FF: Ishq-e-Watan *Chapter 78 Posted* - Page 100

CHAPTER 76

TRYING

Monami stared at her open suitcase and then at the check list in her hand. "Done, done and done", she muttered, keeping the check list aside. She closed the suitcase, zipping it up.

"Packing done?" A voice asked.

She whirled around. Koel. She smiled, nodding slightly. "T-Tum yahan?"

"Just wanted to say bye", she said, walking in. "Yeh suddenly beech mein jaana kyun? Everything okay ghar par?"

She hesitated. "M-Mumma ka b-birthday hai k-kal. And..." Koel nodded her understanding. "T-Tuesday ko aa j-jaungi."

"Main achhe se notes banaa kar rakhungi tumhaare liye", she promised. The younger girl smiled at her brightly. "Waise... are you okay?"

Monami nodded. "Of course."

"Pakka, na? You seem disturbed. Kuchh baat hai, toh you should talk about it."

She sighed a little. "I am p-pretty sure gh-ghar j-jaakar jh-jhagdha hoga P-Papa ke s-saath. But I c-can't j-just a-avoid b-because he n-needs me h-home." She sighed again. "Main j-jab bhi Papa se b-baat karti h-hoon, he j-just... he just g-goes off and d-doesn't let me sp-speak."

Koel sat down on the bed, tilting her head. "Then make him hear you", she insisted. "Monami... fights ka koi point nahi hota agar uss fight se aap ek doosre ki feelings better naa jaano. I don't know kya situation par try to understand his point of view. Woh shayad apni jagah galat naa ho. Par iska yeh matlab nahi hai ki tu galat hai. Tell him your point of view. Explain it to him."

"He d-doesn't want to u-understand", she said. But even as she said it, conversations flooded back.

'Army hi kyun?'

'Naa tum samajh sakti ho, naa tum samjha sakti ho.'

She shook her head. When had she clearly stated her feelings? She had always said she wanted to be in the army. But when had she explained it to her father why exactly she wanted that? She exhaled. If this comes up, she will tell him. She will explain. And he will have to understand.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Parakaram makes the most sense to attack", Karan said, leaning back in his chair. "Jo original inka plan tha, it would made sense. They had a spy inside."

"That would mean inke paas considerable forces hain Deolali mein", Faizi continued. He reached over, glancing over the list of the dates. "Next date 20th February. Enough time to move forces."

"They might have changed plans", Param said, sighing.

"Par Sir ji, jo bhi unke plans the, woh isse pehle attack toh naa hi karenge", Sanju said. "Sayed unka hukum ka ikka tha."

"Unless they are desperate", Param countered. "We made a blow jab Sayed ko maara. But Sayed unke boss ka beta tha, if sources are to be trusted. They might be angry." He glanced at the three. "Tum teenon thoda dhyaan rakhna apna academy ke bahar. Main Raghav se baat karke families ki security arrange karwaa dunga. And Faizi, Sanju, academy ke bahar thoda apna relationship naa dikhao, toh behtar hoga." The two nodded their agreement.

"Abhi pehle toh information chahiye", Karan said after a moment of contemplative silence. "Let's try and find some information on the bases. Intelligence agencies ko bhi contact karte hain. Agar humaara andaaza sahi hai, there must be a base in Deolali ya at most, the neighboring cities. Police ko bolo bars par nazar rakhenge. Tell them to keep an eye out. Poore Naashik district mein security strict kara do. Kahin se toh koi lead milegi."

"Sir ji... agar unhe pata chalega ki hum base dhoond raho hain, woh bhaag naa jaayenge?"

Param shook his head. "Sanju, agar unhe sach mein nahi lagta ki hum security strict kardenge iss sab ke baad, toh woh bewakoof hain. And EFR is not stupid." He looked at Faizi. "Tumhaare team ki cadets ki weapon training kaisi chal rahi hai?"

Faizi tilted his head. "Pick up achhi hai", he said. "They are excited, passionate. Practice chahiye par they will all be decent shots soon." He paused. "Except Monami, of course. Usko humne do teen pehle hi sikhaana shuru kara hai. She'll need thoda time. And use gunshots se darr lagta hai, toh..."

He waved his hand. "She'll catch up once she gets over her fear", he said firmly. "Sanju, yeh physical fighting mein kaise hain?"

"Bure naa hain, Sir ji", she said. "Technique aa chuki hogo inhe. Thoda samay lagego itna achha banne ke laane ki yeh apne aap ko toh kam se kam aantankwaadiyon se defend kar paaye. Dheere dheere inhe fight ke dauraan sochna aur strategize karna bhi aa raho hai."

"We need these cadets ready", he said. "Hopefully, we can take them to the field soon. Sanju, ek team bana from the special agents. Make a list. We'll use them jab hume bases ki information mil jaayegi."

