FF Completed: Hurdles and Hesitation (Index: Pg 1) - Page 14

Nidhi immediately noticed that Ashutosh was wearing the tie she had gifted him all those days back, when he came out of his room. Their eyes met and they smiled at each other. There was enough time and they had tea before leaving.

There was a huge gathering at the wedding and not many of them were really interested in the actual wedding or the bride and the groom, including Ashutosh and Nidhi. The point was to have fun and Ashutosh let Nidhi lead the way. The wedding celebrations were like a huge fair. There were food counters for different kinds of cuisines, an array of drinks, disco-theque, ball dance, stage performances and what not. Nidhi almost jumped into the disco, but saw Ashutosh' hesitation and withdrew.

Ashutosh realized what she did.

"Nidhi. Ye umra ka faasle sirf ek number nahin hai. Ye insaanon ko bahut alag bana deta hai. Aur ye aisa faasla hai jo ki samay ke saath aur badhta hi jaata hai. Main aur boodha hi hone waala hoon samay ke saath," he laughed slightly.

"Aur main to Nidhi Button Verma hoon na. Meri umra to samay ke saath kam hone waali hai. Kyon Dr. Ashutosh?"

"Tumhein mazaak soojh raha hai."

"Main mazaak nahin kar rahi. Mujhe bilkul opposite lagta hai. Samay ke saath umra ka faasla kam ho jaata hai. Ek dus saal ka insaan, ek tees saal ke insaan se bahut different hota hai. Ek bachcha hota hai aur doosra seasoned adult. Lekin ek tees saal ka insaan, ek pachaas saal ke insaan se utna alag nahin hota. Dono adults hote hain."

Ashutosh sighed.

"Aapko ball dancing aati hai?" she suddenly asked as she noticed the hall where ball dancing was going on.

"Haan. Tumhein?"

She shrugged with a sheepish smile and nodded negatively.

"Chalo. Phir stage performances dekhte hain."

"Aap mujhe sikha sakte hain na?"

"Kya?"

"Ball Dance?"

"Abhi?"

"Ab main iski classes to join karne nahin waali. Yahi mauka hai na?"

"Okay. Chalo!" Ashutosh was also enthusiastic.

They located a slightly empty corner in the ballroom. They found one as more people were interested in the disco than in the ball dance. But once they were ready to dance, it became awkward. They had to hold each other close. Ashutosh hesitated. Nidhi smiled nervously, but finally they did start dancing. Or rather trying to dance!

Ashutosh slowly tried to show her the steps, but she found it difficult to coordinate and once almost tripped because she moved in the opposite direction than what was expected. Ashutosh had to hold her tight to stop her from falling. She giggled at her mistake.

"I think it was a bad idea," she said still laughing slightly. Somehow their awkwardness was washed away in her giggle.

"No. I think you are learning fast. Thoda time to lagta hi hai. Let's try again." But before they could start the music stopped. They laughed.

"Aaj kismat nahin chahti ki main ball dance seekhoon," Nidhi said.

"Theek hai. Phir jab kismat chahegi to tum seekh jaogi."

They hadn't realized that they were still holding each other.

"Hello Dr. Ashutosh!" They were interrupted by someone. They separated hastily.

"Mr. Sen. How are you?"

"I am fine. And you look more than fine. What an unusual sight it is to see you with someone."

"This is Nidhi..."

"Nice to meet you Ms. Nidhi. I am..."

"Main aapko jaanti hoon. I have read some of your books," Nidhi said. Ananda Sen was a reasonably well known popular science writer.

"You have! That's quite a feat. Dr. Ashutosh you must have searched hard to find her..."

"Mr. Sen. This is Dr. Nidhi Verma. She works at Kotnis General Hospital in Pediatrics." Nidhi noticed that Ashutosh' countenance had stiffened and his tone had become very curt.

Ananda Sen looked genuinely surprised and even embarrassed, "Oh! I'm sorry. I..."

"Please excuse us," Ashutosh said in the same tone, held Nidhi's hand and dragged her out of the ballroom.

Nidhi followed him quietly, but she didn't understand what had happened at all.

"Dr. Ashutosh. Kya ho raha tha wahan?"

"Kuchh nahin. Hum wapas ja rahe hain."

