Part 6 The Catalyst Lying on his back, he turned and glimpsed at the empty space next to him. It annoyed him more and so he turned over to face the window in the other side of the room.
His upbringing and wealth had never left him yearning for much and the ones he'd not been privy to in life were the kind that were not replaceable with fillers that life offered; his parents being one. Female companionship had been plenty too, but never the ones he'd sought after. His wedding hadn't roused his expectations either - it had entirely been to please Daadima. But the one kiss had changed everything and now it had reduced him to a man who could no longer bear to sleep alone. Not even when sleep strangled his eyes.
In those moments when his mind drifted more randomly than he liked, it occurred to him, how personal a bed was. No one felt bad about not sharing a couch or table; however, there was nothing impersonal about a bed. He'd cried on it as a kid, studied for exams, secretly phoned his crushes from there during those directionless teen years, sneaked in and smoked joints with friends and rarely even dreamt about making passionate love to his wife. It suddenly seemed that his sturdy four poster bed had been a quiet bystander to the passing of his life; silently bearing him despite its overpowering presence.
He closed his eyes and hoped for the blackness that came after to put out the thoughts that scrambled his head. When all his efforts to stay asleep failed he got to his feet to make himself some tea.
On his way to the kitchen, he noticed that the light in his wife's room was still on. He knew Channi was staying there. She'd come in that afternoon looking nervous and embarrassed about setting foot in the house of the man who'd abandoned him in the mandap. He thought he'd done more good to her, than bad, by marrying Geet, but as days passed and as her wedding didn't materialize with other prospective grooms, he was no longer certain he'd done the right thing. He'd stayed out all day and only come back into the house when he was fairly certain the sisters would have retired to their rooms. He had no intentions of facing her, not when he had no knowledge of the dire circumstances that had brought her to his place. He wasn't a coward and even planned to offer all forms of help when requested, but he didn't want to run into her, reminding her of the unforgettable time he'd chosen her sister over her to be his bride. The next day he would be leaving to Manali where he was regrouping with clients of a case he was working on; the original meeting, actually intended to be set up for a later week.
He was about to cross their room, more as a shadow that the hallway track lights cast on their door, but he stopped nevertheless when he heard Geet use Daadima's name.
"But Daadima is nice..." He heard her snuffle a cry "and him too" She added, after a long pause and slight hesitation.
He was more tempted to walk away then, but the topic she broached next, arrested his movement once again.
"Di...di" He heard a sudden urgency resound in her voice "I didn't mean for any of this to happen...somewhere in those five days, I had even decided to stop interfering in your life...but..." She was crying, rather sobbing uncontrollably, as if she was trying to catch the vestige of time and turn it back, if indeed she was allowed.
"I don't think I can ever understand...why Maan..." She broke off momentarily and then continued "I don't deserve this life...or him" She said decisively, after which the room went silent for some time and he waited, much to his disbelief despite the dull ache, he felt emanate from his chest.
"Listen Choti..." Channi was speaking then, in a temperament that was poles apart from his wife "No one can make these things happen...this is how it's bound to be. To be honest, it was unfair to him. I had my scruples about Gurvinder, when I was still engaged to him and when you brought the show down, I had every chance to voice my wishes to marry Gurvinder, but again Daarji was so insistent, I lied to Maan...almost begged him to marry me giving into the pressure, when I had meant no part of it...I guess I'm paying for it now..."
He zoned out halfway through Channi's words, his wife's firm denial making it impossible to contain the frenzy that rose inside him. The anger he'd not felt surface in a long time, reared its ugly head. He wanted to kick something, bounce something off the wall and if he had his way, he wanted to walk into that room and force her to read through the diary once again, to face the one truth that was blaringly obvious to him. Unable to cope with her stubbornness and unwilling to yield to it, he marched away in the opposite direction he'd intended. A long drive, he decided, was the only remedy within his reach to calm his expectant heart.
Had he stayed a little while longer, he would have known that she'd done the unthinkable. Coming out with her attraction to him while Channi and he were still engaged, was not just plain difficult, but deeply humiliating as well. Strangely, the truth liberated her in ways she'd not expected. She fell to her sister's feet in a weak moment and admitted to having given into her desires, while she'd wanted to make believe that kissing him had only been a scheme to stall her sister's marriage with him. That in those long five days the emptiness of the four walls had drained her of the ludicrous infatuation for him. She openly stated that she'd been happy with her decisions to marry Maan, when she'd learnt of it. Although, all that had not been enough to give her sister her share of the happiness she undoubtedly deserved, she lamented while her sister pulled her up.
Their conversations had lasted another hour, before he'd made it home. He'd not witnessed Channi shake Geet up as they stood facing each other, as if it was only a stupor that had imprisoned her younger sister's senses. Neither did he overhear the reasons Channi gave Geet for having come to Delhi without having informed her family and nor did he take in the hug between the sisters that had lasted for minutes; as though they believed forgiveness was a tangible element, waiting in anticipation of the moment it would wash over them. It wasn't until he was half way through brewing his tea he saw her standing in a corner, behind the kitchen door with an uncalled for apprehensive look on her face. He'd not foreseen to cross paths with her that night, let alone find her in the same room as he was. He maintained his indifference, albeit unable to curb his curiosity, he glanced sideways from time to time to make certain, she was still there.
"I always have one bourbon biscuit and milk before going to bed" She said, her voice faltering through the words.
He turned her way, catching her huddle even closer to the door, while he continued to dip the tea bag in the hot water that lapped a lime wedge to the glass wall of the cup; the peculiarity of what she'd spoken striking his mind with a clarity he could't overlook, that he'd never read that detail about her in all those pages of her diary.
Edited by 6thElement - 13 years ago
29