Originally posted by: jane_austen
That was so well put. I agree that Virat longs for Sai to be as fiercely protective of him as she was towards her aabha- be the centre of her world. Whatever Virat does for Sai does come from genuine care. But when he becomes insecure, he is blinded by just one thought " I do so much for her, doesn't she realize?" He needs an assurance - that his care is acknowledged. Unfortunately for him, Sai is too self-willed and self-protective. So the conflict keeps repeating.
What has been intriguing me about Virat since the domestic abuse episodes - is the level of rage that he experienced (It was scary). Had he not been THAT angry, he would not have acted abusive. So where does the potential for extreme rage come from? Is it symptomatic of people who suppress their feelings - be the sacrificial lamb to keep everyone happy? Does such a conditioning result in unexpected bouts of extreme rage that surprise even themselves? (Don't know if this analysis is valid in this case). Of course even in such a rage, a person WOULD NOT act abusive unless he has imbibed it unkowingly from his toxic father. He does regret it, but personally I'm not convinced that he has unlearned it yet.
I have a perspective on why it is so easy for Virat and Sai to suddenly end up in different teams. The expectation --that the other must agree-- has a major role to play, of course. But when it comes to a disagreement in public, they are almost never (I can't recall any incident) able to keep it decent and amicable. So, the reason why I pointed out to yesterday's dialogues delivered by both of them about the confidence they had in getting the support of the other had struck me right yesterday -- he thinks she will side with him when he tells her what he found and she thinks he will side with her because she believes in the truth. The loopholes have been discussed so many times and they have both not done enough to prove anything. Especially Sai. She has no proof and obviously, no one can support just a 'belief' when some evidence, even if planted, has been found to indicate something wrong.
So Sai questions in a very unpleasant tone (I would not deny) without using the right words to make him feel that she trusts him but he could have been misled and they need to go and work this out together. Vahini leaves no chance to instigate Virat and he does get instigated because Sai questioning him is like Sai going away from him mentally. To Sai, Virat's silence or his stand in favour of the family is always a reminder that she is not important to him and he doesn't consider her intelligent enough (because Patralekha is speaking and his silence is construed as an agreement to her words. And I would not fault Sai for feeling that way because it happens way to often in tense situations). Forget that just the night before they shared a beautiful moment with each other -- the memory is not enough to help tide through this with each other -- just a simple, okay let's go in private and talk. Why?
The real answer is that it is because they actually do have a distance between them that they are aware of-- they are not "one" yet. It brings me back to the word "intimacy". So we have seen them develop intellectual intimacy, emotional intimacy to a large extent, even spiritual intimacy and some comfort in each other's physical presence but 'physical intimacy' plays a major role in the "security" quotient felt by spouses. Why is touch called the language of love? It is because it actually is. It is the 'ultimate intimacy' that is a must in marriage for it to actually survive the ups and downs. It is that intimacy that you don't share with anyone else because it strengthens all other intimacies - emotional, spiritual and so on... because the distance that lack of physical intimacy brings is a big factor for insecurity in a marriage. Even though there can be fierce emotional intimacy, without the physical manifestation of love, it lacks the 'reassurance' that one needs of being understood, loved, cared for and feel important. As many have mentioned in other discussions, sometimes couples just end a fight because one of them pulls the other in a hug or a kiss and it all melts away -- most of the times you don't even remember why you started a silly argument. In their case, they immediately disconnect at all levels in case of a disagreement and the conflict does not end.
It goes for both of them, not just a man. So, every time they have an intellectual disagreement, their thoughts are flooded with the negative emotions attached to their 'deal, distance, umeed, vaada' rants and lack of physical contact immediately comes into the picture even if not verbally stated. Sai's declaration of war on Virat is as disturbing as his silence to Sonali's crass comment. Both of them don't mean it that way but to Sai his silence is a trigger and reminder of her "place" in his life: "He will only do what family/vahini say. So once again he's crossed over to their side because his sense of judgement is so clouded." And, her impulsive reaction and almost obstinate nature make him feel slighted because "I mean nothing to her, what I am saying means nothing to her. She doesn't see".
@bold: I think you've raised valid points. I don't think he's imbibing them from only the father but from the entire family -- the way it functions/mis-functions/dys-functions... What has he grown up seeing? Everyone must follow Bhavani. Obviously he has never stood up for anyone or even himself until Sai came along. As we have discussed earlier, suddenly, he has found a reason to rebel in ways his family doesn't like. He is not yet an "absolute" rebel because he tries to strike balance but he carries the knowledge that his marriage in itself is a "big revolt" for the family. So, there are times when he wants Sai to fall in the line because to him this marriage is not something he can give up under pressure -- he won't. He bursts out at her because to him she's the only one who brings out his vulnerability. Yes, people who bottle up their feelings do explode -- in unexpected ways. Also, they are bottled up not only with negative emotions but also with positive emotions -- because they don't connect with most people beyond the surface level in the toxic environment, they are also not "as good" as they can be... being sacrificial is not the same thing as showing your "good side". (Do I make sense?) So there comes along one person (mostly spouse) who becomes the world where you can show your good side and bad side to this person and obviously the expectation that the person will read your mood, your reasons to react the way you do... So when this person cannot understand what you are expecting, reactions can be extreme and almost thoughtless. It is not by malice or intention that he held her hand to stop her -- it happened in a moment of uncontrolled rage. He did not have any explanation or excuse at the end of it and he had to say "I don't know why I was so angry"... but somehow when you have been a sacrificial lamb and you find a reason to become selfish, you do become selfish. He doesn't want fingers to be raised at his marriage and he absolutely hates confrontations with people who are not on the same wavelength as him -- that is an established trait now. So, his best option is to try to get Sai to fall in line-- pyaar se, daant se, gusse se... because at the end of the day, he thinks she will be the easier one to mollify in the confine of their room.
But unfortunately, they are not "man and wife" yet so it is unfair to expect that kind of understanding from her when she's facing literal abuse day in and day out (sometimes bringing it upon herself).
Music Corner
Fan Fictions
Hindi TV Shows