"Ji, Sir ji", she said.

"I was thinking, cadets ko jungle mein training ke liye lekar chalna hai?" Karan asked. "Abhi new year aa raha hai. Maybe first ya second week of Jan mein. Janwar bhi kam hoyenge jungle mein iss time par."

The other two trainers tilted their heads in agreement. "Ek din pehle outdoor shooting training ke liye bhi lekar chal sakte hain", Faizi said.

"I'll smooth out the details", Karan agreed.

Sanju smirked. "Sir ji, hum cadets ke liye ek jaal bichhaye?" The three men raised an inquisitive eyebrow in near sync. "Inko bahar lekar chale, kisi kaaran ke laane inhe akela chhode. Aur phir, gunde aa jaaye. Dekhenge inhe asal zinadgi mein kitna ladhna aato hai."

"Kaunsi film dekhkar aayi hai tu?" Karan asked. Her smirk dropped. "Siddharth ke saath rehne ka asar dikh raha hai."

"Sir ji", she protested.

"Sanju, galti se bhi kuchh ho gaya inhe toh jawaab nahi diye jaayenge. Aur agar inhone galti se gundon ko zyaada maar diya toh bhi nahi", Faizi explained. "Par ek naya mock mission diya jaa sakta hai. Hum iss par kaam karte hain."

"Chalo phir", Param said. "Sabko kaam mil gaya hai." He stood up, wincing slightly. Karan's eyes dropped to his prosthetics, visibly noticeable for a change and for a brief second, the memories flashed back. He exhaled, pushing them away.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Deepak sat on the long dinner table. Alone. He sipped the coffee, trying not to let the silence bother him. It used to be lively. Shouting, screaming, running. There wasn't a lonely moment in the house. But the walls that had witnessed the happiness now only stared at the long, silent hours which merged into each other.

There was a faint noise from the entrance, and he glanced up, finding Avinash walking in. "Tu toh New York jaa raha tha?" He asked, sipping his tea.

He hummed. "Do ghante mein flight hai", he said. He pulled back a chair, sitting down. "Socha tujhse pehle mil loon. Monami aa rahi hai?"

Deepak shrugged. "Kaha toh tha. Maybe uski precious academy ne use kuchh kaam de diya ho", he said bitterly.

"She will come", Avinash assured. "Agar usne kaha hai toh woh zaroor aayegi, Deepak." He glared at him lightly. "Jhagdha mat karna usse."

"Main kaunsa uske saath jhagdha karke khush hoon", he snapped. "I... I don't like it either. I just... want her back."

He sighed. "Agar woh waapas teri baat maan kar aa bhi gayi toh woh tujhse door hi rahegi. Woh yeh bhoolegi nahi."

"Toh kya karoon main? Bas... accept kar loon? Yeh jaante hue there is a possible path which will end up with her death?" He let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair.

Avinash fell quiet for a long moment. "Meri wife toh army mein nahi thi", he said quietly. Deepak paused, looking up. "Do you see her around? And don't you tell me that she hasn't had a bad death. Main compare nahi kar raha hoon. Humaari situation bahut alag hai. Main bas itna keh raha hoon ki you never know what's going to happen. I had all the money to spend on her, par... sometimes, you just can't do anything. And jitna bhi kos lo, yeh cheez accept karni hi padhti hai. Monami bacchi nahi hai. Tu samjha le use jitna chaahe par agar woh yeh sab chhodna nahi chahti hai, toh you need to focus on what you are going to do. Use poori zindagi bas army chhodne ke liye convince karta reh yaa phir try to accept and have a good relationship with her."

He let out a breath, shaking his head. "Utna asaan nahi hai."

"Try, maybe? I have come to realize trying is enough."

Try. He exhaled, looking down at his tea. Can he bring himself to try and accept her decision?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Deepak read the report on his laptop quietly, his eyes darting rapidly across the screen. A dull knock made him call out and the door was pushed open. "Sir", a helper said. "Monami ma'am aaye hain."

His head snapped up and he blinked. "Monami... aayi hai?"

He nodded. "Ji, Sir. Upar bhej doon?"

"Nahi. Ruko." He stood up, closing the lid of his laptop. "Main chala jaunga. Tum bhi jao, kaam karo." The helper left obediently, and Deepak took a deep breath, walking out into the corridor. He glanced down, finding her talking to another helper.

She was... talking to a helper she wasn't particularly close to. The helper was in the job for over 5 years but there wasn't much friendship between the two- mostly professional. She was... talking to a practical stranger.

"Monami", he said, barely loud enough, but the girl's hand snapped up. Her eyes were different too. They lifted a little bit more now, the gaze actually boring into his rather than avoiding just the eyes. She was fitter- some muscles visible that he was sure weren't as developed before, some baby fat lost and her posture straighter. Her mouth spread into a wide smile. Even the smile was a tad bit wider, a tad bit bigger, a tad bit brighter.

