||Just One Breath Away-AN FF~VM pg 122|| - Page 28

His eyes froze on Nikki, who was chatting happily with Akash. He was almost about to crush the ice cream cone in his hand when he saw how smitten Akash was with Nikki.

Shehnaz bit her lip when she saw the murderous look on Abhi's face. She had been quick to notice how Abhi looked at Nikki, and she knew Abhi enough to understand that he had a thing for her.

She regretted saying her name aloud in front of Abhi. She was no stranger to the fact that Abhi didn't like Akash at all…now she knew the reason why. Akash had fallen for Nikki, and from where she stood, she was sure that Abhi loved her too. But from the way Nikki looked at her when she talked about her college days with Abhi, she could vaguely guess that Nikki, if not love, liked Abhi.

Laughing at something Akash said, Nikki shook her hair out of her eyes. While doing so, her eyes fell on Abhi and Shehnaz sitting at a corner table in the same parlour, looking at them. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second, but her annoyance at Abhi made her quickly turn her back to Akash.

She glanced at them from the corner of her eye, and saw Shehnaz biting her lip nervously, darting worried glances back and forth from Akash to Abhi. The nerve twitching near Abhi's jaw gave away his annoyance…also the way he was clenching and unclenching his fists, she noticed with a slight smirk.

Good, so he's jealous. Let him be…the stupid idiot. She threw her hair over her shoulder and deliberately batted her eyelashes at Akash and made a great show of how much she was enjoying their conversation.

Shehnaz panicked on seeing Nikki's strange behaviour. She was sure that for half a second, Nikki had looked at them. Knowing Abhi, he could explode from jealousy any moment.

"Erm…Abhi, come on let's go from here", she tugged at his hand, which was mercilessly crushing a tissue paper.

He continued to glare at Akash and Nikki. She abruptly got up, and pulled him out of the parlour by the hand, and the strangest thing was that he didn't protest.

Watching Shehnaz hold Abhi's hand made her even angrier and she gritted her teeth, giving Akash a saccharine smile, pretending to pay a lot of attention to whatever he was saying. All the while, her mind concentrated on the fact that Abhi and Shehnaz were a couple in college, and today they had come to this parlour, had an ice cream, and left holding hands.

So maybe paying Akash so much attention wasn't a good idea after all.

When they reached the car, Abhi extracted his hand from Shehnaz's and walked over to the driver's seat. Hurt by his roughness, she sat in the passenger seat, and stayed silent while he drove.

He stewed in the fact that Nikki was going out with Akash. They just went for an ice cream, Abhimanyu! That doesn't make it a date! His heart consoled.

But what was she doing smiling at him like that? His mind huffed.

He was making her laugh…don't you like to see her smile?

Yes I do, but I don't like her looking at him like that. And Akash! He's crossing his limits!

It was just an ice cream!

But how dare he look at my Nikki like that?

Oh you're being so possessive of her now! Why did you have to fight with her earlier?

It wasn't my fault!

But still…she has no right to torture me like this!

She doesn't know what you feel for her!

That's not the point! She doesn't think while kissing me and hugging me like that, but here it's my fault?

The on-going battle between his heart and his mind was getting to him.

"Just shut up!" he said through gritted teeth, finally fed up.

Startled, Shehnaz gaped at him. "Huh?"

"Nothing", he said angrily, and continued to drive. You've lost it Abhimanyu. You need a psychiatrist…this Nikki will drive you mad.

"Abhi?" she asked tentatively.

He didn't answer.

"Abhi I need to talk to you."

He stopped the car suddenly, and she feared that he might just throw her out.

But before could say anything, he spoke. "Let's go up. We can talk there."

Bewildered, she looked out of the window. They had reached Abhi's house. He had bypassed her house in his anger, and had driven straight to his own house. She heaved a sigh of relief that he was at least agreeing to talk.

It was hard to catch up with him, he was walking so fast. She panted behind him, almost running. At his door, he quickly turned the key in the lock and stomped inside.

Gulping, she too walked in, the darkness making her all the more nervous.

He switched on the lights, and without looking at her once, plonked himself on the couch and crossed his arms over his chest, fuming.

A nagging voice in her mind told her that it was not going to be easy to talk to him after what had happened in the ice cream parlour this evening. And the fact that she had dragged him out by the hand made it worse.