"Lekin..."

Ashutosh continued walking towards the parking area and she waited till they reached there.

"Pahle aap bataiye mujhe ki aap itna gussa kyon ho rahe hain?"

Ashutosh didn't know what to say. She was too young, too naive to know what people assumed about the lifestyle of a single man of his age.

"Let it be Nidhi. Wapas chalo. Hum kahin aur dinner kar lenge."

"For God's sake Dr. Ashutosh. Main bhookh se nahin mari ja rahi hoon. Mujhe ye jaanna hai ki hua kya hai?"

"Agar tum nahin samjhi Nidhi to yahi behtar hai ki tum na samjho. It is not pretty."

"Aap mujhe bachchon ki tarah treat karna band karenge please."

"Fine," Ashutosh was also frustrated, "To samajhne ki koshish karo ki kyon Mr. Sen ko itna ashcharya ho raha tha ki tumne unki kitabein padhi hain. Bina kuchh jaane, what was he assuming about you? Who do you think he thought you were."

"I don't know. Aap bataiye," Nidhi snapped.

"He thought you were an escort! Aur pata nahin kitne log is party mein yahi soch rahe hain, bas kaha nahin. What else could someone young and beautiful be doing with a man of my age. Tum..."

"Kya?" Nidhi was shocked and Ashutosh suddenly realized what he had said.

"Oh God!" he hit his head in frustration. He looked at her. This had clearly been too much even for the ever positive and happy-go-lucky Nidhi. Her face was red with embarrassment. She was unable to meet his eyes and was fidgeting uncomfortably.

Ashutosh felt very bad, "Nidhi. I am sorry... I..."

"No. No," she interrupted him, but still didn't meet his eyes, "I am sorry. I am sorry for putting you through this." With this she walked towards the passenger side of the car and sat inside it. Ashutosh took the driver's seat. He noticed some dust on the windshield of the car. He tried to clean it with the wiper, but it was stuck at an odd place and the wiper did not work. He opened the glove-box to take out tissue paper to clean the windshield. In the process a small gift-wrapped packet fell from there. Nidhi saw the packet falling and bent down to pick it up. She was surprised to see that the packet had her name written on it. She looked at Ashutosh for a moment, who himself was looking at her in confusion. She quickly averted her eyes though and kept the packet back in the glove-box. Ashutosh did not say anything, went out to clean the shield, came back and started driving.

They drove in silence except when he asked her, "Kahin khane ke liye ruk jaye?" But she nodded in negative and neither looked at him, nor said anything.

Ashutosh again offered dinner when they reached his home, "Ghar par kha lete hain Nidhi. Tumhein bhookh lagi hogi. Kaka kuchh bana denge."

Nidhi nodded again and without saying anything, walked to her car, started it and drove away. Ashutosh looked on helplessly and sadly. He hoped and prayed that she would be all right.

--

Nidhi's spirits were broken. She was a bold and happy-go-lucky girl. She had been brought up by a liberal father. But she had still grown up in a shielded, small town environment. What she heard today was too scandalizing for her. She was so embarrassed that she found it difficult to face even Ashutosh. To top that she was feeling guilty towards Ashutosh. Because of her, his reputation in his social circle could also be ruined. She cried herself to sleep that night.

Ashutosh was haunted the entire night by Nidhi's embarrassed face. The number of times when he had seen her sad could be counted on fingers. And everytime, it had been in his hands to bring the smile back on her face. But this time she wouldn't even talk. The reality had been too much to digest for the innocent girl. And he had been unable to shield her from it. He could have, but he gave into his frustrations. She would probably withdraw from this relationship now. She would probably do what he had always wanted her to do. But with a hurt, with a scar on her psyche.

Could he bear to see her like that? He had wanted her to stay away from him for the sake of her well-being and future. Not due to the feelings of shame or guilt. No. It wouldn't do for him to leave her to her means. But what would he do?

--

Ashutosh entered Rangnath's office on the way to his own. Mallika had created a commotion there. "Unprofessionalism ki bhi hadd hai ye. Ek to kissi ko inform nahin kiya unhone aur ab phone bhi nahin pick kar rahi hain. Ab kya hamein messengers bhejne padenge unhein hospital bulane ke liye. Meri samajh mein nahin aata ki Ashutosh is gair-zimmedaar ladki to itni shah kyon dete hain."

