papaG & Aditya's ghost : navigating parent-adult child conflicts - Page 6

Originally posted by: Shalzie

You write so beautifully M. I loved the way you gave us PapaG's POV. I personally find it hard to hold on to grudges. I move on very quickly. I understand Katha's stance but I would welcome a conversation between these two...for I am the type who also needs to clear the air🤣but I expect it will happen. All of us kept waiting for Katha to react when she received the second ONS offer but we had to wait till the confrontation once Viaan found out about Aarav.

I personally really like the actor playing the role of PapaG. It's never easy to balance strength and vulnerability but he has been doing it a lot recently. Such a proud man is finally giving in to his emotions, and grieving for the son whom he cast away and was then taken so abruptly away by fate. The years may go by. We may see people go on with their lives but some people are actually stuck in moments where their lives unravelled. PapaG is one of those. He was cruel towards Katha but he justified his actions through the thought process that pain justified pain. The man simply needed one hug from his grandson to start his healing process. PapaG's track is one of my favourites in this show.

thanks; I am the opposite. I actually do struggle to let go of grudges and I need to process everything in a way before I can let go. 😅

one reason I really enjoy discussing such real life issues in drama contexts is that you can learn from others. people have wrong ideas about forgiveness and how that translates to whitewashing of characters. so in a kdrama forum, I was blown away when someone explained that forgiveness does not mean excusing the past or the person but rather accepting what happened and letting go of the hurt and anger so that it no longer affects your present or future. it was also mindblowing when someone wrote forgiveness does not mean reconciliation -- in some cases, it simply means you have made peace with the past but the relationship is too far broken to be restored. just having those two points discusssed with real life examples was such a huge learning leap for me in my personal life. and I learned that from a drama forum still amazes me! 🤩

ITV tends to take this stance because they are elders, the slate has to be wiped clean and you just want to roll your eyes at how unrealistic that is. instead, impact of a conflict can be felt for years. words spoken sometimes cannot be taken aback no matter how much the person wants to. so given that both parties do want peace and want to move on, how does that happen? those arcs can be meaningful to watch and discuss if that is done well. I have hopes for this drama. hope I am not disappointed. 😆

it will be a very raw scene when papaG and katha finally have an open chat -- my guess is that it will happen when one night stand comes out. till then they will awkwardly dance around each other because that is the only place they will feel comfortable as for now.

Originally posted by: Bechain_Bulbul

Liked your analysis about papaG.

And I agree with most of the points but the thing is that man's attitude for me is something which keeps disturbing. I know he has started changing and it will take time for him to understand other's pov but the sense of entitlement he has is what puts me off.

If we think its difficult for viaan to change his life's perspective about women. Only after katha's incident he could manage to do that but since then he is being polite, respectful towards her, not assuming things on his own and always keeps in his mind to give her ample space. He is not barging into her life.

Now papaG is grandpa, too old to radically change now. Its very difficult for someone so old to change his ways. And I am not expecting him to take u turn from his thought process but the way he is going through this change process is something not touching my heart. Totally opposite to viaan here, papaG has assumed that katha has forgiven him, he can bring aarav anytime to his house, can now order them to come and live in garewal house and they wont even oppose. This is what irritates me the most about papaG. Other than this, I dont have any problem with him. I like his and mamaG's relationship dynamics a lot and the way he deals with yuvraj and keep praising reet yet subtly warning her to dont poke nose in all matters.

thanks; I would disagree with you on the last para -- I don't think papaG assumes katha has forgiven him. more like a hope and dream. but mamaG is reminding him that they have ways to go before a full restoration. thats why I thought the scene was emotional. otherwise, I would have felt rather annoyed at him.

in some ways, his attitude also reflects a different generation and way of doing things. that is also the heart of many adult child-parent conflicts. it is difficult for us to put themselves in their shoes and see how they see the world. so obviously it cannot be a smooth journey and there will be a lot of missteps. it will be interesting to see how katha and him navigate their dynamics because as of now, there is a clearly a huge distance between the two of them.

Originally posted by: Lethamukund

Agree to you. Katha has not forgiven papa G. she is accepting him as a representative of Adi in her son's life. And he is still an outsider to her. he has a long way to get into her inner circle, same as that of Viaan. he is also far away from her inner circle. it's just she is aware of his presence at this stageMy views on Papa G-Aditya- Katha equation is long pending I know. will try to write in a day or two

this dynamic of dancing around each other where the relative is still an outsider is not something that is meaningfully explored in ITV. that is why some may think katha has forgiven papaG.

however, she is very clear about her priorities. aarav needs a male presence and she wants that from a family member as opposed to a neighbour or a friend. so she is allowing him some access in aarav's life for his betterment. however, she has not forgiven him. it is still "mr. garewal" -- the outsider indeed.

