Who am I? Am I the same person who believed in honestly speaking my mind? Am I the person who could never hide a lie?
Why am I listening to Shobha Maa and hurting myself so? Good Lord, how can I even ask myself this question ' where would Ansh and I have been without Shobha Maa. Ohh those terrible, awful days after P left me ' when I was dead within ' was it not Shobha Maa who fed me? When I was lost and weary ' was it not she who softly advised me to pull myself together for Ansh? When I would have wandered the streets penniless ' did not she and Bauji take me under their shelter? And as Ansh was growing up ' did not Bauji give me a job in his home run business? No, no ' I cannot be ungrateful. They saved my life and gave Ansh a home to be born in'''I owe this to them, Ansh owes this to them. The life of their son P ' the man who called Ansh what? Oh he ashamed me today talking about Yashji ' does he not get it? I do not love him anymore ' the center of my life and that of Ansh is Yashji. Why did Bauji not come with me to drop Ansh and spare me from P's company? How dare he talk to me as if he were picking up where we left off? How dare he talk about Yashji's affections towards me? Does he not get it ' I want him OUT. I want to tell the truth about everything to Yashji. I would never have begun my married life with Yashji under the canopy of a lie ' if it were not for Bauji and Shobha Maa. I fear telling the truth to Yashji now ''..because ''..what if Yashji stops the BMT? What if he hurts himself again ' by going to the boxing ring ' because I refuse to promise to be truthful? Perhaps I can handle his boxing''..yes, in fact I can''.but the BMT. Oh no that is essential ' just one more time oh God please let me mange it!
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