"Kya problem hai?" Ashutosh intervened and Rangnath looked visibly relieved. Mallika had been too much to handle.

"Ashutosh. Dr. Nidhi aaj apni duty par nahin aayin. Kissi ko inform nahin kiya. Aur ab phone bhi nahin utha rahi hain. Ab itni jaldi mein hamein kissi aur intern ko bulana padega. Ye koi tareeka hai..."

Ashutosh was shocked. This was the extent of her hurt that she faltered even on her duty. That hadn't happened since she had promised him that he would not regret giving her another chance. Not even when she was angry at him.

"Mallika. I am really sorry. Ye meri galti thi... Nidhi... Dr. Nidhi could not reach Dr. Rangnath for some reason. To unhone mujhe phone kar ke bataya tha ki kuchh emergency ho gayi hai unki family mein aur woh aaj report nahin kar payengi. Main hi tumhein ya Dr. Rangnath ko batana bhool gaya."

"Tum bhool gaye Ashutosh?" Mallika was incredulous.

"Yeah... I know it was a horrible mistake. Tumhein bahut pareshaani ho rahi hogi. But hum manage kar sakte hain na. Main bhi hoon. I am sure Dr. Rangnath can chip in."

"Sure Sir," Rangnath was always loyal to Ashutosh.

"Theek hai," Ashutosh continued in a calm, composed voice, "Phir aap dekhiye kaun intern at the earliest report kar sakta hai. Tab tak main ward mein rahta hoon. Dr. Nidhi ki duty kahan thi?"

"Ward number 2 mein, Sir."

"Thank you Dr. Rangnath."

Mallika was left behind fuming, but unable to say anything as Ashutosh took all the responsibility on himself. She was sure that he had lied, but she could not do anything. She couldn't understand what had Nidhi done that Ashutosh had changed so much for her.

--

Ashutosh called Nidhi up after taking a round of the ward and ensuring that everything was in control. She did not pick up the phone. As soon as Kabir reported on the duty, Ashutosh took his leave and drove to Nidhi's house.

Chhote Sarkar opened the door for him, "Dr. Sahab? Aaiye. Baithiye."

"Nidhi kahan hain?"

"Nidhi Bibiji to apne kamre mein hain, lekin..."

"Lekin kya?"

"Pata nahin kya hua hai? Na kuchh kha pee rahi hain, na kissi se baat kar rahi hain."

"Baba kahan hain?"

"Woh bhi wahin hai... Lijiye. Woh aa gaye."

Baba had come to the hall after hearing the doorbell.

"Dr. Ashutosh. Tum? Aao baitho?"

"Ji. Nidhi ne aaj duty par report nahin kiya. Phone bhi nahin utha rahi thi, to..."

Baba sighed, "Hospital mein koi problem hai kya ise Dr. Ashutosh?"

"Kyon?"

"Samajh mein nahin aata ki ise kya ho gaya hai? Pahle ki baat to tumhein pata hi hai. Aisi halat kar li thi ki hospital mein hi behosh ho gayi thi. Lekin us incident ke baad thodi theek rahne lagi thi. Ab kal doston ke saath shaadi mein gayi thi. Aur jab se lauti hai, kissi se baat hi nahin kar rahi hai."

"Main baat karne ki koshish karoon?" Ashutosh had to try hard to appear calm. He was dying with guilt. Her problems seem to start and end with him.

"Hospital nahin gayi. Abhi tum khud-ba-khud aa gaye. Koi to baat hui hai Dr. Ashutosh. Kahin isse phir koi galti to nahin ho gayi?"

"Ji nahin," Ashutosh said hastily and lied to Baba, "Darasal galti kissi aur ki thi, lekin koi galatfahmi ho gayi. To ek senionr doctor ne shayad unhein kuchh kah diya. Ho sakta hai isi wajah se... Lekin ab sab theek ho gaya hai. Main baat kar loon?"

"Jao. Apne kamre mein hai. Agar hospital ki problem hai to shayad tumhare kahne se koi farq pade."

He knocked at her door. She didn't reply. He slowly opened the door and entered.