M, some acts cannot be forgiven😊but you learn and move on. It's easier not to hold grudges when the events or people hold no power over you. I should have clarified that.

PapaG must not be forgiven for that moment where he refused to help Katha. That was wrong. Without Viaan, there's a possibility that PapaG would have changed his mind too late and Aarav could have already passed away. It will be difficult for Katha to forgive this act as a mother. Since everything turned out well, Katha has 2 options:

1. She holds on to that rejection and feeling of being wronged. By doing this, she hurts herself also in the process.

2. She accepts that moment, makes her peace with it and moves on. Up to PapaG whether he seeks redemption.

I personally feel that it's an individual's choice whether to nurture the darkness or the light within. If that person opts for darkness, then that person should expect to burn in that darkness. What you do to someone else, you do to yourself too.

I love interacting with all of you for it gives me the chance to see your respective POVs. For example, I relate to what you wrote about PapaG but I am not sure that I could have explained it as well. We have different age bands here. Those who are relatively young see life in black or white. Those who have lived more know that life is grey. You can't judge someone until you have been in that person's shoes. Sometimes there is no right or wrong...simply a person's reactions as per circumstances and situations.

shalzie -- sometimes the darkness feels safe because it is something familar. so if we have to come into the light, we struggle because we feel vulnerable. the longer we stay in that darkness, the more it becomes home. we saw that struggle with viaan. he had this view of women based on his trauma from his family. he didn't know how to come out of it because on some level, maybe he wasn't ready to. despite all his poetry talks about bridges and cliffs and what not. if he had to come out and acknowledge his view about women is lopsided, then he would have to address what happened in his family.

till to date, he hasn't addressed those issues with his mom because she is obsessed with the idea of gold digger. has the mom forgiven the father really? no, she makes excuses by labelling the other woman and making her into a villain. she even passed on her ideas to viaan and now is shocked that he is so happy. isn't that sad that viaan being happy seems strange?

MamaR is creepy. Remember the scene where Viaan tells Katha to smile in front of Aarav? It must have been really hard growing up with such a bitter woman.

I understand about darkness M. It's within all of us. I also know that it's easier to stay there and let it become part of our identity. Human beings are resilient. Those who dare will find their way to the light. Doesn't matter how long it takes, how many times a person falls...the light is for everyone.

Viaan has been waiting to be saved...I can't remember his exact words but this is the reason he tested Katha. He saw something in her, which was pulling him to the light. His preconceived notions won for a while but look at our Viaan now...the guy wants to change. In spite of his mother, his past, his circumstances, Viaan has started walking towards a path which will change his life.

Darkness and light coexist within all of us. We choose which one to feed, and nurture.

shalzie -- feel strongly that nightie mama ruined her own marriage and the so called mistress may not even be a gold digger. more than papaG, I find her weird and strange. how can she be confused that viaan is a workaholic with no personal life? he cannot address any hard issues with her because she will run away in a puddle of tears. and she calls him weird for not wanting to get married. lady, look at yourself in the mirror first! I really want viaan to have a confrontation with her on how she messed up his mind.

I am confused with her character. At the start, she was shown as being a weak woman who moves around the house in her Nightie. Hence the term Nightie Mum/Mama.

Around Viaan's breakdown, she's reciting poems and gave him that great advice to forgive himself first. Then, we start seeing her in actual clothes and she even leaves the house! I was shocked!

Then Viaan adds another layer to her character. All his misconceptions about women come from her. If a guy has been brought up hearing that all women are gold diggers, how else will he turn out? Usually much worse than Viaan! But excluding the ONS and the behaviour around it, Viaan has always acted in a correct way. So she must have done something right...However, Viaan was always shown as the actual provider in that relationship. Past few eps have me confused about MamaR's character. Viaan must be even more confused. How will he address his issues with her when she keeps flipping? Is the woman bipolar?

I also feel that she will be an obstacle for Viaan and Katha afterwards. What in the world is this ship called?

Really beautiful analysis there. And you are absolutely right, in reality when people have individual pasts, triggers and are unhealed from hurt since childhood, such clashes can take any form. If both parent child sides do not come at a mid-road, or even if they come with more anguish, it can be horrible. And yes, while bad qualities are there in everyone, being egoistic and all. That doesn't negate all the other real emotions felt by anyone. I am quite surprised how this show is so rooted in reality, at one point I had thought ITV producers had become incapable of relating to real life. 😆 Well now that they have started, I would say the sooner the better.

shalzie -- I believe the ship is called 'kaviaan' by birdies. for some reason, I think the ship sounds like govt schemes for something or the other. 😂