After being abandoned by my own family, I decided to make a life for myself and my little kid. And hence, I came to Delhi, in search of a new life. But destiny had its play like always. I was brought to his door. As if that was not enough, I had Sasha and Tasha to deal with. I never quite understood why they thought a small town girl had no right to live in a big city – that I didn't belong here, that I had no right to any success. But I did not let this lower my morale. I kept fighting, holding my stand strong over what is right.
hai roshani se, jaise bhara
Har dil mai armaan hote tou hain
bas koi samjhe zara
And just when I thought I had finally got a hold on my life, I started feeling for him. I fought those feelings with all my strength, but looks like that was not enough. I wasn't strong enough, I fell head over heals for him. And to make things worse, he felt the same too. Why didn't he see I'm not worthy of his love, why he didn't see I didn't want to bring the failures of my past onto him. Why couldn't he see that there were many in line, waiting to be noticed by him just once – more appropriate than me.
Like every other girl, I too had dreams, I too desired a prince charming who would come on a horse and swoop me away to a magical land. But as harsh as reality is, I knew I didn't deserve to even think any of this, let alone experiencing it. I had forgotten I had a right to love someone, to be loved by someone, to experience happiness once again, to live life again to the fullest. He made me realize that no matter what happens in one's life, one should not stop dreaming. I pray to God everyday, what happened to me should not happen to any other girl. And God forbid if it does happen, she should also be sent a knight like him.
Had he not been persistent in winning my over, I would have been living my life probably fighting my luck and facing hardships. I finally lost the battle with myself and with him. He had won over me, he had victory over the war I was battling inside me, he had won over everything. He wanted to start life afresh with me. He didn't care about my past, didn't care about the image I would bring to his family, about the society, about anything. All he cared about was me and my baby. How could have I refused the divine soul from entering my life? How could I deny life with Lord made flesh? Yes – he was God in human form. In a blink of the eye, he took control over my life . And here I stand, stretching out my hand for him catch hold of it and take me where he wants me to go with him.
Dil pe ek naya, sa nasha cha gaya
kho raha tha jo, khab laut aagaya
Dil pe ek naya, sa nasha cha gaya
kho raha tha jo, khab laut aagaya
yeh jo ehsaas hai jo karaar hai
kya issi na hi naam pyar hai
yeh jo ehsaas hai jo karaar hai
kya issi na hi naam pyar hai
pooche dil thumke zara
And today, when I have finally decided to open the door to happiness, when I have finally found love, when I finally have a chance to be in someone's arms – to love and to be loved, my past walks right in front of me expecting me to act as if I didn't see him. Why? Why today of all days? Is this an indication that all the dreams I started living again made me a folly, that a woman who's past is once tainted does not have a right to be happy after all? Is this an indication that I don't have the right to be loved? Does this mean I have to start life afresh for the 3rd time,, away from him? Does this mean I'm the chosen one – one who has to continue to suffer for the rest of my life? Do I really have no right to experience any joy? When will this suffering end – or is there any end to it at all?
Main thak chuki hoon Babaji, toot chuki hoon, bikhar chuki hoon. Ab toh bas kijiye! Aur kitna imtihaan lena baaki hai mera? Aur kitna sehna baaki hai? Ab aur sahen nahi hota...aur nahi Babaji...aur nahi.
Jhanak
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