"Papa", she greeted back happily. Her voice... it was louder. He would have been barely able to register even the slightest bit of voice before, now even the words were clear.

'Uncle... you should look at her. She is happy. Yeh training, yeh life... that's what's she made for.'

'Maine inn 2 mahinon mein bahut progress dekhi hai. She has friends. Woh logon se baat karti hai. Woh actually logon ke paas jaati hai, unke saath khush hai.'

He descended the stairs, the words echoing in his ears and his eyes unable to stop taking her in. She moved closer, throwing her arms around his neck. He snaked his arms around her, gently patting her back. "Aap k-kaise ho?" She asked, pulling away. She looked him up and down, much like he had done to her, possibly looking for differences.

"Good", he forced out. "You?" She smiled, nodding. Her smiles seemed to come easier, and the trait immediately travelled him back to the little girl she was before the terrorists came and robbed her innocence. "Come", he said. He gestured to a helper to get her bags, guiding her inside.

'I am... I am r-really h-happy here, Papa.'

He glanced at her, as she almost bounced upstairs, a certain skip in her step. She seemed... happy. He exhaled.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Karan entered the kitchen. It was strange. Monami wasn't sitting on the slab, her legs swinging like a kid and her gaze either at the book in her hand or up at him, smiling enthusiastically. He... didn't like that. He liked to come to her waiting.

He shook his head, grabbing the necessary ingredients to make his coffee. As he leaned against the counter, sipping the hot coffee, he found he missed her. He closed his eyes, shaking his head. She'll be back. Pretty soon. It was just 3 days.

"Karan?" His eyes opened, a small smile on his face. Mrs. Batra. She walked in, a familiar, comforting smile on her face.

"Ma'am", he greeted. "Aap yahan?"

She shrugged. "Aise hi. Tumhaare kamre mein tumse milne gayi toh Faizi ne kaha tum yahan hoge. So... kaise ho?"

He smiled. "Good", he said. "Aap kab aayi? I thought aap New Year ke around hi aayengi seedha."

"Kaam thoda jaldi ho gaya isliye aa gayi." She glanced around. "Monami kahan hai?"

He blinked. "Woh, uh..." He paused in surprise. "Woh ghar gayi hai."

She hummed, eyeing him. "Is she your girlfriend?"

His jaw fell open slightly and he stared at her. She didn't even stay in the academy. Why in the world did she think that? "Nahi!" He sighed, shaking his head. "Sabko yeh hi kyun lagta rehta hai? Hum dost hain. Bas!"

She frowned a little. "Maine tumhe kabhi kisiko aise dekhte hue nahi dekha hai, Karan", she said, tilting her head. "Tum use pasand karte ho, use bata do."

"Aisa... Aisa kuchh nahi hai", he said, fumbling over his words. She seemed to genuinely believe he liked her. He shook his head. Did Faizi say something to her? "Aap galat samajh rahi hain. Hum dost hain and that's it."

She let out a disappointed hum, before changing the topic, something he was infinitely grateful for. He wasn't sure he'd be able to digest the questions with the turmoil in his head that already questioned the nature of his feelings for the girl.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Dinner was awkwardly quiet. They had run out of small talk topics and neither dared to breech any topic that had the potential to turn into a fight. The two settled into the living room, news playing in the background as they both scrolled through their phones- Monami idly and Deepak for any messages from the hospital. He glanced up, eyeing her.

'Try, maybe? I have come to realize trying is enough.'

"How's..." He said awkwardly. Monami glanced up from her phone. "How's... academy?"

She smiled. "It's g-good", she said. She didn't offer any more information and perhaps, Deepak was a little thankful for that. He would like the ignorance.

'She has friends. Woh logon se baat karti hai.'

"Do you have friends?"

She hummed, nodding. It surprised him, even though Sid had told him that. "M-Mere s-subgroup mein everyone is v-very nice. And s-since sab log p-poora d-din saath r-rehte hain, toh e-everyone is cl-close ab. And m-meri t-trainers se bhi k-kaafi achhe se b-baat hoti hai. E-Especially K-Karan Sir. Woh h-head tr-trainer hai and he's a r-really g-good friend ab."

He tilted his head. "Tell me about Karan."

She blinked a little. She hesitated for a moment. "Special Agent M-Major K-Karan S-Shergill", she began softly. "He's the-"

"Shergill?" He interrupted. "As in... Param Shergill?" His eyebrows furrowed. "Is he Param's brother?" Monami jerked her head down in a hesitant nod. He scoffed, unable to help himself. The absolute irony. "Aur koi dost nahi mila tumhe?"

"He's good to me", she said firmly. "U-Unhone m-meri bahut help kari hai. And I l-like t-talking to him."

