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mjtruelegend

@mjtruelegend

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Hello my fellow SGPians, I may be only one who feels this way but I am seriously not liking Panna's attitude anymore. Please don't think I condone what Raunak did but I don't like what Panna's doing either.

Yes he made a big mistake
Yes he left his wife/parents to suffer, he's hurt them a lot
Yes he's broken Panna's trust
Yes he stayed away from home for 6months (against his will)
Yes he was selfish in his conduct
Yes what he did was wrong!

BUT

These reason were not in his intention at the time of his departure. Clearly he was not thinking straight. Clearly he was in a very fragile psychological state to be considering suicide. His attempt of suicide was a cry for help and people who go through that need to be supported constructively and positively. Showing this much contemn and haughtiness is really not something I expected from such a mature character.

In reality that person would've tried to commit suicide again as they do not feel wanted or valued.

As Inder said today, you're teacher and are intelligent enough to do better. I am not saying that she should shower him with love and care, no not at all, instead she should encourage him to be better person by giving him positive feedback each time he comes back with something good. Showing so much attitude even he got a job or when he bought her a saree, was totally uncalled for.

She doesn't need to fully accept him yet, but she could at least be civil and courteous without being so rude and arrogant. She should try it, trust me it's not THAT hard.

I could've understood her behaviour for following points

IF Raunak actually meant to leave them to settle else where
IF He actually he had an affair with Pia
IF he stayed away willingly and did not try to come back
IF he enjoyed the life he had for the 6 months
IF he had not regrets or did not apologise
IF he did not acknowledge his own wrongdoings
IF he did not pull himself together or if he did NOT TRY
IF he did not get a job and showed the same attitude as before
IF he was not repenting

He is not doing any of the above and still she's scornful towards him. Again I am not saying she has to become all sweet and nice, NO! What I am saying is a GOOD wife will support her husband through thick and thin. He's realised his mistake and apologised and he is trying hard for betterment so what more could you want from someone who wanted to kill himself OR from any human beings? You see in order to make life better husband and wife BOTH have to put in the effort and at this moment, I can only see Raunak trying to develop himself and the bond but she's not. A marriage works both ways not one way.

What would she have if he was successful at his attempt of suicide? What could she have done if Pia's father took him abroad and kept him captive and he never returned? Would she liked to have become a widow?

Yes I know what she went through is horrible and very painful I agree but in situations like this you have to go above that and be practical for everyone's revival. Again I know it's very hard but you have to at least try. Panna has to realise that. Enough of self pity and now get a move on. It's been months and it's about time she makes the effort to heal her wounds. Only she can make things better because no matter what Raunak does, if she doesn't change her thinking then it won't make any difference.Raunak is trying and she has to try as well and not keep repeating herself in trying to justify her cold conduct...and the phrase that comes to my mind for Panna is

"Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it!"
and
another one by Maya Angelou

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

All I am saying is Panna, please just try and life will get better for the both of you!😃

I thankyou for reading my thoughts. I want to be thoughtful about this and I mean no harm to anyone personally, so please don't take it the wrong way.

Edited by mjtruelegend - 14 years ago

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Frequent Posters

Netri

@iViews

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

I understand ur point but I don't completely agree with it. I can see Y U think Panna is wrong but I too like Panna think , Forgiving Rounak is not as simple as it may seem .

Panna was grew up in closely knit Family with Values . but By SINGLE PARENT , Yes SINGLE . Her DAD left them . She was younger in age & that age parent is someone who is sworn to protect U while Her dad not thinking twice put himself before his kids . DAD went his way. her brother promised her that He will protect her, Care for her . It is much more visible in their relationship. But VOID left behind by her DAD or more likely the PAIN caused by him is not something she can forget easily . She saw her mother crying asking Y her DAD left them ? Or perhaps saying It must b her fault that HER HUSBAND left them . She saw her Mother's PAIN , Agony , HURT , TEARS , BLAMING her self for it . As a child she must not have understood all that but It some ways affected her .

Now she married the man of her dreams , She stood by him thick & thin , Took all sorts of insults from her MIL thinking after all She is the mother of her HUSBAND . She took care of everyone without any grudge Y Cauz the MAN she loved was with her . For him , With Him she did everything She could for HER HUSBAND's Family .

