and I hold my own, expecting her to speak.
But she doesn't, so I continue.
"And I haven't danced for years either. But I did it, just for you. So you could win. "
I look away from her for a moment, trying to gather the courage to tell her a few more truths.
"Do you know why I kept your payal with me for all that time?"
I look back at her, but she hasn't moved.
"Because I wanted it with me, when you weren't there.."
She takes a deep breath again.
"I kept it for the same reason I still have those pearls too. The ones I kept after that fashion show in Lucknow..And I still have that mannat ki chaabi as well."
Her eyes widen again, but she still doesn't speak.
"That is out of character for me, you know. I haven't ever done anything like that before. And I've never bought bangles for any other woman, either."
I stand up now, and move closer to her bed.
"Do you know why I did that? Because I didn't want you to wear any other man's gifts but mine.."
I move closer still, but stop immediately when she leans away.
"Do you know why I have done all those things, Khushi?"
She shakes her head, almost involuntarily.
I exult in this small victory, and take a deep breath before speaking again.
But before I can say anything, I am interrupted by a knock on the open door.
I turn back angrily, eager to dismiss whoever it is, but pause when I see the serious expression on NK's face.
"I'm sorry, Nannav, but Aman has a question, and it can't wait."
I look back at Khushi, torn.
I had been successful in bringing out a small response, and I am sure I could have done more if I had not been interrupted.
I have managed to put my own turmoil aside, and concentrated on trying to bring her back.
My Khushi.
Mine, even though I don't deserve her, and probably never will.
But I also know that whatever Aman needs to ask at this time of night is important, and so I turn to leave.
I turn back before I reach the door.
"I'll send the nurse in for a while, Khushi. But I'll be back."
I leave the room before I am tempted to stay, and head quickly to mine after letting the nurse know that it's time for her to go to Khushi.
A half hour later, I have spoken to Aman, and NK has left for his own room.
I walk up the corridor to Khushi's room, but stop in surprise when I enter.
Her bed is empty, and the nurse isn't there either.
My immediate reaction is panic, and I enter the room, looking for her.
As I do so, I notice the moonlight spilling in from the balcony.
I move towards the light, and my heart stops racing as I see her there.
She is standing against the railing with her back towards me.
I move towards her, and watch as her shoulders stiffen.
Can she sense my presence, just as I can sense hers?
She turns to face me, and my heart starts racing again as I notice what she is holding in her hands.
An open book.
My journal.
I look up at her, but the words never leave my lips.
After what seems like an eternity, I finally hear her voice.
She says just one word.
An yet, it means so much.
"Why?"
*****************************
A/N: Thank you so much for being so patient with this story. I hope I can continue to meet your expectations.
New readers, please add me to your buddy list for PMs of updates.
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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