Deepak eyed his daughter, taking her in. He almost laughed out as the implications and realizations set in. She liked him. She had a crush on him. Great. That was all that was left. An army person as a partner. Didn't she see how painful it was? He shook his head. "Monami... when you make decisions like this, how can I trust you to take care of yourself?"

Her eyes narrowed and she stared at him. It was unsettling. The familiar fire his little girl had before it was stifled out... seemed to be burning. Why did she have to be so much like Juhi? "K-Karan Sir is not P-Param Bhaiya, and e-even if he w-was, even if I w-was friends with Bh-Bhaiya, usmein k-kya bu-burai hai?"

"The fact that you can't even see kya burai hai", he snapped, shaking his head. "He is the reason Juhi ki death hui hai."

"He m-made a mistake", she said quietly. "J-Jaise s-sab kar s-sakte hain. Aap y-yeh bh-bhool r-rahe ho, he s-saved me. Unhone m-mujhe b-bahar nikaala tha u-uss j-jagah se."

He stood up, shaking his head. "If he hadn't made the mistake, use tumhe bahar nikaalne ki koi zaroorat hi nahi padhti. You would have been safe with me." He glared at her. "You know what, Monami? Agar tum aisi baatein karogi, toh I don't think I will be able to let you go back to the academy."

She stood up, glaring back at him. "Excuse me?" She said quietly. "Papa, main academy waapas jaungi."

Deepak stared at her for a moment. She didn't stutter. "Apni yeh zidd chhod do, Monami. It will be better for you."

"Mujhe Mumma jaisa banna hai", she snapped. "Aap kyun nahi samajh rahe ho what I really want?"

"Do you want to end up like her too?" He snarled, every bit of patience cracking. Why did she not understand? She was not stupid. She understood things. Why not this?

She stared at him, her eyes welling up with tears. "No", she said. "But I don't want anyone to end up like you or me either, Papa. I don't want ki koi apni Mumma ko torture hote hue dekhe, marte hue dekhe. I don't want ki kisi ko apni wife ki dead body unke bed par mile. Main nahi chahti ki kisi ke saath woh ho jo humaare saath hua." Her tears dropped down her face. He closed his eyes, pushing back the tears that stung his own eyes. "Aapko pata hai? Jab unhone Mumma ke sar par gun rakhi thi, when... when she knew she was going to die, toh Mumma ne unki aankhon mein dekhkar kaha- Jai Hind. Naa koi darr, naa koi rona." He opened his eyes, staring into her glossy eyes. So much like Juhi. She was so much like her. "Mujhe... Mujhe waisa banna hai. Utna confident, utna bold, utna fearless ki saamne maut bhi khadi ho toh bhi sar uncha karke maroon, hamesha sar jhukaakar nahi jeeon."

He closed his eyes, sitting down on the couch heavily. She stared at him, swallowing the lump in her throat. She knelt down in front of him, gently keeping her hand over his knee.

"Papa... pehle main kisi se nazre mila nahi paati thi. Aur woh maine accept kar liya tha. Par agar yeh training chhod di, na, toh main apne aap se nazre nahi mila paungi aur woh main accept nahi kar paungi."

A tear crawled down his face and he took a shaky breath. "What if you die?" He asked softly.

"What if I don't?" She answered softly. She sighed. "Papa... I r-really need to d-do this. I know you... you d-don't like a-army, and... aa-aapka f-fear misplaced nahi hai par... I c-cannot give this up. Ek s-soldier d-danger mein z-zaroor hota hain par... the l-likelihood of sh-shaheedi actually k-kaafi kam hai unless it's a-active war. And... I know it's n-not z-zero par... m-main khush r-rahungi. I will be r-really h-happy."

"Agar main naa bhi kahunga, toh bhi tum karogi toh woh hi."

She lifted her chin slightly, looking into his eyes. "Haan. Yeh m-mera decision hai, meri z-zidd hai, mera ambition hai aur u-use main poora k-karke r-rahungi. Par I c-care agar aap approve k-karte ho ya nahi. I do. And I a-always will. M-Mujhe nahi p-pasand aapke s-saath l-ladhna. I d-don't like it ki aap i-itna unhappy ho."

He heaved a sigh, closing his eyes. She waited patiently, sitting quietly on the floor, letting him wallow in his thoughts. Several moments later, he opened his eyes. "I cannot accept this decision, Monami", he said quietly. "Main nahi bhool sakta. Jo kuchh bhi hua, ek ek pal uss cheez ka, main nahi bhool sakta." She sighed, her gaze dropping to her hands. "But... I will try to respect your decision." Her gaze snapped up. "Don't expect me to be happy about it par main koshish karunga."

A wide smile spread on her face. "That's enough", she whispered softly, staring up at him with shining eyes.