Yes, Rounak Lost the Job , He was depressed. But do U remember all the talk Panna had with Rounak when he lost the job ? He got an offer from another company less pay but He may have to relokate to another CITY . Panna told him to take the job , & She will b with him . Panna gave all sorts of support to him . She went to work so that he can choose his liking of a JOB . What did Rounak did ? He taunt her , Make fun of her Salary , Her Family , Diwali Celebration He was SAD & Down so Panna didn't went to her Family . She stayed with Rounak so He wasn't alone at the time of Festival ? Did Rounak thank her for all those things? Did He said he is sorry that so many times He caused her Pain bCauz of his stupidity ? Even after he lost job he made expenses Left & Right [ Unnecessary Expenses ] Did He for a moment thought of anyone other thna him self in that Moment ? NO , Did he thought that his Dad & MOM 's health is not going to permit them to work in this age . Did he thought What would happen to his MOM & DAD if Panna goes to her family & never comes back ? At All of anyone other than him self . ? NO . He was a SELFISH PERSON . He has Mocked , Insulted Panna so many times for her Family , Her upbringing , Her JOB Everything , that he never for one moment thought that Panna will Insult him back ? How does it feel ? If & When U insult someone , REMEMBER there is always a possibility of Other person give U back .

If U r depresed there is medication for that . Living is hard So live for those Who love U . Don't Give Up Easily . Besides " Marane wala apni Maut marta hain , Aur Jeene wale [ Loved Ones] Bemaut "

It is hard for Panna to forgive Rounak Bcauz Rounak has hurt her where it will HURT the most . She never imagined in her wildest dreams that her husband will dessert her like that . Her husband left her as if she doesn't mean to him . Which after spending so many years , memories together is Worst.

Yes, Panna should forgive Rounak but not for the reasons U said . Marriage is not something U take as child's play . One day U r happy with Ur wife cauz U r the Breadwinner & Next U r hurt cauz Ur wife earns Bread . & not to mention Ur MAN EGO is hurt . I can't forgive people like Rounak who doesn't think of anyone else but them selves. Yes , He is changing but Is there guarantee Panna can buy that He will remember the lesson he has learned & Not go back to his old self again ?

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Netri

@iViews

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

What Rounak needs to understand is There r CONSEQUENCES of ACTIONS . Forgiveness should n't come easy to him . Otherwise He will do it again . Thinking as long as I look somber , Remorseful Everyone including Panna will forgive me . & Specially Killing himself part is unforgivable. Yes, One can b depressed. & There r medicines for that. Unless He doesn't take medicine for his depression , Panna can't do much for him than she has already done it . Talking abt Depression helps but Never pull that Crap to get forgiveness or what ever Rounak wants . When He earns his way back , He will never make that same mistake again .

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Anamta

@ShadowImbue

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

I partially agree with both of u really there is a void that even gets deeper when ur father has intentionally deprived u of his love she was a child but she saw the pain and agony of her mom it definately effects child's pshychological state therefore its really very difficult for Panna to forgive Rounak as she faced almost similar consequences as her mom faced,but in the modified form, whatever his father did was stuck in her mind and when Rounak deserted her even for few months it rubbed salt into her wounds earlier Rounak was a haughty man who taunted her most of the times but specifically during the course of time when he was jobless his "Male Ego" got hurt as his wife has job and was solely earning for HIS family it was his inner frustration,jealousy,ego,or better call inability that comes out in the form of words these negative factors were getting instilled in him that's why he taunted her most of the times he was a weak,egoistic Man like few others in our society who fell pray of the bad consequences he lost his job and even tried to commit suicide that was a CRIME,whatever he faced he must not commit sucide its shows how weakened u are from inside u are a hollow man with weak will power,u are deprived of,despite of having it As time teaches everyone time taught him he was captivated for long time he was away from family faced hardships he LEARNED through the ordeal experience.All what he did isn't easily forgivable either BUT a person should be given a chance after all he is also human being and what matters more is the future not the past he is a change man now Panna didn't accepted his apology for long time now it seems as if she is never ever going to forgive him she made up her mind regarding him I know its always difficult to forgive and women are mostly demanded to forgive much earlier than they should but now its the demand of time she should forgive Raunak as he has proved

himself to be a change person atleast stop ignoring him and behave in

a normal way with him its easier to say but atleast she should try after this much duration as Adi said don't suddenly shower ur love I want to add even don't respect him if u r not willing to do so from inside but atleast don't be so rude to him,better move on gradually consider as what happened was for good as u cannot go back to past so why considering only about it try to give others chance specifically when they deserve to get one.He will regain his lost respect if given a chance

Edited by firefly99 - 14 years ago

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Anamta

@ShadowImbue

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

Obviously it always requires time to get out of plight and earlier Panna's behaviour was justified but now as time has passed and Rounak is actually proving himself so why not give him a chance.