She settled herself on the chair opposite to him, not daring to sit beside him in the fear of him lashing out on her. He glared at a bowl on the centre table, the red crystals lying inside it seeming to reflect his inner hurt. Yes, that was what he was, hurt.

She nervously fidgeted with the end of her dupatta, and hoped he would cool down a bit. How she wished he were ever this possessive of her…

"Why were you dancing with Shobha?" she asked him sceptically.

"What's wrong with it? It was a dare!" he gaped at her incredulously on seeing her eyebrows raised in disapproval.

"So you just had to do it?" she looked the other way, crossing her arms over her chest.

He looked offended when she pulled her hand out of his and took that stance, but she missed it.

"It was just for fun, Naz!" he explained exasperatedly. "Please don't make such a big issue over it!"

"I don't like it when you dance with other girls", she snapped.

"It wasn't as if I was slow dancing with her dammit!" he exploded.

"Whatever, I still don't like it."

"Look, I don't want to fight with you over this small issue…" he ran his hand through his hair and pressed his lips together in an attempt to control his anger.

When she didn't answer, he continued, "Naz, we've been fighting all the time for the past two weeks! Can't we have one civilised conversation with each other anymore without you dragging in my interactions with other girls?"

"That wouldn't be a problem if you wouldn't be dancing with every other girl other than me!"

"For the last time, Naz", he growled, bringing his face closer to hers, intimidating her. "Stop. Being. So. Insecure." He emphasized on each word, his gaze piercing.

She hated the way he looked at her when he was angry…his dark eyes seemed to see through her, to read her mind. She shivered as his breath tickled her face, but it was not the feeling she got just before they were about to kiss…this feeling was scary.

"I'm not insecure", she managed to whisper, his close proximity having his desired effect on her.

"Maybe not, but you're suspicious. And I don't like it", he gave her a parting shot before walking away, leaving her all alone on the terrace.

It was only two weeks after that they had broken up, she thought with a pained smile, remembering how she used to feel insecure when he spent time with the girls of their group.

She noticed that Abhi was still sitting silently, staring at the bowl on the table. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, just as she had been in hers.

"Abhi?" she said meekly, and he answered without looking up.

"Yeah…"

"Abhi, you can tell me", she said, looking at him worriedly.

"I don't want to tell you."

His answer hurt, but she continued, knowing full well that he needed to get it out. "Look, I know that you're disturbed, okay? Maybe talking about it will help."

"It won't…and I don't need your help", he snapped angrily.

"Then why did you agree to talk when I offered?"

"I wasn't thinking, alright?"

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, she started again, but the hurt remained in her tone. "Look, Abhi…just because I'm your ex-girlfriend doesn't mean that you have to talk to me like that!"

"I don't want to talk to you, Naz! Why can't you understand that?" he said exasperatedly.

"I know why", she sighed, leaning back in her chair, and he looked at her questioningly.

"Why?"

"Because I was too selfish when we were…a couple", even saying it hurt. "And I was suspicious and insecure for every small insignificant thing…that's why I'm the last person you'll want to discuss this with, right?" she concluded softly.

"As usual…bang on target", he tried to smile, but it turned out to be more of a grimace. "You can never be wrong, can you?"

"And you can never think straight in a temper, can you?" she gave him a tight-lipped smile.

They both went silent for a while, the awkwardness of the situation hitting them. They had not talked like this in ages. It was a familiar feeling, one that felt so natural once, but today, it felt so out of place.

"Abhi…" she spoke again, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?" he appeared to be deep in thought.

"You realise that I'm the only person you can talk about this to?"

His head snapped back up, and he looked at her annoyed. "What makes you think that?"

"I was your girlfriend…I'm the only one who knows you well enough to understand the situation."

"What situation?" he asked her, refusing to believe that it was all so obvious. Before she could answer, however, he said, "Anyway, who said you're the only one who knows me well enough?" irritation and arrogance was seeping into his voice once more. "Vishal knows me better."

"Oh…" she thought for a while. "So you mean you're going to discuss it with Vishal…who happens to be good friends with Nikki, and also a patient who is still unable to think clearly?"

Knowing the truth of her statement, yet still refusing to grant her satisfaction, he raised an eyebrow at her and crossed his arms over his chest.

