Posted:
As strong as you were, tender you go...
I'm watching you breathing, for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet...
I know what it means... and... I'll carry you home!
[James Blunt - the song had a different implication by itself, but these lines just sort of apply to the last scene... although I wanted to replace breathing for the last time to broken for the last time... sigh! Alternately, this as an ode to one version of Gulaal which passed away with that flood of emotions she finally let out! That version of Gulaal which had kept the real woman in her caged so long, and unnecessarily!]
Both the opening sequence, and the closing one today were continuation of the role reversal between GK as initiated yesterday. Gulaal the lost child, Kesar her anchor...
Gulaal is distraught watching the ashes which are all that seem left of the her world. I find it interesting, that the CVs chose the metaphor of a fire in Gulaal's line of justification - interestingly, the practice of Sati/Jauhar in these same desert areas - as known to most I reckon - dealt with the burning alive of a widow on the pyre of her dead husband... When I was watching that opening scene today, it occurred to me how Gulaal had self imposed a figurative sense of burning herself alive - except, her motive had not been to escape the life of misery as a widow - but to survive one, burning slowly but surely, only to ensure and watch the safety of her family who stood oblivious, and afar. Gulaal has been smouldering slowly over the span of a decade, by keeping the flame a secret - because like she said, if exposed, this flame would become one raging fire to claim everything in the wake of its licking flames... she preferred to be its sole victim ... and in a strange definition of her own, outdid the sacrifice of actual burning practices!
Absolute respect to the writers of this story, to bring the parallel situations - where Gulaal is as wrong, as she is right. Bringing the debate of the righteousness of her intention versus her horrific decision of self-immolation, to fore. Even in sight of her glaring error of way, one can't but put her down - because wrong as her extremity is, it is along the tangent of selflessness... And you can't but help feel for her person, for the number of times she is expected to lose it all and start over again! And you realize that even thought she has miserably and undoubtedly failed objectivity, one should cut her the slack of her how constant her testing circumstances have been, and how multidimensional - and how the only yardstick of wrong or right she has lived her life by, is answering her inner conscience with regard to all those who depended on her so many years.
One word for Mansi (and majorly understated at that) - AMAZING! Her portrayal of this weak, incoherent broken soul - who speaks out her share of truth, not as if she's giving a last shot at justification, but like someone who is desperately tearing through the pages of her life to find out how she could have been so wrong so long, thinking she was only right! How she could have managed to remain so blind to the distinction between right and wrong... And the way Kesar tries to intervene weakly, to assure her she's taking the blow too hard - although he knows it couldn't be any less - I was glad he stopped checking her eventually, opposing her gushing inflow of revelations that however painful were very much true, and long needed! When he told her nearly screamed at her to stop holding back the flood, to let it go once and for all - he was just as much a broken soul, like her, watching his world fall apart too - his world, which has always translated to her!
On that note - I loved the variation in Neil's expression the moment he unearthed the big truth he had been seeking for a decade. When Gulaal spoke those words, about hoping that she could hide away the fire that had burned her world within her aanchal so it would not burn away the rest of the house and its people - you could see the transition in Kesar's expression. It was like this bolt of a truth he should have always known, like for a moment he underwent a personal storm of his own yelling inside his head and demanding of his doubts for their very existence, because it strikes him as such an elemental Gulaal reason to the entire decade long controversy of secret keeping... Its like in that one moment he undergoes a billion fingers pointed at him - reproaching himself to have thought of every wrong explanation as Gulaal's reason to keep the secret, but not this right, most obvious one! I loved the sudden stillness of this stun on his face, as she continues to fumble with her incoherent talking, he just stares at her, like he's seen a face he's always known, and asks himself how could he not have known this was it! And when he turns her around, and screams at her to let it out, to let it go - he's not talking about just the tears - he's talking about the 'burns' and the 'agony' this hidden fire has given her... he's telling her to stop hiding that suffering, because hasn't she, long enough now! Oh not to miss - that early point when Gulaal sort of questions him, even in telling, that hasn't she betrayed him too? Because doesn't he remember he had all those questions too? I like how Kesar jumps to say no to her question - and truthfully so, because if there is one person she hasn't betrayed, it is him. One can only feel betrayed, when one can let go of the faith - and technically Kesar's decade long dilemma has been an internal fight to convince himself of a betrayal - something he could never entirely manage! So he's never been betrayed, because he's never been able to believe that his Gulaal has, or could cheat him! Even when he confronted her about his questions by the pond side - his words had never been statements of what she had done, but questions about why she had done what she had! He has, for the longest time, only awaited to hear from her, her reason - which was what he told MB yesterday too, to at least listen to what she has to say, she must have a reason... it is the bottom line for him she must have her reason! And when that reason comes out, what an effect it has on him - he's torn between watching her shatter from others lack of faith, and realizing how close he had once been to losing this faith too, how despite all his claims of knowing her heart, he had been this far from misjudging it entirely! And so, when he's urging her to let it out and go - he's so desperate about it... his regret and guilt has multiplied!
As for the last scene - again, excellent selection of dialogs in the FB Kesar has. They are all about his accusation towards Dushyant for having destroyed the family and its happiness, for being the root cause of every misery - and how ironic is that accusation, when his own letting out of the secret has actually brought it on! It's like the words he remembers are suddenly all applicable to him - for destroying Gulaal's happiness, for being the root cause of every misery she is undergoing at this point! And so his little promise to her comes... to stand by her, come what may - he doesn't talk about fighting her problems, because Kesar is innately a realist like that, quite unlike Gulaal. While she always strives to divert every kind of harm towards herself and take the storm alone to let the others live in the illusion of peace - Kesar believes in standing as a pillar of support right by the side of the shaken tree, so it can face the storm and still sustain it!
In the end - yet another beautiful episode. The hug was one more instance of heartbreaking and heart melting GK proximity. Another step forward of Gulaal willingly and so naturally letting Kesar into her forbidden circumference...
(note: Because I don't have my laptop, I may not promptly reply back to everyone, but please don't let that stop you from chipping in! I'm trying to not make posts because my internet hours are inflexible until weekend, but I was watching the episode again now, I just had to come and make a post!)
xx
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