"But tujhe bhi mujhse vaada karna hoga. You need to promise me ki agar teri jaan khatre mein hai, you will think about yourself. Hero banne ki koshish nahi karegi."

She paused. "I promise m-main woh s-sab karungi jisse I will be w-well and alive while I do my d-duty."

Deepak caught the implication in its full significance, but didn't comment. This was as well of a promise as he could expect, anyway. He jerked his head down in a nod. "Okay."

She gave him a small smile. "12 bajne waale hain. Do you want to cut the cake?" He exhaled, nodding a little as he stood up. He held out his hand and her smile widened as she grabbed it, pulling herself up.

Try. He needed to try.

CHAPTER 77

LACUNA

Lacuna-
(n.) A blank space, a missing part

Monami snuggled deeper into the blanket, sipping the coffee idly. She stared into it, as she sat on the roof of her home, the early rays of sunlight peeking through. The coffee was perhaps better made than the ones they made in the academy, but she found herself missing it. Perhaps she missed the company more.

The thought came suddenly but she glanced up- missing the man who leaned against the kitchen counter next to her, listening to everything she had to say. She missed Karan.

"Good morning", a voice said softly. She looked up, finding her father walking up to her. He settled into the chair next to her, and she smiled, greeting him back. "You are up early."

"A-Academy ki aa-aadat", she said hesitantly.

But he didn't say anything, nodding merely. "Good habit", he said and she smiled. "Kya soch rahi thi?"

She shook her head. "Aise hi." But he looked at her expectantly so she elaborated. "The c-coffee just r-reminded me of K-Karan Sir. Hum r-roz r-raat ko m-mess mein s-saath mein c-coffee peete hain."

Her father was quiet for a moment and she fell quiet too, unsure if bringing up Karan was a good idea. The few times she had mentioned Karan over the phone, he didn't seem to mind listening but that was before he knew whose brother he was.

Deepak wasn't sure what he felt about the situation. Karan Shergill. They were friends. Good friends, apparently. And even in the few days she was home, she was missing him. Were they really just friends? "Tell me about Karan", he said.

She chuckled a little- a tad bit nervous, possibly at his relation with Param. "Aap K-Karan Sir ke baare m-mein j-jaane mein itna in-interested kyun ho?"

He shook his head. "Aise hi. You... You said he was a good friend. Mujhe tumhaare friends ke baare mein jaanna hai."

She smiled. "He's... r-really sweet. T-Training mein b-bahut zy-zyaada st-strict hain, par wh-when it's j-just us, he's n-nice. Thoughtful. C-Considerate. He l-listens to me. He's v-very interesting. He's so kn-knowledgable and he's s-so smart. Th-Thoda quiet r-rehte hain, apni f-feelings ke b-baare mein. Bahut z-ziddi hain. But I like him. He's a g-good fr-friend."

He hummed. Not just a friend, it seemed. The affection with which she talked about him. It seemed a touch beyond friendship. "Is he married?" She looked up, shaking her head. "How old is he?"

She frowned, eyeing him for a long moment. "29", she answered. He nodded, trying not to let the frown show. He was 4 years older than her. A little too old, really. And the fact that he was Param's brother and a commando... He wasn't too sure about it. She shook her head. "Papa... how's the h-hospital?"

"Good. Do you want to come saath mein kal?"

She smiled, nodding. "I'll l-like that." She tilted her head. "M-Mandir ch-chaloge, na, s-saath mein?" He nodded. "1 gh-ghante mein?" He glanced at his watch before nodding again. "Monami..." She hummed. "Wednesday ko New Year's Eve hai." She hummed again. "Can you stay? New Year saath mein manaate hain."

She hesitated. "Papa... m-maine T-Tuesday tak ki chh-chhuti li hai." She hastily held up a hand when he frowned. "Main... Main b-baat karti hoon K-Karan Sir se. But no p-promises. Sh-Shayad chh-chhuti naa m-mile." He nodded.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sanju eyed her boyfriend, who poked his breakfast disinterestedly. "Siddharth", she said. He hummed, not even glancing up. "Bahar chalego humaare saath?"

He glanced up at her before shaking his head. "Sorry, Sanju. Aaj... Aaj mood nahi hai. Next Sunday, pakka."

She didn't need to ask him what happened, but despite knowing the reason, she still came up with a blank on how to help him. It was Monami's mother's death anniversary. She bit her lip, staring at him. "Siddharth... hamesha... hamesha tu humaare laane khaana banaato hain. Aaj... Aaj hum banayenge. Bol. Kaa khaana hogo tujhe?"

He looked up, finally shifting his attention to her. He smiled slightly. "Tumhe khaana banaana aata hai?"