"And about the situation", she started amusedly, pushing the jealousy and hurt to a deep corner of her mind. "You, Dr. Abhi, are so jealous of Akash that you were crushing your ice cream cone!"

"Wh…who said I'm jealous of Akash?" he tried to sound as indignant as possible, but his slight stammer gave him away.

"Oh so you're not?" she raised a thin eyebrow at him. "Then why were you looking at him as if you're about to fry him in hot oil and serve him to the dogs?" she laughed.

"I…erm…I wasn't…" he stammered uncomfortably, being caught off guard. "Th…the way he was looking at Nikki…I mean Nikita…it was…was so inappropriate!" he finally managed, face flushed a light pink.

"Oh, so that was the reason…" she rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Y-y…yes, yes, that-that was the re-reason", he confirmed, nodding his head vigorously.

"You do know who you're lying to, right?" she raised an eyebrow and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Dr. Modi, you are completely and irrevocably in love with Nikki", she finished, the last word seeming to leave a bitter taste in her mouth.

He sat still, staring blankly at her, his mouth ever so slightly open, blinking at her. He sure did make a comical sight. She couldn't help but grin at him.

"Admit it Abhi", she smirked.

Gulping and biting his lip, he quietly confirmed it, eyes cast down and face turning a bright red.

As cute as he looked, shying away from the fact and blushing like that, Shehnaz felt a pang of hurt through her heart. So he was in love. And also the fact that he was so jealous made her pain increase double fold. She still loved him, and just as much, she knew that…but she had never imagined she would be helping him deal with his new found love like this.

It all seemed so cruel, the way it was happening to her. Streams of memories came rushing back to her, glaring her in the face, telling her what she had lost…what could have been hers, what she had let go so easily.

The day she had come to know he fancied her, from his friends. She had been so happy to know that. She had liked him ever since she set her eyes on him. He had been too nervous to tell her, but his friends had gotten it out and had told her.

He could be a lion at all times, but when it came to girls, he was a complete puppy. He hadn't even had the guts to ask her to the prom, which had been just a few days after she had come to know of his liking for her. Ultimately she had ended up asking him, just the day before the prom. She had later learnt that he had denied every girl who had dared to ask him.

Their first dance, the first time he held her hand…the first time they kissed…the first time she had cried on his shoulder.

The day their friends had discovered their secret place on the water tank, and had teased them about it for weeks to come.

Their first official date…it had been so romantic, ending with a walk on the beach, hand in hand. Later on she had learnt that it had all been Vishal's idea, as Abhi was too confused to decide what to do.

The first time she had cooked lunch, when he had come to her house. It had been terrible but he had eaten it and told her that it was nice, though she could do better. She had understood why he said the last part when she had tasted it herself…

"Naz?" his fingers snapped in front of her face, bringing her back to reality. He was standing before her, leaning in front of her with a confused look on his face, which still had the remnants of the blush on it.

"Huh?"

"What're you thinking?" he asked her.

"Nothing…"

He went and sat back on the couch. "Um…Naz, I wanted to ask you something." He looked visibly flustered.

"Yes?"

"How…how did you come to know? About me and Nikki…I mean", he rubbed his neck nervously.

She plastered a smile on her face and replied, "Oh it's obvious, from the way you look at each other!"

"It's…obvious?" his eyes widened.

"Yeah…" she shrugged, playing absentmindedly with the end of her dupatta. "You know something?"

"What?"

"Akash really likes her."

Abhi's eyes narrowed and they flashed with anger again. "I know that. That's obvious as well."

"Yeah, but Nikki seems to like you as well", she said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

"Really?" Abhi sat up, paying her his undivided attention. "You think so?"

"Yeah", Shehnaz confirmed with a nod of her head.

Abhi sat still for a minute, thinking. Then he asked, "Naz…why're you doing this?"

"Doing what?" she asked, puzzled, too lost in her own misery.

"Helping me with Nikki, I mean", he explained.

"I just want to see you happy", she smiled. This time, her smile was genuine. She loved him, and that's what she wanted. To see him happy. Whether with her or with Nikki, it didn't matter. She knew that she and Abhi were just not meant to be. But Abhi and Nikki were indeed a cute couple, and she couldn't deny it, no matter how much it hurt.

He was looking at her with an odd expression that confused her furthermore. "What?"

"Are you sure?" he asked her, eyes searching hers.