Edited by firefly99 - 14 years ago

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mjtruelegend

@mjtruelegend

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: Johncena36
i agree with u word to word and even i am irritated as well,i can understand what u r feelin

Well thankyou for much! So nice of you to reply Rahul 😃

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tanu

@Armu4eva

Moderator

+ 14

Posted: 14 years ago

Shemuuu...🤗 do we hv some telepathic connection..!!

I sooo agree with u... What Raunak did was wrong..what Panna is doing is also WRONG... n two wrongs does not make a right!!

M baffled by this kind of outright rejection that Panna is handing out to Raunak..!! Doesnt life offer us second chances??? Is Raunaks return anything but less than a second chance to Panna?? Why this indifference. .why this shutting off..????

Agreed Raunak hurt.. her.. broke her trust... disappointed her n stood a failure... but he is BACK... he is ALIVE... he is REGRETFUL... n he wants to make amends...???

I believe that if Panna is really uninterested in continuing her relationship with Raunak. .she should divorce him n go... but this kind of behaviour.. is really unfair..!! I know Raunak only made her so frosty.. but the guy is trying to make amends... GIVE him a chance?? or better jus quit this lifes dance.. and move on... n let him move on as well...!!

I know what i m saying would make me sound unemotional.. but har cheez ke ek hadd hoti hai... agar zidd bhi hadd par karle.. to woh zidd bhi ...najayaz lagti hai...!!

Come on Panna...i know it hurts.. but will it hurt u any less to hurt the one u love.. or had loved some time in ur life?

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mjtruelegend

@mjtruelegend

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: netri

1 I understand ur point but I don't completely agree with it. I can see Y U think Panna is wrong but I too like Panna think , Forgiving Rounak is not as simple as it may seem .
2Panna was grew up in closely knit Family with Values . but By SINGLE PARENT , Yes SINGLE . Her DAD left them . She was younger in age & that age parent is someone who is sworn to protect U while Her dad not thinking twice put himself before his kids . DAD went his way. her brother promised her that He will protect her, Care for her . It is much more visible in their relationship. But VOID left behind by her DAD or more likely the PAIN caused by him is not something she can forget easily . She saw her mother crying asking Y her DAD left them ? Or perhaps saying It must b her fault that HER HUSBAND left them . She saw her Mother's PAIN , Agony , HURT , TEARS , BLAMING her self for it . As a child she must not have understood all that but It some ways affected her .
3Now she married the man of her dreams , She stood by him thick & thin , Took all sorts of insults from her MIL thinking after all She is the mother of her HUSBAND . She took care of everyone without any grudge Y Cauz the MAN she loved was with her . For him , With Him she did everything She could for HER HUSBAND's Family .
4Yes, Rounak Lost the Job , He was depressed. But do U remember all the talk Panna had with Rounak when he lost the job ? He got an offer from another company less pay but He may have to relokate to another CITY . Panna told him to take the job , & She will b with him . Panna gave all sorts of support to him . She went to work so that he can choose his liking of a JOB . What did Rounak did ? He taunt her , Make fun of her Salary , Her Family , Diwali Celebration He was SAD & Down so Panna didn't went to her Family . She stayed with Rounak so He wasn't alone at the time of Festival ? Did Rounak thank her for all those things? Did He said he is sorry that so many times He caused her Pain bCauz of his stupidity ? Even after he lost job he made expenses Left & Right [ Unnecessary Expenses ] Did He for a moment thought of anyone other thna him self in that Moment ? NO , Did he thought that his Dad & MOM 's health is not going to permit them to work in this age . Did he thought What would happen to his MOM & DAD if Panna goes to her family & never comes back ? At All of anyone other than him self . ? NO . He was a SELFISH PERSON . He has Mocked , Insulted Panna so many times for her Family , Her upbringing , Her JOB Everything , that he never for one moment thought that Panna will Insult him back ? How does it feel ? If & When U insult someone , REMEMBER there is always a possibility of Other person give U back .
If U r depresed there is medication for that . Living is hard So live for those Who love U . Don't Give Up Easily . Besides " Marane wala apni Maut marta hain , Aur Jeene wale [ Loved Ones] Bemaut "
5 It is hard for Panna to forgive Rounak Bcauz Rounak has hurt her where it will HURT the most . She never imagined in her wildest dreams that her husband will dessert her like that . Her husband left her as if she doesn't mean to him . Which after spending so many years , memories together is Worst.
6 Yes, Panna should forgive Rounak but not for the reasons U said . Marriage is not something U take as child's play . One day U r happy with Ur wife cauz U r the Breadwinner & Next U r hurt cauz Ur wife earns Bread . & not to mention Ur MAN EGO is hurt . I can't forgive people like Rounak who doesn't think of anyone else but them selves. Yes , He is changing but Is there guarantee Panna can buy that He will remember the lesson he has learned & Not go back to his old self again ?