She frowned. "Hume sab aato hai. Dal, roti, sabzi. Tere woh... pasta kabhi banaayo naa hai. Par hume vishwaas hogo ki achha banego."

He smiled. "Well then, I accept the offer." He looked at her for a moment before offering. "Dinner?" She nodded. He leaned forward, gently grabbing her hand. He brought it up to his mouth, kissing her knuckles softly. "Tab tak kya karna hai?" She shrugged. "Movie date?" She nodded, smiling slightly.

"Par pehle kuchh khaa", she said sternly, gesturing to his mostly untouched food. He sighed, scooping up some poha and chewing disinterestedly. She chuckled slightly.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"New Year ke liye aap aur Baby bhi academy aa jaana", Karan said, chewing the mouthful of Biryani.

She frowned. "Tum dono ghar par nahi celebrate karoge kya?"

Param shrugged. "Batra Ma'am hain toh pakka party host karengi. Jaana toh padega hi wahan." He glanced down at his daughter in his lap, feeding her a bite. Now that he was a little scarcer to meet too, Baby alternated between jumping up to meet Karan and him, and for now, had settled on choosing him. "Baby, aapko aana hai?"

She nodded eagerly. "Chachu, aapke cadets bhi honge, na? Monami Didi hogi? Mujhe unse milna hai. Aur woh hashtag waali Didi se bhi. Aur Bala Bhaiya se bhi."

He smiled, nodding. "Sab honge." His phone rang in his pocket and he took it out, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Karan", Barkha said sternly. "Koi kaam nahi. Uthao mat."

"Kaam nahi hai, Bhabhi." He tilted his head. "Monami ka call hai. Ek minute." He accepted the call before she could open her mouth, holding it to his ear. "Haan, Monami?"

Barkha glanced at Param, who had a small smile playing on his lips as he shook his head. She smiled slightly too, glancing back at her devar, who listened to the girl. She frowned when his face fell noticably.

"Tum New Year ke liye nahi aa rahi ho?" He said and Baby looked away from her food, frowning. He sighed. "Nahi, it's okay. You can stay. Just application mail kar dena aaj shaam tak and 1st ki shaam tak aa jaana. 2nd se classes hain, okay? Aur chhuti nahi." He paused, listening to her response. "Monami... you good, na?" She said something else and Karan hummed. "Good. Bye." He sighed a little, cutting the call.

"Monami Didi nahi aa rahi?" Baby whined.

"Nahi. Woh ghar par apna New Year celebrate karna chahti hai", he replied. "Apne Dad ke saath." He smiled at her. "Par baaki sab honge." She hummed, a little disappointed by the absence of her favorite cadet.

As Barkha cleared the table, Karan followed, helping her along. For now, Baby had claimed Param to be her play companion and Karan was a tad bit offended. But he let it go nevertheless. Param didn't have much time with her either now.

"Karan", Barkha said and he hummed, helping her clean up the kitchen. "Did you think about it?"

"Kis baare mein?" He asked, glancing at her. He paused at her serious look, eyebrows furrowing.

"Do you love Monami?"

He glanced away, looking back down at the slab for a moment. Did he? His mouth tugged down in a frown. "I don't know", he admitted quietly.

"You are very disappointed ki woh New Year par yahan nahi hogi."

"Of course, Bhabhi", he said, sighing. "Pyaar hai, nahi hai, woh sab alag baat hai. Par... woh bahut special hai mere liye. I... I like having her around. I... I miss her when she's not."

"Sounds like love to me", she muttered under her breath and he knew it was purposefully loud enough for him to hear. He pretended not to hear her though, the onslaught of his turmoil of feelings for the girl returning in full force. He sighed. Was he really in love?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Koel sighed a little, staring at Nikhil's picture. He was sad. She would be in the academy for New Year's and he had wanted to spend it with her. She sighed again, hugging the frame.

"Kya hua?" A voice asked. Faizi. "Itna sad kyun?" He sat down next to her, his mouth turning down in a frown when she didn't smile. "Koel... kya hua? Tum theek ho?"

She tilted the picture back, letting him see. "He wanted to spend New Year with me", she explained. "I miss him." She sighed, looking at him. "Tumhe bhi apni Ammi ki bahut yaad aati hogi, na?"

He hummed, shrugging. "Pehle, bahut zyaada. Ab, kabhi kabhi ek dum se kaafi but unke bina rehna... uski aadat ho gayi hai." He offered her a small smile. "When you will be a commando, thoda... better ho jaayega. Training is worse." She hummed, keeping her head on his shoulder. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her head. "Do you want to go out?"

"Maybe thodi der", she agreed. "I'll get something for Sid. Uska mood achha nahi hai. You know, Juhi ma'am..."

He nodded. "Hume pata hai. Monami bhi isliye hi gayi hai. Woh 1st ko aayegi waapas." She frowned. "Karan ko call kara tha usne. Uske Papa ne bola hoga probably." He looked down at her, pressing another kiss to her cheek. "Kahan jaana hai?"