Dropping every wall she had built around her to protect her feelings, she let him see that her gesture was genuine. She knew he would have a hard time trusting her.

Satisfied with what he saw in her eyes, he mumbled a thanks.

"It's okay Abhi, you don't have to thank me for this", she assured him.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" he asked her grimly.

Deciding not to lie, she nodded in affirmation. "Yes, it does." She said quietly.

"You don't have to do this…I know what it feels like", he said. "Seeing Nikki and Akash together was enough for me…and you…you don't have to help me with this."

"Don't worry Abhi", she smiled. "I don't have for you what you have for Nikki", she lied.

That was the first time she had lied to him like that. And it hurt. Even more so because she wasn't denying it to herself. She did love him, and would probably always will…

*****

Abhi walked into his office, and stopped when he saw Nikki sifting through a few files on his table. Her long dark hair fell over her shoulder, half blocking her face, and her lips were pursed in concentration as she looked through one file after another.

He stood there, leaning against the wall, watching her silently, enjoying it, when suddenly the previous day's events came rushing back to him.

Shehnaz had said that Nikki liked him. And maybe she did…after all, the kisses they'd shared…they had felt so right! And she had never said anything, never protested.

Then why did she have to go out with that Akash? Why, after kissing him so passionately, did she have to hurt him so thoroughly?

He remembered their fight in Vishal's cabin…he had told her to go to Akash… But when did she start listening to every word he said?

He had even gone up to the basketball court to fume. He had hoped that maybe she would come, as always. They would fight once more over who was wrong and ultimately end up forgetting the original reason they started fighting in the first place. They would laugh over it, and it would all be over.

But no…she hadn't come. Instead, she had gone out with Akash, and had ice cream with him, and laughed with him, and not even given him a second look.

Anger and jealousy didn't even begin to define what he was feeling. He straightened himself and walked towards her, his irritation rising.

Stopping right beside her, he crossed his arms over his chest. She stiffened and stood still, the file in her hand, not looking up.

"Dr. Malhotra, what do you think you're doing in my office?" he boomed at her.

Dr. Malhotra. Their fight in Vishal's cabin flashed in her mind. So she had told him to have a professional attitude while addressing her. But since when did he listen to everything she said? Her temper at him rose.

Stupid doctor. Holding his ex-girlfriend's hand in the same ice cream parlour that she was sitting in! The gall of the man! How dare he bond with her again? And to rub it in her face like that!!! It was good that she had had Akash for company…she could give him a dose of his own medicine!

Straightening up and looking at him calmly, she stated, "Looking for a report, as you can see."

"No, actually I can't see that", he threw back at her. "All I can see is that you are checking a few files in my office without taking my permission to enter here."

"You saw me, didn't you? So now you know that I'm in here", she answered defiantly and went back to looking at the file.

Taking a deep breath to control his rapidly rising anger, he closed his eyes.

"Listen, Dr. Malhotra", he emphasised on her name. "I am the boss of this hospital, okay! You can't defy my authority here!"

Irked by his words, she closed the file with a snap, having found what she was looking for.

"Well, Dr. Modi", she said through gritted teeth, the image of his hand in Shehnaz's flashing in front of her eyes as she tried to blink it away. "I found what I came to search for, so you won't be disturbed anymore as I am leaving."

She made her way around him but he grabbed her arm, having lost his control.

It burned where he held her. It annoyed her immensely even though she liked the feeling. She hated the fact that he had this effect on her.

"Let go", she commanded him, looking him straight in the eye.

"No", he answered simply, moving closer.

"What were you doing with him yesterday?" he asked her angrily.

"The same as what you were doing with Shehnaz yesterday", she shot back, trying to free her arm, but his grip just got tighter. It was so tight that she was afraid it would leave marks on her skin. But even so, she enjoyed it. She liked basking in his attention…she loved it that he was jealous.

"Don't be smart with me Nikki", he growled, inching even closer. Her breathing quickened.

"I'm not. I gave you your answer. Now let me go", she yanked her arm from his grip, albeit reluctantly, and made to go.

"I'm not done Nikki!" he snapped furiously and grabbed her by both arms and pushed her to the wall.

Back against the wall, him holding on tight to both her arms, she stood there panting, the memory of the gym scene flashing in her mind. It sent her heart racing at breakneck speed.