"Baba. Maine kaha na mujhe koi baat nahin karni hai..." she started saying. She fell silent when she noticed Ashutosh. Ashutosh found an empty chair in the room, pulled it closer to the bed where she was sitting and sat down on it.

He waited for her to talk. Like yesterday, she was still not meeting his eyes.

"Aap mujh par gussa honge," she finally said.

"Kyon?"

"Maine aaj duty par report nahin kiya."

"Insaan hona itna bura bhi nahin hai."

She looked at him in surprise. He had repeated what she had told him once. Then she averted her eyes again, "Mujhe aapki baat maannni chahiye thi. Aapse door rahna chahiye tha."

"Nidhi. Tumhein meri baat maanni chahiye thi ya nahin, uska kal jo hua usse koi relation nahin hai."

"Hai kaise nahin? Aap..."

"Nidhi. Main maanta hoon ki kal main bhadak gaya tha Ananda Sen ki baat sun kar. Kyonki usne tumhein... Lekin Nidhi. Ye koi dil se lagane waali baat nahin hai. Log hamare baare mein kya sochte hain, ye aksar is baat ka reflection hota hai ki woh khud kaise hain."

"He is a well-respected person..."

"Lekin tumhein uski personal life mein baare mein kuchh bhi pata hai?"

"Nahin."

"Mujhe pata hai. And it's not something I would like to talk to you about. Not something worth talking about. Lekin that does explain his mentality to me. Meri baat samajh rahi ho?"

Nidhi nodded.

"And I am sorry. Tumhari ye halat mere reaction ki wajah se hui hai. I over-reacted."

"Nahin. Aapne jo kiya theek hi kiya. Meri aankhein khulni zaroori thi. Aap nahin batate to main to samajh bhi nahin paati."

"Nidhi. Duniya mein bahut buraiyan hain. There is a lot of sickness around us. And I am not talking of the physical kind, jo hum doctors theek kar sakein. Is sickness ka koi ilaaj nahin hota. Depressing hai, lekin kya karein. Kam se kam jis sickness ka hum ilaaj kar sakte hain, unhein to andekha nahin karna chahiye. Tumhare patients ko tumhari zaroorat hai Nidhi."

"I am sorry. Dr. Mallika to bahut gussa ho rahi hongi."

"Mallika ki chinta mat karo. Maine use bol diya hai ki tumne mujhe inform kiya tha. Dr. Kabir tumhari jagah duty kar rahe hain. Agle shift mein unki jagah aa jaana. Tab tak thoda aaraam kar lo aur kuchh kha pee lo please. Main nahin chahta ki tum phir duty par behosh ho jao."

Nidhi smiled weakly.

"Main bahar Baba ke saath hoon. Munh dho lo aur bahar aa kar sabke saath baitho. Kitne logon ko pareshaan kar daalti ho tum ek saath."

--

Nidhi's respect for Ashutosh grew by leaps and bounds after this. But she concluded that he was right about their relationship. They were not meant to be together. At least he wasn't meant to be in her life. There was nothing she could do about her feelings. But she could at least ensure that he did not have to be in difficult or awkward situation because of that.

"Dr. Nidhi! Aapko yaad aa gayi hospital ki?" Mallika taunted when she saw Nidhi in the ward for the next shift.

"I am sorry Dr. Mallika."

"Nahin. Nahin. Aapko sorry bolne ki kya zaroorat hai. When Dr. Ashutosh is ready to cover for you..."

"Galti meri thi ki maine aapko inform nahin kiya. Ismein Dr. Ashutosh ko beech mein laane ki zaroorat nahin hai," Nidhi replied hoping to not appear too curt.

"How sweet! Ab aap unke liye cover kar rahi hain."

"Dr. Mallika. Aapko meri wajah se Dr. Ashutosh ke baare mein kuchh bhi aisa kahne ya karne ki zaroorat nahin hai, jisse aap unki hi nazaron mein gir jayen. Woh mere boss hai, dost nahin. Dost woh aapke hain. Aur agar aapki dosti mein koi tension hai, to uske liye mujhe blame karne ka koi fayda nahin hai. Uski wajah main nahin hoon."

Mallika was taken aback by Nidhi's retort and could not immediately say anything. Nidhi, also, did not wait for her to reply and walked off.

--