"First date par jahan hum woh cheesecake khaane gaye the, wahan chale?" She asked. "It was so good." He smiled happily, nodding and she chuckled, straightening up. "Chalo phir."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Monami walked through the halls of her house, glancing around. Nothing has changed really in the 4 months she was away- a couple of show pieces shifted from here to there. Her feet halted.

Her mother's room's door was opened. It used to be her parents' but it was the room her Dad found her Mom's body in and he had understandably kept it closed. It was only opened for cleaning. She glanced at the time. Past 10 in the night. That was no time to clean.

She walked closer, hesitantly peeking in. She paused. Her father sat on one of the chairs, staring at the bed quietly. She followed his gaze, eyeing the bed. That was where her body was. Why had he never thrown the bed out? She had asked once but he had merely shook his head, walking away. She looked back at her father, walking closer. He didn't even blink.

"Papa?" She said softly. His gaze snapped up to her, and he straightened up. "Aap... Aap th-theek ho? Yahan k-kyun b-baithe ho?"

He shook his head, taking a deep breath. "Kuchh nahi", he said, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat, standing up. "Aa jaa, Monami. Do you want some coffee?"

She nodded, following him out of the room. "Papa... aap... aap th-theek ho?"

The man gave no indication of having heard her and she fell quiet, silently following her down the stairs. She smiled slightly at the helper who placed the coffee in front of her, turning her attention back to her father. She curled her legs underneath her, leaning back. "Do you miss her, Monami?" He asked quietly.

Was there really a doubt? "Aisa ek m-moment nahi h-hai jab m-main unhe m-miss nahi k-karti", she answered. "I m-miss her s-so much." Her gaze lifted to him. "I m-miss you t-too, you k-know. J-Jab yahan thi, t-tab bhi." His gaze lifted too. "We h-have grown a-apart."

He sighed. "Haan", he admitted. "I didn't like seeing you like that. Itna... daraa hua, broken." He glanced her over. "You look better, Monami." She nodded slightly. "Tumhaari... academy seems to be helping." She wasn't sure if agreeing was a good idea so she merely sipped the coffee. "Are you really happy there?"

"Yes", she said softly.

He heaved a sigh. "Tumhe bhi Juhi par hi jaana tha", he said softly. He chuckled a little. "Iss... Iss cheez par toh bhagwaan ko bhi nahi kos sakta." He tilted his head, staring at her with affectionate eyes. "Jab Juhi pregnant thi, na, main bas yeh pray karta tha ki I get a mini Juhi."

"I w-wish main M-Mumma j-jaise hoti", she said softly.

He shook his head. "You are", he said. His eyes traced her over again. "You know, Monami... shayad agar Juhi kisi aur tarah shaheed hoti, mujhe... mujhe itna mushkil nahi hota accept karna. The more you tell me ki tumhe Juhi ki tarah banna hai, the more I imagine your corpse in that bed."

She stared at him for a long moment. "I g-get it", she said softly. "Mujhe... Mujhe samajh aa raha hai ki... ki h-humne ek d-doosre ko s-samajhna kyun band kar diya hai. Iss t-topic par." His eyebrows furrowed. "Aap Mumma ko y-yaad karte ho, toh aa-aapko sirf u-unki sh-shaahedi yaad aa-aati hai. I d-don't blame you for that. It's h-hard to f-forget. Par main M-Mumma ko y-yaad karti hoon toh mujhe unki zindagi yaad aati hai. I remember who she w-was. M-Maybe isliye aap a-army ko d-dekhte ho toh u-unse nafrat karte ho aur m-main army ko d-dekhkar unhe a-admire karti hoon."

He smiled slightly, not a hint of humor in his smile. "Tujhe pata hai... Juhi kehti thi ki army mein jab koi shaheed hota hai, toh kaafi baar yeh kaha jaata hai- ek fauji ki shaheedi par roya nahi jaata. Unki zindagi ka jashan manaaya jaata hai." He shook his head. "Mujhse shayad kabhi nahi hoga yeh. Agar main Juhi ke baare mein sochta hoon, toh I remember the panic jab woh missing hui. I remember the horror of the corpse I found on our bed. I remember the hopelessness jab tu nahi mil rahi thi. I remember the fear, the hatred jab tujhe uss hospital mein dekha. I blame everyone and everything involved. The terrorists, the army, sab kuchh. Sirf isliye nahi ki unhone mujhse meri Juhi le li, but they took her memories too."

'Chaahe try bhi kar loon par unhe maaf nahi kar paungi.'