"Why're you so agitated about it?" she managed to keep her voice steady and defiant, despite the storm raging inside her…not one of anger, not of jealousy, but of anticipation and passion.

"I don't like these games you're playing with me Nikki", he came closer, letting go of her arms but placing his own on both her sides, blocking her way out, trapping her in a cage.

"What…games?" she panted, her voice barely audible as he came even closer, closer than he had ever come before without kissing her. He was so close that she was finding it difficult to focus on him, he appeared hazy.

She was finding it difficult to breathe, let alone speak. His close proximity was having its effect on her, driving her heart crazy, numbing her knees…she felt as if she was about to collapse into his arms, a victim of his unintended seduction.

His every breath tickled her face, his eyes pierced into hers. Her mind vaguely registered that he was not wearing glasses.

"You know what I mean Nikki", he whispered in a husky voice, and she closed her eyes. She couldn't take it anymore. He was torturing her like this…being so close and yet acting so far…it was too much to bear.

But even as she closed her eyes in a feeble attempt to shut him out, her whole body could feel his presence. She was pressed against his body, and the warmth radiating from him sent shivers through her as she struggled to breathe.

"Answer me", he whispered, his voice unintentionally sensuous, and she slid a few inches down the wall as her knees gave away. But he came even closer, trapping her between his body and the wall, stopping her from falling.

As she was about to fall, her hands had instinctively bunched up his shirt to hold on to. She gulped weakly, as he slowly pulled her up.

This was too much. Being so close to him after such a long time shut down her mind completely, and set her heart racing. He knew very well what he was doing to her, as he breathed slowly and deeply, tickling her face, and making even her closed eyelids flutter.

She shook her head laboriously in answer. It took everything she had in her to do so. He was so close she could almost hear his heart racing just as fast as hers.

"Nikki…" his voice sounded once more, and she kept her eyes as tightly shut as possible. She felt his hand close on her smaller one, which was holding on to his shirt for dear life.

He tried to undo the balls she had made of her fists, but she refused to let him do so. Her strength faltering when he brushed his lips against her forehead, he managed to undo them.

Slowly, he kissed her each hand, and she shivered, her eyes opening slightly. She observed him shyly from under her eyelashes, almost forgetting to breathe when her eyes met his.

What she saw scared her, made her feel loved, it did everything possible to her. His eyes were dark with passion, the intensity that burned in them threatened to pierce through hers. They burnt with jealousy as well, which she saw undisguised in them, staring unblinkingly back at her. Coupled with them, they burnt with love. She could feel her face heating up.

As it was their noses were almost touching, but he came even closer, and her eyes fluttered closed, expecting what she knew was coming.

But it never did. His lips didn't touch hers as she had expected them to. Rather, he moved away. The warmth was suddenly gone, the tingling in her senses was gone, and the anticipation was gone.

She opened her eyes and observed him hurtfully as he staggered back and leant against the table, breathing deeply, expression shuttered.

Perhaps the proximity had had the same effect on him as it had on her. But she stood there, still pressed against the wall, leaning on it for support, watching him, feeling her heart slow down a little.

He looked up once, with the same jealousy burning in his eyes. But the love wasn't there anymore. All she saw was anger, hurt, and…she didn't know what it was. She couldn't read it anymore.

She silently watched him get up, and walk swiftly out of the room, leaving the door open behind him.

And she gasped for air. She slid down the wall, feeling terrible and hating herself for doing what she had done to him yesterday. She hadn't only hurt him, but she had hurt herself.

She hugged her knees to herself and sat on the floor, burying her face in her knees. It hurt.

She had no idea why he left so abruptly. She had no idea why he left her hanging there. She had no idea why he did what he did. She didn't care to know why he had left without getting an answer from her.

What she didn't know was that Abhi ran to the basketball court from there. He himself was wondering why he hadn't kissed her in spite of being so close. The truth was that he was afraid. He was afraid of kissing her once more and then being hurt all over again. He needed confirmation that she loved him.

She didn't know that he had wanted to kiss her just as much as she had wanted him to do so. But just a fraction of a second before their lips met, the scene of her with Akash had flashed in his mind. He tore away instinctively, and walked back, walked away from her.

It hurt him too, and she didn't know just how much he wanted to go right back and kiss her till she confessed her feelings for him.