Netri I've numbered the points so I can keep a track of which one I am talking about. I hope you won't mind!

1. I am not talking about forgiving Raunak and I never said it's simple to do so.

2. Of course that was a great ordeal for all of them I know and I understand that fully as I see it happening in front my eyes everyday. What Ishwar did was truly selfish and unforgivable. Her wounds were reignited by Raunak's exit. It's more painful for her as she's going through it for the second times but this times it hurts more because she understands the gravity of a husband leaving you. What Raunak did was a terrible mistake, I don't accept it either but BM and Panna's situations are different and I don't think they should be compared.

3. Yes by what we've been shown, we can decipher that Panna/Raunak marriage was a love marriage. She tried her level best to tolerate and carry on even with bitterness of her MIL and she did that very well. She had the strength to do that because Raunak stood by her. As a couple they both supported each other until things got worse due to his job loss.

4. Of course what he did was wrong. His attitude and his bitter words were sharp and painful. He was acting like that because he did not know any better and he was too egoistic to listen to anyone or compromise at that point. He was blinded by his failure. I am not denying his shortcomings at all.

5. Again I am not saying she should forgive him, not at all. It's very tough to even like people who have hurt you so deeply, forget about living with them but as she is living with him&his parents, then it's only in her own benefit that I am asking her to start changing her attitude. I am talking about being practical!

6. I did not say those reason were to forgive Raunak. They were points to consider to start changing her attitude towards him. I am not saying that they should become husband and wife no, but she should at least take a step in the right direction. What she's doing doesn't reflect exactly what women normally do in real life either. Yes there will always be bitterness to begin with but most women learn and appreciate their husband's efforts and move on. It does take a while before things become as normal as possible but you have to start by thinking straight! Of course there are those woman who leave there husband's home if he did something like that. Panna chose to stay there, no body forced her. She did her duty as a DIL very well and should be applauded for it but even when her in laws asked her to move on, she said "What if Raunak comes back"..so clearly she wanted him back. My point is PANNA chose this path herself so she needs to be pragmatic at her approach. Basically...You've made your bed now lie in it.

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mjtruelegend

@mjtruelegend

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: netri

What Rounak needs to understand is There r CONSEQUENCES of ACTIONS . Forgiveness should n't come easy to him . Otherwise He will do it again . Thinking as long as I look somber , Remorseful Everyone including Panna will forgive me . & Specially Killing himself part is unforgivable. Yes, One can b depressed. & There r medicines for that. Unless He doesn't take medicine for his depression , Panna can't do much for him than she has already done it . Talking abt Depression helps but Never pull that Crap to get forgiveness or what ever Rounak wants . When He earns his way back , He will never make that same mistake again .

I think he's fully realised his mistakes and he's aware that there are consequences. He understands that very well, which is why he doesn't complain or speak ill of Panna in front of anyone, in fact Raunak defends her saying that he deserves her bitterness. I don't think Raunak is thinking anything like what you are saying. One can see that he is being genuine.

Try to look at it from a human point of view. Depression and committing suicide are 2 very sensitive and grave matters. One has to be careful at how you deal with people who fall in that category, especially if you love them. People who are depressed will not want to talk about it or leave their house let alone go to the doctors for medicine. Majority of the times family/friend/carer brings patients in and then they are assessed and treated accordingly and even then it won't get better if they don't take the medication. People like that need a lot of support otherwise they turn into "cry for help" situations.

Again he is not asking for forgiveness but just another chance to improve himself and his life and in long term, improve Panna's.

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keenu gill

@Keenu.G

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#10

beautiful post di! 👏

I am confused with this track too.. but I think I agree with wht nets said..

My mom has experienced similar situation so i understand wht must be going through panna right now, provided If my bf or hubby[future]😆 would have done same thing..

It would have jus revives those memories tht you had shut down somewhere in the corner of ur brains.. when ur mother was going through tough times,. and deep down u felt the loss of father!

i feel tht Panna needs her time, whatever raunak did is not worth forgiving tht quick, cauz i think everytime she sees raunak now, it jus reminds her of the mistake he had committed which revived the worst memories she dont want to remember , so its hard for her to awaken the same feeling of love and husband support she had felt before the suicide attempt.

[I think i make no sense here 😆]

All i want to say is to us, it looks like a dragfest, but if we look at it in realistic way, then whatever Panna's doing is justified... it takes time to heal wounds.

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