She blamed the terrorists entirely. Every one of the men that had ever laid a hand on them, whipped them, beaten them, tortured them, and eventually killed her mother. And she knew there would never be a time when she would be able to bring it in her to forgive them. Her father blamed the army. Was it that incomprehensible to her that he wouldn't be able to forgive it?

She clutched the warm cup tighter. "Do you... Do you think you sh-should go to th-therapy too, Papa?" She offered hesitantly.

His gaze lifted to hers in utter surprise. He looked away in thought, the notion a new one to him. "Well, that's a thought", he said softly. He fell quiet, and so did she, taking in the comfort of the silence settling between them, for once not hostile.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sid leaned his head against the mess wall, heaving a tired sigh. He closed his eyes. The day was taxing. Perhaps he should have gone with Monu. He missed her too now.

A slight sound made him open his eyes and he looked at the coffee mug on the bench. He glanced up, straightening immediately when he saw Karan. "Sir", he said.

He sat down on one of the tables, facing him. He gestured to the coffee, taking a sip himself. Sid accepted the coffee, taking a long sip. "You good?" He asked.

He heaved a sigh, nodding. He traced the rim of the cup. "You never really stop missing them, you know", he said softly. "Matlab... unke bina aadat ho jaati hai. Aap accept kar lete ho. But... you always feel missing." He looked at him. "Do you miss your parents?"

Karan tilted his head. "Not really", he said. "Dad se toh kabhi mila hi nahi. Mom yaad nahi. Barely. A smile maybe. How do you miss someone you don't remember?"

Sid nodded. "Mujhe bhi Mummy ji barely yaad hai", he said. "A few memories. And... thode time tak I used to feel guilty ki main Juhi Aunty ko zyaada miss kar raha hoon but... she was the mother I remembered. And woh ab nahi hain." He chuckled bitterly. "Time heals all wounds. Ghanta."

Karan chuckled a little, tilting his head in agreement. He saw the way after decades, how Batra Sir and Ma'am stared at the picture of their dead son, how his brother quietened at the mention of their parents, how Monami's eyes glossed over whenever she thought of her mother.

Sid looked at him, tilting his head. "Monu keh rahi thi woh 1st ko waapas aayegi."

He held in a sigh, nodding. "Apne Dad ke saath manaana chahti hai woh. 1st ko chhuti hi hai. It's one extra holiday for her."

He hummed. "Ghar par cheezen better hongi agar woh extra ruk rahi hai toh." He smiled slightly. "Finally."

Karan sipped his coffee quietly. It wasn't his place to comment. Like a Tsunami that washed over him unexpectedly, he found himself missing Monami. A little too much. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He opened his eyes, trying to push her off his mind.

He wasn't really successful.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

The couple of days before the New Year passed uneventfully yet the days were long and dragged out. Karan wanted to blame it on a ton of things but when he sipped the coffee alone in the kitchen, he couldn't deny it was because of Monami's absence. He missed her sorely.

The New Year Party rolled up, and he found himself hating the party a little less. He credited it to his family's presence. His eyes gazed around the room filled with cadets and agents alike and he paused, shaking his head. She was home. She wasn't going to be here. "Karan Sir. Come, na?" He pulled himself away from his thoughts, smiling slightly at his team.

As the countdown began, he couldn't help but grab his phone, scrolling to her number. 3. He began typing. 2. A simple wish. Just four words. 1. "Happy New Year, Monami."

He was pulled into a hug, and he clicked his phone shut, patting his brother's back. He smiled at his Bhabhi and his niece, hugging them before looking at the cadets, wishing them. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he unlocked it. Amongst the sea of messages, he found hers. He smiled.

Monami kept her phone aside, looking up at the sky that was lit up by the fireworks of the celebration. She glanced at her father, who watched quietly, a small smile on his face. The few days they had passed peacefully and the stay reminded her of the time before her mother had died. She would miss him when she'd go back. Her gaze returned to the sky above. "Happy New Year", she said quietly, and he smiled at her, pulling her into a hug.

"Happy New Year, baccha", he said, kissing her head. She closed her eyes, basking in his gentle presence.

The firecrackers were awing. Sanju's gaze snapped down though when a hand snaked around her waist and she smiled, turning away from the railing of the terrace to face her boyfriend. "Naye saal ki mubaarak", she said softly.

"Happy New Year", Sid whispered back, pressing a kiss to her cheek. She buried her face in his shoulder, inhaling the comfort of his clean scent.

Faizi gently pressed his lips to Koel's, pulling her closer. "Happy New Year", she whispered against his lips and he smiled, wishing her back quietly. The two pulled away when her phone rang, and she smiled. "Nikhil! Happy New Year, mere mendhak!"

"Happy New Year", Faizi greeted, and Nikhil smiled, happily gushing to them.

As the fireworks lit up the sky, the six found themselves hopeful at the onset of the new year. Whatever life brought ahead, they were content with the company.